Archive for September 2007

Who Needs Parents If We Have Hillary Clinton?

September 28, 2007

Today it was reported that Senator Clinton thinks it would be a “good idea” for the government to hand out $5K bonds to every baby born in the United States.  See Story:

 WASHINGTON (AP) – Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton said Friday that every child born in the United States should get a $5,000 “baby bond” from the government to help pay for future costs of college or buying a home. Clinton, her party’s front-runner in the 2008 race, made the suggestion during a forum hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus. “I like the idea of giving every baby born in America a $5,000 account that will grow over time, so that when that young person turns 18 if they have finished high school they will be able to access it to go to college or maybe they will be able to make that downpayment on their first home,” she said. The New York senator did not offer any estimate of the total cost of such a program or how she would pay for it. Approximately 4 million babies are born each year in the United States.

So, based on what she said would a person have to graduate high school to get the money? What happens if the child dies before they turn 18?  What happens if the child gets a GED?  What happens if we can’t pay for it—well she isn’t too worried about that because the first payout would be in 2026–well after she is gone from office. I think Hillary is short-changing herself here–after all she has always believed that the Government should take care of us like parents so how about this idea expanding on hers:

When every child is born the government can give them the $5K bond and the following other items:

1.  A pre-designated funeral plot with a bond to cover expenses

2. Of course, free health care forever

3. A pre-determined spouse so that they child will not have to go through the pain of dating and forming a real relationship.

4. Clothing voucher for a budgeted amount of clothing each year.

5. A grocery store pass that will allow the parents to get free baby food and a graduated amount of free food as the child gets older.

6. A piece of property-owned by the government of course, but saved for his/her use to build a habitat for humanity house on when he/she is older.

7. A set of books on how wonderful the government is and how we don’t have to think for ourselves–books will be on audiotape with a free tape player of course.

8. A chosen career path so that the child will not have to worry about what they want to be when they grow up.

See then we won’t need parents or brains or decision making ability or anything–the government can just take care of us forever and we will all be equal and we will all love each other and we will never have any pain or tears or discomfort or….

Okay, the only drawback is that our tax rate will of course need to increase to 85% of total earnings–which is fine because the government will be giving it all back anyway.  This type of system works wonderfully–just ask Russia or China orthe former Poland or the former East Germany or Cuba.  Also–since the government will be doing all the thinking for you–your opinion cannot be expressed in any form unless such form is approved by the government–which is only fair if you think about it–which you can’t because your not allowed to.

Maybe I’m being a little extreme–but seriously–either she is completely derranged or she truly wants America to become a Socialist Country–either way it is a scary proposition.  Hillary, how about taking the government out of the parenting business and allow people to make their own choices.  The government is not the moral compass of the American family–if a set of parents chose to save for their child’s education (if they can) then that is there choice.  Senator Clinton: if you want to help the babies of this Country and their parents–cut the government in half and cut our taxes in half at the same time–that would give money and decision making back to those who should be able to decide how to spend it–the ones who actually EARNED it!!!!

-Murphy

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“Hello, I Need You To Spray Some Febreeze!”

September 28, 2007

This was an actual AP story today:

Odor line: Is it a wet dog, dung stench?

Thu Sep 27, 4:19 PM ET

Something that smelled like a wet dog that rolled in manure and a report of a pungent, foul odor that has persisted for the last 13 years are among the calls so far to a 24-hour “odor hot line.”

The city of Woodland set up the hot line this month to help investigate a recent flood of complaints about nasty smells in a place where urban growth has encroached on areas that once were strictly devoted to farming.

“We have had a couple of issues about odor, but when you live in a food processing area and near sewer areas, you’re going to get those problems every once in a while,” said Marlin “Skip” Davies, vice mayor of Woodland, which is about 20 miles northwest of Sacramento.

Callers are urged to be specific — noting the time, place and wind direction when the odor was detected — and are asked to use descriptors, such as musty, pungent, compost-like, swampy or smelling of wet hay.

“Residents were complaining that it smelled awful, but they were not giving specifics,” said Loida Osoteo, the city public environmental services manager, who also answers hot line calls. “Now when they say it stinks, they have to be more specific about what they smell.”

The city uses the information to recommend solutions for reducing the smell, such as treating wastewater.

Residents who are unaccustomed to the stench of farm animals, manure and food processing facilities sometimes have problems when they move to once-rural areas, said Edward Thompson Jr., California state director of American Farmland Trust. He said although many states began adopting “Right to Farm” laws in the 1980s to protect farmers from lawsuits, most laws still protect the average resident.

In Woodland, the city’s wastewater treatment plant and a tomato cannery near Interstate 5 have so far been identified as the two most stinky culprits, Osoteo said.

Still, odor problems in Woodland have improved over the past several years as farmers work on odor mitigation, said Davies, the vice mayor.

What?!  Some government bureaucrat has created a hot line with actual humans answering the phone and getting a paycheck because people smell something.  This is efficient?  I love the fact that the “government worker” says that people aren’t being specific enough.  What do you need to know?  “It smells bad” or “It stinks” is not enough ?  I guess you have to say something like “It smells like the inside of the large intestine of an emu after it has eaten some St. Augustine grass.”  Seriously?

The smells have lasted for 13 YEARS!  I have an idea, send out a crack-pot team of city environmental managers to the areas that stink, have them locate the source of the smell, then have an RFP (request for proposal) process whereby various entities can submit bids to spray Febreeze from a crop duster all over the area because after all Febreeze “eliminates odors and freshens the air.”  Then the city of Woodland will take the best bid (the one who contributed most to the mayoral campaign) and the odor elimination process will begin.

Of course, this means that the Odor Hot-Line personnel will be out of a job, but since they are government employees they will just be reassigned.  For that I have an excellent idea.  They should start an “I’ve Lost My Keys” hot line.  Then everytime someone is about to leave for work or to go to some California Love-In and they can’t find their keys they don’t have to panic, they can just dial 1-800-Los-tkey and some government idiot can calm them down.

If this keeps up our Tax Rate will be 90% of our income just to pay for all of this insanity!

-Murphy

P.S.  This just in—the “odor mitigation” that the farmers are doing is working.  They have connected hoses to the back sides of all the cows and pigs to capture the methane gas emitted from their anal cavity.  They are bottling it and selling it to Rev. Jackson so that he will have an extra supply in case he runs out during one of his hate-speeches.  Good thinking guys!

University of Texas vs. Kansas State!

September 27, 2007

Austin Sports Network reports the following:

Austin, TX (Sports Network) – Big 12 rivals will collide in Austin this weekend as the seventh-ranked Texas Longhorns take on the Kansas State Wildcats.

Kansas State is coming off a bye week and opens the league portion of its schedule on Saturday. The Wildcats, who lost to Auburn in the season opener on the road, have posted back-to-back victories over weak opponents San Jose State and Missouri State.

Texas is 4-0 this season and is coming off a 58-14 thrashing of Rice. The Longhorns have not been dominant in all of their contests, but the fact that they survived a couple of scares speaks to their character. It may be tough to focus on this game, as a matchup with rival Oklahoma is on the docket next week.

Kansas State cruised to the 61-10 victory over lowly Missouri State, and the Wildcat offense moved the ball at will. With 30 first downs and 546 total yards, the numbers tell the story of complete domination. James Johnson paced the ground attack with 114 rushing yards and three touchdowns, while quarterback Josh Freeman completed 26-of-39 passes for 287 and one touchdown…

As expected, the Kansas State defense played well against Missouri State. The Wildcats yielded just 10 points in the clash and 191 total yards. They did a tremendous job of getting off the field on third down, as Missouri State made good on just 4-of-16 conversion attempts. Kansas State finished with five sacks and avoided big plays. Opponents are scoring 15.7 ppg against the Wildcats, who are yielding 258.3 total ypg. The run defense has been outstanding, as K-State is surrendering fewer than two yards per rushing attempt. The pass defense has been strong as well, as opposing quarterbacks are gaining an even 10 yards per completion. Justin McKinney leads KSU with 22 total tackles, and Ross Diehl has 2.5 sacks.

Texas racked up 58 points against Rice, including 41 points in the first half. With 560 total yards, the Longhorns could seemingly do no wrong. Quarterback Colt McCoy has come under fire for his shaky play this season, but he was tremendous on Saturday, completing 20-of-29 passes for 333 yards and three touchdowns with no interceptions…

The defensive effort of the Longhorns in the victory over Rice has to be viewed as a positive. They were outstanding against the run, limiting the Owls to minus-11 rushing yards on 30 attempts. While 68 yards was gained on the ground by Rice, 79 yards were lost, due in large part to five sacks. While Texas did yield 279 passing yards, two interceptions were registered. Obviously, many of those yards were accumulated after the outcome of the tilt had long been decided. Lamarr Houston made four TFLs. Opponents are scoring only 18.0 ppg against Texas, which is yielding 310.5 total ypg. The defensive unit has been outstanding at stopping the run, as opponents are only gaining 2.5 ypc on the ground. Against the pass, the ‘Horns have registered five interceptions while yielding only two touchdowns through the air. Marcus Griffin has made 38 total tackles for Texas, 11 more than his closest teammate.

So the question is whether Texas offense can get past KS’s defense.  I’ve been to all of the home games this year and the offense has sputtered at times, however Colt’s passess have been very accurate (a few were thrown into too much coverage-but still accurately thrown).  If Jamal Charles can get running and if our offensive coordinator will alllow Cody to mix up the passing schemes we should be allright.  I predict the following score:  Texas 24, Kansas State 17.

 Hook ’em.

-Murphy

Bill Clinton is Practicing Law Without a License!

September 26, 2007

I hate to “drudge” up the past.  Republicans are always accused of Clinton bashing, but sometimes it is so hard to resist.  Remember that President Clinton was stripped of his Arkansas Law License as a consequence of giving “inaccurate” responses to questions about himself an a former White House intern.  It was a 5-year suspension which ended in late January 2006.  I checked the Arkansas Bar Website and under his name there is no indication he ever had the license reinstated although he may have applied for reinstatement in New York.  I checked there as well and there is no record that he obtained a license in New York.  Therefore I must conclude that he does not have one.

 YET–he appears to be acting in a legal capacity for his daughter Chelsea.  In an article out today (http://wcbstv.com/topstories/local_story_268214846.html) President Clinton is asking a restaurant owner to take down a picture of Chelsea and the owner that is hanging in the restaurant.

The restaurant, Osso Buco in Manhattan has numerous pictures of “celebrities” hanging inside.  The owner stated that the picture of Chelsea has been there for years and she has eaten there many times.  Suddenly, however, President Clinton, on his own letterhead sent a “demand letter” to the owner demanding that it come down since she is a “private citizen.”  The letter stated  “We reserve the right to exercise any and all options available to us if you refuse to comply.”
 

Now this is really funny.  It is kind of sad though.  I mean, I suppose he is just simply bored.  His wife is not taking him on many of her campaign stops and Chelsea apparently has a life too busy to complain about her photograph hanging up in a restaurant so Bill decides to play lawyer.  The problem is that he isn’t one anymore.  I assume he can hire one.  I’d offer but suddenly I feel very busy–probably too busy to effectively help his poor, mistreated, victimized, and terrorized daughter. 

I think the jury in this matter should ultimately award $1.6 million dollars in punitive damages.  Not for misusing the photograph or “violating her privacy,” which is  a loser cause of action but instead for placing a photograph of the daughter of an economic liberal in a capitalistic venture–such as a restaurant.  It is confusing and sends conflicting messages to our youth.  And after all, it is the children we need to save.  So let’s all pray (but not in our school) that Chelsea wins her day in Court, that she finds an actual licensed attorney to handle her case and that the children who come to Osso Buco to eat $1000 pizzas are no longer confused about the differences in capitalism and socialism.  Send a message America!  Send it loud and clear.

By the way–to show that I am not hypocritical about this I will delete my Chelsea Clinton wallpaper on my computer right now since I didn’t have authorization to use that either.

-Murphy

P.S.  If you go to Google Images and search “Chelsea Clinton” 7090 images come up.  I’m working on lawsuits against each and every one of those picture theiving opportunists.

I Feel the Need—The Need for Speed!

September 25, 2007

Well today a piece of news caught my eye.  Apparently  Tim Brady, the “fastest motorist ever caught speeding in Britain” was sentenced to 10 weeks in jail for driving 172 mph near Abingdon in Oxfordshire in January of this year. 

Now that is impressive.  I admit that I have a lead foot at times and some have accused me of having a personalized parking spot at the Houston Municipal Courts Building, but 172!!  Now 10 weeks seems a bit harsh, after all, Lindsey Lohan received less for multiple drug and alcohol related offenses.  Keifer Sutherland was arrested yesterday for DUI and I bet he gets less than 10 weeks.  And yet, Britain does not have the death penalty and in some areas has legallized marijuana.  But by golly, if you speed that much you are going to get the book thrown at you.

Why is it that police officers always ask you “Do you know why I pulled you over?”  I hate that question.  It makes me feel like a mush-mouthed idiot.  I always know it is coming and I am a lawyer after all-surely I’ll come up with something great like:

 “Because you think my wife is hot and you wanted to get a better look.” or

“Because you are lost and I had a look of determination–like I really knew where I was headed.” or

“Because you didn’t do so well at the academy so they put you on traffic duty and you are bored and wondered if I had some gum.”

 But instead I always say either (depending on how fast I was really going): 1.” I have no idea, is something wrong?” (duh) or 2. “Yeah, I was probably speeding.”  That is when I know I’ve no chance to sweet-talk my way out of this.  I’m always courteous though–and that has given some officers the notion of giving me a warning–although rarely.

 My suggestion–be nice, keep your hands where he/she can see them, do not pull out any cash, do not cuss, do not slam your car door and do not admit anything, but don’t lie either.  And never say, “I bet you pulled me over because I’ve been drinking and I just finished taking some hard core drugs and that makes it dangerous for me to be hauling all of these illegal aliens over the border in my trunk.”  That would be a definite no-no.

-Murphy

My Kids Will Not Be Going to Columbia University!

September 24, 2007

What is wrong with John Coatsworth?  The Columbia Dean said today that if Hitler had wanted to come and engage in a debate with students about the issues of the day then he would have had a platform from which to speak at Columbia.  (See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxmEGsOkEVc )

Are you kidding me?  It is bad enough that they are inviting a man to speak at their University who likely opened a bottle of fine champagne and began to dance when the Towers fell, but to suggest that even Hitler would be allowed on campus is bordering on pure unadulterated insanity.  As conservative as I am (which is something I do not hide-obviously) I am all for free speech and for the free exchange of ideas at college campuses–even if some of the ideas are nutty.  But to allow men like the Iranian President or Hitler to speak to impressionalbe college students is treason.  Maybe we need a short legal lesson on treason.

 The Constitution of the United States, Art. III, defines treason against the United States to consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid or comfort.   Certainly both of the individuals mentioned are or were (Hitler) our enemies.  Allowing them to come to an AMERICAN College or University to expand the minds of our youth is giving them aid or comfort.  Why?  Because both of these men are propaganda maniacs.  Propaganda is how they live, how they gain more power, more prestige.  Hitler was a master at it–how else could he convince so many people that his evil intentions were somehow correct or proper?  The same is true for Iran today.

Giving these men a “platform” to speak enhances their ability to spew their ridiculous, insane rhetoric.  Not to mention it borders on harboring the enemy.  I am appalled at this man’s obvious distaste for America and if I was an alumni of that University I would be ashamed of its current state.  If I was a student there I would have already enrolled elsewhere for the Spring.  I hope their board of regents considers removing this idiot immediately.  This is Columbia for the love of it all–a very respectable and fine University.

I truly wonder why people like Mr. Coatsworth live here in the first place.  Mr. Coatsworth, I suggest that if you want to allow a platform for known terrorists who are currently supplying weapons to individuals who are using those weapons against American troops, then take your willing students and faculty on a field trip to Iran for such an event–and good luck.

 -Murphy

University of Texas vs. Rice

September 21, 2007

Okay so if UT can keep its players out of jail for a few days we should have an owl cookout this weekend.  Seriously-are we the new Miami?  The Houston Chronicle made that comparisson yesterday-yikes!

 So why are we playing Rice tomorrow?  Is it to bring back the old nostalgia of the Southwest Conference?  Is it for recruiting as has been suggested by some important alumni?  No, it is for a win, pure and simple.  The reality is that playing Rice is a lose/lose situation for UT.  Here is a team that was beat soundly by Baylor a few weeks ago—yes, Baylor.  They simply are not a good team.  So, UT is expected to throttle them, but of course, we were also expected to throttle Arkansas State.  If UT wins 52-3 then people will say–well of, course, that was Rice-but if we (God forbid) lose or win 33-32 our entire season may be in jeopardy and certainly we will fall in the polls signficantly.

 I’m excited to go to the game as always–and my cynical side will be gone by game time, but I think a better home opponent would be someone like UCLA (oh-nevermind, last time they came we lost 66-3).  Maybe Rice is a good idea after all.

Hook’em

-Murphy