Business Failing? Well Raise Your Prices-Just Ask the Post Office

As we all know, many companies are having a tough time in this economy.  Part of the reason is that people are not spending their money but instead are saving it for the coming days of socialism that are being thrust down our throat by the Obama administration.  Part of the reason it that people don’t have money to spend.  The other reason is that the product or service simply stinks and no one wants it.

So what are these companies to do?

Let’s take GM for example.

For years, they make too many products that look the same but have different names and prices.  For years, with the exception of their truck line, they make a far inferior product than does Toyota and Mazda and Honda.  All they needed was a little recession and suddenly they are in the tank.  Not to mention the fact that they are hamstrung with union requirements that make the cost of making a car far more than necessary and cuts their profit margin to the bone.  So instead of filing bankruptcy last fall like any other company would do in this situation, our Government, encouraged by George Bush and Barack Obama later has “loaned” GM billions of dollars to get them back on their feet.  Imagine if you were asked to take your tax payment and invest it in the market instead of giving to the Government.  It is unlikely you would have invested it in a failing company or industry.  You, instead would have purchased a big chunck of Exxon or Wal-Mart or something that actually works.

But have no fear–the Government does not learn from its mistakes–it continues to take over, er, I mean assist the auto industry. 

Well I’m no economist, but I have an idea for GM–Why don’t you raise your prices?  You know, take a Suburban from $38K and make it $60K.  Why, that’s another $22K in profit right there per car. 

I can see you are skeptical of my idea.  I mean after all, what moronic company or industry would look at a recession, can the marketplace and realize it has some real strong competitors and RAISE its prices in an effort to save itself? 

What kind of arrogant, myopic, self-absorbed, idiotic, short-sighted fool would do such a thing?  That is what you are thinking–but wait there is a “company” that is going to give this method a shot…

That’s right, the United States Postal Service.  They have the right idea.  I mean with email and FedEx and UPS and email and Twitter and Facebook and email–they have some stiff competition.  And what better way to encourage you to use the old “snail” mail system than to pay more for it.  So as of Monday, a First Class Stamp will be $.44 and a host of other effective and efficient services will be increased as well (in price that is, not in effeciency or effectiveness).

I mean–after all you are a patriot aren’t you?  You wouldn’t dare purposely not use a stamp that say, looked like this?

It has the Statute of Liberty on it for the love of all that is good and decent.  Besides, how do you expect the USPS to be able to keep affording to pay a slew of people and artists to come up with stamps like these:


 Personally I like this one:

So come on America, if your business is failing, if competitors are driving you to Bankruptcy, and, of course, if you voted Republican and therefore do not qualify for a bailout, simply do what the experts do at the USPS–raise your prices. 

Then—call me and let me know how that is going–or actually, just send me an email.


Explore posts in the same categories: Current Events, Democrats, Economy, funny, Government, Humor, Life, News, recession, Satire

3 Comments on “Business Failing? Well Raise Your Prices-Just Ask the Post Office”

  1. andre Says:

    The USPS is just the tip of the idiot-iceberg. When recession hits, most companies scramble to find efficiencies and other cost cutting measures (I say “most” companies – the others go bankrupt…um, or get bailed out…). Anyway, the US Gov’t is about the only entity that when faced with budget shortfalls, not only looks for ways to spend magnitudes more cash, but will also hold you at gunpoint to get whatever extra change you may have laying around.

    Hmmm, so I’ve have had my eye on this cool new GT-500, but silly me, I thought I couldn’t afford it. Maybe I’ll just go door to door robbing my neighbors until I have enough.

    Good write-up Murph!

  2. […] post­: B­usi­n­ess F­ai­l­i­n­g? W­el­l­ Rai­se… Share and […]

  3. Nacilbupera Says:

    Lol: I was quite the philatelist in my youth, beginning my collection when stamps were just 13-cents. I remember observing that stamps were at 3-cents for a generation many years prior. Nowadays I can’t keep track of the current rate; they should just stick with 50-cents for awhile until Obama-deficit-spending inflation comes roaring around in a year or few.
    I cannot fathom why Obama doesn’t consider himself a Socialist. With the government takeover of GM, the question remaining to be answered in my mind isn’t about Socialism but whether Obama really believe in free markets at all. Quite the evidence is piling up that he has a communistic philosophy in my mind. What do you think?

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