Obama’s Energy Plan Revealed!

Houston, Texas-August 14, 2008:  Whew!  It is good to get back to blogging after a long hiatus.  I have been on vacation or swamped at work.  Interestingly, lawsuits are on the rise.  It is typical of a bad economy–when the economy get rough, lawsuit filing sky rocket–which means I’m busier.  Now if I was a selfish boob, I would say–ya-hoo!  But I would rather have less work, on actually legitimate lawsuits, and have my dollar go further, than to have the rest of the world suffer while I work my butt off to make more money that is actually worth less.

But enough of that–I’m done with that hiatus and back to reveal to the world the satirical truth about the left-wing faction of our Country.  So much has happened since we last spoke–but I must say that Energy is the topic of the day.  It may be Energy that wins this election in the fall.  Obama’s energy policy-or whatever he is calling it-needs to be examined.  He has said everything from no drilling, to drilling to airing up our tires to forcing oil companies to pay a tax on their “windfall” profits to creating a government agency to develop “green” ways to live.

So I think it is time we examine some other ideas.  I would like to put on my Obama hat er halo for a second and suggest the following ideas to assist Obama in developing a comprehensive energy policy.

1.  Outlaw the Farming, Packaging and Sale of All Flatulent Producing Foods

 

Good-bye beans, broccli, cabbage, and any other toot-producing product.  Think of all the gas emissions we could save if we just quit eating these foods.  After all-Ireland has considered taxing cow farmers for the emissions of cows. (not kidding–see HERE).  Plus, I could finally ride a cross-country airplane without the ever so often smell of death that happens to float into my seating area.  This should help build the ozone layer and cut down on ultraviolet emissions which would reduce skin cancer and reduce our Countries medical costs.  Its brilliant!

2.  Make Cars Out Of Paper

It really doesn’t take much gas to move a paper car.  With the lack of weight involved the car will practically move on its own.  And if check the weather patterns in your area before you leave, you might be able to let Mother Nature simply blow your car to your destination.

3.  Outlaw Overweight Drivers

Here is one for you Obama–kind of on the fat tire theme.  You should pass a law disallowing anyone that is overweight to drive a car–at all.  First that would knock out maybe 60% of all drivers and then the use of gas would decrease dramatically.  Plus the only people on the road take less gas to move–because they are thin–like you.

4.  Eliminate Al Gore

 

I know it is a cruel and “inconvenient” suggestion, but really, he is traveling all over the world giving speeches.  The fuel cost, the hot air from his mouth, the cost of all of those power-points and the drain on the electricity to fuel the lights to make his speeches– I mean really–He can never repay his carbon body print.  And look at his house:

It consumes more electricity than an average house does in a year.  It needs to be broken down and used for alternative fuel for heat to those less fortunate.  And after all–will anyone really miss him?

5.  Stop All Drilling For Oil-Forever

Who are we kidding anyway with all of this drill now talk?  I mean the real way to solve the energy crisis is to simply eliminate energy all together.  We have the sun, we have the spotted owl, we have the moose, what else do we need?  Why must we be so greedy?  After all–the only reason we need energy is to go shopping and spend more of our windfall of money.  I say, stop all drilling.  Use up the rest and then let’s just see what happens.  Need convincing–look here, below is a picture of a village in Africa that doesn’t rely on BIG OIL to fund their community.  And they seem to be doing just fine.

Think about how much happier we will all be when our biggest responsibility is finding more thatch for our roof?  Won’t it be great?

-Murphy

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