Archive for the ‘Movies’ category

Eclipse: An Interview with a Fan!

July 1, 2010

As your teenagers have told you, Twilight’s latest installment “Eclipse” was released to millions of views at Midnight on Tuesday.  Without commenting on our view of the series or Vampires or which team is liberal or conservative, we here at MKCB decided to interview a moviegoer waiting in line that night to see if all the hype has had an adverse affect on our society.  Here is what we determined:

Meet Mary and Jenna-two fans camping out in line to see “Eclipse” on opening night.

MKCB:   So Mary, I see you have a blanket made out of the movie poster-how did you get that?

Mary:    OMG!  It is so awesome!  I copied the picture off of the internet and took it to Walgreens and had them make this totally awesome blanket–which I so totally needed for tonight’s showing.

Jenna:  Yeah!

MKCB:  And so how long have you been camped out here waiting for the movie to begin?

Mary:  Since October 17 of last year.

Jenna:  Yeah…

MKCB:  Ummm, wow, that is amazing.  You do know don’t you that it will likely be showing all summer and you could probably see it this weekend without much trouble?

Mary:  Shut-up!  What kind of Team Edward player would I be if I didn’t show up and show Edward how loyal I am to him?  What would he think?

Jenna:  Yeah, and what would Team Jacob think?

MKCB:  Probably nothing, because he has no idea you are actually here today.

Mary:  You did not just say that! 

Jenna:  Yeah…whatever…

MKCB:  So how have you been able to survive sitting here for 8 months?

Mary:  Well, I brought a laaaaaaaa lot of chips and cokes and stuff and Jenna and I take turns watching the stuff so we can eat and go to the ladies room and stuff like that…

Jenna: Yeah…

MKCB:  Well have you been keeping up with the news?  What do you think of the oil spill?

Mary:  Dude, they totally cleaned that up years ago before that Palin chick was ever even heard of.

Jenna:  Yeah…

MKCB:  No, I mean the new oil spill.

Mary:  ummmm…. well….

MKCB:  Nevermind, what about the Al Gore sex scandal–have you heard about that?

Mary:  Ewwwwww…. seriously, that is gross and no, I’m so sure that did not happen.

Jenna: Yeah…

MKCB:  Well, enjoy the show, I just wanted you to know that the movie is 126 minutes long so you have been sitting here 2.06 days for each minute of the movie.

Mary:  BOOM!  Dude my brain just exploded.

Jenna: Yeah, mine totally did.

MKCB:  Funny, I don’t see any loose pieces lying around…

Mary:  Whatever.

Susan Sarandon To Move if McCain Elected–I’m More Energized Than Ever.

May 30, 2008

I’ve said for a while now that the Republican party needs some real motivation to get out and vote for John McCain this fall. I realize that he is not as conservative as many of us would like. I realize that he isn’t as charming as we might like. He doesn’t have enough faith to satifsfy the “Christian Right” nor enough Nationalism to satisfy the “Send the Illegals Home” crowd. But he is WORLDS better than either of the other 2 choices currently campaigning. Why? Becuase he understands the mission in Iraq and our fight against terrorism, he doesn’t believe that over-taxing the wealthy is a way to solve the Country’s economic problems, he is not a socialist, he is not a communist, he is not a racist or a bigot or a divisive anti-American pile of sludge–he is therefore, much better than the other choice(s).

But today–all the motivation we need has been given to us courtesy of Susan Sarandon. She has stated that if John McCain is elected she will move to Italy (which has tax rates that would make you cry) or Canada (hope you don’t get sick there–oh yeah, I forgot, you have enough money to pay a doctor directly and jump ahead of those plebian Canadians who are waiting in line to have their kidney replaced).

So, Republicans–LET’S GET OUT THERE AND VOTE!  What more motivation do you need than to get this anti-American liberal out of our Country?  I’m so thankful that she has offered up this sacrifice.  It almost makes me wish I had seen Thelma and Louise.

Here are some of her famous quotes that we have had to endure:

1.  “Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn’t there some way to be both?”

No, I think you haven’t quite made it to ice queen intellectual yet.

2.  “I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue and what you are is the point.”

Sounds like something an ugly person would say.  Um, Susan…don’t you get Hollywood yet?

3. “We stand a chance of getting a president who has probably killed more people before he gets into office than any president in the history of the United States.” (referring to Bush as Gov. of Texas allowing executions to go forward)

Yes, Susan, that’s the way it works down har in Texas!  Shoot, we get our gov’nor to fill up the shot and stick it in the murdering punk himself.  Wild west justice–yee haw!!!  (what a monor)

4. ” I was told I had an overabundance of original sin.”

Well good, that ought to take you far in life.

5.        “It’s still not easy to find roles that offer more complex images of women,”

So I guess that explains why you took on the role of Mom Racer.  That is an extremely complex role.

5 seems like enough–but what the heck, it’s Friday…

6.  “I’ve always had a really developed sense of justice. As a child, I would rotate my dolls’ dresses for fear that they might come alive at midnight and one of them would always have the best dress on. Whatever it was that made me worry about my dolls I suppose has paid off in my career because, really, an actor is all about empathy and imagination. And those are the cornerstones of activism.”

Say what?  This parallell is about as perpindicular as it could be.  (See I can talk nonsense too)

7.  “It will be great when it’s not such a big deal when a woman gets a good job.”

Susan–what decade are you living in?  I guess the millions you make just isn’t very satisfying.  You might want to look at statistics on working women–it’s not the same as the character you portrayed in Speed Racer.

Well, There are more–some about Hillary Clinton, some about her bedroom, but I think you get the flavor of it from these.

Well Susan, all I can say is come November I hope you have the courage to open up your wallet, hop on a big carbon-emitting plane and never return.  Arrivederci!

-Murphy

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