Archive for the ‘Gas’ category

Thanksgiving Post: What Am I Thankful For?

November 25, 2008

In a year that has gone south in many ways for me (economics, market, election, Texas/Texas Tech game, turning 40, hairline) there are so many things to be thankful for.  Thanksgiving should be a time to reflect on such things leading up to the “big one” on December 25–the day that matters most.  So I thought I would let you know what I am thankful for- in a time where many people are not giving thanks.  So, in no particular order:

I.  AMERICA

I am thankful I live in the United States of America, which, as of today, is still the “land of the free” and the “home of the brave.”  I am thankful that since 9/11/01 there have been no terrorist attacks on our shores.  I am thankful that our airports, planes and buildings have remained safe in the last 7 years.   I am thankful for our troops.

They continue to work tirelessly to protect our freedom and to protect the citizens of Iraq from attacks.  They are true heroes and I am so thankful for them.  I am thankful for our President.  Yes, I know the polls and the pundits suggest that I shouldn’t be, but I am.  President Bush has worked hard to keep my children safe and has worked in an environment filled with the most vile, nasty, and undeserved attacks from members of the Democrat Party, yet, he has never failed to get up each day and do his best for our Nation.  I have not always agreed with him, but I am so very thankful for him and the job he has done.  So–Thank you Mr. President–you do a job that most Americans cannot and would not (hmmm..maybe an illegal immigrant should run for office–but I digress)

II.  FAMILY

No, I am not related to John Patterson.  Unlike this guy, I am very thankful for my family.  My wife, 3 kids, parents, in-laws, sister, nieces and nephews.  Although all families are imperfect, I am thankful that mine is perfectly normal and that so far, they have not decided to leave me.   I am thankful that my kids are healthy and do well in school and seem to be wary of morality and ethics.  I am thankful that my wife works tirelessly to make sure they are taught right and wrong and are well taken care of.  I am thankful that my parents and in-laws are still here and healthy and enjoy spending time with us.

III.   MISCELLAENOUS

A.  Dark Chocolate

Duh!  There is no greater sweetness.

B.  Colt McCoy

Yes, the entire Texas Longhorn team is great this year, but without McCoy, the team would certainly be in a different position in the polls and the National Title Race.  So I am thankful for him.

C.  The Gas Conspiracy

You know—either the Bush conspiracy–that Bush drove up the prices from his Oval Office Supercomputer to help his buddies at Big Oil, OR–the Obama conspiracy–that the Middle East drove up the prices to make the Country believe in the Bush conspiracy so that voters would chose Obama only to have the prices fall just after the election.  Well whichever fantasy you think is correct–the outcome is the same.  I am thankful that my Camry now costs $26 to fill up instead of $60 and that my Suburban costs $48 instead of $100.

D.  Hillary Clinton

I know, you are shocked that I would list her on my “thankful” list.  But I am thankful that she has been taken out of the Senate.  No longer will I have to listen to her pontificate about health care or some other socialist agenda item on C-Span.  Now she will be going to the Middle East to “impress” the Saudi’s–ha that is really funny.  For that I am thankful.

IV.  GOD

Finally, and primarily, I am thankful to God.  Thankful to Him for all of the above and so much more.  Thankful that His hand has not left my family or our Country.  Thankful that He continues to bless my life and the lives of those in my family and circle of friends.  Thankful that all of our needs continue to be provided.  Thankful that regardless of elections, stock markets, gas prices or National Championships, He remains faithful and constant.

God Bless you, your family, your job, your finances and your health.  And I wish you all–yes even you silly Democrats who get on here and call me names–even you guys—I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving.

-Murphy

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Obama’s Energy Plan Revealed!

August 14, 2008

Houston, Texas-August 14, 2008:  Whew!  It is good to get back to blogging after a long hiatus.  I have been on vacation or swamped at work.  Interestingly, lawsuits are on the rise.  It is typical of a bad economy–when the economy get rough, lawsuit filing sky rocket–which means I’m busier.  Now if I was a selfish boob, I would say–ya-hoo!  But I would rather have less work, on actually legitimate lawsuits, and have my dollar go further, than to have the rest of the world suffer while I work my butt off to make more money that is actually worth less.

But enough of that–I’m done with that hiatus and back to reveal to the world the satirical truth about the left-wing faction of our Country.  So much has happened since we last spoke–but I must say that Energy is the topic of the day.  It may be Energy that wins this election in the fall.  Obama’s energy policy-or whatever he is calling it-needs to be examined.  He has said everything from no drilling, to drilling to airing up our tires to forcing oil companies to pay a tax on their “windfall” profits to creating a government agency to develop “green” ways to live.

So I think it is time we examine some other ideas.  I would like to put on my Obama hat er halo for a second and suggest the following ideas to assist Obama in developing a comprehensive energy policy.

1.  Outlaw the Farming, Packaging and Sale of All Flatulent Producing Foods

 

Good-bye beans, broccli, cabbage, and any other toot-producing product.  Think of all the gas emissions we could save if we just quit eating these foods.  After all-Ireland has considered taxing cow farmers for the emissions of cows. (not kidding–see HERE).  Plus, I could finally ride a cross-country airplane without the ever so often smell of death that happens to float into my seating area.  This should help build the ozone layer and cut down on ultraviolet emissions which would reduce skin cancer and reduce our Countries medical costs.  Its brilliant!

2.  Make Cars Out Of Paper

It really doesn’t take much gas to move a paper car.  With the lack of weight involved the car will practically move on its own.  And if check the weather patterns in your area before you leave, you might be able to let Mother Nature simply blow your car to your destination.

3.  Outlaw Overweight Drivers

Here is one for you Obama–kind of on the fat tire theme.  You should pass a law disallowing anyone that is overweight to drive a car–at all.  First that would knock out maybe 60% of all drivers and then the use of gas would decrease dramatically.  Plus the only people on the road take less gas to move–because they are thin–like you.

4.  Eliminate Al Gore

 

I know it is a cruel and “inconvenient” suggestion, but really, he is traveling all over the world giving speeches.  The fuel cost, the hot air from his mouth, the cost of all of those power-points and the drain on the electricity to fuel the lights to make his speeches– I mean really–He can never repay his carbon body print.  And look at his house:

It consumes more electricity than an average house does in a year.  It needs to be broken down and used for alternative fuel for heat to those less fortunate.  And after all–will anyone really miss him?

5.  Stop All Drilling For Oil-Forever

Who are we kidding anyway with all of this drill now talk?  I mean the real way to solve the energy crisis is to simply eliminate energy all together.  We have the sun, we have the spotted owl, we have the moose, what else do we need?  Why must we be so greedy?  After all–the only reason we need energy is to go shopping and spend more of our windfall of money.  I say, stop all drilling.  Use up the rest and then let’s just see what happens.  Need convincing–look here, below is a picture of a village in Africa that doesn’t rely on BIG OIL to fund their community.  And they seem to be doing just fine.

Think about how much happier we will all be when our biggest responsibility is finding more thatch for our roof?  Won’t it be great?

-Murphy

“Here I Come To Save The Polar Bears!” (not Mighty Mouse)

July 9, 2008


Ahhh, the beautiful site of a Polar Bear slaughteringa baby seal.  Notice how the hue of the blood of the seal mixed with the reflection of blue sea water gives the picture a kind of violet tint.  Nature is a wonderous and magical thing.  But there is evil lurking in these blood-filled waters.  An evil no polar bear, even with his massive strength, can possibly defeat.

Big Oil!  That’s right the money-hungry, greedy, good for nothun’ Republican Controlled Oil Industry.  Somehow Bush and his henchmen were able to con the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service into granting legal protection to seven oil companies in the Chukchi Sea over the next five years should they accidentally harm “small numbers” of polar bears or Pacific walruses while drilling or during other exploratory activities. 

Oh the humanity…er…polar bearanity.

But wait–there is hope for the polar bear harassed by these villans.  In fact there is always hope for the environment because as soon as any industry tries to make an advancement to ease our pain at the pump–there will always be…

The mighty lawsuit.  Yes, the lawsuit–which has brought us such advances as warning labels on McDonald’s coffee to let you know it is actually “hot”, instructions on the back of rat poison that instruct you not to eat it, expensive car emissions systems, no more prayer in schools and constitutional rights to prisoners of war. 

This time–two separate conservation groups have teamed up to sue everyone that has ever lived to stop this “free pass” to Big Oil.  After all, we all know that drilling for oil harms the environment and therefore harasses the polar bear and the walrus.  Just like ANWR–I mean just look at the land region that Republicans insist should be explored for oil: 

Wow!  What a paradise!  I see why we need to be extra cautious there too.

Once again I say “bravo” to the liberals in our Country.  They never dissappoint me.  It had been almost 4 weeks since the authority was given to explore and I thought maybe the followers of the global environmental cult had missed it–but oh, no, they just needed to find a few brave heroes to do the job.  When we think of heroes we may think of soliders, astronauts, firemen, policemen, Ronald Regan but we all know the real heroes of our Country:

LAWYERS!  They know best how to make a Federal Case (literally) out of hanging chads, fatty foods and waterboarding.  Who else will speak for the Polar Bear?  Who else will champion the unheard voice of the walrus?  Paul McCartney?  I don’t think so.  If you want to hear the glorious sound of “coo coo ca choo” then you need a lawyer.  I just hope their lawsuit is in time to save us from lower gas prices in the next 5 years.  I am really hoping to be able to pay $10 a gallon one day so that I will be forced to by a smart car and then be crushed to death in the first minor accident I have on a Texas highway.

(remember, I have a right to be sarcastic about this–I am one of these)  🙂

-Murphy

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