Archive for the ‘Global Warming’ category

Individual Carbon Emissions And Other Stupid Ideas!

July 7, 2009

Well, it was just a matter of time before the Global Warming cultists decided that the real problem with the environment is not SUVs or manufacturing plants or cow burps–no the real problem is you and me.  In a study presented on Monday at  the National Academy of Sciences Monday, brilliant minds decided that we should be “setting a uniform international cap on how much carbon dioxide each person could emit in order to limit global emissions; since rich people emit more, they are the ones likely to reach or exceed this cap, whether they live in a rich country or a poor one.”  See Article.

So, then I suppose if we all stay under the “cap” then somehow greenhouse gas emissions will be reduced.  But what happens if we exceed our cap?  Let’s say I go on a speaking tour and go all over American talking about how Cap and Trade will destroy industry and cause poor people to freeze in the winter and how Nationalized Health Care will ruin the best health care system on Earth and how America is becoming a socialist Nation.  Now, what happens in October when my plane travel, car travel and excessive talking reaches my cap?

Well, um…well, um…that won’t work exactly so I guess to compensate for blowing through my cap I’ll likely have to–what is it again?—oh yeah, pay some money to the government in the form of fines and fees.  I suppose from October to December I can hold my breath 1 minute per hour to lower my fees and also quit working so that I don’t use my car or a plane and not talk on the phone or use any electricity.  That is a GREAT idea! 

I guess it doesn’t matter to the Global Warming crowd that although temperatures did rise slightly in the 1980’s and 1990’s, since 2001 there has been no change in the Earth’s temperature.  In fact, studies suggest the temperature has actually dropped.  I suppose it doesn’t matter that weather forecasters can’t accurately predict 3 days from now, much less 10, 20 or 30 years from now.

But hey, facts are silly.  This, like Cap and Trade, is all a scheme to gain control of our lives, not to actually help the environment.  After all, when cap and trade causes American businesses to fail, they will simply ship the business overseas to a Country that could care less about emissions standards and continue to pollute the Earth–only worse than they were originally doing here–oh and also–our goods will cost more because they will have to be shipped back overseas to us–which will cause ships to use fuel and emit more carbons.  And so on, and so on and so on….

But wait, this is not the only Good Idea we have seen in our lifetime–here is a review of some other ideas with similar importance to the improvement of our lives:

1.  Leisure Suits

Now that was a great idea–I mean look at those teens and how comfortable they look and so stylish too. 

2.  The 8-Track Tape

What a concept!  It is pure marketing genius.  See an artist only needs one or two hits to make you buy the entire tape–but then once you start playing it, there is virtually no way to listen to those hits twice without listening to the entire tape–including all the cruddy B-songs.  And endless frustration ensues when you switch “programs” to hear your song again, but it picks up in the middle of the song every time.  Those years of frustration led to a decade of middle-aged adults hooked on Xanax.  Brilliant idea!

3.  The Susan B Anthony Dollar (tied) and Sackagaweadgasdgawea (sp?) Dollar

In the Government’s painful attempt to “make up” for all of the sexist money in our society that only honors MALE Presidents, these two coins were attempted.  I must say, if not for these, toll booths and stamp vending machines may have never been invented.  I know they didn’t make it long, but I’m still hopeful that the Oprah dollar will be out one day.  If only Hillary had won then we could put her beautiful face on a coin–or maybe a 3 dollar bill.

4. OJ Simpson’s Glove Attempt

You gotta say this idea was superb!  I mean it wasn’t enough that they found his blood at the scene of the murder (planted there by racist cops) but one of his bloody gloves was found in his yard.  Of course it would fit–I mean surely he would simply put it on and the case would be over.  Well…guess not.

5.  Plus Sized Spandex

(Content Warning)

fat_chick.jpg image by chare37

Um, no comment.

6.  The U.S. Metric System

I mean, if we want to be like Europe we need to learn it.  Apparently we don’t.

7.  Flowbee

Now see, this is an idea that could change us all.  No one has time or money to get a hair cut and with Flowbee-you can do it all from home.  It’s not just a haircutting system, it is a precision hair cutting system.

8.  Senator Al Franken

Thank you Minnesota.  First you gave us a wrestler for a Governor–(great idea number 9 if our list was longer) and now this.  I just wander what really goes on up there in the land of 1000 lakes.  I’m sure now that the Democrats have a super majority in the Senate AND (bonus time) the fact that the 60th Senator is such a well-respected comedian, we will all benefit from this Great Idea, just as much as the rest!

-Murphy

GM Bankrupt, New York Freezing, Obama Blowing our Money-Welcome to Summer!

June 1, 2009

In a not-so-surprising move today, GM filed bankruptcy.  In an even more not-so-surprising event, the Dow is surging ahead and having a great day.  At the time of this post (2:00 p.m. CST) the dow is up 235 points.  But no worries, as you have probably heard the US Government is going to own 60% of the company when it emerges from bankruptcy, after giving it another 500000000 gazillion dollars to assist it in its restructuring.

Once again, the government saves the day.  But wait, if the Dow going up after one of our biggest industries files bankruptcy isn’t weird enough, there’s more…

Much to the shagrin of Al Gore and his ilk, there is a freeze warning for New York today–yes TODAY!  But wait, don’t say no to this post yet, there’s even more…

Obama-michelle plane

Our fiscally conservative President, only weeks after telling us all we need to “have skin in the game” and we need to “tighten our belts” and we all need to participate in giving more, decides to take Michelle out on a date.  Not just any date though, a $24,000+ date.  Yes, instead of catching a show in the Presidental box at the world-famous Kennedy center, he decides to get 3 planes, 2 helicopters, staff, press, limos and all and hike it to New York city for dinner and a Broadway show.  One of the patrons in the restaurant allegedly overheard our President say something like “Let Them Eat Cake!  HA HA HA HA HA.”    Hmmmmm…. 

So let me be the first to welcome you to what will assuredly be a fantastic summer of fun, excitement and hypocrisy.  I mean just look at Michelle…

USA/

She got so exicted for her rich night out that she forgot she was a fashion icon and grabbed a purse that matches Air Force One, but not her dress.  Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Congrats GM, Dow, NY and of course, BHO for making the first day of our summer months weirder than the last 5 months. 

-Murphy

Axelrod Says Tea Party is Unhealthy–Are you Feeling Sick Yet?

April 20, 2009

Leave it to CNN to continue to find ways of interviewing biased individuals who will fall into step and say that the Tea Parties were irrelevant, a joke, mean-spirited, insane, extremist–and now they are trying “unhealthy.”

Senior White House advisor David Axelrod says that the protests are un “unhealthy reaction.”

So I started wondering–have people become less healthy since the parties?  I have decided to take to the streets and find out.  The last thing I wanted was to make anyone sick.  I also wondered if protesting in general might make someone unhealthy.

So first, let’s check in with those who protested against the Tea Parties–you know the protestors of the protestor.  Here is the Houston anti-Tea Party group:

Hmmmmm..well, this person certainly seems depressed–but I think her health is okay.  Maybe this is a bad example.

Let’s check in with a Code Pink protest:

Well, obviously protesting in this form has two unhealthy effects.  It causes people to over-capitalize their words and it has allowed some poor person to believe that red purses match pink dresses–yeesh!  So here is “some” evidence of unhealthy effects.

How about Global Warming protests:

Yikes–this protest turned a human street dweller into a half-polar bear half person.  That is definitely unhealthy.

Although this protest is kind of cute.  And then there is the protest against bankers:

That seems unhealthy–and weird.

But what about the Tea Party protests?  Are they unhealthy?  Let’s look at a few:

 Cincinatti, Ohio

 

Orange County

 

San Francisco–really

 

Trussville, Alabama

 

Bethlehem, New Jersey

 

Orlando, Florida

houston-tea-party

Houston, Texas

Seems to me everyone looks pretty healthy–I mean except for the patriotism, the sense of community, the desire to make our Country a better place, the support of our troops and the willingness to speak out to stop the radical flow of government control and spending.  Except for that they seem healthy.

I think the only thing making anyone who attended these protests sick is the demeaning, childish comments coming from CNN reporters and members of the Democrat party who would rather belittle someone than take them seriously.  Well there is a cure for all of this unhealthy behavior.  Vote Conservative!

-Murphy

Fairness Redefined–Continued

October 7, 2008

My last post was an extreme review of Gwen Ifil’s involvement in the VP debate–which Sarah Palin won hands down by the way–um, okay and Biden wasn’t half bad frankly.

I must confess first that Gwen did a pretty “fair” job and for that I am thankful–I’m sure all the press and pressure from the revelation of her book had no effect on the way in which she conducted herself–but then again–we will never know, will we?

After hearing the debate I was not suprised at all to hear the VP of “hope and change” also talk about fairness.  He said that where he comes from, fairness is defined by giving tax breaks to the middle class and making the “rich” pay more.  Interesting…

Well let’s see about that.  Here is the breakdown of the Delaware State Income Tax system:

(notice that even the picture on their website let’s you know that your money is going to some future project)

— No tax on the first $2,000
— 2.2 percent on taxable income between $2,000 and $5,000
— 3.9 percent on taxable income between $5,001 and $10,000
— 4.8 percent on taxable income between $10,001 and $20,000
— 5.2 percent on taxable income between $20,001 and $25,000
— 5.55 percent on taxable income between $25,001 and $60,000
— 5.95 percent on taxable income more than $60,000.

It would appear that Senator Biden is correct, the richest people pay the most–however, amazingly people that make $5000 A YEAR pay $66 in taxes.  Funny, people that make $5000 a year in the US pay nothing.

But here is the real kicker–rich is apparently defined as anyone making more than $60,000 a year.  OF course, this is perfect since the median income of people from Delaware is $55,436 according to a 2005 report of the US Census Bureau.  Plus Delaware has a poverty rate of over 10%!  Now Senator Biden makes a healthy $319,000 which is touted by the press as “one of the least wealthy Senators.”  But–one of the richest men in Delaware.

I wonder if Senator Biden’s real view and that of his annointed running mate’s is that people that make $60000 a year or more are “rich.”

The reality is that many of you are going to line up at the polls next month and vote for a man who wants to redistribute wealth in this Country based on his single-minded ideas alone.  In other words, Obama thinks that he will be better at managing your money than you are and better at deciding what you “should” make.

So here is my new definition of Fairness under the Obama Presidency:

“Making sure that all people, no matter their race, religion, sexual preference, gender, work habits, narcissism, addictions, neurosis, attitude, sense of entitlement, laziness, lack of education, drug use, criminal background, number of children out of wedlock, SDTs, terrorist affiliations, patriotism, talent and ability, work ethic, ethics at all, apathy, recklessness, negligence, motivation, lack of goals, determination, drive, integrity, honor, honesty, dishonesty, or age have the same exact income, benefits, health care, car, house, and job as everyone else.”

Now that is called real fairness.  After all–keeping money that you earned is unfair to those who simply do not earn it. 

In fact Obama already got started on this in December 2007 when he and Sen. Hagel sponsored the Global Poverty Act.  It would commit U.S. taxpayers to spend 0.7% of our gross domestic product (or over $800 billion) on foreign handouts, which is at least $30 billion over and above the exorbitant and wasted sums we already give away overseas.  The purpose is to redistribute wealth to the areas of our world where people are living on less than $1 a day–places like Uganda for example–which is run by a mad dictator.

This is part of Obama’s hope to bring the US in line with the United Nation’s Millenium Development Goal.  That declaration also calls for a “currency transfer tax,” a “tax on the rental value of land and natural resources,” a “royalty on worldwide fossil energy production – oil, natural gas, coal,” “fees for the commercial use of the oceans, fees for airplane use of the skies, fees for use of the electromagnetic spectrum, fees on foreign exchange transactions, and a tax on the carbon content of fuels.”

So see, Obama’s energy plan to help with gas prices and the oil crunch is to simply tax our own natural resources further and the carbon content which of course is causing all of the worldwide poverty.  I wonder if this is why Delaware’s poverty is 10.2 percent?  It must be global warming.  Hmmmm….  In any event, it is certainly more fair than letting a bunch of poor people in undeveloped countries suffer while we here at home are actually living off what we earn–how ridiculous is that?

Well, I hope you now fully understand the new definition of fairness and Obama’s intentions–but don’t you DARE question him on it, after all–he is the One (at least that is what CNN keeps hinting at).

-Murphy

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Obama’s Energy Plan Revealed!

August 14, 2008

Houston, Texas-August 14, 2008:  Whew!  It is good to get back to blogging after a long hiatus.  I have been on vacation or swamped at work.  Interestingly, lawsuits are on the rise.  It is typical of a bad economy–when the economy get rough, lawsuit filing sky rocket–which means I’m busier.  Now if I was a selfish boob, I would say–ya-hoo!  But I would rather have less work, on actually legitimate lawsuits, and have my dollar go further, than to have the rest of the world suffer while I work my butt off to make more money that is actually worth less.

But enough of that–I’m done with that hiatus and back to reveal to the world the satirical truth about the left-wing faction of our Country.  So much has happened since we last spoke–but I must say that Energy is the topic of the day.  It may be Energy that wins this election in the fall.  Obama’s energy policy-or whatever he is calling it-needs to be examined.  He has said everything from no drilling, to drilling to airing up our tires to forcing oil companies to pay a tax on their “windfall” profits to creating a government agency to develop “green” ways to live.

So I think it is time we examine some other ideas.  I would like to put on my Obama hat er halo for a second and suggest the following ideas to assist Obama in developing a comprehensive energy policy.

1.  Outlaw the Farming, Packaging and Sale of All Flatulent Producing Foods

 

Good-bye beans, broccli, cabbage, and any other toot-producing product.  Think of all the gas emissions we could save if we just quit eating these foods.  After all-Ireland has considered taxing cow farmers for the emissions of cows. (not kidding–see HERE).  Plus, I could finally ride a cross-country airplane without the ever so often smell of death that happens to float into my seating area.  This should help build the ozone layer and cut down on ultraviolet emissions which would reduce skin cancer and reduce our Countries medical costs.  Its brilliant!

2.  Make Cars Out Of Paper

It really doesn’t take much gas to move a paper car.  With the lack of weight involved the car will practically move on its own.  And if check the weather patterns in your area before you leave, you might be able to let Mother Nature simply blow your car to your destination.

3.  Outlaw Overweight Drivers

Here is one for you Obama–kind of on the fat tire theme.  You should pass a law disallowing anyone that is overweight to drive a car–at all.  First that would knock out maybe 60% of all drivers and then the use of gas would decrease dramatically.  Plus the only people on the road take less gas to move–because they are thin–like you.

4.  Eliminate Al Gore

 

I know it is a cruel and “inconvenient” suggestion, but really, he is traveling all over the world giving speeches.  The fuel cost, the hot air from his mouth, the cost of all of those power-points and the drain on the electricity to fuel the lights to make his speeches– I mean really–He can never repay his carbon body print.  And look at his house:

It consumes more electricity than an average house does in a year.  It needs to be broken down and used for alternative fuel for heat to those less fortunate.  And after all–will anyone really miss him?

5.  Stop All Drilling For Oil-Forever

Who are we kidding anyway with all of this drill now talk?  I mean the real way to solve the energy crisis is to simply eliminate energy all together.  We have the sun, we have the spotted owl, we have the moose, what else do we need?  Why must we be so greedy?  After all–the only reason we need energy is to go shopping and spend more of our windfall of money.  I say, stop all drilling.  Use up the rest and then let’s just see what happens.  Need convincing–look here, below is a picture of a village in Africa that doesn’t rely on BIG OIL to fund their community.  And they seem to be doing just fine.

Think about how much happier we will all be when our biggest responsibility is finding more thatch for our roof?  Won’t it be great?

-Murphy

“Here I Come To Save The Polar Bears!” (not Mighty Mouse)

July 9, 2008


Ahhh, the beautiful site of a Polar Bear slaughteringa baby seal.  Notice how the hue of the blood of the seal mixed with the reflection of blue sea water gives the picture a kind of violet tint.  Nature is a wonderous and magical thing.  But there is evil lurking in these blood-filled waters.  An evil no polar bear, even with his massive strength, can possibly defeat.

Big Oil!  That’s right the money-hungry, greedy, good for nothun’ Republican Controlled Oil Industry.  Somehow Bush and his henchmen were able to con the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service into granting legal protection to seven oil companies in the Chukchi Sea over the next five years should they accidentally harm “small numbers” of polar bears or Pacific walruses while drilling or during other exploratory activities. 

Oh the humanity…er…polar bearanity.

But wait–there is hope for the polar bear harassed by these villans.  In fact there is always hope for the environment because as soon as any industry tries to make an advancement to ease our pain at the pump–there will always be…

The mighty lawsuit.  Yes, the lawsuit–which has brought us such advances as warning labels on McDonald’s coffee to let you know it is actually “hot”, instructions on the back of rat poison that instruct you not to eat it, expensive car emissions systems, no more prayer in schools and constitutional rights to prisoners of war. 

This time–two separate conservation groups have teamed up to sue everyone that has ever lived to stop this “free pass” to Big Oil.  After all, we all know that drilling for oil harms the environment and therefore harasses the polar bear and the walrus.  Just like ANWR–I mean just look at the land region that Republicans insist should be explored for oil: 

Wow!  What a paradise!  I see why we need to be extra cautious there too.

Once again I say “bravo” to the liberals in our Country.  They never dissappoint me.  It had been almost 4 weeks since the authority was given to explore and I thought maybe the followers of the global environmental cult had missed it–but oh, no, they just needed to find a few brave heroes to do the job.  When we think of heroes we may think of soliders, astronauts, firemen, policemen, Ronald Regan but we all know the real heroes of our Country:

LAWYERS!  They know best how to make a Federal Case (literally) out of hanging chads, fatty foods and waterboarding.  Who else will speak for the Polar Bear?  Who else will champion the unheard voice of the walrus?  Paul McCartney?  I don’t think so.  If you want to hear the glorious sound of “coo coo ca choo” then you need a lawyer.  I just hope their lawsuit is in time to save us from lower gas prices in the next 5 years.  I am really hoping to be able to pay $10 a gallon one day so that I will be forced to by a smart car and then be crushed to death in the first minor accident I have on a Texas highway.

(remember, I have a right to be sarcastic about this–I am one of these)  🙂

-Murphy

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Stupid Is As Stupid Does–Its All Global Warming Brotha!

May 7, 2008

So we have survived another “super” Tuesday.  Hillary is now further behind but the remaining states–although not big ones–all are heavy Clinton States.  West Virginia, Kentucky, Puerto Rico (is that a State?) South Dakota and others all have extremely low African American resident numbers which bodes well for Hillary.  So she will stay in and continue to divide the party and the two of them can continue to bash each other.  Thank you Rush Limbaugh for “Operation Kaos”–it seems to be working.  But it appears that the messiah of change is set to be the next Democratic nominee–hold on to your wallets folks.

But, like you, I’m soooooooo very tired of the election.  So let’s look at some other idiots in the news besides Obama and Hillary for a moment.

So..back to my beloved State of Texas.  Charles Ray Fuller, a Fort Worth resident attempted to cash this check for $360 billion.  Charles–no doubt a future murderer (after all–all great murderers have a middle name of Ray) explained that his girlfriend’s mother had loaned him the money to start a recording business.  The bank was “suspicious” of the check.  Ya think?  He was charged with forgery as well as possession of marijuana and a concealed weapon.  So he goes into a bank with a gun, some pot and a forged check for $360.  I’m thinking the pot was left over from the hour or so before he went in.  Idiot!

In Seattle, PETA is offering a $2000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the person(s) shooting pigeons with a blow gun.  This one is a trooper though, depsite the piercing he continues to fly around dropping poop all over cars and sidewalks.   Hey PETA–for your information,  three human diseases are known to be associated with pigeon droppings: histoplasmosis, cryptococcosis, and psittacosis.

Well, what are those?  Histoplasmosis is a fungus in the droppings that when breathed causes fever, headaches and fatigue.  It can be very bad for people with compromised immune systems from cancer treatment or AIDS.   Cryptococcosis is similar but mainly is a danger for HIV/AIDS patients because of compromised immune systems.  Psittacosis is similar, much more rare–but can lead to pneumonia–and likely will since it is rarely diagnosed properly.  So…maybe blow guns is not the answer–but I’ll give $2000 to the person that can “safely” drive them out of downtown Houston.  Three years ago, on my way to Court, one hit my shoulder on my very nice blue suit.  If I had been carrying a blow gun…

And finally…

It only took a few days, but Al Gore has declared that the deadly Cyclone in Myanmar is a “consequence” of global warming. Nevermind that the coastal areas of Myanmar (formerly Burma) have a mean yearly temperature of 90 degrees.  Nevermind that the coastal waters there are warm year round.  Nevermind that Cyclones are caused in part by warm water and low pressure (which means cooler atmospheric temperatures–yes cooler) that collide to form the swirling winds.  Nevermind that it lies in the monsoon region of South Asia which receives heavy rainfall every year.  Nevermind that it rests between the Tropic of Cancer and the Equator where cyclones typically form.  Nevermind that EVERY year cyclones cross the Indian Ocean between December and May.  But I’m sure, Mr. Gore, that global warming is at fault.

Here are 10 other things caused by Global Warming:

1.  My Inability To Excel In Sports.  I simply get too hot and tired and therefore cannot produce the hits, runs, baskets, or touchdowns I might be able to if I was just a little cooler.

2.  High Gas Prices.  See if the ice caps weren’t melting then we wouldn’t all be paniced which is causing “BIG OIL” to screw us — oh and Bush too.

3. Demise of Our Moral Culture.  See if it was cooler, then 12-16 year old girls wouldn’t be able to wear short shorts and drooping necklines because it wouldn’t be justified.  But since they are so dadgum hot all the time, they have to dress like Las Vegas call girls.

4. McCain Loosing in the Fall.  Rich eltist racist republicans won’t go out in the heat and come November it will still be hot in most states because of the .000001 degree rise in temperature this year.

5. Rockets Basketball Loosing to Utah in the First Round.  The Rockets would have obviously won had they not had to play games this time of year with the heat and humidity caused by El Nino or something.

6. The Subprime Mortgage Crisis.  Had the temperature remained cooler, people would have been more comfortable and therefore would have taken their time and read the ridiculous loan packages they were signing.  Then “cooler heads” would have prevailed and they would not have entered into ARM mortgages that ballooned in interest in 5 years causing massive foreclosures.

7.  The Split in the Democratic Party.  But for global warming, democrats wouldn’t be whipped into a racial/gender frenzy and would have obviously voted for Hillary and put her in her rightful place on the throne.

8. Obesity-(truly)–see prior post.

9. Surge in Fatal Shark Attacks.  Really?–See article

Yeesh–its worse than I thought.

and finally the last thing that has been affected by Global Warming…

10.  Dramatic Decrease in Woodlice.  See article.  It’s sad but true.  The beloved Wood Lice are dying in Ireland and Great Britain due to global warming.  These lovable little creatures may soon be gone forever:

Of course, I’m sure that advances in pesticides (many of which market themselves as being able to kill wood lice) have nothing to do with the decreased number of these animals.  No, its your SUV you selfish son of a gun that is killing these poor creatures.

If I wake up in a world with decreased wood lice and sharks coming through the roof of my nearly foreclosed on subprime mortgaged home, then why should I even get out of bed?

-Murphy

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