Archive for the ‘Parenting’ category


June 17, 2009

Time for a diversion from the giant slide toward socialism…

Instead today I’d like to reflect on baseball for a moment.  First of all, let me be clear, I was not a good baseball player as a kid.  I love it now and love that my son enjoys it so much (he is 7) but I was, well…I stunk!

However, I think baseball is an amazing glue in our society.  It bonds so many people together, it creates bonds between parents and kids, and it is something that nearly everyone can understand.

So…hats off to the Texas Longhorns!

What a come from behind win against Arizona State.  Congrats boys!

I have to say that my love for baseball began really as a child–but not playing it.  I used to go to the Astrodome and watch the Houston Astros play and I can still remember that big board that lit up whenever (which was rare) they hit a homer in that airless dome.

Notice that it is the second inning and already the Astros have committed an error–you gotta love ’em.

Then in college I really became more and more of a sports enthusiast while living with a roommate who was and to some degree still is “all sports, all the time.”  But my real passion for the game came in 1990.  It was that year (my senior year at the University of Texas) that I assisted in coaching the Austin, Westlake Hills Little League Minor League Red Sox.

red Sox

I am top left next to Benjamin Schenkkan–you might know him as Ben McKenzie


But I digress…

(seriously though–watch SouthLAnd–he is awesome)

That experience-coaching those 9-11 year olds was so rewarding.  I had the best time coaching those guys.  I learned what it meant to be a role model to young boys–it was obvious from the first practice that these guys looked up to us and were watching us and were soaking in what it was like to be a 21 year old.  It would not have been appropriate for these young boys to see us acting irresponsibly, immorally or in any way that would taint their view of the world.  It was an awesome responsibility.  And…they were fun to be around. 

Mason Ayer (2nd row-first kid on left) had never played baseball before–but you could tell with each practice that he was loving it.  He became one of our pitchers before mid-season and his father said he was really loving the sport.  These boys were learning their first lessons in teamwork, pulling together as a unit, supporting their friends and teammates, individual responsibility and effort.  What a great time.

I was touched recently when talking to one of the kids’ dads who told me that he remembers that team and recalls how cool it was when one of his sons was pitching and the other catching.  The pitching son got flustered and walked a couple of batters.  The dad recalled how his brother (the catcher) called time on his own, went out to the mound, put his arm around his brother and calmed him down.  What a great moment.

I got my first taste of fatherhood and understood what it really meant to care about other people.  If you need a lesson in caring for others, take care of some kids for a while by coaching, teaching, babysitting, whatever…and you realize how important it is that kids be exposed to positive role models who will not lead them astray.  What a great lesson.

So now, 19 years later, the Westlake Red Sox are lawyers, bankers, construction managers, teachers, broadway stars and tv stars and this year and last I had the opportunity to coach again.  This year, it was the Spring Branch Memorial Sports Association Junior Baseball Angels.

(no picture–they are still kids)

And I must say coaching my own son brings back all of those amazing moments and lessons I saw 19 years ago.  Baseball is an opportunity for men to show boys how to treat people, how to play hard and to give it your all.  It teaches living up to your commitments and understanding the importance of building a team.  It focuses on individual achievement but also shows these boys how one person can make a difference to a group–in either direction. 

At the end of my coaching year in 1990, the parents got together an bought the coaches a framed picture that said the following:

“Small boys learn to be large men in the presence of large men who care about small boys.”

So true that is.  I pray that the truth of that statement penetrates the minds of every man and woman who influences young children.   It is too important to take for granted.


Barbara Walters and the Death of “Shame”

May 2, 2008

Congratulations you selfish, arrogant, heartless piece of garbage-Barbara Walters.  I have always been very neutral when it comes to Barbara Walters.  I think that some of her interviews are childish and idiotic and some are thoughtful and interesting.  I thought she did a fair job on 20/20 over the years and have generally felt like she was a liberal who was decent at staying “fairly”neutral when reporting the news.  But this latest celebrity admission of sexual dishonesty really has me steamed.  Hang with me for a moment as I try to explain why this is so wrong without my head actually exploding.

First of all, whether she had an affair with anyone is not my concern.  I really frankly, could care less.  That is up to her and her partner(s) in crime to deal with.  I have several problems with the recent admissions of NY Governors and others about past affairs.  It appears that these self-centered media hogs are actually wearing such indiscretions as badges of honor.  It’s almost as if they are glad they participated in an activity that could have devastated families and marriages.  Where is the shame?

Our Country has lost the idea of “shame.”  What is Shame?  It is “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.”  And we have lost it!

Where is the shame when your pastor spews hate-filled anti-American racists comments from the pulpit for you and your CHILDREN to hear?  Where is the shame when you prosecute people for committing crimes all the while commit them yourself?  Where is the shame in claiming to understand war because you landed on an airstrip during sniper fire when in fact you made up the entire event?  Where is the shame when you stand before Americans and claim you have never been proud to be an American?  Where is the shame when you continually claim that Bush lied about the war when you know good and well that such a claim is itself a lie?  Where is the shame in going to a terrorist organization to have tea and cookies during a war–with terrorists?  Where is the shame in news, billboards, Britney Spears, Rev. Wright, the democrat party, prime-time TV?   It’s dead!

And now, Barbara Walters thinks it is perfectly fine to reveal an affair that she describes as “exciting” (duh–it was an affair–helllllooooooo) that happened many years ago.  Maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t be so mad if Senator Brooke and his entire family were dead–but they are not.

Edward Brooke

But hey, who cares right?  Who cares about the fact that he is 88 years old, married and has 3 children.  I’m sure none of those people are affected by Ms. Walter’s attempt to sell more copies of her upcoming book.  Besides–its the American way, cheat on your spouse, lie about it for years until it reaches near irrelevancy, then spring it on the public in a shameless attempt to sell books all the while dragging a helpless family into the mud.  What a piece of crap she is!  And now, his daughters, son and current wife have to deal with a media frenzy aching for a juicy tidbit about whether he also thought it was “exciting.”  I hope he comes out and says that an affair with her was “horribly dull and boring” and that he only kept it going because he was “scared to death of her.”

There is NO reason for her to reveal this information now except for personal financial gain and noteriety.  Selfish, selfish, selfish piece of crap!

As if that is not enough–she reveals to Oprah (a former news reporter by the way–not a therapist) that her younger sisters mental handicaps used to embarass her as a child.  WHERE IS THE SHAME?

Our Country better wake up–Shame is not a bad thing.  Shame keeps us in check when we or others do things that are—shameful.  My children do not see PG-13 movies because they are not 13.  My children do not watch prime-time TV except for Dancing with the Stars–and even then I have to hide their eyes and ears during commercial breaks.  Why?  Because the content of the TV and such movies is —shameful.

Barbara–when you do something that is shameful, like having an affair with a US Senator who is married-be embarassed, be remorseful, be shamed–do not use such filth to glorify yourself and add to your pocketbook.  As my grandmother would say–you ought to be ashamed of yourself–you ought to be, but you clearly are not.

—ON a completely different note—I recieved the following flyer on my door yesterday: 

 So I suppose if one of my trees contracts Herpes, I know who to call.  Sorry-that was shameful.




An Early Tribute To Mother’s Day-Sort of!

April 25, 2008

As you know, May 11, 2008 is that Hallmark “holiday” we know as Mother’s Day.  Don’t forget about it–your mother is the reason you exist (partially) and therefore deserve at least one day a year to be honored.  Where did this hysteria come from anyway?  Where did this idea to have a day that if you forget about it, you will be riddled with guilt trips for 364 solid days following?  (that was good grammar)

Anyway, as I sit here with my shirt untucked, my bed unmade, my hair uncombed and fresh from a brisk run with scissors where I talked to strangers and pet dogs I didn’t know, I thought I should take a little time to think about this upcoming day of fun and excitement.

Where did it come from?  One site says the following:

In the times of the ancient Greeks, Rhea, the Mother of the Gods,  was honored with a special festival. In seventeenth century England, “Mothering Sunday,” celebrated on the fourth Sunday in Lent, honored England’s mothers.

Jumping across the ocean, the first observation of a Mother’s Day in the United States took place in 1872 when Julia Ward Howe, social reformer and poet who penned the words to the “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” suggested a day to honor mothers. This day, which she felt should be dedicated to peace, was celebrated by gatherings that she organized and held in Boston.  In 1907, Anna Jarvis took Howe’s idea a step further and began to campaign for a nationally recognized Mother’s Day.  On 9th of May 1914, President Woodrow Wilson made the official proclamation that Mother’s Day would be a national holiday to be celebrated annually on the second Sunday in May.

So there you have it–a little history of the day.  Now, to get you in the spirit, let’s talk about some famous mothers:


Dorothy Emma Howell Rodham. Yes, she also has four names just like her daughter–its a thing in her family dating back to one of their great ancestors, Josef Gustav “Jack” Stalin.  (okay-I made that up).  She was a woman who was marred to a “rough and abusive” man named Hugh Rodham.  She has rarely given interviews and when asked about her daughter running for President she said “I know she will do great.”  One has to wonder if Hillary has kept her out of the spotlight for her own good or because her mother has no degree, never worked outside the home, and may not be the feminist Hillary portrays.  Hmmmm….In any event, I give kudos to her.  Anyone that could live with Hillary for 18 years is obviously a saint. 


Stanley Ann Dunham.  Yes, her name is “Stanley.”  Very little has been said about her during the campaign except that she died in 1995 of cancer and that she is white.  But what else do we know about the woman who shaped the man of “hope” and “change?”  Well according to the Chicago Tribune–for one thing she was an athiest.  That’s right, his original father was Muslim, his mother was athiest and what of his stepfather?–Haven’t been able to run that down yet.  But we all know that Obama is a Christian, gaining his perspective on life and religion from Rev. Jeremiah Wright.  (oohhh, sorry–I just felt a cold chill).  She was named Stanley after her father who really wanted a boy.  Nice!  Her friends describe her as saracastic, non-conforming and angry.  Obama said this about his mother in a recent interview: “the dominant figure in my formative years. . . . The values she taught me continue to be my touchstone when it comes to how I go about the world of politics.”

The “touchstone?”  Non-conformity for the sake of rebellion?  Athiesm?  yeesh!  Well, I suppose she should get kudos for walking around the world with the self-proclaimed messiah of change and the fact that she had to live with her name.

Hmmm… Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong mothers to make a point.

Well, In any event, don’t forget about yours–she helped make you and shape you.  She may have given you the occasional bad advice or guilt trip–but all in all, you literally owe your life to her–so take 1 day at least out of your busy schedule and honor her.  It’s a Commandment after all.  And remember–you could have ended up with Dorothy or Stanley.  Worse, you could have ended up with one of these:

-Murphy Political Blogger Alliance



Polygamy Sect in Texas-Another TV Movie in the Making

April 21, 2008

Texas:  Okay, I’m a life-long Texan.  Yes, I’m “one of those.”  I think Texas is big enough, strong enough and wealthy enough to be its own Country–and in fact–at one time it was.  In fact, did you know that the Texas Flag is the only State flag that can be flown at the same height as the US Flag?  That is because Texas was once a Republic.  After all, 2 out of the 12 years of school in Texas, a child is taught “Texas History” during history class—the entire year!  We love our State, we are proud to be here and we wouldn’t live anywhere else.


It seems that Texas continually acts as the stage for ridiculous events that always end up as TV movies with parts played by Farrah Faucet, and that woman from Who’s the Boss?  We’ve had Waco, Cheerleader Moms, Moms drowning kids, wives running over their husbands with SUV’s, racially based horrific murders, and the Texans football team.  Part of this is because Texas is so dadgum big.  Part of this is because Texas is so diverse.  And now, instead of Utah, the logical place for this kind of shennanigans, Texas is once again spotlighted for the strange and bizarre.

This morning the Early show interviewed some of the Men from the Polygamist compound in Texas–and let me tell you, the interview was mesmerizing.  I mean look at them–they are very charasmatic individuals.

The guy in the middle actually said that some of the “members” didn’t know that it was illegal to have sex with a girl under the age of 17 if you are an adult but that they are rethinking that now in light of this new revelation on the law.  Well good for you buddy–welcome to the last 500 years.

This entire thing is just too weird.  Now we have the state of Texas taking all of these children and putting them in foster care–because that has never been a system filled with abuse.  And the moms continue to appear in public like this:

So what is the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?  Well, sorry Obama–it is not a gun-toting group of people clutching to religion because of their disenchanment with the Bush administration. No, it is a split from the mainstream Morman church that renounced polygamy a while ago.

It was run by this guy:

Warren Jeffs.  But of course, he resigned in November 2007 after spending years on the FBI’s top 10 most wanted list and finally getting sentenced to 10 years in prison for–you won’t believe it—two counts of being an accomplice to rape.  I know–shocking.  He is known for making the following quote:  “The black race is the people through which the devil has always been able to bring evil unto the earth.”

Nice Guy–Obama–I would not spend any campaign money on these guys–just a little FYI for ya.

What is really funny to me is how this organization makes its money–according to Wikipedia (the obvious source of all things accurate)–they have sold airplane components to the ….  United State Government… (ha ha ha) from 1998 to 2007 and made well over $1.7 million in that time period.

So what are some other things you may not know about the polygamist sect in Texas?  Well our team of reporters has investigated the scene and determined the following facts few knew about these wonderful people:

1.  All kids younger than 17 are also their own Grandpa.

2.  Laura Ashley has her own booth at the compound.

3.  Men have reported increased stress due primarily to dinner decisions.  When asking his wives where they would like to go to eat–all of them say “it doesn’t matter” which he knows is a freakin’ lie.

4.  Women have reported depression due to their combined husband finally blowing and telling all of them that “Yes, you look fat in that dress.”

5.  Oddly, the only movie star to “come out against the Government” so far regarding the raid is Woody Allen.

6.  Kids like to tell stories about their superhero, Morman Man, who flies around the world trying to find the most gullible women and bring them back to be abused and enslaved.

7.  The compound is saddened each year because they are not allowed to participate in an El Dorado annual event called the Running of the Bull. This event’s purpose is celebrating the “gift of gab.”  (El Dorado is soooo exciting).

8.  Many of the women in the Sect actually stop having babies at 35.  Why?  Because 36 is just too many.

9.  They have cool rules like this one:   After you bathe, don’t admire yourself in the mirror. Stay in the shower just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

Not a problem–I never admire myself in the mirror either before or after I bathe.  I do take long showers though–but that is because I typically fall asleep in there because I’m nearly 40.  I’m not sure why you have to get out of the bathroom so quickly–but none of my kids want to see me running around the house in a towel.

and finally,

10.  They all secretly hate the Osmonds.


Well, I’m with ya there brotha!


Help Me Congress, I’m Fat and It is Causing the World To Get Warmer!

February 20, 2008


Is there anyone out there that doesn’t think that obesity is a health problem?

(crickets, wind, silence)

Of course not, we all know that–and yet, many of us are obese.  And let’s not dance around with terms like “full figured” and “Just My Size” let’s just call it as it is–FAT.  We as a nation are Fat.  And why are we Fat?  (and no, I’m not going to digress into a metaphor using PHAT).

Well, there are some people that are fat because of medications they are taking or genetic disorders.  The National Institute of Health states that these reasons for obesity are rare.  The health risks of obesity are in part:

 Obesity has been linked to several serious medical conditions, including diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. It is also associated with higher rates of certain types of cancer. Obese men are more likely than nonobese men to die from cancer of the colon, rectum, and prostate. Obese women are more likely than nonobese women to die from cancer of the gallbladder, breast, uterus, cervix, and ovaries.

Other diseases and health problems linked to obesity include:

  • Gallbladder disease and gallstones.
  • Osteoarthritis, a disease in which the joints deteriorate, possibly as a result of excess weight on the joints.
  • Gout, another disease affecting the joints
  • Pulmonary (breathing) problems, including sleep apnea, in which a person can stop breathing for a short time during sleep.

And we know this to be true already don’t we?  And yet, we are still fat.  In 2003, my fair city of Houston was dubbed the fattest city in America for the 3rd YEAR IN A ROW!!!  And yes we are fat.

So what makes us fat?  Well, I think even a Kindergarten child could tell us that FOOD makes us fat.  Really good food like McDonald’s fries and Ice Cream and Chocolate (but not dark chocolate–say it isn’t so) and alcohol and Funnel Cakes and Oreos and Pizza and Pasta and Steak and and and and and…

  (Yummy)The real problem is not the food itself necessarily but the amount that we consume.

But wait, there is an answer–a light at the end of the Taco Bell, a beacon of hope shining through the golden arches–it is:  THE INTERNATIONAL OBESITY TASK FORCE

It’s stated mission:  “to inform the world about the urgency of the problem and to persuade governments that the time to act is now.”

Hmmmmm….  So it wants to influence governments to act on obesity.  Do wha?  Hasn’t the government already acted–after all we have nutritional labels mandated by law on all food items that are not fresh produce or meats, we have the FDA that is allegedly testing the chemicals in processed foods and reporting on their effects on the body.  What more can the government do to help us poor fat people.  After all, isn’t what I eat my… what is that liberal word used in another context…what is it…oh yeah.. my CHOICE?

According to its website the IOTF is “now working to convince world leaders that something can be done to address the problem.”  But what?  I mean look at these guys–not much being done to convince them:


 Barney (not the dinasour variety)

 Might explain why he feels hot all the time.

On Sunday Speaking to the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Boston, Prof Philip James said that obesity must be tackled in the same way as climate change with world leaders agreeing to vital steps to transform the environment that is making us fat.

Oh, so we should have washed up Presidential hopefuls do a docu-fiction movie on the effects of obesity and how we should all be scared to death of it.  How exactly is the environment making us fat?  We don’t all live in a Willy Wonka Factory do we?

Ah, but wait–here is the real reason this is being addressed–not because anyone cares about obesity but because of–you guessed it–GLOBAL WARMING.  I’m not crazy–it may seem I am but check out this quote from the Boston meeting on Sunday:

“Much of the present high calorie density food production has a massive carbon footprint and requires wasteful amounts of energy and water. If we are to feed the world – 8 billion people in just 20 years time – with a healthy diet, we need to deliver a rescue plan for the planet – not just to address global warming, but to ensure we have sufficient healthy food to feed everyone.”

Yep, there it is–obesity is now the 1,589,332nd link to global warming, right behind cow farts and tootsie rolls.  Making high calorie food has a “massive carbon footprint”–are you kidding me?  I’m sure finding new ways to crush a soy bean into a food and call it chocolate takes no energy at all though.

In case you are not convinced that there are a group of people in the world that want to make all of your Choices (except abortion of course) for you–read on:

“The strategic approaches needed involve rejecting the misplaced notion that the obesity problem is merely a matter of individual choice. Blaming individuals for their personal vulnerability to weight gain is no longer acceptable in a world where the majority is already overweight and obesity is rising everywhere. It is naïve of ill-informed politicians and food industry executives to place the onus on individuals making ‘healthier choices’ whilst the environment in which we live is the overwhelming factor amplifying the epidemic.”

It apparently is now naive to think that anyone is smart enough or able on their own to quit pounding down 12 Krispy Kremes each morning for breakfast because after all–those “Hot Donuts” signs are just too enticing and we are soooooo very weak, so weak.


And because parents are too stupid to regulate what their children eat, the great professor stated that governments should regulate and control subliminal advertising of junk foods.  That’s it, no more Mr. Kool-aid.


Um, hello, but aren’t the parents buying the food–not the kids.  And so, are the parents then so enticed by the “subliminal” advertising of a giant pitcher of sugary drink busting through a wall of bricks?  Well–as all liberals believe–we are a stupid, fat bunch of idiots aren’t we?


He concludes by saying if we fail to act soon it will be too late–too late for what?  Are we all going to collectively cause the United States to sink into the ocean because of our collective bad choices?


I understand obesity is a problem–I think about it everytime I see Hillary in a tight skirt-but the reality is this–the food we eat is one of the few choices that the government has not taken from us–if we want to eat poorly and be fat–that is our choice–the righteous government has no right to tell us otherwise.  But as I stated before, this is not about being fat–it is about cooling our environment because we all know that healthy foods do so well in the cold.


-Murphy Political Blogger Alliance

Roe v. Wade 35th Anniversary-37 Million People Cannot Attend the Party

January 22, 2008


Today marks the 35th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade, and it is estimated that over 37 million babies have been aborted since 1973 in the United States.  To put that in perspective, if you wiped the total population of New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles off the map–that would still be a few hundred thousand short of 37 million. 

There are news stories all over the web today about this–and some sites are having a party.  The National Organization of Women says on their webpage that “continued vigilance is necessary.”  In fact, the President has this to say: “This year we have the chance to elect a new administration and send new members to Congress who will help protect and expand our reproductive freedom. Come November we must elect a president who will be vigilant in upholding a woman’s right to make her own childbearing decisions, including access to birth control and abortion,” said NOW President Kim Gandy.

I thought I would include her picture here:

You see, her picture can appear on this site because her mother did not choose to have her expelled from her womb before she was ready in an intentional act of killing her.  Lucky Kim.

I like the new terms the pro-death crowd is using–“reproductive freedom” and “reproductive justice.”  You see, “freedom” and “justice” are so valuable to us here in America.  Throughout our history men and women have died to preserve the precious nature of “freedom” and “justice.”  But the unborn child–his/her “freedom” and “justice” are in the hands of another.  The unborn child, with no voice, no podium, no blog to write on has to rely on one person to protect his/her “freedom” and “justice.”  That person is his/her mother.  And who better?  For only a mother will love, care and protect a child more than anyone else in the world.  Only a mother understands the pain and joy her child experiences.  A mother would be the first to give her life for her child if called upon to do so.  And yet… Ms. Gandy calls upon mothers to be “vigilant” in her right to end the life of her unborn child.

“Vigilant” is a great word. It means to be keenly watchful to detect danger or to be wary.  You only have to add a small “e” to the end of this word and you get “vigilante.”  A “Vigilante” is any person who takes the law into his or her own hands.  In its adjective form it means “done violently and summarily, without recource to lawful procedures.”

I think that since the “pro-choice” crowd has come up with new terms–to be fair “pro-lifers” ought to do the same.  So let’s call them what they really are:  “Reproductive Vigilantes.”

The definition of “Reproductive Vigilantes” therefore would be one who, without recourse to the rights and freedoms of the unborn, decides summarily and violently to end the life of that unborn child.”

Now with my new PC term in hand, let’s discuss the beautiful State of Vermont.  Today an article hailing the Anniversary of Roe appeared.  In that article we have the following quote:  “For a generation of women and men born after Roe, it is incumbent upon us to remember that the right to make personal childbearing decisions has enable women to pursue educational and employment opportunities that were often unthinkable before Roe,” said Rep. Rachel Weston, D-Burlington.

Here is Rachel’s picture–lucky for her, her mom chose to not end her life before her voice could be heard in the Vermont Legislature.  Lucky for her, her mother was not a Reproductive Vigilante.

But I suppose I’m being too harsh, after all, a very famous world leader expressed his pro-choice view when he said, ” in view of the large families of native population, it could only suit us if girls and women there had as many abortions as possible.”  Who was that famous person?  Well, lucky for him I can show his picture too: 

 Today of all days, we need to get on our knees and beg forgiveness that we have allowed this Country to end the lives of 37 million people (more than Hitler, more than Stalin) out of convenience and in the fraudulent names of “freedom” and “Justice” and “Equality.”  To use such words in this context is a bullet to the head of the men and women who have fought for such rights only to see the U.S. strip those rights away from the most innocent among us.  This is not a day to celebrate but rather a day to mourn.  It is the anniversary of the death of numerous generations of children and grandchildren and furture scientists, doctors, lawyers, teachers and yes, directors of non-profit organizations and state legislators. 

So I would ask us all to focus on those below, those who were fortunate enough to have loving moms instead of Reproductive Vigilantes:

  God Bless every Mom who no matter what the cost, no matter the inconvenience, no matter their age, no matter their economic status, realized that life is precious and that the life of the unborn child growing inside them was more precious than their reputation, their social status, their economic status and their personal selfish plans for the future.  Thank you for choosing LIFE over SELF.


Instead of Taxing Babies, How About Taxing CapriSun?

December 17, 2007


Well if taxing babies wasn’t enough, now I read that San Francisco, that hotbed of conservatism, is considering a tax on sugary drinks.  The story reads as follows:

SAN FRANCISCO (KCBS)  — For years, the idea of taxing soda to beat back obesity has been tossed around in medical circles. But now, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom is proposing a tax on beverages high in fructose corn syrup.   Newsom says obesity accounts for tens of millions of dollars in city health care costs. He cites a recent San Francisco Health Department survey that found nearly a quarter of the city’s 5th, 7th and 9th graders were overweight and that high sugar drinks make up a tenth of a kid’s daily calorie count.  Newsom reportedly wants all big box retailers and chain drug stores to pay into his new “Shape up San Francisco” program, which started this past summer with a walking regimen.  This comes as the state of California is considering slapping caffeine-infused sodas, and energy drinks with warning labels, saying consumption can contribute to diabetes.

Obviously, in San Francisco, the mayor cares more about the little children than do their own parents.  I mean isn’t that the message here–if you parents aren’t going to quit allowing your child to drink Capri Sun then by golly we will just tax you until you comply.

Taxes like this always amuse me because we all know how Government works–here is the order:

1.  Create a shiny new, fun and exciting tax.

2.  Create a beauracracy to collect and enforce the shiny new tax.

3.  Use the tax to pay for the beauracracy.

4.  Realize you have some money left over–jump for joy, payoff your lobbyists and then…

5. Create a new and wonderful entitlement program that will be funded by the leftovers from the shiny new tax.

I like to call this the cycle of bull.  See, first the mayor says, “I just want to save the children by punishing the evil parents who buy junk food and the evil companies who make it.”  Then, after about 3 minutes, the 5 steps are put in place and completed–suddenly the Government now NEEDS people to continue to buy more and more sugary foods so that they will pay the taxes so that the new entitlement program can be funded.  Can you spell H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y ?

For a lengthly list of what products this law might include see the Accidental Hedonists Blog Article.  Much to my horror, some of my favorites are on the list like Starbucks Frappacino  (blech!).

 This mayor is being way to “conservative” in his thought process though.  If he wants to tax things that harm children, he shouldn’t stop there.  I think he should tax the following items as well because after all–we need to protect the children!

1.    Any parent who allows a child to see one of his movies should be taxed–and Pee-Wee should be taxed himself.

2.   Any parent who allows their child to visit Neverland Ranch should be taxed and Michael should be taxed himself.

3.   This product should be taxed.  Everytime I see a kid eat this within minutes the kid starts to shake from the intensity of the sugar. 

4. Lindsay should be taxed for being bad for kids.  See–kids see this:

  and then they think she is so cool and then they google her and see this:

5.  Just the concerts are harmful–to parents first because the tickets are impossible to get and after being online for an hour trying to wedge into a ticketmaster site to buy 2 tickets and ultimately being booted off the system only to face the sad teary eyed mug of your young daughter, the parents are so stressed that they have to go to therapy–that, of course, ultimately leads to being told that all of your anxiety comes from your childhood and the fact that your mother abandoned you emotionally which, of course, leads to heavy medications, the cost of which is not covered by your employer’s cheap-butt health insurance plan, which of course, leads to less money to spend on healthy things for your kids like carrots and granola.  So let’s tax Hannah. 

6.    Yep, let’s just tax Gavin Newsom–let’s make him pay a tax everytime he opens his liberal, government expanding grill.  Let’s tax him for suggesting ideas of how people’s lives can be controlled by his brilliant vision of the future.  Thank you Father Newsom for protecting all the little children from Sprite and Capri Sun and Kool-Aid because we all know that in San Francisco, our children will fare much better if they drink less sugar and instead, get outside and enjoy a wholesome parade like this one from last summer:

-(Apparently we need to tax skinny balloons and male make-up)

Time To Tax The Babies–Put Down That Rattle and Pay Up!

December 11, 2007

Thank heaven for Australia.  Without that little island we would be without so much.  Here are some little known facts about Austrailia.  In 1856 they were the first place in the world to have secret ballot elections.  In 1894 they were the first place in the world to give women the right to vote.  They are the only country to attend every modern Olympic games.  They inveted the bionic ear, flexible wine casks, boomerangs, the Notepad, the electric drill, postage stamps, the first “bathing beauty contest” (in 1920), the automatic letter sorting maching, the two stroke lawn mower and best of all…Latex gloves. 

And now, at the forefront of modern history, on the edge of innovation and ingenuity, they have come up with a brilliant idea to help achieve Al Gore’s vision of the World.  A World where we don’t burn fuel, or exhale or burp or use hairspray or freon or any other modern convenience.   The Australians have decided to tax babies to save our planet.  Yes, that’s right–babies–those little mooching, slobbering, dependent, whiny piles of human fat barely formed into a recognizable human–babies.

The article above states that couples with more than 2 children “should be charged a lifelong tax to offset their extra offspring’s carbon dioxide emissions”  according to a medical expert.  The report in an Austrailian medical journal (yes a MEDICAL journal) says that parents should be “charged $5000 a head for every child after their second AND an annual tax of up to $800.” 

Here at Murphy’s Conservative Blog we have found an exclusive picture of the doctor who authored this article:

  Here he is preparing the altar of healing for a poor woman who believes she is the virgin Mary.  The potion will help extract the baby blue blanket from her body and reveal that she is in fact not the virgin Mary but instead is:

gyrrjdcao272bccadrlwpgcaszbmzrca0kxdtocax81ud2ca0wssjyca5hblbzca6q0al3caqhldsrcaw4qxg3ca6n5lvmcaqs1wybcae2kvv5ca82hbr9cao1ideacam8v52rcaqne0gmcawjmqyucailjy42.jpeg Jennifer Love-Hewitt.

 In any event, the good doctor continues and states that “couple who were sterilized would be eligible for carbon credits.”  Which is a nice bonus to the old snip-snip don’t you think.  I recently used my carbon credits to purchase a giant poster of a windbag:

  It is hanging in my room with ticky-tack made of carbon fuel emissions.  I’m soooo doing my part.

 An Austrialian obstetrician named Barry Walters said that “Every family choosing to have more than a defined number of children should be charged a carbon tax that would fund the planting of enough trees to offset the carbon cost generated by a new human being.”

He is so right–for example, when my third child was born I noticed that he used up 8-10 diapers a day in the first month.  Each time filing it with a mixture of substances that smelled a little like death on a stick.  I felt so bad about putting those bags of filth outside that I paid my neighbor some money as a way of seeking forgiveness for the extra carbon load.  Oddly though, the tree next to the trash can grew 3 feet that month.  Hmmmmm….

“As citizens of the world, I believe we deserve no more population concessions than those in India or China.”  says Professor Walters.    Good take Prof–in China there is rampant forced abortion and infanticide.  So I guess that is what would be considered a “population concession.”

Garry Eggers, director of the NSW Centre for Health Promotion and Research, agreed with the call, saying former treasurer Peter Costello’s request for three children per family – “one for mum, one for dad and one for the country” – was too single-minded.   He thinks this debate should be “reopened as part of a second ecological revolution.”  I missed the first–dang it–sequels are never any good when you miss the original.

I have 3 kids so I guess I’d be subject to this tax if I was there.  But really this is a sexist move on the part of Austrailia–everyone knows that boys emit WAY more carbon than girls so it is not fair for girls to be assessed the same tax.  Although, girls do spend a lot more on personal grooming devices and creams etc… that may impact the environment. 

 Since I was suspicious of this article I thought it best to find the other authors and see why they might be so biased.

Here is Gary Eggers:

 19.jpeg  He has spent 29 years with Gearhart Chevrolet.  Founded by Frank C. Gearhart in 1929, Gearhart is one of America’s longest-established dealerships.  It is located in Denville, New Jersey.   I find it odd that a car dealer from Jersey would also be the director of the NSW Centre for Health Promotion and Research–but I’m betting the real Garry Eggers is as qualified as this fine man here to handle such a post.

Since this is likely NOT the actual Garry Eggers from Austrailia I kept looking…Finally I found him–it was hard because he is kind of camera shy but here he is the Director himself:

  He was quoted as saying, “Two babies is plenty, it is impossible to imagine someone having 3 babies, each worthy of citizenship in Austrailia.  After all, we invented the boomerrang!”

-Let me make a suggestion–I’ll give each contributor to the article cited above $5000 if they turn in their respective licenses and shut up for the rest of their natural lives.  That should reduce carbon emissions so much that every tree in Austrailia will die.


The Argument for Bigger Governmental Control of Our Lives: Chapter 6-No More Spanking!

November 27, 2007

It is time for another addition in the ongoing epic journey into why the Government should control all aspects of our lives.  As stated before–we cannot do it alone.  We have too much going on with eating, sleeping, breathing, blinking, walking, sitting, we hardly have time for working, parenting, or managing any other part of our lives.  My solution—let the Government do it–what other body of individuals knows better how we should live and act than our esteemed elected officials?  None.

Today the Boston has the following story about helping all of us out in an area that we fail at day in and day out–parenting:


BOSTON — Lawmakers on Beacon Hill are set to consider a proposed ban on spanking children in the commonwealth. NewsCenter 5’s Shiba Russell reported that the issue is set for debate at a Statehouse hearing Wednesday morning.  The Boston Herald reported that State Rep. Jay Kaufman filed the spanking ban petition at the request of an Arlington, Mass., nurse who wants Massachusetts to become the first state in the country to stop corporal punishment.   If this proposal does become law and parents are caught hitting their children who are under the age of 18 they could be charged with abuse or neglect.

It is about time don’t you think?  I mean after all, “spanking” is obviously a form of abuse.  I, um…this is hard for me…was a victim of spanking.  Yes it’s true and it has caused me great emotional distress and anguish over the years.  For example, I break into hives everytime I see any of the following items:


And this next one–well I’m choked up even mentioning it:

  Oh, it is so awful.

But I’m one of the lucky ones.  Despite the “waterboard-like” torture I received as a child, I rose above, through grit and determination I suppressed my memories of those days in hell and went to law school and am doing well.  But not all people can say that.  Some never really get over their spanking experiences.  Like these poor ballet stars:


 Some sickos actually made a career opportunity out of their experiences:

So I must give my praise to Mass. for such innovative and parental-controlling legislation.  Mass. has always been so smart about parents though.  For example, in 1999, in a case called ENO v. LMM the Superior Court decided that there can be such a thing as a “De Facto Parent” a person-not a real parent-that has had such an influence on a child’s life that he/she can get visitation rights for that child.  What a great idea!  Along with the anti-spanking and the chance to see a Kennedy, I’m really considering a move.

Having given the De Facto Parent idea some thought I have decided to petition the Court in Mass. to declare certain individuals a De Facto Parent of mine.  Here are my choices:

1.  Donald Trump-He has made me realize the importance of allowing my hair to naturally bald itself right on out–for that reason alone I think he should be declared my De Facto Parent–and he is freaky rich.

2.  Oprah Winfrey-She has influenced me so much.  I know now that if you eat all the time, you will not lose weight.  I know that if you write down in a book that all you have to do is think about something and it will happen, she will put that book on her show and make you rich.  One of her good friends is Dr. Phil-need I say more? –I think she should be declared my De Facto parent because of her influences–and she is freaky rich.

3. Billy Joel–(first–I have all of his Cd’s so–duh)-But also-he has shown me that you can be kind of a 1 in looks and still marry 10’s.  He has shown me that you can be short and balding and still marry good looking intellingent girls that are half your age.  For these reasons-he has taught me to never give up and therefore he should be my De Facto Parent–and he is freaky rich.

Hopefully one of these will stick.  As for the spanking issue–who can argue with it?  After all–these people were never spanked and they are famous:

Hillary Silly  This was the only time she was spanked actually.

  The Kennedy’s never spanked.

  So famous–and no spanking.

   Not only famous-but ellusive and a master at video technology.

 Thank you Mass.  Now I can create a family where Donald Trump and Oprah are my parents and I know they won’t spank me if I’m bad which will allow me to become a world-famous, egomaniacal, drunk murderer who will continue to thrive despite my wrongdoings and get lots of TV time.

The truth is–without laws like this we will continue to adhere to thoughts like this one:

 Because as we all know–if the Government doesn’t tell us how to parent–how will we know how?


Challenges of Parenting–Is All Lost?

October 16, 2007

As a parent of 3 kids I find that the most challenging thing is being a filter.  You know, the world sends images and information and you have to filter it before your kids see/hear it.  For example, not really appropriate for my 5 year old to go with me to see “Saw IV” (unless he has been bad–then I could tell him that this is what Santa does to kids that are bad).

As they get older, I have such difficult decisions to make.  Like, when can they see a “PG-13” movie, when can they get their ears pierced, when can they have their first Botox injection, when can they date…  I suppose my dream, like many dads, is that my kids will grow up making wise decisions, find a person to love them forever and live to a ripe old age happy, healthy and wealthy.

 But then, I see something like this and I think–all is lost, I might as well go back to blogging, eat dark chocolate by the pound and spend my money taking trips with my wife to Napa Valley.