Archive for January 2008

A Vote For Obama Is a Vote For Transgender Bathrooms

January 30, 2008

 Now that McCain and Clinton have won the Florida primaries it is time to press forward and ask them about the real issues confronting real Americans.  The issues that we all grapple with daily.  Those quirky realities of our everyday lives that creep up and scare, humiliate, embarass, worry and befuddle us.  For example, my hat goes off to Gainesville, Florida for being at the forefront of just such an issue.  The issue you ask?  Well, frankly you shouldn’t have to ask–after all–this issue “transcends” all of us, it defines who we are as Americans and as a people.  It is the age-old question, dating back to Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night–“Where can a Transgender individual use the restroom? 

[livevideo id=DD279B5248E34B9892FEF036E70C0492]

 

What to do indeed if you are a person whose “inner sex” differs from your “outer sex.”  (Psychiatry comes to mind)  I mean if you don’t really know your gender–choosing a bathroom can be very stressful.  What to do, what to do…

  So what do the candidates have to say about such things?

First let’s check in with Hillbilly Clinton:

hillbilly.jpg  It would seem that the first set of co-Presidents might be very sensitive to this issue but wait, a recent column on a website called the “Transadvocate.com” had this to say:

Clinton demonstrated her knowledge of transgender issues with her own wording back in 2001 (during an HRC published interview) was “I have not been told that (transgender issues) is a concern by my gay and lesbian friends.” How would that statement have been taken if she said “I’m unaware of African American issues as no one from the Anti-Defamation League has approached me on this”?… Why would it never occur to the Senator to go to the community directly on what our issues were, or the difficulties on housing, employment, health care, etc?

We in the transgender community would easily be painted with the “screaming tranny, always complaining” stereotype should we decide to voice opinion on this. Instead, we held our tongue trying to contradict the stereotype.  Later Clinton was posed a question from New York trans activist Melissa Sklarz on transgender inclusion in ENDA (Employment Non Discrimination Act). Sen. Clinton replied by saying that she supported gender identity inclusion in principle, but that she misgivings about supporting a bill that would place transitioned transgenders in “positions of responsibility”. Improvement? Sure. But is she a solid supporter of transgender employment? No.

 Wow!  So Senator Clinton is not very sensitive about the problems facing the gender confused community.  That is such a shame since many of us in the gender-confident community are confused about hers.  But I digress into meanness which is certainly not called for–I apologize (but my inner apology is rescinded).

I am proud of the transgender community though–I am glad they didn’t voice their opinion because we really don’t need any more “screaming trannies” running around.

Well what about Obama?

  Much more sensitive—almost.  Here is what he was quoted as saying recently on this issue:

“The transgendered community has to be protected. I just don’t have any tolerance for that sort of intolerance. And I think we need to legislate aggressively to protect them.”

“Them?!?”  Seems awfully insensitive to refer to the gender confused as “them” or “those people.” He may as well be saying they should live on their own island or shop in their own dress stores.  But he is much more sensitive that Hillary so I suppose with the most obvious choice out of the race today…

 

Obama must be the pick for those who are gender confused.  By the way…just a thought…are there so many gender-confused people in society that this will have an impact?

Hard to say but apparently this problem of bathroom identity crisis has affected Gainseville enough that the city government had to make its move.

Hats off to Mayor Pegeen Hanrahan

 comm_ph.jpeg  I suppose she won’t mind if a gender confused male wanders into a girls bathroom where her 3 year old daughter is doing her business.  Of course she won’t because she is much more tolerant and sensitive than the homophobic, right-wing, archaic, conservative republicans who have demonized such activity (with the notable exception of one Idaho congressman) for centuries.  Maybe now the bathroom signs will look like this:

Americans, as you go to the polls in the upcoming weeks, remember that if you are gender confused, if your inner sex is having a raging battle with your outer sex (kind of like the guy in Silence of the Lambs), if you just don’t know whether you want to stand up or sit down, then vote for the candidate who understands your needs, who understands that “you people” need to not be burdened with a choice day in and day out of male vs. female bathrooms.  Vote for the man who knows restrooms better than any other–the man whose every word sounds as if it came right out of one–Barrack Obama.  And then maybe, just maybe we can do away with segregationist titles like male and female and just be people.  And further, we can just allow people to decide whether they are male or female without regard to silly things like anatomy.

-Murphy

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Scientology-The Way to Keep The Democrats Out of Office.

January 29, 2008

January 28, 2007-only 10 months (and some days) until the election–God Save Us All!

 There has been so much blogging material the last week from the election–so much that blogs have just about exploded with tapes of Bill yelling, Bill sleeping, Hillary squalking, Obama smiling, McCain being “humble” and Guiliani drowning.  There has to be a way out of this mess–a way out of this constant insanity.

Where can I look to find the answers to peace, harmony, contentment, satisfaction—I started searching the Internet for answers and then I thought, “Hey self-you keep making fun of people like Tom Cruise–but you don’t know anything about Scientology–maybe you should check it out.”   I then told ‘self’ that he must be smoking crack-but I checked in the mirror-and no rapid weight loss and I haven’t abandonded my job, family and all reality–so I must not be on crack.

 So I checked it out…so you wouldn’t have to…

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 Scientology:  according to its website, the word means “the study of truth.”  Funny, I thought it meant “the study of science” but I suppose English wasn’t my strongest class.  “Scientology is the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, others and all of life.”  Now we are getting somewhere–I want to handle the spirit–but of course, only in relationship to itself  (what the freak does that mean?), others and all of life (even the little biddy birdies?).

The website continues…

 “Man is an immortal, spiritual being. His experience extends well beyond a single lifetime.”  Okay-I’m jiggy with that. 

” His capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized — and those capabilities can be realized.”  Now this is cool–does this mean I can make myself invisible?  I’ve always thought that would be a cool super-power.  What about teleportation?  If I could combine the two then I could invisibly teleport myself to wherever Bin Laden is and shoot him in the back of the head and teleport back in time for the season opener of Lost.  Awesome!  But I digress…

” He is able to not only solve his own problems, accomplish his goals and gain lasting happiness, but also achieve new, higher states of awareness and ability.”  This kind of sounds like what some “friends” of mine would say when they wanted me to try pot—which I declined.  I do want to solve my own problems, accomplish my goals and gain lasting happiness–I’m good with just those–but bonus time–if you order now you also get “higher states of awareness and ability” absolutely free.  Will that mean I will be like the Wonder Twins?

wonder-twins.jpg

I’ll be able to shift myself into the shape of a hawk or a block of ice to defeat my enemies?  That would be cool.  I could freak the jury out in Court and say, “Objection Your Honor, Shape of Mist” and float near the jury and whisper-“no negligence, no negligence.'”

I’ve always wanted to be able to pitch a baseball at 100mph–just for one year, make a couple of million, win the Cy Young award and then go back to the practice of law.  This is really starting to sound like the religion for me…

“In Scientology no one is asked to accept anything as belief or on faith.”  Well now that makes it easy–because faith can be so frustrating–like I have faith that the refrigerator light will always come on when I open the door–but I’m always afraid it won’t.  With Scientology I won’t have to worry about such things. 

Now comes the real apex of their “belief” system: (or “thought” system since belief is not part of it)

” That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true. An individual discovers for himself that Scientology works by personally applying its principles and observing or experiencing results. ”

Now this might explain Mr. Cruise’s arrogant, self-righteous behavior.

  Because I suppose what is “true” for him is that he is a conceited, self-righteous, arrogant, human buttocks.  And therefore—he has become his own “truth”  You know something is scarry about a religion that even Germany has considered banning.  I mean GERMANY!  Wow!

But as I ponder this upcoming election I started thinking–if I was a Scientologist I could achieve new accomplishments and abilities and I could make up my own truth, er, I mean, Discover my “own” truth and then make it true.  This is fabulous.  No more accountability or personal responsibility because whatever is true for me–well–then it is true.

So IF I were a Scientologist, here would be the “truths” that would be true for me and therefore must actually be TRUE:

1.  It is True for me and therefore True that:  Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are actually having an affiar and when it comes out the Democrats are left with no viable candidate.

*Poof*

Awesome–okay another…

2. It is True for me and therefore True that: John Edwards is actually and American Girl doll.

 *Poof*

  This Scientology stuff is better than cheese grits!

3.  It is True for me and therefore True that: Bill Clinton isn’t real–he is actually the Great Cornholio from Beavis and Butthead.

*Poof*

Why have I been wasting my time at the Baptist Church?  Okay a few more…

4.  It is True for me and therefore True that: Ted Kennedy loves to dance ballet in a pink tutu.

*Poof*

 Okay-I don’t want to make Tom mad by having too many truths so only one more…

5.  It is True for me and therefore True that:  I am 23 years old and ripped.

*Poof*

Thank you Tom, thank you John Travolta, thank you Kirstie Alley, thank you Priscilla Presley, thank you Juliette Lewis, thank you Sony Bono. 

I’m going to go celebrate by eating 40 lbs of dark chocolate–oh don’t worry-in my truth, dark chocolate is the fountain of youth, cures all forms of disease and actually reduces weight and builds muscles–I love Scientology.

-Murphy

Roe v. Wade 35th Anniversary-37 Million People Cannot Attend the Party

January 22, 2008

 

Today marks the 35th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade, and it is estimated that over 37 million babies have been aborted since 1973 in the United States.  To put that in perspective, if you wiped the total population of New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles off the map–that would still be a few hundred thousand short of 37 million. 

There are news stories all over the web today about this–and some sites are having a party.  The National Organization of Women says on their webpage that “continued vigilance is necessary.”  In fact, the President has this to say: “This year we have the chance to elect a new administration and send new members to Congress who will help protect and expand our reproductive freedom. Come November we must elect a president who will be vigilant in upholding a woman’s right to make her own childbearing decisions, including access to birth control and abortion,” said NOW President Kim Gandy.

I thought I would include her picture here:

You see, her picture can appear on this site because her mother did not choose to have her expelled from her womb before she was ready in an intentional act of killing her.  Lucky Kim.

I like the new terms the pro-death crowd is using–“reproductive freedom” and “reproductive justice.”  You see, “freedom” and “justice” are so valuable to us here in America.  Throughout our history men and women have died to preserve the precious nature of “freedom” and “justice.”  But the unborn child–his/her “freedom” and “justice” are in the hands of another.  The unborn child, with no voice, no podium, no blog to write on has to rely on one person to protect his/her “freedom” and “justice.”  That person is his/her mother.  And who better?  For only a mother will love, care and protect a child more than anyone else in the world.  Only a mother understands the pain and joy her child experiences.  A mother would be the first to give her life for her child if called upon to do so.  And yet… Ms. Gandy calls upon mothers to be “vigilant” in her right to end the life of her unborn child.

“Vigilant” is a great word. It means to be keenly watchful to detect danger or to be wary.  You only have to add a small “e” to the end of this word and you get “vigilante.”  A “Vigilante” is any person who takes the law into his or her own hands.  In its adjective form it means “done violently and summarily, without recource to lawful procedures.”

I think that since the “pro-choice” crowd has come up with new terms–to be fair “pro-lifers” ought to do the same.  So let’s call them what they really are:  “Reproductive Vigilantes.”

The definition of “Reproductive Vigilantes” therefore would be one who, without recourse to the rights and freedoms of the unborn, decides summarily and violently to end the life of that unborn child.”

Now with my new PC term in hand, let’s discuss the beautiful State of Vermont.  Today an article hailing the Anniversary of Roe appeared.  In that article we have the following quote:  “For a generation of women and men born after Roe, it is incumbent upon us to remember that the right to make personal childbearing decisions has enable women to pursue educational and employment opportunities that were often unthinkable before Roe,” said Rep. Rachel Weston, D-Burlington.

Here is Rachel’s picture–lucky for her, her mom chose to not end her life before her voice could be heard in the Vermont Legislature.  Lucky for her, her mother was not a Reproductive Vigilante.

But I suppose I’m being too harsh, after all, a very famous world leader expressed his pro-choice view when he said, ” in view of the large families of native population, it could only suit us if girls and women there had as many abortions as possible.”  Who was that famous person?  Well, lucky for him I can show his picture too: 

 Today of all days, we need to get on our knees and beg forgiveness that we have allowed this Country to end the lives of 37 million people (more than Hitler, more than Stalin) out of convenience and in the fraudulent names of “freedom” and “Justice” and “Equality.”  To use such words in this context is a bullet to the head of the men and women who have fought for such rights only to see the U.S. strip those rights away from the most innocent among us.  This is not a day to celebrate but rather a day to mourn.  It is the anniversary of the death of numerous generations of children and grandchildren and furture scientists, doctors, lawyers, teachers and yes, directors of non-profit organizations and state legislators. 

So I would ask us all to focus on those below, those who were fortunate enough to have loving moms instead of Reproductive Vigilantes:

  God Bless every Mom who no matter what the cost, no matter the inconvenience, no matter their age, no matter their economic status, realized that life is precious and that the life of the unborn child growing inside them was more precious than their reputation, their social status, their economic status and their personal selfish plans for the future.  Thank you for choosing LIFE over SELF.

-Murphy

Our First African American President…

January 22, 2008

“I have a dream, uh, um,  I am dreaming”

 Couldn’t resist posting this video of Billy–he is so sensitive.  I’m betting he “made out” in the back of a theater during Shindler’s List as well.

Don’t Mess With Texas–You Hear Me Martians?

January 21, 2008
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I will admit it–I am a true blue Texan.  I love Texas and always have.  I love the history, the wealth of natural resources, the high school football, the coastline, the tough-on-crime-gun-carrying attitude of many of our residents.  I love the diversity of thought and people, the massive mix of cultures from small town to big city, from redneck to oil barron, from snow in the panhandle to year round heat in the valley.  Texas is rich in tradition and heritage and can be as flat as it is hilly and as humid as it is dry.  It has its own Air Force and Army, it has its own wine country and forests.  I really cannot say enough…

However…because we are a giant State among many smaller ones, we also have our share of embarassments.  Many a TV movie has been made about famous crimes in Texas.  We had the “cheerleader mom,” Andrea Yates, Robert Durst, T. Cullen Davis, Ann Richards, the Zamora-Graham Cadet Murder, the “Chicken Ranch,” etc…

This morning I read a story that once again has Texas in a spotlight that is hard to understand.  Apprently, residents of Stephenville, Texas have seen a UFO.

STEPHENVILLE, Texas (Jan. 14) – In this farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO. Several dozen people – including a pilot, county constable and business owners – insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it.

Ricky Sorrells

Donna McWilliam, AP

Machinist Ricky Sorrells said he saw a flat, metallic object hovering about 300 feet over a pasture behind his Dublin home. “It feels good to hear that other people saw something, because that means I’m not crazy,” he said.

“People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it’s the end of times,” said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. “It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts.”While federal officials insist there’s a logical explanation, locals swear that it was larger, quieter, faster and lower to the ground than an airplane. They also said the object’s lights changed configuration, unlike those of a plane. People in several towns who reported seeing it over several weeks have offered similar descriptions of the object.  Machinist Ricky Sorrells said friends made fun of him when he told them he saw a flat, metallic object hovering about 300 feet over a pasture behind his Dublin home. But he decided to come forward after reading similar accounts in the Stephenville Empire-Tribune.”You hear about big bass or big buck in the area, but this is a different deal,” Sorrells said. “It feels good to hear that other people saw something, because that means I’m not crazy.” Sorrells said he has seen the object several times. He said he watched it through his rifle’s telescopic lens and described it as very large and without seams, nuts or bolts.Maj. Karl Lewis, a spokesman for the 301st Fighter Wing at the Joint Reserve Base Naval Air Station in Fort Worth, said no F-16s or other aircraft from his base were in the area the night of Jan. 8, when most people reported the sighting.   Lewis said the object may have been an illusion caused by two commercial airplanes. Lights from the aircraft would seem unusually bright and may appear orange from the setting sun. “I’m 90 percent sure this was an airliner,” Lewis said. “With the sun’s angle, it can play tricks on you.”Officials at the region’s two Air Force bases – Dyess in Abilene and Sheppard in Wichita Falls – also said none of their aircraft were in the area last week. The Air Force no longer investigates UFOs.

About 200 UFO sightings are reported each month, mostly in California, Colorado and Texas, according to the Mutual UFO Network, which plans to go to the 17,000-resident town of Stephenville to investigate.  Fourteen percent of Americans polled last year by The Associated Press and Ipsos say they have seen a UFO.

Erath County Constable Lee Roy Gaitan said that he first saw red glowing lights and then white flashing lights moving fast, but that even with binoculars could not see the object to which the lights were attached.  “I didn’t see a flying saucer and I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t an airplane, and I’ve never seen anything like it,” Gaitan said. “I think it must be some kind of military craft – at least I hope it was.”

Please stop judgin’ us you Yankee haters!  I know ya ar’ judgin’ us rite now!  Steve Allen has a good point–He says that  this is the “Bible belt and everyone’s afraid its the end of times.” 

I was looking through Revelation and found a lost chapter that says, “Yea in the end times a saucer-like craft from the planet Yendor will hover over small Texas towns and confuse the local population.  It will be in such time that a man will rise from Yendor, a Senator named Kucinich, and he will lead the people astray, yea, into the dark side of the force.”

What Bible is Steve reading???  Anywho–the rest of the article makes a little more sense.  Mr. Sorrels was embarassed by his own viewing until he read about other accounts in the Stephenville-Empire Tribune–a paper known for its truth-in-reporting attitude and for specials at Penny’s on Saturday afternoon.  I heard that the accounts were detailed on the last page of the paper each day–which was page 3.

Major Karl Lewis above gives us all a lesson on how the Sun can angle itself in a way to fool us silly Texas-folk.  Wha???

I decided to get to the bottom of this odd event–because after all I am not going to stand around and do nothing while my State gets dragged through the redneck mud once again.  We are TEXAS! 

So I took a little trip to Stephenville.

stephenville.jpg

It is kind of in the middle of the State.  I wanted to see if maybe this was an isolated incident of kookyness or if they whole town had gone mad.

My first stop was at a local theater where this poster was under the “now playing” section:

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That seemed odd–I haven’t actually heard of this movie but nevertheless, undaunted I continuned on my quest.  I then went into the center of town where I was shocked that such a “Bible Belted” city would have a golden calf right in the middle of town–sort of:

moola2.jpg  Moo-La the cow??  (unfortunately–this really is in Stephenville)–a tribute or idol if you will to the area’s dairy production.  After respectfully kneeling before said cow and tweaking an utter as is the tradition, I moved on.  I decided that maybe I should go to a local church and see if I could find someone to enlighten me on the townfolk and dispell any rumors that everyone was a nut.  My hopes were quickly shattered however when I got to the church only to see this sign on the front door:

cruise_icon_dianetics.jpg  So that was a strikeout.  I finally decided that maybe I should just talk to some good old fashioned working men and women.  Salt of the Earth kind of people that could give me the comfort I so desired.  To let me know that the people of MY State were in fact smart enough not to engage in such hillarity.  So I talked to these guys:

cityworkers.jpg  But unfortunately they were in a panic about how to get their truck off the sidewalk after installing the barricades.  Feeling less than exicted about my journey I made one last stop at the Country Club but everyone was out by the pool chanting “Go Leia, go Leia” to this scene:

 weekinreview61207.jpg Ummm…yikes?

So I came back to Houston glad to be away from crazyville but feeling a little defeated that my journey had been so fruitless.  Then I picked up today’s Houston Chronicle, turned to page E-1 and in horror read the another story on Stephenville’s sitings.  But then I found comfort–you see it’s not just Stephenville, Texas that has had multiple UFO sitings, but these famous and CREDIBLE people also have seen unidentified objects:

 1. 

   President Carter: “reports to have seen a UFO with his wife and other witnesses when he was governonr of Georgia”  (Apparently this object was unidentified–much like his fiscal polices).

 2. John Lennon: “reportedly saw a ‘flying saucer’ from his New York Apartment.” (of course, this was just after he had taken 10 hits of LSD–reportedly the saucer was in the shape of a walrus and keep saying ‘coo coo kachoo”)

3.   David Bowie: “allegedly saw lots of UFO’s when he was growing up.”  (Umm-no comment needed)

4.  Idi Amin:  “the former Ugandan dictator ‘witnessed a strange object surrounded by a smokelike cloud descend onto the surface of Lake Victoria'” (that was Satan checking in on his future helper).

5. barak.jpg Barack Obama–Okay he hasn’t seen any-but he says that the new mind meld he received from the planet Wackedoutliberalia has done wonders for his campaign message.

I guess I’m the one who is crazy.  I suppose there really is something out there.  Sorry I doubted you Stephenville-Nanu nanu.

-Murphy

Please Help Me Interpret These Useful Signs

January 17, 2008

For a break in politics I need your help.  Maybe you could let me know what your ideas are for what these road signs mean.  I have collected these over the years from various sites and find them intriguing.  It is an example of local, state and Federal government (from the US and abroad) believing that you are too stupid to properly function in society.  I’ve given my belief on their meaning but am open to all suggestions–just in case I ever actually encounter such signs.

 1.  503702786_1fe78e4182.jpeg

There shall be no grown men holding the hands of young girls.

2. 554586154_72a1bb0aac.jpeg

In Russia women with ponytails cannot play golf with chiseled men.

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Allowed forms of playtime in all San Francisco area parks.

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Warning:  Car Bomb area. 

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Designated area for feeding your young daughter to alligators.

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Caution:  When falling from our building you may have hot coffee poured on your crotch on the way down.

7. 767129124_c79ced1c45.jpeg 

It shall be prohibited for the hand of God to throw a baby next to a car.

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Urinating in front of someone who is trying to “do #2” is prohibited.

All help would be appreciated.

 -Murphy (still in seattle-still going nuts)

These Times They Are a Changing–Allegedly

January 17, 2008

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There’s a battle outside
And it is ragin’.
It’ll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’.

Bob Dylan

 The continuous battle cry of hope, dreams and change from the Democrats sounds so lovely–like a pretty song sung by a man with a crystal clear voice.  Funny thing is that the only reason I knew what the above verse actually said is by finding the lyrics online.  If you have ever listened to Bob Dylan it is what I imagine Charlie Brown’s teacher would sound like if she began to sing.  But I digress…

So what is this change they are talking about?  Pistol Pete has asked this question on his site and it got me thinking…what change do I want to see?  Well, should Obama or Hillary or Edwards give me a call and ask, these would be the things I want to see changed immediately:

1. The End Of Allergies

I suffer every March and October from seasonal allergies and after doping up on a cocktail of over the counter drugs and prescription drugs, I can breathe but cannot think.  I’ve lost 2 months of my life every year since I was 10–which is 38 months!!  So please Mr/Ms President–end allergies.

2.  The End of Traffic

 

I live in a large city with horrible traffic.  I would like our next President to make sure that the sky car is a real possibility.  I think it would help my stress level and I’m likely to get the “finger” much less often.

3.  Wile E. Coyote Should Catch the Annoying Roadrunner

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Seriously–why if he has all this money to buy fancy ACME explosives didn’t he just order dinner?  I want that bird caught, plucked, beheaded and Bar B Qued.

4.  I Want Murphy’s Law Repealed

For 39 years I’ve had to live with the constant jokes about “Murphy’s Law.”   Then I became a lawyer–and it really exploded.  The laws associated with my name, frankly suck.  So they need repealing.  And while we are at it I want Smurfs banned from existence.  This morning someone asked me for the 1, 456,777th time whether anyone has ever called me “Smurphy.”  Of course I had to kill that person.

5.  I Want the Astros To Win a World Series

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They have been–once (0-4 to the White Sox).  I would like them to win it. 

6.  I Want Mandatory Parenting Classes in High School

kids

Too many people become parents before they purchase a healthy dose of common sense.  Sure we all make mistakes as parents–but some people need a little more help.  Okay most do–so let’s add this class to high school.

7. I Want Honor Roll Bumper Stickers Banned by Law

I think that this change would end a significant amount of road rage.  School is hard enough on our kids before adding this gem of an idea to their worries.  Besides-with the dumbing down of education everyone is an Honor Student anyway.  I want these gone–now.

8.  Better Airline Food

It’s time–“meatloaf sandwich”–barf.  It is bad enough that the seats are so close together that I have to squeeze in–and I weigh 160.  I don’t know how people over 200 even get in the seat.  Then we have to endure this trash.  I would like to see airlines serve food catered from either Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, or Chilis’–these aren’t the best, but I think we can make do.

There are more changes I’d like to see–donuts that aren’t fattening but taste the same, a bill that eliminates all bad fat and cholesterol from the body, a ban on articles about Brittney Spears, gas at .10 a gallon, world peace, end of all disease, etc… but I’ll settle for any candidate that can accomplish the above 8. 

and please remember…”In a civilized society, one cannot send a severed cow’s head to anybody.”

-Murphy