Swine Flu Alert: Biden Scared, Michelle Devasated

In what can only be described as panic and fear, our Vice-President has issued a stern warning.  “I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places right now.”  Except of course the confined space of Delaware.  Biden’s remarks on the Today show have some people freaked out.  We have decided to ask some Americans that actually listen to what Biden has to say with any sense that it means something so we could determine the effect of his words.

It has been hard to find someone that fits that level of say…intelligence, but we have located one upstate New Yorker that was willing to talk to us:

“We are here with Clifford Butane a resident of New York who is quite concerned about the swine flu and VP Biden’s comments”

Clifford:  “I’m so happy to talk to you about this–man I’m freaked out!”

Q:  “Well Clifford..”

Clifford:  “You can call me ‘Spark.'”

Q:  “Umm..okay, so Spark, what have you done in response to VP Biden’s remarks?”

Spark:  “Well first I really took it to my heart what he said about closed spaces so I have raised the roof if you know what I mean.”

Q:  “I don’t know what you mean.”

Spark:  “I mean I raised it–duh–look over there”

Q:  “Oh, you literally took the roof off your house?”

Spark:  “No, I didn’t write a book about it, I took the roof off so that my space would no longer be enclosed.”

Q:  “Okay, well, that is interesting.  What else have you done to prepare?”

Spark:  “I threw away all my bacon and sausage that I was storing up to eat cuz’ I was scared it might be infected.”

Q:  “Didn’t your hear that you can’t catch the swine flu from pork products?”

Spark:  “Sure, but I suppose you believe you can’t catch Asian flu from orientals neither.”

Q:  “Well, of course you can’t-that is ridiculous.”

Spark:  “Tell that to all the people in Asia with the flu.”

(awkward silence)

Q:  “Anything else you are doing to heed his warning?”

Spark:  “Yes, I am never again eating at Subway’s”

Q: “Why not?”

Spark:  “Because our VP–who I trust–said that he wouldn’t even let his family go into a Subway’s.  That’s good enough for me.”

Q:  “Thank you for your time sir.”

Spark:  “No problem–‘live long and prosper’ my friend.”

So there you have it–the public reacts to Joe Biden…

On another front, Michelle Obama is simply beside herself trying to figure out what to do about this terrible outbreak.  Unfortunately most surgical masks only come in white or that hospital greenish color.

Michelle was quoted as saying “What can I possibly wear with that hideous green color.  Nothing in my new wardrobe matches that!”  A furious Michelle is said to be barred up in the White House attempting to calm down…developing.

-Murphy

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Explore posts in the same categories: Current Events, Democrats, funny, Government, Health Care, Humor, Joe Biden, Life, News, Satire, School, Swine Flu

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