Archive for February 2008

I’m Off to Cabo San Lucas!

February 28, 2008

I’ve decided that the stress of the March 4th primary in Texas is too much to handle.  So I cast my early vote for John McCain, and John Cornyn and any other “John’s” I could find (whew-good thing John Edwards backed out already) and I am leaving on a short trip to Cabo.  Here is a picture to make you very jealous:

See ya on March 4th-the day that Hillary’s campaign comes to an end and we all have to live in real fear that our next President might be an inexperienced super-liberal who will likely destroy the middle class, push us closer to socialism and wreck our military.  Maybe I’ll just stay in Cabo–I wonder if they need lawyers down there?

-Murphy

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Another Shameful Presentation of Obama Dressed Similar to a Muslim

February 25, 2008

obama-muslim.jpg

I’m just trying to do my part in the vast right wing conspiracy.  Oh wait, it was Hillary’s camp that circulated this photo.  Hmmmmm…is it possible that she is actually a conservative?

Let me look outside and see…

pigs-fly.jpg

Nope–the picture above was what I was looking for but all I saw was a never-ending stretch of doom on the horizon with clouds that spelled “Obama ’08.”

-Murphy

 P.S. check out this idea about the picture–He could be on to something.

Ralph Nader For President-Finally the Democrats Have a Choice!

February 24, 2008

He finally did it.  He announced he is running for the highest office in the land.  And good for you Ralph–this is what makes America great.  Besides, this gives people a real choice.

So who is this Democrat-spoiler anyway?  Here are some of the issues he supports:

1. He wants a single payer National Health Insurance Plan–excellent–one small step for Nader, one giant step towards Socialism.

2. He wants to severely cut the military budget–excellent–we are tired of being the dominant military force on the planet–let’s let Iran or Korea have a turn–or better yet–China.

3. He wants to create legislation that MANDATES the use of solar energy over nuclear energy.  I suppose it will suck when it rains–but hey, only some of us live in Seattle anyway–Arizona will become the energy capital of the country.

4. He wants Bush and Cheney impeached.–Yawn!  This sour grapes business over Clinton’s impeachment is sooooooo played and tiresome.

5. He wants to adopt a carbon pollution tax.  No more Ranch Style Beans for me then, I’m not paying a tax every time I have to “let one go.”

6.  He wants to put an end to “ballot access obstructionsim.”  (i.e.–he wants dead people to be able to vote again)

 7. He wants to “reverse U.S. Policy in the Middle East”–um, and so…then I guess we would pull out our troops, allow dictatorships to run rampant again and appease them at all costs because after all–we don’t need their stinkin’ oil anymore anyway–see #3 above.

8.  He is totally Pro-Choice, supports free access to the “morning after pill” and thinks that the Reproductive Vigillantes of NOW are correct in their thinking.  So I wonder if he would put another Scalia on the Supreme Court?  I guess one of his campaign posters could say “Vote Nader:  Death to the Babies”–kinda harsh, sorry.

This is just some of the glorious fun Ralph has planned for us.

So here are my Top 10 reasons why you should vote for Ralph Nader (if you are a Democrat only):

1.  A vote for Ralph is not a vote for Obama or Clinton–and it is about as valuable as making Scooby-Doo 3.

2.  We can all finally start riding around in these new Government Mandated solar cars.

3.  He wants women to succeed better in athletics.

-wow

4.  He thinks citizens should be able to sue the government for wasteful spending–not a bad idea–then 1000’s of crazies will keep the government embroiled in legal battles (which is a fine use of our tax money by the way) and the government won’t have time to further destroy our lives.

5. He Supports getting rid of gun ownership.  That way we will no longer have to worry about our neighbors–unless of course they are criminals.

6. He beats John McCain in “oldest candidate” category by one year.

7. He wants to solve the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.  What a great idea!  I can’t believe that it hasn’t been considered before.  It seems like such an easy solution.

8. Supports a minimum wage of at least $10.  Thank goodness, I’m so sick of paying $3.00 for a hamburger–I’m ready to pay more.  Plus, then there will be no more jobs that Americans are unwilling to do and he will single-handedly solve immigration as well–brilliant!

9. He grew up in Winstead, CT–where everyone walked–Oh, the Good ‘ole Days when we didn’t drive places and see the world.

10.  No one voting Republican will vote for him–which gives us hope.

Thanks Ralph,  thanks a bunch!

-Murphy

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Why I May Have to Stop Supporting The Texas Longhorns

February 22, 2008

As some of you may know, I’m a HUGE UT Longhorn fan.  I’ve had season tickets to the football games every years since 1990.  I’ve been too the Cotton Bowl to see them play and I’ve been to 2 Big 12 Championship games.  But this morning, I threw up in my mouth a lot when I saw this:

obama-horns.jpg

I’m sorry Mack but I am not supporting a team with that guy as a player.  And I can only hope that Colt McCoy is laughing at how stupid this whole spectacle is.  But wait there’s more–here is Obama doing his OJ impersonation:

obama-heisman.jpg

Okay, that wasn’t fair, OJ wasn’t the only guy to win the Heisman–but seriously–he looks a bit, um, ridiculous.  When I see stuff like this I have to continually remind myself of the lesson I learned a few weeks ago: “IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY, ONE CANNOT SEND A SEVERED COW’S HEAD TO ANYBODY.”

If he wanted to hold something realistic that truly supports who he is as a person and his way of thinking, he should have been holding up this:

4poster.jpg

-Murphy

 

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Light Reading-World’s Shortest Books.

February 21, 2008

 As an attorney I always have my fair share of reading to do.  I know you bloggers like to read as well but sometimes I just want to find a small leaflet or pamphlet to read that is not too heavy so I can relax.  I know there have been many lists created like this and I STRONGLY encourage your submissions as well.

Here are my suggestions for the world’s shortest books:

1.  Lessons on Fidelity by Bill Clinton

2.  The Days I’m Sober by Ted Kennedy

3.  The Women I’ve Loved by Barney Frank

4. What I Love About America by Nancy Pelosi and Michele Obama

5.  Diets That I Can Prove Will Work by Oprah Winfrey

6.  CNN’s Guide to Unbiased Reporting (forward by the New York Times)

7.  People I Haven’t Slept With by Britney Spears

8.  Congressman With Integrity by Anonymous

9.  Taxes That Stimulate the Economy by Karl Marx

10.  2007’s List of Documented Immigrants

11.  All of My Accomplishments For A Better America by Barack Obama

12.  The Truth About Global Warming by Al Gore

13.  My Collective Work To Find The Real Killers by OJ Simpson

14.  All My Gay Friends  by Mahmūd Ahmadinejād  and

15.  My Liberal Tendencies by Murphy Klasing

Help Me Congress, I’m Fat and It is Causing the World To Get Warmer!

February 20, 2008

 

Is there anyone out there that doesn’t think that obesity is a health problem?

(crickets, wind, silence)

Of course not, we all know that–and yet, many of us are obese.  And let’s not dance around with terms like “full figured” and “Just My Size” let’s just call it as it is–FAT.  We as a nation are Fat.  And why are we Fat?  (and no, I’m not going to digress into a metaphor using PHAT).

Well, there are some people that are fat because of medications they are taking or genetic disorders.  The National Institute of Health states that these reasons for obesity are rare.  The health risks of obesity are in part:

 Obesity has been linked to several serious medical conditions, including diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. It is also associated with higher rates of certain types of cancer. Obese men are more likely than nonobese men to die from cancer of the colon, rectum, and prostate. Obese women are more likely than nonobese women to die from cancer of the gallbladder, breast, uterus, cervix, and ovaries.

Other diseases and health problems linked to obesity include:

  • Gallbladder disease and gallstones.
  • Osteoarthritis, a disease in which the joints deteriorate, possibly as a result of excess weight on the joints.
  • Gout, another disease affecting the joints
  • Pulmonary (breathing) problems, including sleep apnea, in which a person can stop breathing for a short time during sleep.

And we know this to be true already don’t we?  And yet, we are still fat.  In 2003, my fair city of Houston was dubbed the fattest city in America for the 3rd YEAR IN A ROW!!!  And yes we are fat.

So what makes us fat?  Well, I think even a Kindergarten child could tell us that FOOD makes us fat.  Really good food like McDonald’s fries and Ice Cream and Chocolate (but not dark chocolate–say it isn’t so) and alcohol and Funnel Cakes and Oreos and Pizza and Pasta and Steak and and and and and…

  (Yummy)The real problem is not the food itself necessarily but the amount that we consume.

But wait, there is an answer–a light at the end of the Taco Bell, a beacon of hope shining through the golden arches–it is:  THE INTERNATIONAL OBESITY TASK FORCE

It’s stated mission:  “to inform the world about the urgency of the problem and to persuade governments that the time to act is now.”

Hmmmmm….  So it wants to influence governments to act on obesity.  Do wha?  Hasn’t the government already acted–after all we have nutritional labels mandated by law on all food items that are not fresh produce or meats, we have the FDA that is allegedly testing the chemicals in processed foods and reporting on their effects on the body.  What more can the government do to help us poor fat people.  After all, isn’t what I eat my… what is that liberal word used in another context…what is it…oh yeah.. my CHOICE?

According to its website the IOTF is “now working to convince world leaders that something can be done to address the problem.”  But what?  I mean look at these guys–not much being done to convince them:

 Teddy

 Barney (not the dinasour variety)

 Might explain why he feels hot all the time.

On Sunday Speaking to the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Boston, Prof Philip James said that obesity must be tackled in the same way as climate change with world leaders agreeing to vital steps to transform the environment that is making us fat.

Oh, so we should have washed up Presidential hopefuls do a docu-fiction movie on the effects of obesity and how we should all be scared to death of it.  How exactly is the environment making us fat?  We don’t all live in a Willy Wonka Factory do we?

Ah, but wait–here is the real reason this is being addressed–not because anyone cares about obesity but because of–you guessed it–GLOBAL WARMING.  I’m not crazy–it may seem I am but check out this quote from the Boston meeting on Sunday:

“Much of the present high calorie density food production has a massive carbon footprint and requires wasteful amounts of energy and water. If we are to feed the world – 8 billion people in just 20 years time – with a healthy diet, we need to deliver a rescue plan for the planet – not just to address global warming, but to ensure we have sufficient healthy food to feed everyone.”

Yep, there it is–obesity is now the 1,589,332nd link to global warming, right behind cow farts and tootsie rolls.  Making high calorie food has a “massive carbon footprint”–are you kidding me?  I’m sure finding new ways to crush a soy bean into a food and call it chocolate takes no energy at all though.

In case you are not convinced that there are a group of people in the world that want to make all of your Choices (except abortion of course) for you–read on:

“The strategic approaches needed involve rejecting the misplaced notion that the obesity problem is merely a matter of individual choice. Blaming individuals for their personal vulnerability to weight gain is no longer acceptable in a world where the majority is already overweight and obesity is rising everywhere. It is naïve of ill-informed politicians and food industry executives to place the onus on individuals making ‘healthier choices’ whilst the environment in which we live is the overwhelming factor amplifying the epidemic.”

It apparently is now naive to think that anyone is smart enough or able on their own to quit pounding down 12 Krispy Kremes each morning for breakfast because after all–those “Hot Donuts” signs are just too enticing and we are soooooo very weak, so weak.

 

And because parents are too stupid to regulate what their children eat, the great professor stated that governments should regulate and control subliminal advertising of junk foods.  That’s it, no more Mr. Kool-aid.

 

Um, hello, but aren’t the parents buying the food–not the kids.  And so, are the parents then so enticed by the “subliminal” advertising of a giant pitcher of sugary drink busting through a wall of bricks?  Well–as all liberals believe–we are a stupid, fat bunch of idiots aren’t we?

 

He concludes by saying if we fail to act soon it will be too late–too late for what?  Are we all going to collectively cause the United States to sink into the ocean because of our collective bad choices?

 

I understand obesity is a problem–I think about it everytime I see Hillary in a tight skirt-but the reality is this–the food we eat is one of the few choices that the government has not taken from us–if we want to eat poorly and be fat–that is our choice–the righteous government has no right to tell us otherwise.  But as I stated before, this is not about being fat–it is about cooling our environment because we all know that healthy foods do so well in the cold.

 

-Murphy

 

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Happy “National Insanity” Day!

February 19, 2008

Well my sister who is not a lawyer but works for some, informed me that today is Insanity Day.  At first I thought, is that because Fidel Castro finally stepped down from his dictatorship and he of course is insane?

cps_mno09_190208180058_photo04_photo.jpeg

But no, that is not it.  (By the way–check out this post from my friends at The Nose On Your Face)

So then I thought, maybe its because Oil is back over $100 a barrel.

But no, that wasn’t it.  Then I thought, maybe its because Obama is a plagaristic fool.

But alas, still not it.  Then I knew it must be because there is an International Obesity Taskforce and they are calling on a global pact to stop obesity.

But no, the reason it is National Insanity Day is because on this day in 1859:

Feb 19, 1859:   Daniel E. Sickles, NY congressman, was acquitted of murder on grounds of temporary insanity. This was the 1st time this defense was successfully used. Sickles had shot and killed Philip Barton Key, son of Francis Scott Key, author of “Star Spangled Banner.” He shot Lee, the DC district attorney, in Lafayette Square for having an affair with his wife. Sickles pleaded temporary insanity and the sanctity of a man’s home and beat the murder rap.

And what makes this Insanity Day?  Not the fact that he won–but the fact that Congressmen have been getting away with murder for 149 years and counting!!

-Murphy