Archive for the ‘Law’ category

Sheila Jackson Lee-A Portrait of Stupidity

July 7, 2008

Well, I must confess, that living in Houston I am saddled with being at least indirectly connected to this wonder of modern congressional idiocy.  Ms. Lee has consistently made herself into an icon for the inane, a model for socialist government and a defender of everything that is NOT freedom.

Today she may have topped herself yet again.  But before we examine her recent move–let’s take a look back at some of her more memorable moments in modern history.  Ms. Lee became a congresswoman in 1995.  Prior to that she had 3 unsuccessful attempts at running for judge in Harris County and finally became a Municipal Judge from 1987-1990.  Yes a traffic court judge!

Then while sitting on the Houston City Council from 1989-1994 she ran for Congress and has been there ever since.

Amazing stuff about Ms. Lee:

1. She Voluteered to Be and Advocate for Elian Gonzalez’s Father:  Remember this photo:

Inselian.jpg

Way to go Shelia!  You really kicked that poor little boy’s butt.

2.  She Got Herself Essentially Banned From Continental Airlines:  Yes for demanding first class on every trip and screaming at airline attendants when they didn’t have the food option she wanted–that got a staffer to quit and got the airline to “suggest” she fly Delta.  I personally know that she doesn’t fly continental much anymore as I sat next to her on a Southwest Airlines flight about 4 years ago.  In her defense, she was pleasant to talk to–(hillariously, we were delayed on the tarmac for 2 hours and she was not too thrilled with that I can tell you).

3.  She Believes that Hurricanes Should Have More African-American Names:  Back in 2003, Ms. Lee was upset that names like Keisha, Jamal and Deshawn were not used to name hurricanes.  She stated, “All racial groups should be represented.”  This is important stuff people.  Why, if the Government doesn’t step in and stop this we will end up with all of these “lily-white” hurricane names-and that is simply unfair.  I for one know that my daughter Allison is very excited that her name is associated with one of the most devastating tropical storms to hit Houston in modern history–taking numerous lives and costing billions of dollars in repairs.  She is THRILLED with that.  (what a monor)

And now…(there are many more–but I don’t want to bore you)-her latest decision is that the United States Congress needs to investigate the Harris County Justice System for civil rights violations and inequalities in the system.  This following the Joe Horn grand jury decision last week.  “With the enormous fractures in the system, until we take a broom and sweep it out, there won’t be evenhanded justice,” she said.

So, I guess the roles of Congress are:

1.  Pass laws

2.  Spend OUR money

3.  Shape Foreign Policy

4.  Investigate local Justice systems to see of they are running properly.

oh and also

5.  Investigate steroid use in Baseball.

Ms. Lee’s comments highlight a much bigger looming problem with our government–the fact that it is becoming more and more powerful.  Remember a democracy is power in the hands of the people–not the few dictators we have elected.  It is NOT the role of the United States Governement to investigate the BP plant explosion (another of her great suggestions), or to steal profits away from the oil industry just because it sounds good or to investigate the Grand Jury system in one County in Texas.

But see–Ms. Lee doesn’t understand Texans–because, frankly she isn’t one.  See Texas was a Republic–it was its own Country–and by God-it wants to be one again.  It is nothing short of Anti-Texas to suggest that the US Government come in and do anything.  But of course, Ms. Lee was born somewhere else–Ms. Lee doesn’t understand Texas’ struggle for independence, she doesn’t understand Texans desire to own their own land and be their own person, because Ms. Lee was born…

 

 

in…

 

 

QUEENS, NEW YORK!!!

   “Get a rope.”

-Murphy

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I Will Now Sacrifice My Child For The Sake of the Whales

June 23, 2008

 

Today my conservative meter started flashing hot red and when I read the article about the 9th Circuit’s decision to keep the Navy from using Sonar because it MAY be affecting communications between whales the meter exploded.  It was such a mess.  I’m happy to say my brain has been put back together and I can now discuss this bizarre situation more calmly.

Yes, the Supreme Court has taken the “Whale Sonar” case for review.  It appears that SONAR used by the United States Navy to find submarines may be affecting whale communication.  In fact, Marine biologist Ken Balcomb stated in an article in 2004 that killer whales “appeared agitated and were moving haphazardly, attempting to lift their heads free of the water” when encountering the pinging noise of a Navy SONAR.

Oh the horror!  The first thing the Navy ought to be concerned with is whether the Killer Whales are agitated or annoyed.  After all, the Ocean is THEIR home and the Navy is simply an uninvited guest to that home.  And when an uninvited guest annoys us, we throw them out.  Why should it be any different for the whales?

So a few terrorists or hostile regimes can sneak a couple of nuclear subs into our water and take out San Francisco or Seattle or Los Angeles–is that so bad really?  And what about our children–aren’t they privileged enough with XBox and Wii and McDonald’s and Disney Channel–can’t they sacrifice just a teeny weeny bit for the creatures of the sea?  After all the world is more covered with ocean water than land so it technically belongs to them anyway.

And now the Supreme Court is going to get in the way of the brilliant 9th Circuit and possibly (only possibly) overturn the injunction that keeps the Navy from conducting its wretched SONAR scanning.  Where is Obama when we need him most–to appoint some Justices who can finally rule in favor of the whales?

Well, I for one applaud the 9th Circuit for this amazing precedent.  In fact, we sent a team out to the western seaboard to interview folks there about their take on this amazing ruling.  Here is what we discovered:

We ran into Sunshine Berry a native of Los Angeles at her normal place of work.  Her parents were actually at Woodstock–cool.  Our on the spot reporter had this exchange with her.

Reporter:  “So Miss Berry…”

Sunshine: “It’s “Ms” Berry”

Reporter: “Oh sorry.  Ms. Berry, what do you think about the ruling from the 9th Circuit that says that the Navy has to stop agitating the whales?”

Sunshine:  “I love it!  After all, it has long been known that the Bush family hates whales.  I heard that Jeb Bush actually has a pair of whale skin boots that sorry **#@&$.  No one sticks up for the whales anymore with Jane Fonda all rich and claiming to be a Christian one minute and then appearing on Oprah and blah blah blah.  I’m glad to see the Court get involved.”

Reporter:  “But don’t you worry that our National Security is at stake?”

Sunshine: “Ha!  That is such a laugh.  Our National Security is at stake only because the world hates us becuase of Bush.  And now we discover that he actually hates college students-which totally sucks.”

Reporter: “Um, okay, but to stay on topic, what about the Navy not having the ability to find submarines that might attack us.”

Sunshine:  “Well, if we get attacked we deserve it–we have brought this on ourselves because of Halliburton and Big Oil and restricting gay  marriage and all of that stuff.  And anyway, if we are nice to the whales, they will probably protect us from submarines anyways.”

So we tried again to test the pulse of the average California resident and our reporter ran into this individual:

Reporter:  “Excuse me sir, what do think about a ruling keeping the Navy from agitating whales?”

Bunny-Man:  “I frankly love it.  I mean I’m annoyed all the time by people that I would like to get some injunctions against because they agitate me.”

Reporter:  “Really?  Like who?”

Bunny-Man:  “Well nosy conservative reporters for one.  Ha-kidding dude, but seriously I’m agitated by Microsoft because they laid me off last year for “poor performance” -whatever, and all repubilcans, John McCain, the church, clowns, heteros, my dad, and the list goes on.”

Reporter”  “But the church?  I mean your sign there attempts to quote a commandment.”

Bunny-Man:  “So?  What is your point?  Listen the nuber 2 sin is agitating whales as far as I’m concerned and then after that would be any law that restricts the wearing of bunny ears while protesting and killing clowns.”

Reporter:  “Oh no, is that a dead clown behind you?”

(at that point the bunny-man fled the scene)

Well it hasn’t been easy to find a mainstream reaction to this but we are on it and will keep you informed.  In the meantime, should the Supreme Court rule in favor of the whales (who apparently are represented without counsel and will not be appearing at oral argument) then start making your list of people that agitate you so that you can get a Court to shut them up.  Here is the beginning of my list:

1.  Barbara Streisand

2.  Nancy Pelosi

3.  Michael Newdow

4.  Michael Moore

5.  Barack Obama

6.  Jesse Jackson

7.  Unnamed attorneys that I oppose in litigation matters at work. (not all–just some)

8.  A neighbor kid that simply drives me crazy (name is left out to protect his identity)

9.  Bruce Springstein

10. …(more later)

-Murphy

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Top 9 Reasons Not To Watch the OJ Simpson Trial

June 17, 2008

 

Yes, its that time again, 13 years later we are back ready to once again have our lives preempted by an endless parade of prosecutorial mistakes, cliches, racism and other fun that we like to call “THE OJ SIMPSON TRIAL.”  September 2008, OJ will once again appear in Court to face criminal charges based on his fundamental like of appreciation for societal rules and order.  And we, the helpless public, are forced to endure this tail of woe as a former Football Giant faces his accusers, tries on gloves and thanks the jury for a job well done.

I say, NO.  We have had enough of this trash.  It’s bad enough I have to endure CNN’s Obama Love Fest every day and constant reminders of Michelle Obama’s lack of patriotism, but another OJ Trial?  Serenity Now!

In case you are tempted, in case you find yourself being pulled ever so close to the TV to watch “just a couple of minutes” of the trial only to discover hours and 3 bags of Cheetos later that you are still watching, here are the Top 9 Reasons not to Watch this one:

1.  I’m Still Mad That The Bronco Chase Interrupted the Rockets Game

There I was at a local establishment, watching my home town basketball team in the NBA Finals and *poof* next thing I know I’m watching OJ Simpson in a white bronco being chased down the freeway in LA.  I was one of the thousands of Houstonians that called NBC and demanded that the game be put back on.  I’d convict him just for that.

2.   You might Miss the New Season of “Dancing With the Stars”

I mean really—would you rather see OJ or someone like OJ attempting to dance on live TV?

3.  There Is Always A Chance You Will Have to Endure Kato Kalin Commentary

You know its true–this is exactly what the idiotic network executives will do.  They will dig up this guy from whatever rehab facility he is currently residing in and make him the “go to” guy for commentary throughout the trial.  I could not take it.

4.  You Will Miss The Republican Convention

Need I say more?  Of course not.

5.  If you are in South Carolina you will miss the “Marlboro, Chesterfield, Darlington County Pee Dee Indian Tribe Pow Wow”

Wow!  This event is held on September 6 and you don’t want to miss it.  Featuring the Drum Team-“Bird Choppers and Dry Medicine”  Not just wow–Pow Wow!

6.  If you are in Wisconsin–or visiting–You Will Be Too Tired From the “Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw”

Yes, its that time once again to gather your family, trek on up to beautiful Wisconsin, pick up a pile of cow feces and see how far you can throw it. 

As you can see from this photo taken from the website–hygiene is not an issue with these locals–why what’s a little hepatitis among friends?

7.  Judge Jackie Glass is No Ito

I mean, really, she called our beloved Hesiman winner “arrogant or ignorant or both.”  How dare she?  Doesn’t she know that she is supposed to cower to his fame and make rulings that benefit him and hurt the prosecution.  Seriously Judge Glass–I don’t think you get it yet.  If you aren’t going to help OJ, then why should we watch.

8.  North Carolina–You may Miss the Annual “Bald is Beautiful” Convention in Morehead City.

Yes, “Morehead” City is the host town for this annual event.  And why not?  Morehead means More Head, Less Hair.  Ha Ha Ha. That is soooo not funny.  But they are right, for those of us (me included) losing those precious strands–we need to attend this event to feel better about ourselves–because after all bald IS beautiful.  See:

9.  With OJ So Busy With Trial–How Can He Continue His Search For the Real Killers?

This is the real tragedy of this ruse of a trial.  With OJ all “tied up” with these silly little charges, how can he possibly continue his quest to discover the “real” killers of Nicole and Ron?  Look at the incredible disservice to society that is resulting from this trial–without OJ on the case, there is no one really looking and if no one is looking, the case will remain open and there is no closure.  How sad.  How awful.

So, let’s band together America!  Take a stand.  Say “NO” to programing interruptions.  Say “NO” to days on end listening to witness after witness get beat up by criminal defense lawyers.  Say “NO” to the OJ Trial and maybe, just maybe we will have a pleasant September.  Because God knows, if Obama is elected, our November is going to be the pits.

-Murphy

 

California Supreme Court’s Opinion is So Gay.

May 16, 2008

Well by now you have likely heard that the California Supreme Court struck down the State’s ban on gay marriage by a 4-3 vote.  The Court stated that “Our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation.”

What an interesting and completely flawed comment.  The State never kept any individual from establishing a loving and long-term committed relationship–it simply did not afford people rights related to marriage if they were the same sex–since that has historically, biblically, and socially never been considered “marriage.”

And immediately, Ellen Degeneres proclaimed that she and Portia were getting married.

Is it just me or does Portia look like the Joker from Batman?  Freaky.  So who is the man in that relationship?  I guess they are more like a gay couple than a lesbian couple–but I digress…again.

So what is next?  If we are going to change our entire system of laws based on the people we have sex with then I think we are headed for dissaster.  Remember–this is not about 2 people “loving” each other and wanting to spend their lives together.  THis is about benefits, divorce, community property, adoption, death benefits, property ownership, credit, income taxes, etc… It’s about providing benefits to people based on their sexual preference.  So how about bisexuals.  Shouldn’t a man who loves a man and a woman at the same time be able to marry them both?  What about a mother that loves her son or daughter, what about a man in India that loves his dog?  Remember that ridiculousness?

 

Well, the dog is cute I suppose–and it never talks back, doesn’t ever want its feet rubbed, can’t hold a credit card, doesn’t care if you drink beer and watch football all day on Saturday, but again I digress…

Of course, there is another side to this tale–for example how else could this person get married if not for the ability for all people to marry who or whatever they want?

I always thought Greg Proops was a man. (the guy from Who’s LIne is is Anyway?)

Greg Proops, 2005.

Guess not. 

Well, not to get into too much of a debate here–but seriously America is this what you want to see walking down the aisle?

I don’t think so.  Marriage is between a man and a woman–period.  Everything else is just plain silly.  James Dobson said it well today when he said, “”What an outrage. It will be up to the people of California to preserve traditional marriage by passing a constitutional amendment. … Only then can they protect themselves from this latest example of judicial tyranny.”

The big point here is that the California Supreme Court is out of control–Judges are supposed to interpret laws not create legislation from the bench.  It is and always has been a State’s right to define marriage—there is nothing unconstitutional about that.  In fact, it is quite constitutional.

The 10th Amendment to the US Constitution says:  “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people. ”

I believe the people of California, as wacky as they can be, actually voted on this ban and upheld it.–Seems pretty dadgum Constitutional.  But then, I’m not a wacked-out liberal with a social agenda sitting on the high Court of the State.

Good luck California-You will need it.

-Murphy

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Polygamy Sect in Texas-Another TV Movie in the Making

April 21, 2008

Texas:  Okay, I’m a life-long Texan.  Yes, I’m “one of those.”  I think Texas is big enough, strong enough and wealthy enough to be its own Country–and in fact–at one time it was.  In fact, did you know that the Texas Flag is the only State flag that can be flown at the same height as the US Flag?  That is because Texas was once a Republic.  After all, 2 out of the 12 years of school in Texas, a child is taught “Texas History” during history class—the entire year!  We love our State, we are proud to be here and we wouldn’t live anywhere else.

But…

It seems that Texas continually acts as the stage for ridiculous events that always end up as TV movies with parts played by Farrah Faucet, and that woman from Who’s the Boss?  We’ve had Waco, Cheerleader Moms, Moms drowning kids, wives running over their husbands with SUV’s, racially based horrific murders, and the Texans football team.  Part of this is because Texas is so dadgum big.  Part of this is because Texas is so diverse.  And now, instead of Utah, the logical place for this kind of shennanigans, Texas is once again spotlighted for the strange and bizarre.

This morning the Early show interviewed some of the Men from the Polygamist compound in Texas–and let me tell you, the interview was mesmerizing.  I mean look at them–they are very charasmatic individuals.

The guy in the middle actually said that some of the “members” didn’t know that it was illegal to have sex with a girl under the age of 17 if you are an adult but that they are rethinking that now in light of this new revelation on the law.  Well good for you buddy–welcome to the last 500 years.

This entire thing is just too weird.  Now we have the state of Texas taking all of these children and putting them in foster care–because that has never been a system filled with abuse.  And the moms continue to appear in public like this:

So what is the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?  Well, sorry Obama–it is not a gun-toting group of people clutching to religion because of their disenchanment with the Bush administration. No, it is a split from the mainstream Morman church that renounced polygamy a while ago.

It was run by this guy:

Warren Jeffs.  But of course, he resigned in November 2007 after spending years on the FBI’s top 10 most wanted list and finally getting sentenced to 10 years in prison for–you won’t believe it—two counts of being an accomplice to rape.  I know–shocking.  He is known for making the following quote:  “The black race is the people through which the devil has always been able to bring evil unto the earth.”

Nice Guy–Obama–I would not spend any campaign money on these guys–just a little FYI for ya.

What is really funny to me is how this organization makes its money–according to Wikipedia (the obvious source of all things accurate)–they have sold airplane components to the ….  United State Government… (ha ha ha) from 1998 to 2007 and made well over $1.7 million in that time period.

So what are some other things you may not know about the polygamist sect in Texas?  Well our team of reporters has investigated the scene and determined the following facts few knew about these wonderful people:

1.  All kids younger than 17 are also their own Grandpa.

2.  Laura Ashley has her own booth at the compound.

3.  Men have reported increased stress due primarily to dinner decisions.  When asking his wives where they would like to go to eat–all of them say “it doesn’t matter” which he knows is a freakin’ lie.

4.  Women have reported depression due to their combined husband finally blowing and telling all of them that “Yes, you look fat in that dress.”

5.  Oddly, the only movie star to “come out against the Government” so far regarding the raid is Woody Allen.

6.  Kids like to tell stories about their superhero, Morman Man, who flies around the world trying to find the most gullible women and bring them back to be abused and enslaved.

7.  The compound is saddened each year because they are not allowed to participate in an El Dorado annual event called the Running of the Bull. This event’s purpose is celebrating the “gift of gab.”  (El Dorado is soooo exciting).

8.  Many of the women in the Sect actually stop having babies at 35.  Why?  Because 36 is just too many.

9.  They have cool rules like this one:   After you bathe, don’t admire yourself in the mirror. Stay in the shower just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

Not a problem–I never admire myself in the mirror either before or after I bathe.  I do take long showers though–but that is because I typically fall asleep in there because I’m nearly 40.  I’m not sure why you have to get out of the bathroom so quickly–but none of my kids want to see me running around the house in a towel.

and finally,

10.  They all secretly hate the Osmonds.

 

Well, I’m with ya there brotha!

-Murphy

Making the Wrong Hand Gesture Can Land You In Jail

April 17, 2008

Austin, Texas–Attorneys are constantly getting a bad rap in society.  I should know, I am one.  Funny thing is–nearly all of my friends are not attorneys.  That is because, simply, I typically don’t like them.  No offense to my colleagues, but I rarely enjoy the company of a group of barristers.  We are ego-maniacs, pretentious, rude, self-absorbed, and not fun to hang out with.  Sure, there are plenty of us who are not like that but as a group, some of our stereotypes are well deserved.  Then something like this happens to really confirm our arrogance:

Adam Reposa-on the left , an Austin Lawyer was sentenced to 90 days in jail on a contempt of Court charge.  The reason?  He simulated a lewd gesture in front of a judge.  No, not the one-finger salute (although that is also illegal in Texas–truly) but he, in response to what a prosecutor was saying, moved his hand up in down while positioning it in a way that looked like he was holding a, er, um, a thick pencil.

But this should’nt surprise anyone.  Apparently Reposa has a history of being an idiot.  Check out a blog story about him from March.  Yes he has an ad where he calls himself the DWI STUD.  Now that is funny.  Here it is:
Can you read what it says? Here, I’ll help (this picture has been edited in my continued efforts to make this blog PG at worst):

“Check out Austin’s hottest DWI TAPES from cases where people were found NOT GUILTY. There are lots of DWI LAWYERS in town, but how many TAPES do they have? Who can put it down in the courtroom, and make them take it like he wants? BULLETPROOF, THE DWI STUD That’s who…You’d be a fool not to check out this man’s body of work. Watch him perform and then, you decide who you want.” (reprinted from the blog mentioned above)

Wow!  Seriously disturbing.  Well, he may be the DWI Stud, but he is not the Contempt of Court Stud–a visiting Judge sentenced him to 90 days in jail for his lewd gesture.  Ahhh, sweet justice.  I guess BULLETPROOF won’t be marketing his tape of this proceeding.  And of course, our image isn’t helped by shirts like this one:

Lawyers Do It

Is it fair to judge my profession by buffoons like this?  I mean there are a lot of very respectable men and women in my profession.  For example:

BILL CLINTON:  Well actually he doesn’t count because he has since been disbarred for lying under oath. Sorry, how about:

JONNIE COCHRAN:  Well, hard to argue that he was good–after all he was able to get an obvious murderer off.  And then there is:

STAR JONES:  Yes, Star Jones, the once large, now fit Star has a law degree.  Who knew?  Her commentary on The View was so non-revealing of this fact.  (Oh, how could I know that?  I’ve never watched the show–really I haven’t, I mean it)

Spiro Agnew

SPIRO AGNEW:  Yes the once VP to President Nixon (also a lawyer–also disbarred) was disbarred for bribery and tax evasion–now that is the funniest part–tax evasion–on someone who is part of the Federal government. 

Well, maybe this list is not a good look at the profession either (except for Star of course) but some of us are idealists.  Some of us do represent individuals because we like helping people and companies because we like making sure that the company doesn’t go bankrupt and all of its employees become unemployed.  Some of us take on cases now and then because we simply want to do what is right.

All in all many of us are honest, hard working professionals.  Why just last year a client came in my office who has been caught embezzling millions from his employer.  He asked me for advice and told me that he didn’t want to go to jail.  I told him “Don’t worry, you will never go to jail with all that money.  Sure enough, after a lengthy trial, he was sent to prison and by then he didn’t have a dime left.

🙂

-Murphy

UPDATE:  Here is the link to the Austin news story on the sentencing and his hillarious post-sentencing interview.  There is a great close-up of him being handcuffed.  I guess he “took it like they wanted.”

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Help Me Congress, I’m Fat and It is Causing the World To Get Warmer!

February 20, 2008

 

Is there anyone out there that doesn’t think that obesity is a health problem?

(crickets, wind, silence)

Of course not, we all know that–and yet, many of us are obese.  And let’s not dance around with terms like “full figured” and “Just My Size” let’s just call it as it is–FAT.  We as a nation are Fat.  And why are we Fat?  (and no, I’m not going to digress into a metaphor using PHAT).

Well, there are some people that are fat because of medications they are taking or genetic disorders.  The National Institute of Health states that these reasons for obesity are rare.  The health risks of obesity are in part:

 Obesity has been linked to several serious medical conditions, including diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. It is also associated with higher rates of certain types of cancer. Obese men are more likely than nonobese men to die from cancer of the colon, rectum, and prostate. Obese women are more likely than nonobese women to die from cancer of the gallbladder, breast, uterus, cervix, and ovaries.

Other diseases and health problems linked to obesity include:

  • Gallbladder disease and gallstones.
  • Osteoarthritis, a disease in which the joints deteriorate, possibly as a result of excess weight on the joints.
  • Gout, another disease affecting the joints
  • Pulmonary (breathing) problems, including sleep apnea, in which a person can stop breathing for a short time during sleep.

And we know this to be true already don’t we?  And yet, we are still fat.  In 2003, my fair city of Houston was dubbed the fattest city in America for the 3rd YEAR IN A ROW!!!  And yes we are fat.

So what makes us fat?  Well, I think even a Kindergarten child could tell us that FOOD makes us fat.  Really good food like McDonald’s fries and Ice Cream and Chocolate (but not dark chocolate–say it isn’t so) and alcohol and Funnel Cakes and Oreos and Pizza and Pasta and Steak and and and and and…

  (Yummy)The real problem is not the food itself necessarily but the amount that we consume.

But wait, there is an answer–a light at the end of the Taco Bell, a beacon of hope shining through the golden arches–it is:  THE INTERNATIONAL OBESITY TASK FORCE

It’s stated mission:  “to inform the world about the urgency of the problem and to persuade governments that the time to act is now.”

Hmmmmm….  So it wants to influence governments to act on obesity.  Do wha?  Hasn’t the government already acted–after all we have nutritional labels mandated by law on all food items that are not fresh produce or meats, we have the FDA that is allegedly testing the chemicals in processed foods and reporting on their effects on the body.  What more can the government do to help us poor fat people.  After all, isn’t what I eat my… what is that liberal word used in another context…what is it…oh yeah.. my CHOICE?

According to its website the IOTF is “now working to convince world leaders that something can be done to address the problem.”  But what?  I mean look at these guys–not much being done to convince them:

 Teddy

 Barney (not the dinasour variety)

 Might explain why he feels hot all the time.

On Sunday Speaking to the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Boston, Prof Philip James said that obesity must be tackled in the same way as climate change with world leaders agreeing to vital steps to transform the environment that is making us fat.

Oh, so we should have washed up Presidential hopefuls do a docu-fiction movie on the effects of obesity and how we should all be scared to death of it.  How exactly is the environment making us fat?  We don’t all live in a Willy Wonka Factory do we?

Ah, but wait–here is the real reason this is being addressed–not because anyone cares about obesity but because of–you guessed it–GLOBAL WARMING.  I’m not crazy–it may seem I am but check out this quote from the Boston meeting on Sunday:

“Much of the present high calorie density food production has a massive carbon footprint and requires wasteful amounts of energy and water. If we are to feed the world – 8 billion people in just 20 years time – with a healthy diet, we need to deliver a rescue plan for the planet – not just to address global warming, but to ensure we have sufficient healthy food to feed everyone.”

Yep, there it is–obesity is now the 1,589,332nd link to global warming, right behind cow farts and tootsie rolls.  Making high calorie food has a “massive carbon footprint”–are you kidding me?  I’m sure finding new ways to crush a soy bean into a food and call it chocolate takes no energy at all though.

In case you are not convinced that there are a group of people in the world that want to make all of your Choices (except abortion of course) for you–read on:

“The strategic approaches needed involve rejecting the misplaced notion that the obesity problem is merely a matter of individual choice. Blaming individuals for their personal vulnerability to weight gain is no longer acceptable in a world where the majority is already overweight and obesity is rising everywhere. It is naïve of ill-informed politicians and food industry executives to place the onus on individuals making ‘healthier choices’ whilst the environment in which we live is the overwhelming factor amplifying the epidemic.”

It apparently is now naive to think that anyone is smart enough or able on their own to quit pounding down 12 Krispy Kremes each morning for breakfast because after all–those “Hot Donuts” signs are just too enticing and we are soooooo very weak, so weak.

 

And because parents are too stupid to regulate what their children eat, the great professor stated that governments should regulate and control subliminal advertising of junk foods.  That’s it, no more Mr. Kool-aid.

 

Um, hello, but aren’t the parents buying the food–not the kids.  And so, are the parents then so enticed by the “subliminal” advertising of a giant pitcher of sugary drink busting through a wall of bricks?  Well–as all liberals believe–we are a stupid, fat bunch of idiots aren’t we?

 

He concludes by saying if we fail to act soon it will be too late–too late for what?  Are we all going to collectively cause the United States to sink into the ocean because of our collective bad choices?

 

I understand obesity is a problem–I think about it everytime I see Hillary in a tight skirt-but the reality is this–the food we eat is one of the few choices that the government has not taken from us–if we want to eat poorly and be fat–that is our choice–the righteous government has no right to tell us otherwise.  But as I stated before, this is not about being fat–it is about cooling our environment because we all know that healthy foods do so well in the cold.

 

-Murphy

 

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