Archive for September 2008

Nancy Pelosi Is A Great Leader–Kind of Like Um…General Custer

September 29, 2008

Nancy pelosi

The United States, allegedly, stands on the brink of an economic meltdown.  Our Government, including our President, has told us that the only ones who can save us are the white bread members of the United States House and Senate.  They have worked really hard for like a week or so to save us-and today when the votes were cast–they um…failed.

Imagine if you will the following scenario:  Venom is poised to launch and attack that would destroy the entire West Coast of the United States (I know let him do it–kidding left coasters).  The only one to save us all is of course, SpiderMan.

Unfortunately…

Spiderman is just a middle-aged fat guy running around naked covered in Spidey body paint. (ewww)  So what happens, Venom destroys California, Oregon and Washington, but not Alaska because some tough broad up there shoots him in the face with a shotgun…but I digress.

The point is–our Government is about as effective at solving private problems as a fat naked middle-aged Spiderman.  (is the metaphor stretching a bit?)

Well, never fear–we have General Pelosi at the helm–and just to give you a little comfort, here is a short list of people that secretly inspire her to lead us all to victory:

1.  General Custer

2.  Wanda Holloway (“The Texas Cheerleader Mom“)

3.  President James Buchanan

for you lacking in history–James Buchanan, faced with threats of the South leaving the Union over slavery  and thinking war was equally bad–couldn’t make a decision, lost the faith of his own party (the DEMOCRATS) and is largely held responsible for the break-up of the Union and following civil war.

4.  New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin

 

5.  Andrew Fastow

But have no fear Americans, if Pelosi can’t do it, and naked Spiderman can’t do it, then we dare not lose hope, we dare not begin to believe that we are failures because after all is said and done and the bailout is over and the banks are back up and running–our true savior will rise again to pull us from the jaws of defeat.

You know who it is–it is who has been saving us for years–lending us money and making those cute little everythings that decorate our house…

China!

-Murphy

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In a Race That Is Not About Race–Don’t Forget The Cracker Vote

September 25, 2008

Well, the wheels have finally come off.  Bill Clinton, in an inteview with Larry King last night re-injected race into the politics of this Presidential election.  When asked why he was postponing his campaigning for Obama he said this: “When [the Clinton Global Initiative] is over, and after the Jewish holidays, which follow close on it, I intend to go to Florida, to Ohio, to northeast Pennsylvania, and to Nevada at a minimum,” he said. “I may do events in Arkansas depending on what the Democratic Party does down there. And I’ve agreed to do some fundraising for them in California and New York.”

Larry King then asked him: “Are you kind of feeling Jewish that you’re waiting until after the Jewish holidays?”

“No. But I think it would be — if we’re trying to win in Florida, it may be that,” Clinton began, before discussing his real Florida target: “You know, they think that because of who I am and where my politic[al] base has traditionally been, they may want me to go sort of hustle up what Lawton Chiles used to call the ‘cracker vote’ there.  But Senator Obama also has a big stake in doing well in the Jewish community in Florida, where Hillary did very well and where I did very well. And I just think respecting the holidays is a good thing to do,” he said.

That’s right–that just happened.  I wish I had made this up–it’s great!

Now many (including Rush Limbaugh) have opined that the Clinton’s are really mad about the way in which Obama has treated them and are hoping he loses so she has a shot to run again in 2012.  I would say that these comments solidify that theory.

But wait, maybe Bill didn’t mean “Cracker” like “Honky” or “Whitey.”  Maybe he meant this kind of cracker:

Where can I get one of these?

No, I think he meant exactly what he said.  Now so no one is mistaken–here are the only 2 logical dictionary definitions for “Cracker” that he could have meant:

4. (initial capital letter) Sometimes Disparaging and Offensive. a native or inhabitant of Georgia (used as a nickname).
5. Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. a poor white person living in some rural parts of the southeastern U.S.

So I guess Bill didn’t mean #4 unless he was mistaking Florida for Georgia.  So…he was referring to poor white people who live in rural areas of Florida–and somehow waiting until after Jewish holidays will help him go down and get the vote of those people.  Like maybe this person:

Um, Bill–I don’t think voting is first on her mind.  And what I would pay to see you visit her house.

No, Bill meant to disparage white people as if Barack had approved of such a disparaging comment or as if to say, “Obama told me to go down at get the Jew vote and the Cracker vote.”  He was hoping that such a comment would reflect badly on Barack–as part of his sabotage efforts.

You go Bill.

-Murphy

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A Cap On CEO Salaries-The Return of the Green-Eyed Monster!

September 25, 2008

So now some of the real details of this “bailout” are being explained.  The Democrats have long wanted a salary cap on CEO’s.  You know, those individuals who have risen to the top of their respective fields, make millions of dollars as a result and are kept in check by shareholders and a board of directors and work for the government, er…sorry, I mean they work for private industry–but are apparently about to start working for the government.

One news article today on this subject has the following quote:

The chief executive at the now bankrupt Lehman Brothers raked in 72 million. CEOs at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, both now taken over by the federal government, made nearly 9 million and close to 3.5 million respectively.

“It’s obscene,” said former Utah teacher Sharon Carrier. “I’m a retired school teacher trying to pay for my medical insurance, and this is insane.”

Sharon may speak for millions of people watching the economic bailout drama unfold.

Obscene???  Of course it is Sharon, I agree.  In fact, I have some other things that I would like to add to the bailout bill myself:

1.  My Neighbor’s House Is Too Freakin’ Big

Here is a home in Houston not too far from where I live.  Isn’t it obscene?  I bet that old school teacher in Utah’s artieries would spontaneously split open if she saw this.  And of course, this is totally unfair–I mean my house is only abt 2900 square feet.  This is like a billion.  AND…a pool!!!  Ridiculous.  I think this house should be divided into 5 smaller houses and sold off so that I don’t have to look at it and drool all the time.

2.  Rolls Royce Should Be Disbanded

Ahh, the elegance, the style…the smack it takes to buy one of these.  And why is it fair that some jerks in Houston are driving around in these while I’m stuck in a Toyota Camry?  That is simply bunk and I think that the bill should include a corporate disbanding of this car company–and while they are at it they should get rid of BMW, Mercedes, Cadillac, Range Rover, (don’t get me started on SUVs), Porsche and other high priced automobile companies.  We don’t need that kind of “in your face” wealth driving around.

3. Turn Napa Valley Into Government Housing

Just look at it.  So clean, so beautiful and…so dadgum expensive.  And for what?  Wine??  Please.  The only people that can afford wine worth drinking are the rich CEO’s anyway.  Besides, is it fair that all of this untouched land, with rolling hills be used to make beverages for the fat cats of our society?  Of course not, the Government should take over this wasted farm land, build government housing and allow some of the less fortunate to live there for a change.

Shall I continue?

Does anyone find it interesting that a reporter would ask a teacher what she thinks about someone making millions of dollars a year?  Of course she is mad about it–but here is a small difference Ms. Carrier:  Although I’m sure you are molding the minds of numerous young future CEO’s, the current CEO’s that make the kind of money that makes you mad are responsible for the salaries of thousands of employees, are responsible for the operation of companies that make things like Steel, and Cereal and Pens and Pencils for your little students to write with, and yes, also responsible for mortgages and small business loans and car loans and credit cards and other evil things that numerous individuals have indulged in the last few years despite no real hope of being able to pay them back.

Let’s call this part of the bailout what it really is–JEALOUSY and ENVY

I don’t mean to get too Biblical here, but there is a great quote on envy:

“A tranquil spirit revives the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.”  Proverbs 14:30

But that is what Democrats, and now seemingly Republicans are feeding on and answering too–our envy, the green-eyed monster of our lives.

And the difference in envy simply destroying a friendship or marriage or working realtionship–this time we are set to pass legislation that will be used to further destroy our freedom as Americans and are free market society.  Excellent!

This monster is so big now–it cannot likely be contained.

Do I think it is fair that CEO’s of failing (and successful) corporations make millions?  Of course it is fair–maybe not to me personally, but then again, I’m not a CEO–and with all do respect Ms. Carrier from Utah–neither are you.

My favorite passage from the news article quoted above is this:

“The hit for executives could be real, but pale in comparison with those losing their homes.”

That is hillarious.  You know what else?  The hit for executives also pales in comparison to the people who lost everything due to Hurricane Ike and it pales in comparison to the people who died in the World Trade Center on 9/11 and it pales in comparison to the Holocaust–but what in the name of flying monkey butt does any of that have to do with anything.  The CEO’s didn’t cause people to quit paying their mortgages.  The CEO’s didn’t cause people to enter into loan agreements that they could not afford.  The CEO’s didn’t cause people to spend hundreds of dollars a month on cell phones and cable instead of paying their mortgage bill.

I have to stop writing now–so I can duct tape my head so that it doesn’t explode.

Way to go R’s and D’s you are now joining forces to further destroy our Nation. 

-Murphy

(ps–don’t say I never slammed Republicans all you hateful Democrat commenters  🙂 )

 

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Texas vs. Arkansas–The Game of The Century

September 24, 2008

Well I must admit that I love University of Texas football even more than finding new and improved ways of making fun of Democrats.  This weekend the matchup between these two Southwest Conference Rivals will finally take place.  Originally scheduled during Hurricane Ike, the Razorbacks will travel to Austin to face their old rival.  This game should be a blowout for Texas, who is riding a three game string of blowouts on Colt McCoy’s incredibly efficient passing game.  He has thrown 11 touchdowns and only 1 interception through 3 games against teams that were certainly unevenly matched.

This game unfortunately will not be close to the greatest game between these two teams of all time–the 1969 “Game of the Century.”  For true Longhorn fans–take a look:

Is the clarinet player actually crying?  Probably because most of the Texas Fight songs don’t really feature the clarinet.  Or maybe because she had a bet on Arkansas.  Either way–ABC choosing to focus on the emotional band player shows that programing has not really changed much in 39 years.

From Wikipedia:

“President Richard Nixon attended the game along with several members of his staff and U.S. Representatives George H.W. Bush of Texas and John Paul Hammerschmidt of Arkansas, having announced that he would give a plaque to the winner, proclaiming it to be the National Champion — to the chagrin of observers who thought it premature to do so before the New Year’s Day bowl games, and of fans of Penn State, which would also end the season undefeated. Texas came from behind to win, 15-14, and accepted Nixon’s plaque. Texas beat Notre Dame in the Cotton Bowl, and removed any doubt as to whether it deserved consideration as National Champion, although Penn State fans still insist that their team, also undefeated and winner of the Orange Bowl, was better. However, it is worth noting that the Cotton Bowl first invited Penn State to play the Southwest Conference champions. The Nittany Lions declined the invitation, preferring to spend New Year’s Day in warm Miami, where they defeated Big 8 champion Missouri. The 1969 Texas-Penn State conflict, never settled on the field, has been one of the major arguments in favor of a Division I-A playoff. Arkansas lost the Sugar Bowl to Archie Manning-led Ole Miss (ironically, Arkansas ended up joining the SEC in 1992). The entire Texas-Penn State debate and Nixon’s involvement led to a quote from Penn State coach Joe Paterno, a conservative Republican, during a commencement speech at Penn State in 1974 about Nixon, “How could Nixon know so much about college football in 1969 and so little about Watergate in 1973?””

“This game has been nicknamed “Dixie’s Last Stand,” since it was the last major American sporting event played between two all-white teams, although two schools in the Southeastern Conference (SEC), LSU and Ole Miss, did not integrate their varsity football squads until 1972.”

But my favorite “fact” from the game is:

“With the Vietnam War still raging and Nixon in attendance, protestors came to the game, and one of them got into a tree overlooking the stadium and held up an antiwar sign. An urban legend grew up around this game, claiming that this protestor was Arkansas native and future President Bill Clinton. Clinton, however, was not at the game, as he was then a Rhodes Scholar at the University of Oxford in England, and was listening to the game on a shortwave radio with some American friends.”

It would have been awesome though if he really was at the game with an anti-war sign–my sources say that in fact it was John Kerry that was there protesting, fresh from throwing his medals over the fence at the White House…but I digress.

It is important to note however, that Mack Brown’s success against the Hogs has been, well, limited. 

January 1, 2000:  Cotton Bowl:  14th Ranked Texas vs. 24th Ranked Arkansas:  Texas favored to win by 6, RESULT?  Arkansas 27  Texas 6

September 13, 2003:  UT Stadium:  6th Ranked Texas vs. Unranked Arkansas:  Texas favored to win by 13, RESULT?  Arkansas 38  Texas 28

September 11, 2004:  Razorback Stadium:  7th Ranked Texas vs. Unranked Arkansas:  Texas favored to win by 11, RESULT?  Texas 22 Arkansas 20.

YIKES!

But how can we really be scared?  Arkansas has shown little ability to win this year and after all check out this tradition–quoted directly from their athletic department website:

“The words to the Hog call are simple:

 “Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooie!

“Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooie!

“Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooie! Razorbacks!”

          But correctly calling the Hogs takes some practice. It starts with both hands raised high into the air, fingers waving as the volume increases during the word Woooooooooo. The arms pump down on the word Pig and then back into the air on the word Sooie. Give it a try.”

“Give it a try???”  I think not.

Here it is in case YOU want to “give it a try:”

HOG CALL

Seriously?

If you go to the game this week, I think you will see a UT victory.  I predict UT 35, Arkansas 17.  Just pray you don’t run in to this guy:

I’m a pretty serious fan, but there is serious, and then there is unstable.

-Murphy

Thanks to Ike, I’m Now Ready To Be President!

September 23, 2008

HOUSTON-Well I have been so “out of touch” lately with all of the effects of Ike on my city.  It almost seems as if the entire world has shrunk into our little area of 2 million people (700,000 still without power today).  But after the storm hit I saw something amazing happen.  Communities began to bond.  Although I had power quickly after the storm–most of my neighborhood did not, and still does not to this day.  Plus, there were trees everywhere–on houses, garages, cars, roof-tops (including mine).  Some needed to be moved immediately, some people needed gas for generators, some needed tarp for roof holes, some needed chainsaws, some needed a place to sleep, a water-vac, a rake, a helping hand.

Most of all–the community needed one thing above all else–ORGANIZING. Yes, that’s right we needed some community organizers.  Since I had power and got the 4-story pine tree off of my house without much damage, I felt it was my duty to begin to organize.  Assist in cutting trees, invite neighbors over for a day or even night in the a/c, organize meals, cookouts, finding tree services.  At the end of the first week, I must confess–I felt ready to lead our Nation.

Like the new bumper sticker?

Okay-enough sarcasm–turning to a serious point for a moment so that the Democrats reading this, if any, don’t go insane with rage–There was something that I did see from this tragedy—The community rallying around each other to take care of each other–without the Government’s help.

Sure there are people in Crystal Beach and Galveston and other areas that absolutely need FEMA and other agencies to assist them.  (See before and after Crystal Beach photo)

The Government serves a vital purpose in disaster areas where people have been devastated.  But what is interesting is although all of my neighborhood is in need–still today, the people, not Obama or McCain or Bush or Pelosi or the EPA or the Dept. of Labor or the UN or any other government organization—the people have jumped to the task of assisting one another and getting us all back on our feet again.

As Laura Ingraham always says, “Power to the People.”

What our Government has forgotten–and are citizens are quickly forgetting–is that our system of Government was designed to keep the power with the citizenry–not with government agencies.

Our Government spends billions of our dollars at a whim for programs it, not we, want to fund or control, and we the people have been gladly handing that power over to it for years.  Here is a list of taxes that did not exist in 1898, when our Country had no debt and was enjoying great prospertiy:

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax

CDL License Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Dog License Tax

Federal Income Tax < BR>Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge
Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Had enough yet?

-Thanks to all of my neighbors and friends who have been so wonderful in assisting each other during these tough times in Houston.  And back to my original point–I have decided to concede the election–it turns out there is a better community organizer out there than me and I when I see the truth I cannot turn a blind eye.  So I am now endorsing my co-worker, Attorney Sarah Langlois for President.  As you can see below–she knows how to organize (Centerpoint is our electric company for those of you not in Houston):

 

 

 

Here it is…

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it…

 

 

 

 

 

It is coming….

 

 

 

-Murphy

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Sarah Palin is a Major Hit-But No Community Organizing Experience

September 4, 2008

I must admit, I was very skeptical of John McCain’s choice for VP last week.  Skeptical because frankly I knew very little about Ms. Palin.  I did not know about her popularity in Alaska, or her children or her husband or her roots, her beliefs, her intelligence, her patriotism or her conservatism.  In recent days I have read numerous articles about Ms. Palin–some are neutral pieces about who she is, many were hit pieces about her daughter and her husband’s DWI when Regan was in office and her alleged “scandal” involving the firing of a government employee.  What I had determined before last night is that she is a tough, no-nonsense person struggling to live in a broken world while maintaining her own integrity, morals and convictions.  She is likeable, smart and accomplished.  But…could she ever be ready to lead a Country from an office where she is literally a heartbeat away from the Presidency?

If you missed it–here is a clip of 9 minutes of highlights from her amazing speech:

She was nothing short of awesome.  I think my favorite part of the speech was comparing her mayoral experience to that of a community organizer.  Here is the quote:

“I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a ‘community organizer,’ except that you have actual responsibilities.”

For an EXCELLENT review of Obama’s “community organizer” roots, I highly recommend you read an article from the blog: THE CONFLUENCE.  Frankly–it is scary to see the methods he used to bring “hope” and “change.”
Here is one of his community development housing projects today:

Lovely.

His only “real” accomplishment on the South side of Chicago is forcing the government to test for asbestos.  And for that he should be congratulated.  But as for transforming the south side of Chicago with affordable housing and jobs–he gets an “F.”

Look here:

What a beautiful playground for the children to use.  See them sliding down the pretty slide and singing and playing?  You don’t–well put on the glasses of hope and change and see if it comes into view then.

You would think that the citizens of this community would vote McCain after seeing that Obama took campaign contributions from Tony Rezko while Rezko was allowing citizens in Obama’s district to live in squallor and not pay their electricity bills or heating bills.  But alas, they appear to be lining up to praise and support a man who simply has no ability to lead and no actual vision for the future.

As Gov. Palin said–Obama is a man who uses “change” to further his career, McCain is a man who uses his career to bring about “change.”  The choice is clear.

-Murphy

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