Archive for May 2009

Your Constitutional Right To Not Be Offended

May 27, 2009

of⋅fend–verb (used with object)

1. to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause resentful displeasure in: Even the hint of prejudice offends me.
2. to affect (the sense, taste, etc.) disagreeably.
3. to violate or transgress (a criminal, religious, or moral law).
4. to hurt or cause pain to.
5. (in Biblical use) to cause to fall into sinful ways.

(source-Dictionary.com).  The United States Constitution has this pesky little area called The Bill of Rights.  Interestingly, during the Constitutional convention, many argued against drafting any of the first 10 amendments.  The thought was that if we actually delineate our rights, then we will limit ourselves to those rights and those alone.  They argued that we should have rights unlimited except by penal codes based on moral authority based on the 10 Commandments.  Ultimately, the argument won that we should have a list of rights so that those rights will be most definitely protected.

I have searched the Constitution and attempted to find this new right that has prevailed in our society for at least the last decade if not longer–The Right To Not Be Offended.  I just cannot find that dad gum right.

Nevertheless–it prevails.

Yesterday, Dallas local news ran a story about Debbie McLucas (one of my new heroes).  Ms. McLucas brought an American Flag to work at the Kindred Hospital in Mansfield in celebration of Memorial Day.  Ms. McLucas’ husband and two sons have served in our Armed Forces and her daughter is currently in Iraq.

To her shock and awe, her boss told her he was offended by the Flag and that she had to take it down!  Now, her boss is from Africa and was not born here.  So you can understand his feeling like his rights are being trampled on when he lives in America and has to stare at that hideous flag.  You can’t?

Well this makes sense doesn’t it?  I mean after all, the Supreme Court ruled in United States v. Eichman that burning the American Flag -is considered “symbolic speech” and is protected by the First Amendment.  So doesn’t it follow that simply hanging the Flag up in your office area at work would be offensive?  It doesn’t?

Well, I’m offended that you don’t get it so you should simply be removed from Internet access all together–your mere presence here is offensive to me.

Well, as long as we in society are going to allow rules at work and home and in public to be dictate by what offends each of us, I have a list of things that offend me and I would like them immediately removed from society.  If not, then I will be REALLY offended and may even have to file a lawsuit in Federal Court in some liberal place like Minnesota or Maine.

Here is my list:

1.   Physically Fit Men

I don’t look like this–and their mere presence in society is offensive–I want them fully clothed and off the beach-NOW!

2.  Democrat Congressmen..er… Congresspeople

They are elitist, they are voting in the most Socialistic agenda in our Nation’s history and I’m offended–deeply offended so they should all immediately resign.

3.  “Celebration”

If I go to one more wedding and hear this song I may actually go postal and wipe out the entire reception.  After hearing this song for 29 years, I have come to loathe it like beets.  And now, when I hear it, I’m simply offended–so I want every copy of it erased starting with this hideous video.

4.  Beets

Offensive, simply and plainly offensive–offensive color, shape, smell and especially taste.  I would like to see the complete eradication of all beets from our planet.

5.  Pro-Choice Rallies

and if that is not bad enough…

I think that speaks for itself.

6.  The View

Everyone pictured here is offensive.  Especially Joy-whose name is irony defined.  I’m mostly offended that four women can get paid gobs of money to sit around and talk about their personal views and gossip.  That is a job?  I’m offended–and I want it gone.

There’s more, but I really need to get to work–hey, you know what, having to work for money is offensive too.  I shouldn’t have to do that.  I think the Government ought to help me out–maybe it could take your tax dollars and give them to me–now that wouldn’t be offensive at all.

-Murphy

Advertisements

Way To Go California! Yes-I Just Said That!

May 21, 2009

Normally I think that the bumper sticker above is simply redundant.  I mean this is the State of Nancy Pelosi and San Francisco and OJ Simpson and I expect it to be a haven for liberal ideas.  Then the voters cast a “No” ballot for same-sex marriage and I thought maybe there was a break in the liberalism.  But I wasn’t convinced.  Well today I am.

Today this version of California was (at least for now) put to rest:

Obamatopia

Today I read that California voters came out in and voted against five different tax hike proposals.  In fact, in all but one ballot vote the “No” votes were 65% or greater!  Now the California Legislature will have to figure out how to cut $23billion from the budget to avoid a deficit.  This is a clear message that the “tax and spend” ideas of the left are running out of support and steam.  California, a heavily taxed State already, has had enough.

Imagine–if California has had enough, how do you think people are feeling in Texas, Oklahoma, Alabama, Louisiana and other predominately Red States? 

So this post is a salute to the great State of California for finally pushing its voters hard enough that the conservatives have come out of their deep sleep and voted.  I can only hope that the rest of the Country will follow suit shortly.

So all of this “no taxes” stuff really has me excited.  I mean, maybe I could actually live in California–let’s see what it has to offer:

Okay, well…I guess I’ll just hang out here in Texas for a while–but way to go on that voting thing–which I have now already forgotten.

-Murphy

National Debt’s Accomplice–You and Me!

May 14, 2009

Of course we have known for a long time that Obama is in fact “Superman.”  It was revealed during his campaign when he posed next to one of his own statues:

And, of course the cartoon makers are racists since they have always depicted his cartoon and movie persona as a dashing dark haired white guy.  But that is a different post.

One of the things we here at MKCB have been trying to discover is what his actual superpower is.  I mean the cartoon version has super strength and x-ray vision and can leap tall buildings etc… but the “real” superman has to have a super-power.  What could it be?

For a while I thought it was super fast capitalism destruction or super socialism but today it was revealed in all its glory.  Before I reveal it to you let me show you how we got there.

Today in Rio Rancho, New Mexico, President Obama attended a town-hall style meeting.  In that speech he stated that “We can’t keep on just borrowing from China. “We have to pay interest on that debt, and that means we are mortgaging our children’s future with more and more debt.”

{thought bubble–“that’s odd, Barack never says stuff like that when he is in Washington”}

He went on to say that in reference to credit card debts, “We have been complicit in these problems,” he said. “We have to change how we operate. These practices have only grown worse in the midst of this recession.”

{thought bubble—hmmmm, how exactly does credit card debt relate to the National Debt?}

And there it is—the source of his real power.

Are you ready?

Barack Obama’s superpower is….Blame Shifting. 

I know, I know, you are stunned at this revelation–but it is true.  And it has been right in front of our eyes all along.  During the campaign he was a master at shifting blame for every ill in society to Republicans, the Bush administration and Big Oil.  Since taking over he has eloquently discussed how the problems he is facing were inherited and how he is here to solve them.

And now–with the velvet touch only he can provide, our President, in the same speech has somehow shifted the blame, at least in part, for our National Debt–which by the way is a product of Government spending–to us by telling You and Me that we have too much credit card debt.  Wow!–It is truly super.

Get ready–the next shift will be when sugary foods and our consumption of them will be the real culprit behind our health care “crisis” and therefore, high health care costs will be our fault as well.  He is a master.

So I have attempted to design a new costume that better fits his superpower.  I’ve seen this version:

But a big “Zero” on your chest doesn’t really inspire me too much.  The “S” is already taken so after much consideration I’ve come up with this:

Obamabs

You know, for “blame shifting.”    Hmmm…I think it fits him perfectly.

-Murphy

Health Care Reform, Taxes on Chips, Bankers Salaries, Oh My!

May 14, 2009

socialism illustrated

ALERT!–ALL SATIRE HAS BEEN PUSHED ASIDE FOR THIS POST.

-That’s right, I have decided that I simply cannot make light of the ongoing barrage of socialistic filth that is coming down from Mount Olympus, er… Washington D.C.  Today I heard a report on how Congress is considering taxing soft drinks, sugary foods and chips.  Which by the way, discriminates against fat people–didn’t I do a post about this at one time…

(See https://mklasing.wordpress.com/2007/12/17/instead-of-taxing-babies-how-about-taxing-caprisun/)

Then I heard a report about how Congress wants to regulate how bankers get paid–even with banks that did not take any bailout money.  Then I hear about how Nancy Pelosi has guaranteed a health care reform bill by August.

After my head exploded and I picked up the pieces of my severed skull and taped it back together I realized something that I have been denying for the past 7 months.  I am really really mad.  Not just a little mad–but REALLY mad.

Since the election I have tried to be understanding and humble about the outcome.  I know that although 58 million people did not vote for Barack Obama, 60 million did and those 60 million are entitled to their reasons and feelings and this is a free country and blah, blah, blah, blah.

However, numerous people have told me recently that they voted for Mr. Obama because they “were afraid that McCain was just another Bush,” or “I had no idea he would take us this far to the left,” or “we just needed a change,” or “I gave the Republicans 8 years and they didn’t take care of things.”  And now I’m just mad.

I’m mad at the voters–I’m mad at you if you voted for Barack Obama.  I know it seems like sour grapes and all that–but here is a newsflash for you liberals–it is not about ME winning or ME getting my way in the election.  It is about what is best for our Country.  It’s about not allowing all of our freedoms and liberties to be sucked into the socialistic vaccum cleaner of the Democratic Party.

So I’m Mad at each person who voted for Mr. Obama.  And as the Country slides further into socialism YOU are to blame.  When my daughter is 80 and cannot get a hip replacement without a 6 month wait-YOU are to blame.  When unemployment hits 20% under the thumb of over taxation and regulation, YOU are to blame.  When our military can no longer defend our Nation because of the dismantling of our post 9/11 defenses put in place by the Bush administration-YOU are to blame.  When we slip from lone Superpower to being dependent on the good graces of Europe, China and Russia-YOU are to blame.

So today I’m mad–I’ll get over it I suppose.  I don’t mean any offense to any liberals out there (and I know how easy you take offense–at least I didn’t post a giant picture of a nativity scene) or any friends who voted for Obama.  After all, I’m confident you will rectify this situation in 2012–I just hope it won’t be too late.

-Murphy

P.S.

 

 

Keep going…

 

 

 

…..

 

 

 

he heee

Business Failing? Well Raise Your Prices-Just Ask the Post Office

May 8, 2009

As we all know, many companies are having a tough time in this economy.  Part of the reason is that people are not spending their money but instead are saving it for the coming days of socialism that are being thrust down our throat by the Obama administration.  Part of the reason it that people don’t have money to spend.  The other reason is that the product or service simply stinks and no one wants it.

So what are these companies to do?

Let’s take GM for example.

For years, they make too many products that look the same but have different names and prices.  For years, with the exception of their truck line, they make a far inferior product than does Toyota and Mazda and Honda.  All they needed was a little recession and suddenly they are in the tank.  Not to mention the fact that they are hamstrung with union requirements that make the cost of making a car far more than necessary and cuts their profit margin to the bone.  So instead of filing bankruptcy last fall like any other company would do in this situation, our Government, encouraged by George Bush and Barack Obama later has “loaned” GM billions of dollars to get them back on their feet.  Imagine if you were asked to take your tax payment and invest it in the market instead of giving to the Government.  It is unlikely you would have invested it in a failing company or industry.  You, instead would have purchased a big chunck of Exxon or Wal-Mart or something that actually works.

But have no fear–the Government does not learn from its mistakes–it continues to take over, er, I mean assist the auto industry. 

Well I’m no economist, but I have an idea for GM–Why don’t you raise your prices?  You know, take a Suburban from $38K and make it $60K.  Why, that’s another $22K in profit right there per car. 

I can see you are skeptical of my idea.  I mean after all, what moronic company or industry would look at a recession, can the marketplace and realize it has some real strong competitors and RAISE its prices in an effort to save itself? 

What kind of arrogant, myopic, self-absorbed, idiotic, short-sighted fool would do such a thing?  That is what you are thinking–but wait there is a “company” that is going to give this method a shot…

That’s right, the United States Postal Service.  They have the right idea.  I mean with email and FedEx and UPS and email and Twitter and Facebook and email–they have some stiff competition.  And what better way to encourage you to use the old “snail” mail system than to pay more for it.  So as of Monday, a First Class Stamp will be $.44 and a host of other effective and efficient services will be increased as well (in price that is, not in effeciency or effectiveness).

I mean–after all you are a patriot aren’t you?  You wouldn’t dare purposely not use a stamp that say, looked like this?

It has the Statute of Liberty on it for the love of all that is good and decent.  Besides, how do you expect the USPS to be able to keep affording to pay a slew of people and artists to come up with stamps like these:

 

 Personally I like this one:

So come on America, if your business is failing, if competitors are driving you to Bankruptcy, and, of course, if you voted Republican and therefore do not qualify for a bailout, simply do what the experts do at the USPS–raise your prices. 

Then—call me and let me know how that is going–or actually, just send me an email.

-Murphy

PETA Scores HUGE Victory With H1N1–Now Targets All “Animal Phrases”

May 2, 2009

Yes, that was the “cleanest” PETA protest picture I could find–sorry.  But PETA today has something to celebrate even more than an opportunity to get naked and wear body paint in public.  PETA has scored a victory in something more powerful than a Whataburger or a hunting rifle or a deer blind…PETA has scored a victory in the most powerful weapon of all–WORDS.

Yes, it appear that “Swine Flu” is no longer the appropriate title of the virus that has swept the world and claimed some 200+ infections out of 4 1/2 billion people.  Now we must call it “H1N1”  which frankly is hard to remember. 

After all–at a recent protest, PETA members were dressed as pigs:

Funny how the pigs want government to tax “meat” a word that typically means “beef.”  But I digress…After this display having a pandemic named after a pig was simply unacceptable.  (But Murphy–the flu strain comes from pigs!!)-When has the truth ever been considered when being politically correct?  Seriously.

But now, PETA, feeling energized by this RARE victory has decided to STEAK its claim on the remaining animal phrases that we use without considering the feeling of the animals they target.

So we here at MKCB have sought out the opinion of Alex Pacheco-the Chairman of PETA to find out what phrases will be targeted next.

Q:  Hello Alex.  So tell us what is your next language target?

A:  Well, here is a list of phrases we here at PETA really dislike and a list of suggested changes:

1. “Hog Wash”—–“Man Wash”

2. “Dog Tired”—-“Man Tired”

3. “Cat Got Your Tongue?”—“Evil Lying SOB Human Got Your Tongue?”

4. “What a Snake In The Grass.”—“What A Pathetic, Wretched, Selfish, No Good Homo Sapiens in The Grass.”

5. “Tastes Like Chicken”—“Tastes Like The Mistreatment Of All Animalkind Wrapped Together In a Piece of Lettuce.”

6.  “Bug-Eyed”—“Big Ugly Man-Eyed.”

7. “That Dog Don’t Hunt” (used primarily in Alabama)—“That Human Don’t Kill Helpless Sacred Animals”

8.  “It’s Raining Cats and Dogs”—“It’s Raining Men, Hallelujah It’s Raining Men.”

9.  “I Can’t Get The Monkey Off My Back.”—“I Wish I Had A Monkey On My Back.”

10.  “Curiosity Killed The Cat”—“Curiosity and The Reckless Display Of Human Activity Geared Towards Making the World Better For Humans Alone Killed The Cat and The Dog and the Bird and all Animals.”

Q:  Whoa, whoa here Alex–okay obviously some of these suggestions completely destroy the meaning of the phrase and are simply propaganda for your cause.

A:  Of course you would say that–you are an animal hater.

Q:  No, I love animals–I think they taste great.

A:  AHHHHH! 

Q:  Sorry man, I’m just kidding–but seriously do you think the world is really ready for these changes?

A:  Of course they are–why Swine Flu was changed in a matter of days to H1N1.

Q:  True, okay well I know you are as busy as a bee and I don’t want you to think I’m up to some kind of monkey business or that I might be horsing around so I’m gonna grab the bull by the horns and wrap up this interview.

A:  You sorry *#$*(@$&%^@(*&!

-Murphy