Archive for the ‘Politics’ category

“Democrats Gaining Ground” and Other Ridiculous Notions

October 5, 2010

Despite a report today on Gallup that Republicans will likely win big next month, despite weeks of poll numbers showing Democrats losing in numerous races across the Country in National, State and Local elections, despite all of that data and the common sense of every living person in the Nation, I was stunned to open my home page at msn.com this morning to find an article making the claim that Democrats are gaining ground in various polls.

Let’s review the tactics to win this election by the Democrats since March:

1.  Republican’s ideas are the same as Bush’s ideas and those are the “failed policies of the past.”

2.  Republicans are desperately trying to demonize the President because he is decisive and is bringing about change that is good for our Nation.

3.  Republicans are racists.

4. Republicans have given in to the fringe right of the Tea Party and want to take us back to the age of slavery, put women back in the home, outlaw abortion and feed their rich friends while stomping on the poor.

5.  Republicans are racists.

6.  The economy is Bush’s fault, who was a Republican, and but for Obama, we would be way worse off–like way, way.

7.  Republicans are elitists, bigots, homophobes and oh yeah, racists.

and now….

8.  Democrats are gaining ground and Fox News has been falsely hyping Republican victories, which are way over-exaggerated–like way, way.

This is the most amusing tactic yet.  Instead of telling America why Democrat philosophy is better for us than Republican philosophy, or telling us what their plan is for actually fixing the economy–they are simply trying to smoke screen the truth–yet again.  Unfortunately for Democrats, the truth is all to evident in this new information age with easy access to Rasmussen polls and Gallup polls online.  Sorry, Democrats, but you are still losing.

The idea that Democrats might actually not lose a tremendous number of incumbents in November is about as true as the following metaphorically similar statements (you may notice each of these came from the same person–can you guess who?):

1.  The Health Care Bill Will Not Increase The Deficit By One Dime. (thank goodness)

2.  The Healthcare Package Will Pay For Itself. (that’s cool–so it’s like installing better windows for your house–so that in say 500 years, you will have made up the cost in the tiny savings each month in your electric bill–okay, great)

3.  We Have Run Out of Places in The US to Drill For Oil.  (I figured all of those oil rigs in West Texas were just landscape art–I knew it)

4.  I Will Not Rest Until The BP Oil Spill Stops.  (I thought he looked really tired when he played golf those um, 7 times).

5. I Have Visited All 57 States.  (So, I called Continental Airlines and asked for their flight routes to the other 7 States and they said I was crazy–Thank Goodness they are merging with United–hopefully they have routes to those places.)

6. My Church Is Like Any Other Christian Church. (I guess my church isn’t a Christian church after all–my heavens, what have I been worshiping!!!!????!!!)

Seriously!

-Murphy

Quran: To Burn or Not To Burn—Is That The Question?

September 8, 2010

Am I the only person shocked at the MASS of news coverage this is getting?  I am sitting in an Airport in Charleston, West Virginia and I have had the unfortunate pleasure of watching CNN for an hour and I think that 58 minutes of that hour was spent covering this issue.  They have had “religious experts” on and other similarly-situated goof-balls talking about this scheduled event.  So after trying to ignore this story, I have been forced to consider its relevance and ask myself what I think about the idea of burning 200+ Qurans on 9/11.  And I gotta say it brought up a lot of other issues.

But let’s start with the first issue–Burn?  or Not Burn?   Personally, I think that burning Qurans is a savage-like form of protesting and is being done for no other reason than to incite anger in others.  That said, do I think he has the right to burn them?–You betcha.  Do I agree with this form of “protest” or “statement?”  No, but I must say that all of this talk on television and blogs about whether Pastor Jones should be prohibited from burning them makes me think of similar situations that were treated with much more tolerance.  And after all democrats, isn’t “tolerance” one of your favorite words?  Shouldn’t you be just as “tolerant” of this activity as say:

The burning of American Flags?

Why the Supreme Court in Texas vs. Johnson  in 1989 upheld every person’s constitutionaly protected right to burn American Flags.  When Congress tried to pass a law in protest of this decision making it illegal, the Supreme Court struck again and upheld its previous ruling.  Of course, the flag burning in Texas occurred at the 1984 Republican National Convention by people outside that were umm…not Republican.  Since then numerous bills have been proposed to the Constitution to make the burning of a flag illegal but alas, the bill can never seem to pass the Senate.

How about desecrating the Flag?  How about burning images of George W. Bush?  Those things are all things the left champions as “free speech.”  Isn’t burning a book, even a religious book, a form of “expression.” But wait…

What about prayer in schools?  Well of course that is offensive.

What about roadside crosses, “in God we Trust,”  creationism, Nativity scenes—-All of that is “offenisve” and there are movements to do away with such horrible icons of a predominantly Christian society.  And of course, we can’t have Bibles in Courtrooms–that is simply nuts.  These forms of expression are somehow different, they are, um…different because um….well….um…. they just are apparently.

I’m continually amazed at the onslaught against Christianity from people playing the “I’m offended” card when those same people are saying that burning a Quran is simply outrageous.  And so, here we are debating over and over whether Pastor Jones should be stopped.

Hillariously we are told by CNN that this pastor–of a church in, where is that again…Gainesville, Florida..That this pastor of a church of, how many people…oh yeah, 50, is causing an enormous amount of hatred, dissent and division in our society.

 

Really???  Could it be that our National Media is causing the division, hatred and dissent?  Could it be that but for CNN, MSNBC, FOX, CBS, ABC and NBC that this event would have largely gone unnoticed except in Gainesville, Florida?  So thank you media for causing the problem and then blaming Pastor Jones.

I have a brilliant idea–it is kind of radical.  Let’s remember the lives lost and sacrifices made on 9/11 in a different way.  Instead of causing a First Amendment battle which necessarily causes the left to become hypocritical–let’s do one or more of the following:

1.  Thank our servicemen and women everytime we see them for the incredible sacrifice they make and have made.

2.  Spend time in prayer for those families that lost loved ones 9 years ago.

3.  Never forget that the battle against terrorism is not won overnight and will need our patience, dilligence and resolve.

and for the love of all….

4.  Elect members of Congress and Presidents that respect and stand in awe of our Military and are willing to spend our tax money protecting our borders and strengthening our Armed Forces instead of taking over our domestic industry and creating billions of dollars of entitlement programs.

That would go a lot further than a burning pile of Quran embers outside of a small church in Florida.

-Murphy

Obama Calls Bush Before Troop Speech: But why?

August 31, 2010

According to the New York Post, Obama made a call to former President George W. Bush today from Air Force One while heading to Ft. Bliss to address the troops regarding the Iraq troop withdrawal.  But why would he do this?

I suppose there are various reasons but let’s examine this a little more closely.

I.  Obama’s Catch 22

In today’s speech, Obama finds himself in quite the predicament.  On the one hand he has always said that Iraq was the “wrong war.”  Further, the troop surge, according to then Senator Obama was a huge mistake.  Don’t recall that–let’s take a listen.

But wait, there’s more…In February of this year VP Biden had this to say:

Ummm….wha?

So, how will Obama tell the tale today?  He can’t blast Bush without demeaning the troops objective and essentially admitting defeat.  He can’t praise the troops for winning the war because he thinks the war is wrong.  And so…what did he and President Bush talk about.

Well, we here at MKCB have tapped into the ultra-secret phone line aboard Air Force One to bring you this exclusive phone call–here is the transcript of what we are pretty sure we heard…

[ring, ring, ring]

Bush:  Former President Bush here, miss me yet?

BO:     Umm, heh, umm, no…but umm.. anyway, sorry to bother you at home Mr. Bush, President Barack Obama here, how are you today?

Bush:  [smirking] Well, Barry I kinda thought you might call today.  I’m out at the ranch clearing some trees in the back and remembered something about a self-imposed arbitrary deadline regarding troops that you mentioned last year and figured you would be calling.  What can I do for the American people today?

BO:  Well, as you know I’m giving a speech before Ft. Bliss today and my speech writers are having trouble deciding whether I should praise myself and my leadership in bringing an end to the war, blast you again as I always enjoy doing, mention the needless loss of life in pursuit of oil and your dad’s revenge or all three.  I’m kind of nervous about it [puff, puff] and thought I’d see what you thought.

Bush:  I’d like to say I’m honored, really I’d like to…but, well, it might be a good idea to praise the troops for what they have sacrificed and accomplished, thank them and their families for their sacrifice and service, remind the world that peace in this region of the middle east is vital to our interests, remind the world that a world with out Saddam Hussein is a better world and leave it at that.  But I’m just spitballin’ here.

BO:  Well, I knew this was a waste of time.  You and your right-wing rhetoric.  The problem is I have to find a way to demonize you and the Republicans, make the Democrats look good, appease the anti-military crowd and win over the troops.  And frankly, my speech writers went to Harvard and Columbia and they are just too stupid to figure this out.

Bush:  I’d like to say I really want to help ya, I’d really like to say that…but, well, if you are calling to let me know you are going to demonize me and call me stupid again, thanks for the heads up, but I don’t see the point of this call.

BO:  I guess I just needed to do this and leak it to the press so that they would think I was somehow being nice to you right before I blast you.  Truth is, every time I’m around the military I get scared.  I’m afraid they know how much I loathe them.

Bush:  [smirking] Ohhhh, I’m sure they don’t know.  You just go up there, be yourself, and I’m sure the typical results will follow.  Your poll numbers and the stock market will go down.  Heh, heh!  Just ribbin’ ya Barry–have a great speech.

BO:  Ummm, yeah, okay I guess I…

[click]

BO:  (stupid hick)

-Murphy

Obama: “Things Could Be Worse”

July 1, 2010

Okay first of all–go to minute 47 of this hour long feature film and watch for about a minute–then you are prepared to read on…

So here we have our President saying that the way we know that the stimulus worked is because things could be worse.  And, of course, if you think about it, he is right.  I mean the argument that things could be better without it makes no sense whatsoever because, um… well… it just doesn’t.  Look stop fighting the logic of this administration because you obviously misunderstand the points they are trying to make.

For example, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said that unemployment checks are creating jobs.  What?  You don’t get that?  Jeez…do I have to do all the thinking around here?

You see, when unemployed people get money, they spend it.  By spending money they are buying goods that are produced by people.  By buying those goods, people have to be employed to make more.  See?  Unemployment is good for the economy.

So you still don’t get it?  Well  I’ll try and explain it by using some other examples.

  1. Al and Tipper Gore have a good marriage when Al is happy.
  2. Al gets an inappropriate massage to release his shakra so that he can be happy.
  3. Getting an inappropriate massage is good for Al and Tipper’s marriage. 

See?  No?  Let me try another one.

  1. Cooking fish in oil is healthier than cooking fish in butter
  2. BP spilled zillions of barrells of oil into the Gulf of Mexico.
  3. Fish in the Gulf are now covered with oil.
  4. Fish covered in oil can be cooked “as is.”
  5. Spilling oil into the Gulf is healthy.

It is so easy.  Okay 1 more then hopefully you will get it.

  1. Tiger Woods is worth $900 million to $1 billion dollars
  2. Tiger Woods cheated on his wife a billion times.
  3. Tiger Woods’ wife is getting $750 million in the divorce
  4. Cheating worked because her take could have been worse.

Now do you get it?  NO!!???? I give up on you guys, seriously.

-Murphy

The Gore’s Breakup: It’s Bush’s Fault!

June 2, 2010

After a 6 month leave of absence from blogging, it is time to jump back in.  After some involvement in the Tea Party movement and a few speaking engagments I felt it was time to get back political swing of things.  Work and life are hectic, but I cannot stay silent any longer.  So like it or not, I’m baaaaaaack!  🙂

It was the kiss that grossed out a Nation!  And yet, 40 years after saying “I do” the global warming couple is calling it quits–with little explanation.  They said it is mutual–which means they both agree on it–which doesn’t tell us anything.  What could be the explanation for a split of this magnitude.

Could it be that Tipper can no longer live with a man who has made millions of dollars on a lie?  No, she has been doing that ever since then Senator AL Gore said he was “pro-life.”

Could it be that Tipper is jealous of Al’s unnatural attraction to Leo?

Maybe she is mad that Al’s proposed Four Dollar bill never took off.

No, I think if you look deep enough, deeper that TMZ would look you’ll find the real root of this marriage break-up.

Of course, I’m talking about George W. Bush.

After all, we have come to learn in the last 2 years that George W. Bush is the center of most of our trouble here in America.  Remember, he stole the election from Al Gore and robbed Tipper of her chance to pick out the 44th china pattern at the White House.  That probably made her pretty mad.   In all seriousness, the evidence is unmistakable.

Here are the other things that have happened already this year that are easily attributable to George W. Bush:

BP Oil Spill-after Bush left office he had to do something with the giant Halliburton Hurricane machine that caused Hurricanes to hit poor black neighborhoods in New Orleans.  So he moved it to a hidden location on a BP platform in the Gulf.  Then, you guessed it, some idiot accidentally turned it on and it set the whole thing on fire.

Health Care Reform-only to the extent it is a bad thing is it really his fault–so yeah, the whole thing is his fault.  See, if he hadn’t been spending so much time at the Crawford Ranch cutting down helpless trees, he would have realized that our health care system is the envy of the world–which makes the world hate us–which is why we were attacked on 9/11 in the first place—while he was in office.

Gold Prices-Again, they are so high right now that no one in the poorer communities in our Nation can afford to buy any–which is patently unfair.  The prices are so high because while he was in office he obviously gathered most of it up and took it because he is a rich Republican.

Rubba Bandz

These are clearly his fault.  This cheap toy craze has kids not paying attention in school and fighting each other over “rare” shapes and colors.  None of this would be happening if George W. Bush hadn’t let the economy fall apart leaving children little choice but to entertain themselves with rubber bands shapped liked animals and musical instruments.

-It just goes on and on.  So consider this post a public service annoucement–quit wasting your time at work searching the Internet to find scoop on the Gore split.  First of all, since Al invented the Internet–he is good at hiding stuff in it.  Second–we all know it is GW’s fault so get back to work.

-Murphy

***UPDATE: Shortly after posting this, it was brought to my attention that the CBS Evening News made a similar accusation (although without any attempt to be humorous) last night.  I could not believe it so I watched the video online–sure enough the report states that losing the election “despite winning the popular vote” did irreparable damage to their marriage.  I would post the link but I dont’ want to give that joke of a news site any traffic.  I guess my prediction was right.  🙂 ***

“Consumer Option” vs. “Public Option” Redefines English Language

October 30, 2009

Our fearless leader of the House of Representatives has really outdone herself this time.  Today she produced a 1,900 page health care reform bill with no “public option.”  Errr…well…um I mean there is one it now called the “consumer option.”  Many of you know that she redefined the terms of this government takeover of our health care system a few days ago by simply “rebranding” the public option.  Now it doesn’t sound so darn socialismy (new word–just go with it).

But little did she know that she would start a revolution of the English Language.  Webster turned over in his grave this week as tens of tens of people rallied behind Madam Pelosi and took the lead to redefine many other areas of our language that just seemed a little well…negative.  So thank you Madam Speaker for your ingenuity, brilliance and trend-making abilities.  In conformity with rebranding the socialistic takeover of 1/6 of our economy from “Public” to “Consumer” here are a few more “rebranding” techniques currently in circulation:

1.  New Brand:  CHOCOLATE CAKE

CowPie.jpg image by triple789

Old Brand:  Cow Pie

2.  New Brand:  ART DECO

  Old Brand:  Toxic Mold

3.  New Brand:  STREET AFICIONADO

  Old Brand:  Homeless Person

4.  New Brand:  RELIGIOUS EXTROVERT

  Old Brand:  Terrorist

5.  New Brand:  MR. HOTTIE

  Old Brand:  Satan, Prince of Darkness, The Evil One, etc…

and finally…

6.  New Brand:  CONSUMERISTS

   Old Name:  Democrats, Socialists, Liberals, Jack…
 
 
“when I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.”
 
                                                 -James Whitcomb Riley
 
Murphy

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize–But Wait There’s More…

October 9, 2009

As you all undoubtedly know by now, our esteemed President is this year’s winner of the Nobel Peace Prize

Let’s review the purpose of the Nobel Peace Prize–taken from our friends at Wikipedia:

The Nobel Peace Prize (Swedish and Norwegian: Nobels fredspris) is the name of one of five Nobel Prizes bequeathed by the Swedish industrialist and inventor Alfred Nobel. According to Nobel’s will, the Peace Prize should be awarded “to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses”.

Well, in light of that definition it is easy to see why President Obama, Vice-President Al Gore and President Carter have all been recipients of this award.  And let us not forget the most deserving recipient, Yasser Arafat. (he won in 1994).

So, I could go on and on about this but the talk show hosts and media have beat it to death today.  What hasn’t been discussed are the other lesser known awards that were given today along the same line of thinking.  You didn’t hear about them?  Well, here is a review of other awards with, let’s say, similar results.

1. The Mother Theresa Award -this award goes to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for children of all races throughout the world by making them happy instead of sad.  This year’s winner:

Michael Jackson

2.  The Joe Namath Award-this award goes to the person who shall have done the most to promote great hair products.  This year’s winner is:

Jason Statham

3.  The Abraham Lincoln Civility Award-this award goes to the person who shall have done the most to promote civility among the various and diverse members of our great society.  This year’s winner is:

Kanye West

4.  The Mr. Monopoly Economic Award-this award goes to the person who shall have done the most to promote sound economics, savings and investments in the lives of others.  This year’s winner is:

Bernard Madoff

5.  The George Washington Cherry Tree Media Award-this award goes to the media outlet that shall have done the most to promote honesty and integrity in the publication of unbiased news.  This year’s winner is:

A TIE!

The New York Times

and

MSNBC

and finally, I want to thank the State Bar of Texas for honoring me with The Best Family Law Attorney Award.  Here is a short piece of the interview I gave shortly after receiving my award.

Presenter:  How does it feel Mr. Klasing to have won such an esteemed award?

Murphy:  I am surprised and humbled, but mostly surprised.

Presenter:  But why are you so surprised?

Murphy:  Well frankly, I don’t practice Family Law–I mean yeah, I’ve been in Family Court, um… I think once, but I am not a Family Attorney.

Presenter:  Well, the award is given to you this year because you have said the most about bringing about real change in the Family law system and you have inspired much hope among that section of the bar.

Murphy:  Really?  Odd.  I mean, sure I’m flattered, but I can’t think of what it is I have really actually done.  Sure I have said that the divorce rate is too high in America and that we need to do something to bring the family back together, but I mean…

Presenter:  See–there you go.

Murphy:  See what?  I mean, of course I will accept this award as a call to action to stop divorce and child custody battles and to do what I can to bring the family back together–but you have to understand, I’m a trial lawyer whose practice primarily centers around defending corporations and small companies, not dividing silver ware—not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Presenter:  Well I think you now know why you received this esteemed award and I want to thank you for your time today.  This is Randy Meier for MSNBC News Headlines.

Murphy:  Okay…whatever.

-Murphy