Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

What Does “Void” Mean? (Asks the Liberal Wacko)

February 18, 2011

I have to confess that life and work and life and work have taken over.  Not to mention I am on a committee at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo where I sell Half-Priced Carnival Ticket packs from January to February 27 to raise money for the HLSR Scholarship fund.  And it has been KILLING me that I cannot sit down and blog.  So much is going on–the Middle East, defunding of Obamacare, Wisconsin Scaredocrats running and hiding, but this article sent me into full blown head explosion mode.

Today, our Federal Government, led by a man who himself has stated is “very smart” has asked the Florida Federal Court to clarify its ruling on the Health Care legislation.

The Justice department is asking the question.  Now who leads that department again?….

Ahhh yes, Eric Holder.  Mr. Holder, an attorney himself, seems to be confused about the meaning of the Ruling.  Let’s see if we here at MKCB can help the Justice Department.  Consider it pro bono legal work for our Bankrupt Federal Government.

The Ruling States in part: 

“I must reluctantly conclude that Congress exceeded the bounds of its authority in passing the act with the individual mandate. That is not to say, of course, that Congress is without power to address the problems and inequities in our health care system. The health care market is more than one-sixth of the national economy, and without doubt Congress has the power to reform and regulate this market. That has not been disputed in this case. The principal dispute has been about how Congress chose to exercise that power here,” Vinson wrote.

“While the individual mandate was clearly ‘necessary and essential’ to the act as drafted, it is not ‘necessary and essential’ to health care reform in general,” he continued. “Because the individual mandate is unconstitutional and not severable, the entire act must be declared void.”

So let’s see if we can decipher this complex maze of words and phrases.   The Judge is reluctant to conclude something about the bounds of authority…okay…and then he says Congress can address the problems of the health care system…okay…and then something about 1/6 of something…and then he says that the individual mandate (which is the requirement that we all purchase health care insurance) is really really important to the way the legislation was written…okay…and then he says “THE ENTIRE ACT MUST BE DECLARED VOID.”

“Void”  what does that mean????  Does it mean that we can no longer call it “Obamacare” but we now have to call it “Void?”

Okay, let’s slow down.  What does “entire” mean?  According to Dictionary.com it means:  “having all the parts or elements; whole; complete; full or thorough; not broken, mutilated or decayed; intact; unimpaired or undiminished; being wholly of one piece; undivided; continuous; not gelded (an entire horse).”

Whew–for a second I thought it had something to do with those wheely things on your car.  So “entire” means the whole thing.  Okay so far.

What about “declared?”  It means:  “publicly avowed or professed; self-confessed.”  So, the whole act must be self-confessed or publicly avowed void?  That is weird.  I thought “declared” was like when you take the custard filling out of an eclair it has been “declared.”  I see how these guys are so confused.

Kind of like this guy:

But I digress…

So now we come to the real problem with this ruling.  The word “void.”  That means: “having no legal force or effect; not legally binding or enforceable.”  See that seems straight forward enough, but wait there’s more.  It also means: “useless, ineffectual; devoid; destitute; without contents; empty; without an incumbent; having no cards in a suit; empty space; something experienced as a loss or privation; a gap or opening in a wall; a vacancy; invalidate or nullify; discharge; to clear or empty contents; to urinate or defecate.” 

Well, I think we can sum up the entire ruling based on this definition.

“The entire Act must be declared void” can be further clarified to mean, “the whole act is self-confessed poop.”

Don’t thank me Mr. Holder, I’m just doing my part as a patriotic American.

-Murphy

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2010 Christmas Ideas From The Left: A Holly Nancy Pelosi Christmas!

November 24, 2010

Well as we arrive at Thanksgiving we stuff ourselves full of Turkey and Dressing and Cranberry Sauce and watch a little football and then wake up early to attack Black Friday.   We here at MKCB don’t want you to be out there looking around from store to store trying to find the perfect gift–we want to give you some fantastic ideas.  As you know, the left in our Country is about Hope and Change and all that is good.  Therefore, we have decided, in the Spirit of the Season, to list for you some wonderful gifts that will bring Hope and only cost a little Change.  Ho Ho Ho!

Top 5 Gift Ideas for 2010 From The Democratic Party of the Combined Union of States of America:

1.  Planned Parenthood Gift Cards

That’s right folks, surely you have that special someone on your list that, well, may need to rethink the next few months and shed that “mistake” that President Obama talked about in 2008.  Well, look no further than Planned Parenthood.

Planned Parenthood says Give the Gift of Abortion for Christmas by Albert Milliron

Yes, its true, you can give the gift of “choice” to someone who is saving up for that special decision to put “self” before others.  And while you are there don’t forget to pick up a stylish “Choice on Earth” T-Shirt.


Planned Parenthood offers ‘Choice on Earth’ T-shirts

Ahhh, tis the season.

2.  Athiest T-Shirts

Obviously it is not fair that all of these leftist atheists are left out of the gift giving and receiving at Christmas time.  But what do you buy that special anti-God someone?  Well, how about a T-Shirt that says it all:

Atheist Christmas cards

Selfishness never goes out of style.  The website this came from makes cards and T-Shirts with this friendly “cute” saying.

3.  Anti-Palin Gear

It wouldn’t be Christmas without bashing a person without reason and by making comments about her personal life that simply aren’t true.  And what better person to continue to focus your character attacks that the person responsible for energizing a large portion of the right–Sarah Palin.

No worries, the Democrats have websites with fun stuff like this:

Offensive anti Palin Christmas T-Shirts

Wouldn’t you feel classy wearing this unique and clever T-Shirt to your next Holiday party?

4.  The Incredible Shrinking Dollar

Now here is a gift that Nancy Pelosi can really be proud of–after all she is in part responsible for manufacturing this wonderful item of joy.  Now you can give your loved ones that same joy with the “Incredible Shrinking Dollar”–and you don’t even have to loan billions of dollars to China to make it work. 

5.  This Day in Revisionist History

Written by top Democratic operatives, er… I mean leaders, you can now give your kids the book they have all been waiting for–a history book that tells history the way it should have occurred, not the silly stupid way it actually happened.  In this book you will find tales of how the Republicans pushed for more slavery and caused the Civil War, you will hear about how the 80’s were a decade of greed and how President Reagan had nothing to do with the fall of Communism.  You will also get a special bonus section that details the hundreds of amazing successes of the Carter administration.  This is a history book your family is sure to treasure for years to come.

Have a great Black Friday (named by the Republicans who are racist by nature) and Merry Chri…um..Xmas!

-Murphy

Happy Election 2010 Halloween!

October 29, 2010

What better way to scare you than to imagine 2 more years with these Goblins?

OMG-I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Eric_Holder_is_a_Thug.jpg Eric Holder is a Thug image by B_Oceander 

I like this one better…

The scariest of them all.

-Murphy

Vote “NO” on Proposition [Fill in the Blank]!

October 27, 2010

 

I have no idea what “propositions” or “resolutions” or “amendments” are added to your ballot in your jurisdiction.  In Houston there are three propositions.  One is to add some sort of “untouchable” fund for road improvements–which contains a myriad of hidden taxing possibilities for the future.  One is to allow red light cameras to enforce red light laws.  I voted NO for all propositions and encourage you to do the same.  Here is my guide for when you should vote “no.”

1.  When the Proposition/Resolution/Amendment Allows for MORE Government Intrusion Into Your Life.

If the item you are voting on adds more regulation, more oversight, added enforcement, a new government office, commission, committee, or office–then vote “No.”  The Government is involved in our lives enough.  Unless we want to start calling this Country the United Socialist States we must stop allowing these laws to get passed under the radar on the bottom of a ballot in an election.  They are always worded so ridiculous also:

Vote For or Against the following:  “To allow the government the ability to help all of its citizens, especially nuns, drowning babies and little baby owls, to better accomplish the American dream by creating a simple nondescript office of officials who would willingly lay down their lives for the betterment of the community and will require the simplest of forms and applications to obtain such help.”

Um…..NO!

2.  When the Proposition/Resolution/Amendment Allows for the Creation of Some Fund or Account and Otherwise Erodes the Balance of Power or Checks and Balances Inherently Built Into Our Form of Government.

If the item you are voting for creates a new tax, a new fund, a new rainy day account, a new savings, a new set aside, or a deregulation of the government’s ability to generate such money by taking it from you or your business or your property—then vote “No.”  If the Government needs more money, maybe it can get it by ending its hundreds of millions of dollars in subsidy to NPR or some other worthless social enterprise instead of taking it from us.  Be aware of these provisions:

Vote For or Against the Following:  “To amend the State Constitution which was drafted by conservatives back in the dark ages who could not foresee the unbelievable greed and irresponsibility of liberal politicians who, for decades, have been taking public money and funneling it into programs that were created for the ultimate goal of “purchasing” votes in future elections.  The new amendment will allow your State to create a rainy day fund to set aside $1 gazillion from “current” funds to pay for such items as police, fireman, roads, bridges, and education.  And it will allow the State to pull such money from existing tax dollars or, in the unlikely event it is necessary, add a new tax to ensure this fund never dries up.”

Um…Vote NO!

3.  When the Proposition/Resolution/Amendment Adds a New Regulation to “Help” Us.

The last major category are those propositions that create a new law or regulation designed to help all of the poor idiots who cannot help themselves, otherwise known as the citizens of the United States.  Do not vote for these:

Vote For or Against the Following:  “A new law that will allow local and State and Government and World Government and Obama Secret Police to arrest or detain anyone that is doing anything stupid that they should otherwise not be doing.  This law is all-inclusive and incorporates the following:  eating sugary foods, driving late at night, screaming at a rude store clerk, smoking, watching horror movies, riding on an airplane when you have a cold, being offensive, having an opinion or simply disliking someone.”

Vote (for the love of humanity)–NO.

-But by all means–get out there and VOTE!  Unless you’re a liberal, then feel free to cash your entitlement check and stay home for the day–you’ve earned it.

-Murphy

ALERT:President Obama is Messing With College Football!!!!

October 18, 2010

Well it seems that Democrats running for office are first running away from President Obama.  Recent articles on poll numbers suggest that everytime the President campaigns for a candidate, his/her numbers either stay the same or fall.  It would appear that his ability to cheer on his own party is not making the crowd cheer with him.  Democrats were warned when they voted for Obamacare that the voters would not forget.  Democrats were warned when they took over GM, suggested that CEO’s should have a government imposed salary cap, that people should be forced to keep their house temperature above 74 degrees that the voters would not forget.

Democrats seem to have forgotten that the Constitution (although severely watered down) is still taught in school, that many people still believe that freedom is better than Government enslavement.  Democrats have forgotten that many people know that when the Government runs something, it is run into the ground.  We have all been to the DMV, we have stood in line to obtain vehicle registrations and passports and building permits and business licenses–we know how well the Government runs things.

But Mr. President–please for the love of all that I have left to enjoy-stay away from college football.   When the President speaks somewhere, his ability to turn a race into a loss is starting to become viral.  This weekend he planned to visit and did in fact visit the campus of Ohio State University.  He scheduled the speech on Sunday but look what the mere planning of his arrival did to the game on Saturday:


1st 2nd 3rd 4th Final
 Ohio State 0 3 7 8 18
 Wisconsin 14 7 0 10 31

Ohio State was #1 in the Country and then the President announces a visit to the campus and then bam! 

So PLEASE President Obama, I would like to ask that if you have any scheduled trips to visit the University of Texas at Austin that you cancel them immediately–Don’t Mess With Texas!

-Murphy

P.S. Psssst….President Obama–I hear that Texas A&M has a fabulous conference center and would warmly welcome a visit from you sometime around say…Thanksgiving.

CNN Has Officially “Jumped The Shark”

October 7, 2010

For those of you born after 1978 or so, this is a phrase attributed to the demise of the hit show “Happy Days.”  Above is the scene from the show where “the Fonz” agreed to take on the challenge of jumping a pinned up shark in the water.  This episode is largely credited with the show’s desperate attempt to revive its ratings–to no avail.  Therefore, the term “Jumping the Shark” is often given to television shows that try some desperate story line to revive ratings.  In this case, it would appear that the entire network at CNN is “jumping the shark.”

Take a look at this hideous attempt to make what I suppose is a “news” show:

Yawn!!!  And Parker is no better.  “Well it is Halloween.”  This is horrid.

I think it is amazing that a guy can break the law by hiring a prostitute for sex, while married, while holding a high political office and then get his own cable news show.  There are over 300  million people in the United States–but CNN has hired this person to save its ratings.  Wow!

Seriously–this guy?

I feel kind of bad for CNN, even the prostitute said he is boring and looks like a “Gremlin.” Here at MKCB, we don’t want to be accused of being some pawn for Fox News, so I have some suggestions for other news hosts they may want to consider.  Keeping in mind their standards of integrity, morality and talent, here are my suggestions to replace Spitzer when he is eaten by that shark he is jumping:

1.  Hugh Grant

He was caught with a prostitute, charged with a crime, is semi-famous.  He is hideously boring in films and seems to fit the profile CNN wants.  Plus, he has way more hair than Spitzer.

2.  Barney Frank

Congressman Frank has been reelected numerous times since his prostitution scandal broke in the 1990’s.  It was a male prostitute, but that shouldn’t matter to CNN.   His ability to speak clearly is low and his qualifications to report the news fairly and honestly is right up to CNN’s standards.  He is also more charismatic than Spitzer–plus, it gets him out of Congress–which is good for America.

3.  The Guy That Married a Dog

 

A couple of years ago I ran a blog post about this man who married a dog as some sort of weird punishment for having mistreated a dog.  I think he is exactly what CNN needs.  It incorporates so many different and unique aspects of living and gives the network an all-inclusive viewpoint.  Plus, he is some kind of jokester.  He is always saying how his dog is better than a woman because, “she doesn’t complain when he drinks too much, and she never wants to go shopping, etc…”

4. Wanda Holloway

Remember her, the cheerleader mom?  She hired a hit man to kill the mother of her daughter’s rival cheerleader.  That is so perfect.  Look at her, she’s classy looking, from Texas, involved in a scandal that spawned a TV movie and tons of media coverage.  She is perfect!   She is off probation from her release from prison in 1997 and ready to handle the grind of cable news. 

I think that is enough, honorable mention might be Paris Hilton, Pee Wee Herman, Gary Hart, etc…

I might even have to watch this show if I could just recall the CNN’s channel number.  What is that……..?

-Murphy

“Democrats Gaining Ground” and Other Ridiculous Notions

October 5, 2010

Despite a report today on Gallup that Republicans will likely win big next month, despite weeks of poll numbers showing Democrats losing in numerous races across the Country in National, State and Local elections, despite all of that data and the common sense of every living person in the Nation, I was stunned to open my home page at msn.com this morning to find an article making the claim that Democrats are gaining ground in various polls.

Let’s review the tactics to win this election by the Democrats since March:

1.  Republican’s ideas are the same as Bush’s ideas and those are the “failed policies of the past.”

2.  Republicans are desperately trying to demonize the President because he is decisive and is bringing about change that is good for our Nation.

3.  Republicans are racists.

4. Republicans have given in to the fringe right of the Tea Party and want to take us back to the age of slavery, put women back in the home, outlaw abortion and feed their rich friends while stomping on the poor.

5.  Republicans are racists.

6.  The economy is Bush’s fault, who was a Republican, and but for Obama, we would be way worse off–like way, way.

7.  Republicans are elitists, bigots, homophobes and oh yeah, racists.

and now….

8.  Democrats are gaining ground and Fox News has been falsely hyping Republican victories, which are way over-exaggerated–like way, way.

This is the most amusing tactic yet.  Instead of telling America why Democrat philosophy is better for us than Republican philosophy, or telling us what their plan is for actually fixing the economy–they are simply trying to smoke screen the truth–yet again.  Unfortunately for Democrats, the truth is all to evident in this new information age with easy access to Rasmussen polls and Gallup polls online.  Sorry, Democrats, but you are still losing.

The idea that Democrats might actually not lose a tremendous number of incumbents in November is about as true as the following metaphorically similar statements (you may notice each of these came from the same person–can you guess who?):

1.  The Health Care Bill Will Not Increase The Deficit By One Dime. (thank goodness)

2.  The Healthcare Package Will Pay For Itself. (that’s cool–so it’s like installing better windows for your house–so that in say 500 years, you will have made up the cost in the tiny savings each month in your electric bill–okay, great)

3.  We Have Run Out of Places in The US to Drill For Oil.  (I figured all of those oil rigs in West Texas were just landscape art–I knew it)

4.  I Will Not Rest Until The BP Oil Spill Stops.  (I thought he looked really tired when he played golf those um, 7 times).

5. I Have Visited All 57 States.  (So, I called Continental Airlines and asked for their flight routes to the other 7 States and they said I was crazy–Thank Goodness they are merging with United–hopefully they have routes to those places.)

6. My Church Is Like Any Other Christian Church. (I guess my church isn’t a Christian church after all–my heavens, what have I been worshiping!!!!????!!!)

Seriously!

-Murphy