Archive for June 2008

I Will Now Sacrifice My Child For The Sake of the Whales

June 23, 2008


Today my conservative meter started flashing hot red and when I read the article about the 9th Circuit’s decision to keep the Navy from using Sonar because it MAY be affecting communications between whales the meter exploded.  It was such a mess.  I’m happy to say my brain has been put back together and I can now discuss this bizarre situation more calmly.

Yes, the Supreme Court has taken the “Whale Sonar” case for review.  It appears that SONAR used by the United States Navy to find submarines may be affecting whale communication.  In fact, Marine biologist Ken Balcomb stated in an article in 2004 that killer whales “appeared agitated and were moving haphazardly, attempting to lift their heads free of the water” when encountering the pinging noise of a Navy SONAR.

Oh the horror!  The first thing the Navy ought to be concerned with is whether the Killer Whales are agitated or annoyed.  After all, the Ocean is THEIR home and the Navy is simply an uninvited guest to that home.  And when an uninvited guest annoys us, we throw them out.  Why should it be any different for the whales?

So a few terrorists or hostile regimes can sneak a couple of nuclear subs into our water and take out San Francisco or Seattle or Los Angeles–is that so bad really?  And what about our children–aren’t they privileged enough with XBox and Wii and McDonald’s and Disney Channel–can’t they sacrifice just a teeny weeny bit for the creatures of the sea?  After all the world is more covered with ocean water than land so it technically belongs to them anyway.

And now the Supreme Court is going to get in the way of the brilliant 9th Circuit and possibly (only possibly) overturn the injunction that keeps the Navy from conducting its wretched SONAR scanning.  Where is Obama when we need him most–to appoint some Justices who can finally rule in favor of the whales?

Well, I for one applaud the 9th Circuit for this amazing precedent.  In fact, we sent a team out to the western seaboard to interview folks there about their take on this amazing ruling.  Here is what we discovered:

We ran into Sunshine Berry a native of Los Angeles at her normal place of work.  Her parents were actually at Woodstock–cool.  Our on the spot reporter had this exchange with her.

Reporter:  “So Miss Berry…”

Sunshine: “It’s “Ms” Berry”

Reporter: “Oh sorry.  Ms. Berry, what do you think about the ruling from the 9th Circuit that says that the Navy has to stop agitating the whales?”

Sunshine:  “I love it!  After all, it has long been known that the Bush family hates whales.  I heard that Jeb Bush actually has a pair of whale skin boots that sorry **#@&$.  No one sticks up for the whales anymore with Jane Fonda all rich and claiming to be a Christian one minute and then appearing on Oprah and blah blah blah.  I’m glad to see the Court get involved.”

Reporter:  “But don’t you worry that our National Security is at stake?”

Sunshine: “Ha!  That is such a laugh.  Our National Security is at stake only because the world hates us becuase of Bush.  And now we discover that he actually hates college students-which totally sucks.”

Reporter: “Um, okay, but to stay on topic, what about the Navy not having the ability to find submarines that might attack us.”

Sunshine:  “Well, if we get attacked we deserve it–we have brought this on ourselves because of Halliburton and Big Oil and restricting gay  marriage and all of that stuff.  And anyway, if we are nice to the whales, they will probably protect us from submarines anyways.”

So we tried again to test the pulse of the average California resident and our reporter ran into this individual:

Reporter:  “Excuse me sir, what do think about a ruling keeping the Navy from agitating whales?”

Bunny-Man:  “I frankly love it.  I mean I’m annoyed all the time by people that I would like to get some injunctions against because they agitate me.”

Reporter:  “Really?  Like who?”

Bunny-Man:  “Well nosy conservative reporters for one.  Ha-kidding dude, but seriously I’m agitated by Microsoft because they laid me off last year for “poor performance” -whatever, and all repubilcans, John McCain, the church, clowns, heteros, my dad, and the list goes on.”

Reporter”  “But the church?  I mean your sign there attempts to quote a commandment.”

Bunny-Man:  “So?  What is your point?  Listen the nuber 2 sin is agitating whales as far as I’m concerned and then after that would be any law that restricts the wearing of bunny ears while protesting and killing clowns.”

Reporter:  “Oh no, is that a dead clown behind you?”

(at that point the bunny-man fled the scene)

Well it hasn’t been easy to find a mainstream reaction to this but we are on it and will keep you informed.  In the meantime, should the Supreme Court rule in favor of the whales (who apparently are represented without counsel and will not be appearing at oral argument) then start making your list of people that agitate you so that you can get a Court to shut them up.  Here is the beginning of my list:

1.  Barbara Streisand

2.  Nancy Pelosi

3.  Michael Newdow

4.  Michael Moore

5.  Barack Obama

6.  Jesse Jackson

7.  Unnamed attorneys that I oppose in litigation matters at work. (not all–just some)

8.  A neighbor kid that simply drives me crazy (name is left out to protect his identity)

9.  Bruce Springstein

10. …(more later)

-Murphy Political Blogger Alliance









Top 9 Reasons Not To Watch the OJ Simpson Trial

June 17, 2008


Yes, its that time again, 13 years later we are back ready to once again have our lives preempted by an endless parade of prosecutorial mistakes, cliches, racism and other fun that we like to call “THE OJ SIMPSON TRIAL.”  September 2008, OJ will once again appear in Court to face criminal charges based on his fundamental like of appreciation for societal rules and order.  And we, the helpless public, are forced to endure this tail of woe as a former Football Giant faces his accusers, tries on gloves and thanks the jury for a job well done.

I say, NO.  We have had enough of this trash.  It’s bad enough I have to endure CNN’s Obama Love Fest every day and constant reminders of Michelle Obama’s lack of patriotism, but another OJ Trial?  Serenity Now!

In case you are tempted, in case you find yourself being pulled ever so close to the TV to watch “just a couple of minutes” of the trial only to discover hours and 3 bags of Cheetos later that you are still watching, here are the Top 9 Reasons not to Watch this one:

1.  I’m Still Mad That The Bronco Chase Interrupted the Rockets Game

There I was at a local establishment, watching my home town basketball team in the NBA Finals and *poof* next thing I know I’m watching OJ Simpson in a white bronco being chased down the freeway in LA.  I was one of the thousands of Houstonians that called NBC and demanded that the game be put back on.  I’d convict him just for that.

2.   You might Miss the New Season of “Dancing With the Stars”

I mean really—would you rather see OJ or someone like OJ attempting to dance on live TV?

3.  There Is Always A Chance You Will Have to Endure Kato Kalin Commentary

You know its true–this is exactly what the idiotic network executives will do.  They will dig up this guy from whatever rehab facility he is currently residing in and make him the “go to” guy for commentary throughout the trial.  I could not take it.

4.  You Will Miss The Republican Convention

Need I say more?  Of course not.

5.  If you are in South Carolina you will miss the “Marlboro, Chesterfield, Darlington County Pee Dee Indian Tribe Pow Wow”

Wow!  This event is held on September 6 and you don’t want to miss it.  Featuring the Drum Team-“Bird Choppers and Dry Medicine”  Not just wow–Pow Wow!

6.  If you are in Wisconsin–or visiting–You Will Be Too Tired From the “Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw”

Yes, its that time once again to gather your family, trek on up to beautiful Wisconsin, pick up a pile of cow feces and see how far you can throw it. 

As you can see from this photo taken from the website–hygiene is not an issue with these locals–why what’s a little hepatitis among friends?

7.  Judge Jackie Glass is No Ito

I mean, really, she called our beloved Hesiman winner “arrogant or ignorant or both.”  How dare she?  Doesn’t she know that she is supposed to cower to his fame and make rulings that benefit him and hurt the prosecution.  Seriously Judge Glass–I don’t think you get it yet.  If you aren’t going to help OJ, then why should we watch.

8.  North Carolina–You may Miss the Annual “Bald is Beautiful” Convention in Morehead City.

Yes, “Morehead” City is the host town for this annual event.  And why not?  Morehead means More Head, Less Hair.  Ha Ha Ha. That is soooo not funny.  But they are right, for those of us (me included) losing those precious strands–we need to attend this event to feel better about ourselves–because after all bald IS beautiful.  See:

9.  With OJ So Busy With Trial–How Can He Continue His Search For the Real Killers?

This is the real tragedy of this ruse of a trial.  With OJ all “tied up” with these silly little charges, how can he possibly continue his quest to discover the “real” killers of Nicole and Ron?  Look at the incredible disservice to society that is resulting from this trial–without OJ on the case, there is no one really looking and if no one is looking, the case will remain open and there is no closure.  How sad.  How awful.

So, let’s band together America!  Take a stand.  Say “NO” to programing interruptions.  Say “NO” to days on end listening to witness after witness get beat up by criminal defense lawyers.  Say “NO” to the OJ Trial and maybe, just maybe we will have a pleasant September.  Because God knows, if Obama is elected, our November is going to be the pits.




June 16, 2008

Here is a website worth checking out regarding Obama.  There is a wealth of links and information about the reality of this man.

Happy Late Father’s Day to all Fathers out there!  Still busy at work–but will post more later.


Hey Obama Supporters-Don’t Vote Like A Nazi!

June 12, 2008

Thanks for continuing to check in the last week–between vacation and short illness and massive workloads, I’ve been out to say the least.  But I’ve been thinking a great deal about our upcoming election and it occurs to me that we need to be very careful in our approach to voting.  Now, if you are an Obama supporter–don’t freak out–I’m not calling him a Nazi, yet…okay, I’m not calling him one at all.  But–there are some freaky similarities to the methods the Nazi’s used to sway the German people into believing that they were the best group to lead Germany and the methods the Democrats use to sway us to believe they are best to lead this one.

Hang with me a moment on this…

How did the Nazi’s rise to power?  The explanation is long but in my elementary way of attempting to summarize let me say this:  Germany for centuries was extremely antisemitic in its beliefs and in its views on the world.  These outlandish beliefs that Jews were responsible for all of the ills of the world continued to grow over hundreds of years, in part fostered by the Christian Church of that region of Europe.  As Germany continued to see its culture and its historical way of life “infiltrated” (by their thought) by successful Jewish families who were beginning to grow in numbers within the border of Germany, Germans began to seek a scapegoat or villan to blame their lack of success and standing in the world.  Some of the things that Germans were saying in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s were:

1.  Our economic standing and ability to make money is compromised by Jewish farmers and business owners who band together to sell items cheaper and at better quality;

2.  Our standing in the world is diminshed since most of Europe is equally antisemitic and we seem to have a lot of Jewish families in our region of the world (i.e.  worried about what the world thinks of them);

3.  Our culture and heritage and ultimately our rights and pride as Germans is being compromised by Jewish influence and thought.

The Nazi party, recognizing these issues and led by a crazed antisemite, was able to feed on the already ingrained thoughts of German citizens and begin a program of exclusion of Jews from society and ultimately extermination of them altogether.  The German citizens were strangely supportive or at least not opposed to the Nazi’s policies about Jews and the Jews then made a great scapegoat for all of the problems in society as well as a great group for Germans to blame their loss of WWI. 

So what does this have to do with the election?

America has been fed a lot of thought from the media and propoganda masters for the last 8 years.  Here are some prevailing thoughts in America according to recent poll data:

1.  Bush (and therefore Republicans) lied about the War, had no plan and just simply wanted to go kill middle easterners.

2.  High gas prices are the result of Big Oil profitering at society’s expense and Big Oil is in bed with the Republicans.

3.  The economy is in a recession because of failed policies of the Bush Administration.

4.  Civil liberties that we “should” have such as gay marriages, civil unions, unlimited access to abortion and a world free from any mention of “God” are constantly blocked by Republicans and their legions of far-right wing Christians.

5.  Talk Radio is damaging to our Country because it spreads hate–and is dominated by Conservative Republicans and Bush-lovers.


So what is the Democrat party doing–and Obama in particular?  Feeding on society’s misinterpretations of reality and scapegoating Republicans, Christians, and Bush in particular to sway public opinion into believing that the following policies would be good for America:

1.  Big Oil Companies (although private industries) should only be able to make “reasonable” profits.

2.  Terrorists who are prisoners should be freed if we have no charges to level against them specifically–even though we are at war (which we shouldn’t be in the first place).

3.  Taxes should be raised on those in our society who are the most successful–those who employ the majority of Americans, those who make and produce the majority of the goods and food we consume–yes, those people.

4.  Taxes should be raised on investment gains to 25% just because gain on investments is an unfair windfall to the investor and it isn’t fair to the rest of us.

5. The Government (the least efficient machine in the factory that makes up this Country) is somehow best suited to administer our health care coverage and decide what care we should receive.

Shockingly–many of you are lining up and sending money to this party like blind robots, like cows in line at a slaughter house.  The fact that free people can be convinced to give up their freedom to the “State” is something most of us don’t think would ever happen.  Well–Germany was a Republic right before it was a Nazi regime.  Germans were free right before they VOTED Hitler into office.  Yes–he was voted into office.

And all the while, Obama’s new anti-rumor website says:  “What you won’t hear from this campaign or this party, is the kind of politics that uses religion as a wedge, and patriotism as a bludgeon—that sees our opponents not as competitors to challenge, but enemies to demonize.” 

And yet–that is what the party does every day–that is what Obama does every day when he attacks private industry, wealthy financially successful Americans and Republicans in general.  But that’s okay–because his new website says he doesn’t do that–so I guess we must all be mistaken.  Silly, stupid, unworthy us.

Seriously folks–Use your head, not your media-fed emotion and listen to what your life will be like as our Country moves another 10 steps towards socialism.  And all of you that will come on and call me names for not supporting Obama–read this carefully–I’m not demonizing him, I’m simply stating facts about the tactics he employs and the ideas he espouses.  It is reality-don’t believe me–elect him and then write back in 2010 and tell me how its going.  I’ll be living in a smaller house with my cash hidden under my mattress praying to God I don’t ever get sick again.

-Murphy Political Blogger Alliance