Archive for the ‘Lawyers’ category

Who is The Father of Rielle Hunter’s Baby? Next on Maury

August 15, 2008

Maury Povich had a brief period of time when his show began where he attempted to have more of a “Dr. Phil” format.  You know, people being mean to each other and addicted to drugs and having financial crisis and affairs and Maury there to talk them through it.  Then all of a sudden he decided to “specialize.”  Now his shows are all about paternity tests and determining the father of some baby born to a woman who has had 10-20 sexual partners in the previous month.  They talk about how horrible it will be if so and so is the father, but how great if so and so is, etc…  And then the tests are revealed.

Well, Maury, I have the mother of all ideas for your show.  We here at Murphy’s Conservative Blog believe that the world should know if John Edwards is or is not the father of Rielle Hunter’s 5-month old.  Enough speculation, enough innuendo, enough already, let’s invite them on, talk about how wonderful it would be if little baby Hunter could grow up and live in the Edwards’ mansion.

And just look at him holding someone else’s baby 19 months ago:

john_edwards_baby.jpg

He is a natural father.  Why some say he can even act as a medium for children in a court room–but that is another story.

And what about Andrew Young?  I can find no picture of him on the web–so he must not be very famous.  And he is a 41 year old married father–he claims that he is the father–but he also was a poltical operative for John Edwards during his campaign.  (I love the word “operative.”)

And what about this weird photo from the Enquirer?

love.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean look at that baby’s hair–no way that is Edwards’ baby–the hair is all gangly and receeding.  (I also love the term “love child”  as if “love” had anything to do with it.)

So there it is Maury–my plea to you to have these individuals on your show.  Maybe put the baby on the floor and have Andrew and John call it and see where it crawls.  Well–whatever, you know better how to run the show than me.  All I ask is a small royalty, say 3-5% of the proceeds from the show for coming up with the idea.

Thanks, Maury, all of America will be watching.

-Murphy

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“Here I Come To Save The Polar Bears!” (not Mighty Mouse)

July 9, 2008


Ahhh, the beautiful site of a Polar Bear slaughteringa baby seal.  Notice how the hue of the blood of the seal mixed with the reflection of blue sea water gives the picture a kind of violet tint.  Nature is a wonderous and magical thing.  But there is evil lurking in these blood-filled waters.  An evil no polar bear, even with his massive strength, can possibly defeat.

Big Oil!  That’s right the money-hungry, greedy, good for nothun’ Republican Controlled Oil Industry.  Somehow Bush and his henchmen were able to con the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service into granting legal protection to seven oil companies in the Chukchi Sea over the next five years should they accidentally harm “small numbers” of polar bears or Pacific walruses while drilling or during other exploratory activities. 

Oh the humanity…er…polar bearanity.

But wait–there is hope for the polar bear harassed by these villans.  In fact there is always hope for the environment because as soon as any industry tries to make an advancement to ease our pain at the pump–there will always be…

The mighty lawsuit.  Yes, the lawsuit–which has brought us such advances as warning labels on McDonald’s coffee to let you know it is actually “hot”, instructions on the back of rat poison that instruct you not to eat it, expensive car emissions systems, no more prayer in schools and constitutional rights to prisoners of war. 

This time–two separate conservation groups have teamed up to sue everyone that has ever lived to stop this “free pass” to Big Oil.  After all, we all know that drilling for oil harms the environment and therefore harasses the polar bear and the walrus.  Just like ANWR–I mean just look at the land region that Republicans insist should be explored for oil: 

Wow!  What a paradise!  I see why we need to be extra cautious there too.

Once again I say “bravo” to the liberals in our Country.  They never dissappoint me.  It had been almost 4 weeks since the authority was given to explore and I thought maybe the followers of the global environmental cult had missed it–but oh, no, they just needed to find a few brave heroes to do the job.  When we think of heroes we may think of soliders, astronauts, firemen, policemen, Ronald Regan but we all know the real heroes of our Country:

LAWYERS!  They know best how to make a Federal Case (literally) out of hanging chads, fatty foods and waterboarding.  Who else will speak for the Polar Bear?  Who else will champion the unheard voice of the walrus?  Paul McCartney?  I don’t think so.  If you want to hear the glorious sound of “coo coo ca choo” then you need a lawyer.  I just hope their lawsuit is in time to save us from lower gas prices in the next 5 years.  I am really hoping to be able to pay $10 a gallon one day so that I will be forced to by a smart car and then be crushed to death in the first minor accident I have on a Texas highway.

(remember, I have a right to be sarcastic about this–I am one of these)  🙂

-Murphy

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Making the Wrong Hand Gesture Can Land You In Jail

April 17, 2008

Austin, Texas–Attorneys are constantly getting a bad rap in society.  I should know, I am one.  Funny thing is–nearly all of my friends are not attorneys.  That is because, simply, I typically don’t like them.  No offense to my colleagues, but I rarely enjoy the company of a group of barristers.  We are ego-maniacs, pretentious, rude, self-absorbed, and not fun to hang out with.  Sure, there are plenty of us who are not like that but as a group, some of our stereotypes are well deserved.  Then something like this happens to really confirm our arrogance:

Adam Reposa-on the left , an Austin Lawyer was sentenced to 90 days in jail on a contempt of Court charge.  The reason?  He simulated a lewd gesture in front of a judge.  No, not the one-finger salute (although that is also illegal in Texas–truly) but he, in response to what a prosecutor was saying, moved his hand up in down while positioning it in a way that looked like he was holding a, er, um, a thick pencil.

But this should’nt surprise anyone.  Apparently Reposa has a history of being an idiot.  Check out a blog story about him from March.  Yes he has an ad where he calls himself the DWI STUD.  Now that is funny.  Here it is:
Can you read what it says? Here, I’ll help (this picture has been edited in my continued efforts to make this blog PG at worst):

“Check out Austin’s hottest DWI TAPES from cases where people were found NOT GUILTY. There are lots of DWI LAWYERS in town, but how many TAPES do they have? Who can put it down in the courtroom, and make them take it like he wants? BULLETPROOF, THE DWI STUD That’s who…You’d be a fool not to check out this man’s body of work. Watch him perform and then, you decide who you want.” (reprinted from the blog mentioned above)

Wow!  Seriously disturbing.  Well, he may be the DWI Stud, but he is not the Contempt of Court Stud–a visiting Judge sentenced him to 90 days in jail for his lewd gesture.  Ahhh, sweet justice.  I guess BULLETPROOF won’t be marketing his tape of this proceeding.  And of course, our image isn’t helped by shirts like this one:

Lawyers Do It

Is it fair to judge my profession by buffoons like this?  I mean there are a lot of very respectable men and women in my profession.  For example:

BILL CLINTON:  Well actually he doesn’t count because he has since been disbarred for lying under oath. Sorry, how about:

JONNIE COCHRAN:  Well, hard to argue that he was good–after all he was able to get an obvious murderer off.  And then there is:

STAR JONES:  Yes, Star Jones, the once large, now fit Star has a law degree.  Who knew?  Her commentary on The View was so non-revealing of this fact.  (Oh, how could I know that?  I’ve never watched the show–really I haven’t, I mean it)

Spiro Agnew

SPIRO AGNEW:  Yes the once VP to President Nixon (also a lawyer–also disbarred) was disbarred for bribery and tax evasion–now that is the funniest part–tax evasion–on someone who is part of the Federal government. 

Well, maybe this list is not a good look at the profession either (except for Star of course) but some of us are idealists.  Some of us do represent individuals because we like helping people and companies because we like making sure that the company doesn’t go bankrupt and all of its employees become unemployed.  Some of us take on cases now and then because we simply want to do what is right.

All in all many of us are honest, hard working professionals.  Why just last year a client came in my office who has been caught embezzling millions from his employer.  He asked me for advice and told me that he didn’t want to go to jail.  I told him “Don’t worry, you will never go to jail with all that money.  Sure enough, after a lengthy trial, he was sent to prison and by then he didn’t have a dime left.

🙂

-Murphy

UPDATE:  Here is the link to the Austin news story on the sentencing and his hillarious post-sentencing interview.  There is a great close-up of him being handcuffed.  I guess he “took it like they wanted.”

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