Archive for the ‘Carbon Footprint’ category

Individual Carbon Emissions And Other Stupid Ideas!

July 7, 2009

Well, it was just a matter of time before the Global Warming cultists decided that the real problem with the environment is not SUVs or manufacturing plants or cow burps–no the real problem is you and me.  In a study presented on Monday at  the National Academy of Sciences Monday, brilliant minds decided that we should be “setting a uniform international cap on how much carbon dioxide each person could emit in order to limit global emissions; since rich people emit more, they are the ones likely to reach or exceed this cap, whether they live in a rich country or a poor one.”  See Article.

So, then I suppose if we all stay under the “cap” then somehow greenhouse gas emissions will be reduced.  But what happens if we exceed our cap?  Let’s say I go on a speaking tour and go all over American talking about how Cap and Trade will destroy industry and cause poor people to freeze in the winter and how Nationalized Health Care will ruin the best health care system on Earth and how America is becoming a socialist Nation.  Now, what happens in October when my plane travel, car travel and excessive talking reaches my cap?

Well, um…well, um…that won’t work exactly so I guess to compensate for blowing through my cap I’ll likely have to–what is it again?—oh yeah, pay some money to the government in the form of fines and fees.  I suppose from October to December I can hold my breath 1 minute per hour to lower my fees and also quit working so that I don’t use my car or a plane and not talk on the phone or use any electricity.  That is a GREAT idea! 

I guess it doesn’t matter to the Global Warming crowd that although temperatures did rise slightly in the 1980’s and 1990’s, since 2001 there has been no change in the Earth’s temperature.  In fact, studies suggest the temperature has actually dropped.  I suppose it doesn’t matter that weather forecasters can’t accurately predict 3 days from now, much less 10, 20 or 30 years from now.

But hey, facts are silly.  This, like Cap and Trade, is all a scheme to gain control of our lives, not to actually help the environment.  After all, when cap and trade causes American businesses to fail, they will simply ship the business overseas to a Country that could care less about emissions standards and continue to pollute the Earth–only worse than they were originally doing here–oh and also–our goods will cost more because they will have to be shipped back overseas to us–which will cause ships to use fuel and emit more carbons.  And so on, and so on and so on….

But wait, this is not the only Good Idea we have seen in our lifetime–here is a review of some other ideas with similar importance to the improvement of our lives:

1.  Leisure Suits

Now that was a great idea–I mean look at those teens and how comfortable they look and so stylish too. 

2.  The 8-Track Tape

What a concept!  It is pure marketing genius.  See an artist only needs one or two hits to make you buy the entire tape–but then once you start playing it, there is virtually no way to listen to those hits twice without listening to the entire tape–including all the cruddy B-songs.  And endless frustration ensues when you switch “programs” to hear your song again, but it picks up in the middle of the song every time.  Those years of frustration led to a decade of middle-aged adults hooked on Xanax.  Brilliant idea!

3.  The Susan B Anthony Dollar (tied) and Sackagaweadgasdgawea (sp?) Dollar

In the Government’s painful attempt to “make up” for all of the sexist money in our society that only honors MALE Presidents, these two coins were attempted.  I must say, if not for these, toll booths and stamp vending machines may have never been invented.  I know they didn’t make it long, but I’m still hopeful that the Oprah dollar will be out one day.  If only Hillary had won then we could put her beautiful face on a coin–or maybe a 3 dollar bill.

4. OJ Simpson’s Glove Attempt

You gotta say this idea was superb!  I mean it wasn’t enough that they found his blood at the scene of the murder (planted there by racist cops) but one of his bloody gloves was found in his yard.  Of course it would fit–I mean surely he would simply put it on and the case would be over.  Well…guess not.

5.  Plus Sized Spandex

(Content Warning)

fat_chick.jpg image by chare37

Um, no comment.

6.  The U.S. Metric System

I mean, if we want to be like Europe we need to learn it.  Apparently we don’t.

7.  Flowbee

Now see, this is an idea that could change us all.  No one has time or money to get a hair cut and with Flowbee-you can do it all from home.  It’s not just a haircutting system, it is a precision hair cutting system.

8.  Senator Al Franken

Thank you Minnesota.  First you gave us a wrestler for a Governor–(great idea number 9 if our list was longer) and now this.  I just wander what really goes on up there in the land of 1000 lakes.  I’m sure now that the Democrats have a super majority in the Senate AND (bonus time) the fact that the 60th Senator is such a well-respected comedian, we will all benefit from this Great Idea, just as much as the rest!

-Murphy