Archive for July 2009

250,000 HITS! Can it Be?

July 27, 2009

Kids:    Mr. President, did you hear that Murphy Klasing’s Conservative Blog has over 250,000 hits now in less than a year and a half?

Hussein:  WHAT?!  No way!   Now listen children, let me tell you a story about Mr. Klasing.

Kids:  Okay, we love him–he takes real life stories about stupid liberal ideas and shows how ridiculous they are with satire and exaggeration–but some people think he is kind of crazy.

Hussein:  Well, first of all, he is a conservative or radical or right-winger as we like to say in the White House and as such he is automatically a racist, a bigot, a homophobe and an intolerant dummy–in fact I would say that oftentimes he acts stupidly.

Kids:  You mean like that mean white cop you told us about in the first story?

Hussein:  Exactly–all white cops that arrest minorites act stupidly and all conservatives often times act stupidly as well.  Let me show you what I mean…

Hussein:  In this story living in a plush castle paid for by decades of nasty things we call “profits” and “earnings,”  the evil white conservative lived and provided for his family by working real hard and never taking any of the help the government was trying to offer him.

Kids:  Boooooooo!

Hussein: (to M’chel quietly):  See how easy they are to manipulate.

Hussein:  So anyway kids, the evil conservative saw that the Good King, lets call him “Obbie” was trying to take all of the evil profits away and turn the land into a land of equality and good health care for all and he began to fight King Obbie.  The evil conservative began to do bad bad things.

Kids:  Like what?

Hussein:  Like participate in illegal tea parties and participate in conservative talk radio and worst yet—express his views in a public Blog!

Kids:  What is a blog?

Hussein:  It’s something that soon I’ll make sure doesn’t exist–but that is something for my third or fourth term.  Anyway, back to the story.  So the Evil Conservative continued to fight and the Good King Obbie became sad because a solider of the Evil One–Commander Rasmussen was telling everyone that the Good King wasn’t as well liked as he used to be.  So…

(telepromter quits working)

Hussein:  So…, um so….

Kids:  So what?  PLease tell us!!!

Hussein:  So…um…well…um…The Good King killed the stupid Evil Conservative and the world was all better-The End!

Kids:  That story sucked about as much as your Health Care Bill does!

Hussein:  Curse you Conservative Bloggers!

-Murphy

-Thanks to all who have visited and made this Blog a place to stop by–After I spend a few more days catching Bass in the unemployed State of Michigan, I’ll come back and blog some more.  Thanks, thanks, thanks!

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Universal Health Care And Other Stuff We “Deserve”

July 24, 2009

“Americans Deserve Universal Health Care”  USA Today, Reader Opinion Feb. 26, 2009.

All of us deserve access to care, so I think universal health care should be this country’s goal just like other developed countries,”  Wendell Potter, former Chief of Public Relations for CIGNA

“Americans deserve universal health care,” Congressman Jim McDermott, D-Washington State, May 2004.

When did Americans elevate themselves into a position of “deserving” certain things for free or at least at the expense of others.  I thought we were the America that was too “arrogant” and needed this President to take us down to reality.  And yet…we seem to deserve a great many things.

DESERVE:  (according to Dictionary.com):  to merit, to be qualified for, or have a claim to because of actions, qualities or situation.

Interesting isn’t it?  Here are some other things we apparently deserve:

1. McDonalds:  “You deserve a break today.”

2. Maureen Dowd The New York Times:  “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”

3. Shiney Red Button Advertising:  “Full Service.  Because you Deserve it.”

4. John McCain Campaign:  “The Change You Deserve.” (see even the elephants are in on this trend)

it goes on and on…

I never realized how much I deserved.  I mean there is that Constitution which outlines rights we have–but it doesn’t have a “Bill of Stuff We Deserve.”

The last time I checked, Health Care was an industry–mostly private in nature.  What happens is this, a person gets to feeling kind of bad.  The person makes a decision to become a consumer of either a doctor, a clinic or an ER and makes an appointment to be checked out.  The doctor diagnoses the problem (after 8 + years of school and training that most people would never be able to accomplish) and then charges for his/her time in treating the patient.  The patient then writes a check for the amount owed and moves on with his/her life.

Sometimes, unfortunately, a person has a really bad thing like cancer or a heart attack or a debilitating disease and that person’s medical bills will be substantially worse.  Life is just that way–some will have high medical costs, some will not.  Some will get sick despite living a healthy lifestyle, some will get sick because they spent a majority of their lives smoking, or doing drugs, or eating unhealthy food or drinking in excess or…..

But now, all of a sudden, we “deserve” this health care treatment for free or for a reasonable price–determined by our government.

If you buy that and believe me, if it passes you will certainly BUY it—then answer me this–why don’t we also deserve the following other things that would make us (or at least me) happy?

1.  A Car That Runs On Air

The Air Car–runs on compressed air.  I think I deserve a car of my liking (not this ugly piece of crud) that runs on air–and I deserve it at the same price as a mid-sized car like a Corolla.

I Deserve one of these to run on air:

2.  To Be Debt Free

Is this guy happy or jumping off a cliff?  Anyway–sure I have some student loans (just like most doctors do) but I don’t deserve it.  I went to Law School, graduated and have held a job ever since–I think I deserve the remainder of my loans to be waived.

3.  Great Food

Why should I, a great American, be subjected to eating garbage for food.  I expect as a human being in this land to be served Great Food no matter where I dine.  If I order a quadruple meat crabby patty from King in the Box–I expect it to be made with 100% fat free, organically fed beef and to look similar to the dishes above–after all—I DESERVE IT!

I could go on–but of course this kind of thinking is ridiculous.  As a human being, I don’t deserve anything.  Sure if I work I deserve to be paid for my work.  But the difference there is the give and take.  I don’t deserve health care–but am thankful we have the greatest in the world.  I don’t deserve air conditioning–but am thankful it was invented and I can afford it.  I don’t deserve friends—but am thankful that some people find me amusing enough to call me “friend.”  I don’t deserve a beautiful wife and family–but am thankful they don’t see the real me and if they do, they love me anyway.

I don’t even deserve Freedom–but am thanful to the men and women who over the past 230+ years have fought for it and died for it so that I could reap the unearned benefits of it. 

And so—that argument is frankly stupid.  We don’t deserve national health care–we don’t deserve for the government to take over one of our largest industries and turn it into the ineffcient boob that the IRS, USPS and TSA already are.  We don’t deserve to be taxed to death to pay for a system that will become worse once the government decides to take it from us. 

So please, with all deserving respect Mr. President and Ms. Speaker, quit lying to us, quit trying to convince us that only you can save us from ourselves and quit turning our Country into Europe–we certainly don’t deserve that!

-Murphy

Joe Biden: One Heartbeat Away…

July 17, 2009

From full-on dementia.

Our esteemed Vice-President has really done it this time.  Yesterday in the wake of the Congressional Budget Office warning all of us that National Health Care would be the last crack in the wall of our economy to make the entire thing tumble down, Joe Biden states without laughing, “We have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt.”

But let’s give the man from Delaware a break shall we.  I mean this statement is an obscene display of ignorance–but it is not the first.  For example, take a moment and laugh at these zingers:

“A man I’m proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America!”–Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with Barack Obama

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”–Joe Biden on Barack Obama

“You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking.”–Joe Biden

“Jill and I had the great honor of standing on that stage, looking across at one of the great justices, Justice Stewart.”–Joe Biden, mistakenly referring to Justice John Paul Stevens, who swore him in as vice president, Washington, D.C., Jan. 20, 2009

“When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.”–Joe Biden, apparently unaware that FDR wasn’t president when the stock market crashed in 1929 and that only experimental TV sets were in use at that time, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008

“Stand up, Chuck, let ’em see ya.”–-Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008

But maybe I’m being too harsh on that jolly ole’ Biden.  Maybe there is something to what he said.  You have to spend money to keep from going bankrupt.  How would that logic translate into other areas of our life?  Hmmmm….

How about these ideas?

1.  You have to keep drinking if you want to avoid becoming an alcoholic.

2.  You have to leap from the edge to avoid falling off.

3.  You have to keep on cheating to keep from committing adultery.

4.  You have to drive faster to keep from being charged with speeding.

5.  You have to keep on eating to avoid becoming obese.

6.  You have to keep voting Democrat to keep from thinking for yourself.

-Murphy

Thank You Sarah Palin! I Apologize on Behalf of Those Who Won’t!

July 10, 2009

MICHAEL JACKSON, MICHAEL JACKSON, MICHAEL JACKSON

There, now I’ll probably get 1,000,000 hits to this article in the next 5 minutes.

As everyone is aware by now, Gov. Palin has announced her desire to leave the office of Governor of Alaska.  Since the moment she made this announcement I have been tortured by commentators discussing this matter with phrases like, “what does this mean?”  “If she can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen,”  “this will help her run for President in 2012,” “this will kill her chances for President in 2012,” “she will likely run for Senator,” “maybe there is truth to the ethics violations.”  AAAAHHHH!!!

Republicans and Democrats–SHAME ON YOU!  Let’s review for a minute what has happened.  In the middle of the election process a doomed candidate for the Republican party chooses an actual real-life conservative to run with him on a “conservative” platform.  John McCain chooses Sarah Palin.  She is an instant overnight sensation.  The media begins by talking about how great she is and how she connects with “real” people.  (I guess McCain connected with the “fake” ones).

She begins to give enthusiastic and inspiring speechs talking about an America that we all love where Government stays out of our lives and taxes are lowered and spending is responsible.  She talks about protection for the unborn and gun ownership and entrepreneurship and living an American Dream free of bailouts and National Health Care.  She decimates Joe Biden in a debate despite being the more inexperienced politician.

She willingly and unselfishly gives of herself to the Republican Party in an effort to stop the Country’s slide into certain socialism.  She takes time away from her family and her life in Alaska to tour the Country–even beyond what the Party expected her to do.

And then…

The media, fearing that she might actually dethrone the Obamamessiah and vault McCain to victory begins an all-out assault.  They attack her non-Ivy league education, her lack of foreign policy experience, her comments about seeing Russia from the shore of Alaska, her daughter’s pregnancy, her folksy way of talking.  They call her stupid and ridiculous and cartoonish.  They unscrupulously and grotesquely go for her throat–why?  Because they knew and still know that she is dangerous.  The Democrats know that even if she never runs again, if she campaigns for others, she is a force to be reckoned with.  And so the assualts continue.

The election is over, but that is not enough, the media and the Democrats seek to put her under the ground.  The attacks continue.  Overpaid nuts like David Letterman attack her 14 year old daughter–and the media let’s it go.  But remember, when Obama said kids are “off the table” for attack during the campaign, the media said “you betcha.”

Then ridiculous ethics attacks from Democrats in Alaska surface making issues out of which office she may have given an interview.  And so…for whatever reason–which doesn’t matter by the way…she steps down.

Where are the Republicans?  Where is John McCain?  Where is anyone to defend her?  And now, commentator after commentator takes the few spare moments in between wiping the tears over Michael Jackson’s death to continue the assault.  She gave everything she could to the Republican Party–for who you ask?  For you and me.  Whatever you think of her, she believes in this Country, she believes in Freedom and she gave of herself in service to America–not because she loves John McCain or the Republicans but because she loves America.

So for those yellow-backed, myopic Republicans that don’t have the guts to say it–I apologize on their behalf for their foolish, insensitive behavior toward you and your family and their unwillingness to step up to your defense.  And as for me personally…

Thank you for your service to this Country so far and I hope and pray, that despite the wounds and the attacks, you will find a way to continue to serve us in the future.  But if you don’t, I understand and thank you for inspiring me and others to once again discover true conservative values and ideas.

-Murphy

Individual Carbon Emissions And Other Stupid Ideas!

July 7, 2009

Well, it was just a matter of time before the Global Warming cultists decided that the real problem with the environment is not SUVs or manufacturing plants or cow burps–no the real problem is you and me.  In a study presented on Monday at  the National Academy of Sciences Monday, brilliant minds decided that we should be “setting a uniform international cap on how much carbon dioxide each person could emit in order to limit global emissions; since rich people emit more, they are the ones likely to reach or exceed this cap, whether they live in a rich country or a poor one.”  See Article.

So, then I suppose if we all stay under the “cap” then somehow greenhouse gas emissions will be reduced.  But what happens if we exceed our cap?  Let’s say I go on a speaking tour and go all over American talking about how Cap and Trade will destroy industry and cause poor people to freeze in the winter and how Nationalized Health Care will ruin the best health care system on Earth and how America is becoming a socialist Nation.  Now, what happens in October when my plane travel, car travel and excessive talking reaches my cap?

Well, um…well, um…that won’t work exactly so I guess to compensate for blowing through my cap I’ll likely have to–what is it again?—oh yeah, pay some money to the government in the form of fines and fees.  I suppose from October to December I can hold my breath 1 minute per hour to lower my fees and also quit working so that I don’t use my car or a plane and not talk on the phone or use any electricity.  That is a GREAT idea! 

I guess it doesn’t matter to the Global Warming crowd that although temperatures did rise slightly in the 1980’s and 1990’s, since 2001 there has been no change in the Earth’s temperature.  In fact, studies suggest the temperature has actually dropped.  I suppose it doesn’t matter that weather forecasters can’t accurately predict 3 days from now, much less 10, 20 or 30 years from now.

But hey, facts are silly.  This, like Cap and Trade, is all a scheme to gain control of our lives, not to actually help the environment.  After all, when cap and trade causes American businesses to fail, they will simply ship the business overseas to a Country that could care less about emissions standards and continue to pollute the Earth–only worse than they were originally doing here–oh and also–our goods will cost more because they will have to be shipped back overseas to us–which will cause ships to use fuel and emit more carbons.  And so on, and so on and so on….

But wait, this is not the only Good Idea we have seen in our lifetime–here is a review of some other ideas with similar importance to the improvement of our lives:

1.  Leisure Suits

Now that was a great idea–I mean look at those teens and how comfortable they look and so stylish too. 

2.  The 8-Track Tape

What a concept!  It is pure marketing genius.  See an artist only needs one or two hits to make you buy the entire tape–but then once you start playing it, there is virtually no way to listen to those hits twice without listening to the entire tape–including all the cruddy B-songs.  And endless frustration ensues when you switch “programs” to hear your song again, but it picks up in the middle of the song every time.  Those years of frustration led to a decade of middle-aged adults hooked on Xanax.  Brilliant idea!

3.  The Susan B Anthony Dollar (tied) and Sackagaweadgasdgawea (sp?) Dollar

In the Government’s painful attempt to “make up” for all of the sexist money in our society that only honors MALE Presidents, these two coins were attempted.  I must say, if not for these, toll booths and stamp vending machines may have never been invented.  I know they didn’t make it long, but I’m still hopeful that the Oprah dollar will be out one day.  If only Hillary had won then we could put her beautiful face on a coin–or maybe a 3 dollar bill.

4. OJ Simpson’s Glove Attempt

You gotta say this idea was superb!  I mean it wasn’t enough that they found his blood at the scene of the murder (planted there by racist cops) but one of his bloody gloves was found in his yard.  Of course it would fit–I mean surely he would simply put it on and the case would be over.  Well…guess not.

5.  Plus Sized Spandex

(Content Warning)

fat_chick.jpg image by chare37

Um, no comment.

6.  The U.S. Metric System

I mean, if we want to be like Europe we need to learn it.  Apparently we don’t.

7.  Flowbee

Now see, this is an idea that could change us all.  No one has time or money to get a hair cut and with Flowbee-you can do it all from home.  It’s not just a haircutting system, it is a precision hair cutting system.

8.  Senator Al Franken

Thank you Minnesota.  First you gave us a wrestler for a Governor–(great idea number 9 if our list was longer) and now this.  I just wander what really goes on up there in the land of 1000 lakes.  I’m sure now that the Democrats have a super majority in the Senate AND (bonus time) the fact that the 60th Senator is such a well-respected comedian, we will all benefit from this Great Idea, just as much as the rest!

-Murphy