Archive for the ‘Oil’ category

Eclipse: An Interview with a Fan!

July 1, 2010

As your teenagers have told you, Twilight’s latest installment “Eclipse” was released to millions of views at Midnight on Tuesday.  Without commenting on our view of the series or Vampires or which team is liberal or conservative, we here at MKCB decided to interview a moviegoer waiting in line that night to see if all the hype has had an adverse affect on our society.  Here is what we determined:

Meet Mary and Jenna-two fans camping out in line to see “Eclipse” on opening night.

MKCB:   So Mary, I see you have a blanket made out of the movie poster-how did you get that?

Mary:    OMG!  It is so awesome!  I copied the picture off of the internet and took it to Walgreens and had them make this totally awesome blanket–which I so totally needed for tonight’s showing.

Jenna:  Yeah!

MKCB:  And so how long have you been camped out here waiting for the movie to begin?

Mary:  Since October 17 of last year.

Jenna:  Yeah…

MKCB:  Ummm, wow, that is amazing.  You do know don’t you that it will likely be showing all summer and you could probably see it this weekend without much trouble?

Mary:  Shut-up!  What kind of Team Edward player would I be if I didn’t show up and show Edward how loyal I am to him?  What would he think?

Jenna:  Yeah, and what would Team Jacob think?

MKCB:  Probably nothing, because he has no idea you are actually here today.

Mary:  You did not just say that! 

Jenna:  Yeah…whatever…

MKCB:  So how have you been able to survive sitting here for 8 months?

Mary:  Well, I brought a laaaaaaaa lot of chips and cokes and stuff and Jenna and I take turns watching the stuff so we can eat and go to the ladies room and stuff like that…

Jenna: Yeah…

MKCB:  Well have you been keeping up with the news?  What do you think of the oil spill?

Mary:  Dude, they totally cleaned that up years ago before that Palin chick was ever even heard of.

Jenna:  Yeah…

MKCB:  No, I mean the new oil spill.

Mary:  ummmm…. well….

MKCB:  Nevermind, what about the Al Gore sex scandal–have you heard about that?

Mary:  Ewwwwww…. seriously, that is gross and no, I’m so sure that did not happen.

Jenna: Yeah…

MKCB:  Well, enjoy the show, I just wanted you to know that the movie is 126 minutes long so you have been sitting here 2.06 days for each minute of the movie.

Mary:  BOOM!  Dude my brain just exploded.

Jenna: Yeah, mine totally did.

MKCB:  Funny, I don’t see any loose pieces lying around…

Mary:  Whatever.

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Fairness Redefined–Continued

October 7, 2008

My last post was an extreme review of Gwen Ifil’s involvement in the VP debate–which Sarah Palin won hands down by the way–um, okay and Biden wasn’t half bad frankly.

I must confess first that Gwen did a pretty “fair” job and for that I am thankful–I’m sure all the press and pressure from the revelation of her book had no effect on the way in which she conducted herself–but then again–we will never know, will we?

After hearing the debate I was not suprised at all to hear the VP of “hope and change” also talk about fairness.  He said that where he comes from, fairness is defined by giving tax breaks to the middle class and making the “rich” pay more.  Interesting…

Well let’s see about that.  Here is the breakdown of the Delaware State Income Tax system:

(notice that even the picture on their website let’s you know that your money is going to some future project)

— No tax on the first $2,000
— 2.2 percent on taxable income between $2,000 and $5,000
— 3.9 percent on taxable income between $5,001 and $10,000
— 4.8 percent on taxable income between $10,001 and $20,000
— 5.2 percent on taxable income between $20,001 and $25,000
— 5.55 percent on taxable income between $25,001 and $60,000
— 5.95 percent on taxable income more than $60,000.

It would appear that Senator Biden is correct, the richest people pay the most–however, amazingly people that make $5000 A YEAR pay $66 in taxes.  Funny, people that make $5000 a year in the US pay nothing.

But here is the real kicker–rich is apparently defined as anyone making more than $60,000 a year.  OF course, this is perfect since the median income of people from Delaware is $55,436 according to a 2005 report of the US Census Bureau.  Plus Delaware has a poverty rate of over 10%!  Now Senator Biden makes a healthy $319,000 which is touted by the press as “one of the least wealthy Senators.”  But–one of the richest men in Delaware.

I wonder if Senator Biden’s real view and that of his annointed running mate’s is that people that make $60000 a year or more are “rich.”

The reality is that many of you are going to line up at the polls next month and vote for a man who wants to redistribute wealth in this Country based on his single-minded ideas alone.  In other words, Obama thinks that he will be better at managing your money than you are and better at deciding what you “should” make.

So here is my new definition of Fairness under the Obama Presidency:

“Making sure that all people, no matter their race, religion, sexual preference, gender, work habits, narcissism, addictions, neurosis, attitude, sense of entitlement, laziness, lack of education, drug use, criminal background, number of children out of wedlock, SDTs, terrorist affiliations, patriotism, talent and ability, work ethic, ethics at all, apathy, recklessness, negligence, motivation, lack of goals, determination, drive, integrity, honor, honesty, dishonesty, or age have the same exact income, benefits, health care, car, house, and job as everyone else.”

Now that is called real fairness.  After all–keeping money that you earned is unfair to those who simply do not earn it. 

In fact Obama already got started on this in December 2007 when he and Sen. Hagel sponsored the Global Poverty Act.  It would commit U.S. taxpayers to spend 0.7% of our gross domestic product (or over $800 billion) on foreign handouts, which is at least $30 billion over and above the exorbitant and wasted sums we already give away overseas.  The purpose is to redistribute wealth to the areas of our world where people are living on less than $1 a day–places like Uganda for example–which is run by a mad dictator.

This is part of Obama’s hope to bring the US in line with the United Nation’s Millenium Development Goal.  That declaration also calls for a “currency transfer tax,” a “tax on the rental value of land and natural resources,” a “royalty on worldwide fossil energy production – oil, natural gas, coal,” “fees for the commercial use of the oceans, fees for airplane use of the skies, fees for use of the electromagnetic spectrum, fees on foreign exchange transactions, and a tax on the carbon content of fuels.”

So see, Obama’s energy plan to help with gas prices and the oil crunch is to simply tax our own natural resources further and the carbon content which of course is causing all of the worldwide poverty.  I wonder if this is why Delaware’s poverty is 10.2 percent?  It must be global warming.  Hmmmm….  In any event, it is certainly more fair than letting a bunch of poor people in undeveloped countries suffer while we here at home are actually living off what we earn–how ridiculous is that?

Well, I hope you now fully understand the new definition of fairness and Obama’s intentions–but don’t you DARE question him on it, after all–he is the One (at least that is what CNN keeps hinting at).

-Murphy

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Obama’s Energy Plan Revealed!

August 14, 2008

Houston, Texas-August 14, 2008:  Whew!  It is good to get back to blogging after a long hiatus.  I have been on vacation or swamped at work.  Interestingly, lawsuits are on the rise.  It is typical of a bad economy–when the economy get rough, lawsuit filing sky rocket–which means I’m busier.  Now if I was a selfish boob, I would say–ya-hoo!  But I would rather have less work, on actually legitimate lawsuits, and have my dollar go further, than to have the rest of the world suffer while I work my butt off to make more money that is actually worth less.

But enough of that–I’m done with that hiatus and back to reveal to the world the satirical truth about the left-wing faction of our Country.  So much has happened since we last spoke–but I must say that Energy is the topic of the day.  It may be Energy that wins this election in the fall.  Obama’s energy policy-or whatever he is calling it-needs to be examined.  He has said everything from no drilling, to drilling to airing up our tires to forcing oil companies to pay a tax on their “windfall” profits to creating a government agency to develop “green” ways to live.

So I think it is time we examine some other ideas.  I would like to put on my Obama hat er halo for a second and suggest the following ideas to assist Obama in developing a comprehensive energy policy.

1.  Outlaw the Farming, Packaging and Sale of All Flatulent Producing Foods

 

Good-bye beans, broccli, cabbage, and any other toot-producing product.  Think of all the gas emissions we could save if we just quit eating these foods.  After all-Ireland has considered taxing cow farmers for the emissions of cows. (not kidding–see HERE).  Plus, I could finally ride a cross-country airplane without the ever so often smell of death that happens to float into my seating area.  This should help build the ozone layer and cut down on ultraviolet emissions which would reduce skin cancer and reduce our Countries medical costs.  Its brilliant!

2.  Make Cars Out Of Paper

It really doesn’t take much gas to move a paper car.  With the lack of weight involved the car will practically move on its own.  And if check the weather patterns in your area before you leave, you might be able to let Mother Nature simply blow your car to your destination.

3.  Outlaw Overweight Drivers

Here is one for you Obama–kind of on the fat tire theme.  You should pass a law disallowing anyone that is overweight to drive a car–at all.  First that would knock out maybe 60% of all drivers and then the use of gas would decrease dramatically.  Plus the only people on the road take less gas to move–because they are thin–like you.

4.  Eliminate Al Gore

 

I know it is a cruel and “inconvenient” suggestion, but really, he is traveling all over the world giving speeches.  The fuel cost, the hot air from his mouth, the cost of all of those power-points and the drain on the electricity to fuel the lights to make his speeches– I mean really–He can never repay his carbon body print.  And look at his house:

It consumes more electricity than an average house does in a year.  It needs to be broken down and used for alternative fuel for heat to those less fortunate.  And after all–will anyone really miss him?

5.  Stop All Drilling For Oil-Forever

Who are we kidding anyway with all of this drill now talk?  I mean the real way to solve the energy crisis is to simply eliminate energy all together.  We have the sun, we have the spotted owl, we have the moose, what else do we need?  Why must we be so greedy?  After all–the only reason we need energy is to go shopping and spend more of our windfall of money.  I say, stop all drilling.  Use up the rest and then let’s just see what happens.  Need convincing–look here, below is a picture of a village in Africa that doesn’t rely on BIG OIL to fund their community.  And they seem to be doing just fine.

Think about how much happier we will all be when our biggest responsibility is finding more thatch for our roof?  Won’t it be great?

-Murphy

“Here I Come To Save The Polar Bears!” (not Mighty Mouse)

July 9, 2008


Ahhh, the beautiful site of a Polar Bear slaughteringa baby seal.  Notice how the hue of the blood of the seal mixed with the reflection of blue sea water gives the picture a kind of violet tint.  Nature is a wonderous and magical thing.  But there is evil lurking in these blood-filled waters.  An evil no polar bear, even with his massive strength, can possibly defeat.

Big Oil!  That’s right the money-hungry, greedy, good for nothun’ Republican Controlled Oil Industry.  Somehow Bush and his henchmen were able to con the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service into granting legal protection to seven oil companies in the Chukchi Sea over the next five years should they accidentally harm “small numbers” of polar bears or Pacific walruses while drilling or during other exploratory activities. 

Oh the humanity…er…polar bearanity.

But wait–there is hope for the polar bear harassed by these villans.  In fact there is always hope for the environment because as soon as any industry tries to make an advancement to ease our pain at the pump–there will always be…

The mighty lawsuit.  Yes, the lawsuit–which has brought us such advances as warning labels on McDonald’s coffee to let you know it is actually “hot”, instructions on the back of rat poison that instruct you not to eat it, expensive car emissions systems, no more prayer in schools and constitutional rights to prisoners of war. 

This time–two separate conservation groups have teamed up to sue everyone that has ever lived to stop this “free pass” to Big Oil.  After all, we all know that drilling for oil harms the environment and therefore harasses the polar bear and the walrus.  Just like ANWR–I mean just look at the land region that Republicans insist should be explored for oil: 

Wow!  What a paradise!  I see why we need to be extra cautious there too.

Once again I say “bravo” to the liberals in our Country.  They never dissappoint me.  It had been almost 4 weeks since the authority was given to explore and I thought maybe the followers of the global environmental cult had missed it–but oh, no, they just needed to find a few brave heroes to do the job.  When we think of heroes we may think of soliders, astronauts, firemen, policemen, Ronald Regan but we all know the real heroes of our Country:

LAWYERS!  They know best how to make a Federal Case (literally) out of hanging chads, fatty foods and waterboarding.  Who else will speak for the Polar Bear?  Who else will champion the unheard voice of the walrus?  Paul McCartney?  I don’t think so.  If you want to hear the glorious sound of “coo coo ca choo” then you need a lawyer.  I just hope their lawsuit is in time to save us from lower gas prices in the next 5 years.  I am really hoping to be able to pay $10 a gallon one day so that I will be forced to by a smart car and then be crushed to death in the first minor accident I have on a Texas highway.

(remember, I have a right to be sarcastic about this–I am one of these)  🙂

-Murphy

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