Archive for March 2009

My Neighbor Is A Terrorist–Should I Stop In and Say “Hi?”

March 27, 2009

I was furiously typing away at the office, working hard so I will be able to pay my taxes when a friend, conservative and great American David Bippus sent me an article informing me that soon I may have some new neighbors–terrorists.

Apparently Eric Holder and the Obama administration have stated today that some prisoners of Guantanamo Bay may be “released on US soil and receive assistance to return to society.”  Isn’t that sweet?  I mean after all, if we have the guts to release them in the United States (where they will instantly be an illegal alien–not that anyone seems to care about that anymore), then we should have the compassion to give them some “stimulus” money and assist them in joining our society.

But the real question is this?  “How can I show my compassion and tolerance when said terrorist moves in next door?”

I mean, I don’t really know how to deal with a terrorist.  My first thought is to place terrorists in prison but I’m a step behind on that one apparently.  But to show my patriotism and respect for the office of the President, it seems I need an action plan to deal with my own acceptance of such an individual into my neighborhood.  Well, have no fear–our team of reporters here at MKCB have caught up with William Ayers and asked for his assistance in dealing with this very sensitive issue.

Q: Mr. Ayers, thanks for meeting with me today.

Ayers:  Well who would know how to deal with terrorists in our own Country better than me?  After all, I’m ‘the bomb.’  Ha ha ha!

Q:  Oh, I get it–ha ha, that is kind of funny…(Awkward pause)…Anyway…so let’s say a terrorist is released and moves in next door to me.  Say this guy for example:

or maybe this girl:

jgarafalo

…what should be my first step in welcoming him/her to the neighborhood?

Ayers:  Well first let me say that Janeane Garafalo is hot.  In answer to your question–the first thing you should do is convene an emergency meeting of your homeowner’s association and modify your association restrictions to allow for the following:  1.  Stockpiling of assault weapons and bomb-making equipment; 2.  Outside speakers to broadcast propaganda; 3. organized basic training facilities in the back yard; 4.  removal of surveillance by neighborhood watch groups; and of course 5.  the public beating and humiliation of women within the neighborhood.

Q:  Wow–those are amazing suggestions?  Shouldn’t we also remove any restriction that would disallow children to be used as human suicide bombs?

Ayers:  Now you are thinking like a tolerant American.

Q:  Okay, so what should we do about yard art like this?:

Ayers:  OHHH!!! MY EYES!!!  THEY ARE MELTING!!  Ha-just kidding, but seriously cover that capitalistic intolerant right-wing filth.

Q: Oh sorry.

Ayers:  No worries, I almost had to shoot you right here in Starbucks.  Ha ha.  Just kidding–well, certainly someone should go around the neighborhood and round up all American flags, crosses, hideous angels like the one you showed me, any references to God, or America or Red, White and Blue should be rounded up–you can leave the college team flags up–especially the Michigan Wolverine flag.  After you round them up, use glue and cardboard and make a huge likeness of George W. Bush with the yard flags and art.  Then go in the street in front of your new neighbor’s house and burn that thing to the ground.  Like this:

That will make them feel right at home again.

Q:  Okay–and I guess we would have to lift any “open fire” restrictions from the deed restrictions.

Ayers:  Good point–obviously that will have to be dealt with as well.

Q:  How about Christmas, er.. I mean…Holiday lights and trees.

Ayers:  Have you been listening?  Absolutely not.  Now I will say that Ramadan lights would be a nice touch–like these:

…But Christmas lights, and snowmen, angels, Santas, all out–Especially nativity scenes–those are SOOO offensive anyway.

Q:  Finally, any ideas for say a house warming present?

Ayers:  Well, you could take a picture of their kids playing in the yard and frame it for them–like this one:

or maybe buy them a deck of terrorist playing cards:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…Or maybe just a few terrorist fireworks like these:

Q:  Well as always, we appreciate your insight Mr. Ayers and we hope you have a “blast” this weekend.

Ayers:  Ha ha–good one.

-Murphy

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United States on “The Road to Hell”

March 26, 2009

According to the current President of the European Union, Czech’s Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek, that is exactly where we are headed.  Interestingly Eurpoean leaders from Britain to Italy are making comments regarding President Obama’s economic policies as a “return to the failed policies of the 1930’s” and “a streamlined way to bankrupt the US and the World.”

And yet, the Democrats continue not to listen.  Instead of considering the destructive path they are leading us down, we have the President and the Sec. of the Treasury telling us that the Government needs to have the ability to step into private industry, take it over, and run it the way they see fit.  Like they have done with AIG.  Of course, all of this fun has caused death threats to AIG employees and a complete sense that the company has run amok in the last few months.

Somewhere along the line Democrats have decided to penalize companies and the rich because they are the real problem in our society.  This constant demonization of the rich is not unprecedented.  After all, Russia, prior to becoming the Soviet Union, used the same tactics to blame its economy under Stalin–and then murdered most of its upper class citizens during his regime.  Hitler used such tactics to demonize Jews and then of course began a massive slaughter intended to kill every Jewish person in Europe.

It has been hard to blog about things going on in our Country because it would take a full time job on my part and a staff of people to keep up with the liberal and socialist agenda being crammed down our throats on a second by second basis.  And unfortunately, I have to work–maybe harder than ever to store up for the coming economic collapse.

Recently I ran across a transcript of a speech given by a CEO of an American-based company that was given to the Bank Administration Institute in 1972.  I cannot reveal the name of the person or the company but I can quote from this individual’s brilliant words of wisdom.   HEY PRESIDENT OBAMA–THIS IS FOR YOU! (There, maybe that will cause this post to get picked up by the SS in Washington)

My first point is simply this…our most fundamental responsibility as managers of any business is to make a profit.  Those who would have us believe that other factors have overtaken the importance of the profit motive in our economic system are kidding themselves.  Talk about putting social concerns ahead of business’s drive to earn a fair return is really a contradiction in terms.

Some idealists confuse profits and selfishness.  They tend to shun profit-making jobs; seek profit-using careers, and the agitate vigorously for government action to prevent others from generating profits.  This is the group that teaches-“don’t earn-burn.”

Let’s not forget that it is business-the private sector of our economic system-that produces the wealth which enables government-the public sector-to plan, administer, and pay for programs that cannot be carried out by the private sector.

Simply said, government can generate money to serve the needs of the people onlythrough collection of taxes.  And taxes come from individuals and corporations.  In the case of the corporation, unless it is a profitable business, there are no taxes…unless business is profitable, it cannot spend the research and development dollars necessary to develop superior technology, or hire the handicapped, or support higher education, or help meet the human need activities of the community.

We need to keep telling ourselves and anyone who will listen that our profit system is the source of everything we do.  You must have a healthy, viable business as a base for your efforts so you can accept your social responsibility to contribute money, know-how or people-any talk of social responsibility without that strong base is just that-talk.”

For the sake of my children and my grandchildren.  For the sake of your own daughters and the community of people you allegedly represent.  For the sake of our National Security, our freedom, our liberty, our pursuit of happiness—PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS!   We cannot afford anymore of your “talk” Mr. President–we simply cannot afford it.

-Murphy

Obama’s Stimulus Package Promotes Unsafe Sex

March 23, 2009

Did that title grab you?  The amazing thing is that it is true.  Now let me start off by saying this–I am not a proponent of passing out condoms as a way of combatting AIDS or other diseases–especially if the entity passing them out is a public school.  In fact, I agree with the Pope’s recent comment that passing out condoms to poor countries is not a way of combatting AIDS and am frankly more than a little irritated to discovery that our tax dollars are used for such a purpose.  (but that subject is for another post) Everytime I hit a pothole on an Interstate Hwy, I will now be thinking—“That’s okay, what is one tire rim or bent axel when I can relax knowing that poor countries are being protected from AIDS by American condoms.”  Well no more!

The US Agency for International Development apparently has already handed out 10 BILLION condoms to poor countries.  However, the agency is now going to switch to cheaper condoms made in China and Korea–a move that will cost Americans 300 jobs.  After all the agency will now save 3 cents per condom–which totals $300,000,000 in savings on the next 10 BILLION distributed.

CHINA???

Um, has the agency forgotten the numerous problems with products made in China?

For example, remember these?:

 

Last year it was reported that the company making these colorful hairbands in China was using…what was it again…oh yeah, USED CONDOMS to make these.

 

And I’ll pause now for you to run to the bathroom and vomit.

 

 

And what about these products?:

Remember—Poison was found in pet food from China and also found in toothpaste made in China.

But if poison or dirty condoms aren’t enough, how about a nice load of lead?

These and many other products shipped from China to the US contained lead.  And this is the Country that the United States Agency for International Development now wants to purchase cheap condoms from to distribute to the rest of the world?

How cruel.  So because of the stimulus bill, we are now going to spend taxpayer money on potentially defective condoms and give them to poor countries and tell those countries that the purpose of the condoms is to protect its citizens from AIDS and other diseases? 

Now that is way to make the rest of the world begin to like us again.  What inspirational Hope and Change this will be as we ask citizens of poor countries to unwrap a poisonous, lead-laced defective condom while being told it will prevent disease.  Why, we will have more allies that we ever dreamed of having under the Bush administration. 

Way to go BO!

-Murphy

March Madness-Obama Style!

March 19, 2009

Yes, its that time again when we all get excited about the NCAA tournament.  Well, I get excited about it.  But even more thrilling today was an inside peek we received here at MKCB!  I was able to obtain a copy of President Obama’s schedule from yesterday and I thought in the spirit of madness I would share it with you.

presentation1

Isn’t this cool?  Who would have thought that the President was so into the NCAA bracket challenge?  Well, I guess the Duke Coach didn’t like it so much.  Here is what he had to say about it:  “Somebody said that we’re not in President Obama’s Final Four, and as much as I respect what he’s doing, really, the economy is something that he should focus on, probably more than the brackets,” Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said from the Blue Devils’ first-round site in Greensboro, N.C.”

Wow!  Coach Mike are you insane?  I mean, I’m sorry that Obama didn’t pick Duke to win, but seriously you have to lay off the guy.  That 3 hours he spent making his picks were 3 hours he wasn’t doing something to ruin our economy.  I hope he gets so addicted to gambling he forgets all about his socialist, government expanding intrusion plan into our lives. 

-Murphy

Drugs And Alcohol to An Addict, Bailout Money to AIG-Same Diff.

March 16, 2009

Last year, CNN reported on a Vancouver clinic that allows people to bring illegal drugs to their facility and shoot up in a supervised setting.  I’m NOT Kidding!  Which proves my long-held idea that if you simply provide the means for users to access drugs safely, they will quit using them. (what?)  So here are some more ideas I have that may assist people that are dealing with problems.

1.  Safe Driving Bars

Let’s have bars where people that are admitted alcoholics can come in and drop their keys off at the bar.  Then they can drink and drink and the bar will call a cab so they can go home.  That way, they won’t kill anyone on the way.  Then the manner and means in which they receive the alcohol will be safer.  Then, under the theory of the Vancouver Clinic, maybe more of them will join AA.

2.  Candy For Obese People

 

In its attempt to cure obesity in this Country, the Government ought to consider providing tons and tons of candy, donuts, soft drinks and fatty foods to obese people.   But this must be in a safe and controlled environment.  So we should set up clinics where instead of exercise and swimming….

…we could have a controlled eating environment where large people can come eat until their heart’s content all the while a trained doctor with the necessary equipment to revive a person’s heart will be sitting in the next room and be ready in a moment’s notice. 

Then hopefully, people will realize that this is bad and want to join real diet programs.

3.  Bailout Money to Inept and Financially Irresponsible Companies

Finally, the Government ought to give tons an tons of money to companies that are having financial difficulty.  That way they can learn how to become fiscally responsible without all the pressure of earning the money in the first place.  Kind of like playing Monopoly, only with real money.

In this manner, companies like AIG can learn to be fiscally responsible in a “safe” environment.  Surely then they won’t do anything stupid with the money the Government simply gives them.  After all, if you simply feed a problem with the more of the same food it has been eating, it will eventually grow into a solution.

If you don’t believe me, just ask GM.

-Murphy

And Now…The Rest of The Story

March 2, 2009

Today we say goodbye to a great journalist and conservative…Paul Harvey.

Paul Harvey had an amazing career on the radio spanning 7 decades!  I personally listed to his News and Comments every chance I could for many years.  He is a true legend and radio icon.

In a tribute to Paul, we here at MKCB have decided to conduct a final interview of Mr. Harvey with some of his more famous quotes:

MK:  Paul, it is great to see you and I’m so exicted to ask you a few final questions before you journey on to a better place.  So on to my first question.  We are obviously going through some tough economic times–in fact some would say the worst in a billion years.  What advice can you give to those who have been really feeling the pinch of the current economic situation?

PAUL:  ” In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.”

MK:  Well I think that is sound, but our current President continues to pound the message that we are in a “crisis” that we are suffering through times “like none other”  that we are in an “unprecedented economic downturn,” so what would you say to President Obama in his attempts to lead us through these times?

PAUL:  “I’ve never seen a monument erected to a pessimest.”  So President Obama ought to instead be the optimist after all…“every pessimist who ever lived has been buried in an unmarked grave.  Tomorrow has always been better than today, and it always will be.”

MK:  I could not agree more.  And what about our great and wonderful Congress?  Ms. Pelosi and her ilk are dead set to turn our economy from a people/capitalist driven economy to a government/socialsit driven economy.  Any words for those who think we should look to Congress to “save us” from these economic times?

PAUL:  “If ‘pro’ is the opposite of ‘con’ what is the opposite of ‘progress’?”

MK:    Exactly.  One thing an economic downturn does is force us to evaluate our lives and our careers.  Any advice for those who are reflecting on the past and trying to decide where to go from here?

PAUL:  “Like what you do, if you don’t like it, do something else.”

MK:  To the lighter side of things–are you much of a golfer?  Do you plan on hitting the golden links in heaven?

PAUL:  “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘Fore!,’ shoot six, and write down five.”

MK:  Finally, we have been told that Obama’s plans and stimulus package will “kick-start” the economy or “drop kick” it as VP Biden said, and yet today I learned that since President Barack Obama was elected, the Dow has dropped 2,562 points  and this past Friday, the Commerce Department reported that the U.S. economy shrank by 6.2%,  making it the worst quarter since 1982.  Most economists are predicting that labor data to be released this Friday will show that over 700,000 jobs were lost in February.  I thought President Obama was supposed to come in and save the economy, not turn it into something worse?

PAUL:  “Now you know the rest of the story.”

Murphy