I’m Ready For My Bailout!

Well with GM seeking a bailout and Circuit City filing Bankruptcy and AIG needing more money and on and on–I have decided to formally step into the bailout line.  I know, you are saying, “But Murphy, you are a right-wing, cement-hearted, nut job conservative…how can you do such a thing?”  Well, there is an old saying, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”

I thought that since we are about to have a nearly Socialist regime in our Government, it may be time to step in line and get some free stuff.

If companies that are mismanaged can go to the government with a Republican president and get free money, how much more can I get something once Obama takes over?

So, here is my bailout list:

1.  STUDENT LOAN DEBT

After law school I was saddled with a hefty student loan.  Then I worked for (don’t gasp), the Government for 2 years and deferred the loans since my salary was a little light.  Now, some 14 years after law school I still have a balance and I feel as though I need a bailout.  So I submit my request.

2.  WINE CLUB BAILOUT

After a trip to Napa Valley I learned about “wine clubs.”  You can sign up at each winery and they will send you 2 or 3 bottles a month and simply charge your credit card.  I feel it would responsible to my tasting experience to be a member of at least say…10 wine clubs.  But that would of course cost somewhere between $1000 and $1500 a month, which I really cannot afford…that is…unless I can get a Bailout!  So I submit this as my second request for a bailout.

3.  LEXUS BAILOUT

Currently I drive a 2006 Camry.

But I would really like to drive a 2009 Lexus.

So, if I could get go ahead and buy the Lexus (which I cannot afford) and then I will submit my request for a bailout on that as well.  Thank you Uncle Sam!

4.  EMOTIONAL BAILOUT

When I am blue or feeling down, I don’t like it.  If someone dies or if my stocks lose 40% of their value, I get a little sad.  Maybe the Government could provide me an emotional bailout.  Maybe I could get in the mail a DVD set of comedy stand-up routines by Jerry Seinfeld and Brian Regan and maybe all 9 seasons of the Golden Girls–or just this:

or this:

In any event, what I would really like a bailout from is scandals, Clinton appointees, higher taxes and socialist health care–guess I’ll have to wait 4 years for those.

-Murphy

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7 Comments on “I’m Ready For My Bailout!”

  1. kristiane Says:

    I want a washing machine bailout. You think the gov’t can spare a few hundred bucks?

  2. Rodney Says:

    I’m not satisfied with the results of the BCS standings. Given that the Horns beat OU in a head to head matchup, the Horns deserve to be in Miami on January 8th. Therefore, I’m submitting my request for a BCS bailout!

  3. Steve Lee Says:

    President Bush approved the bailouts because he didn’t want the complete collapse of the American economy to happen during the last days of his administration.
    The Obama Economic Recovery Plan should create opportunities for American businesses, Click Link;
    Think Sunshine
    You would think that environmentalists would be happy with new Green Energy Projects, Click Link:
    Think Clean Air

  4. Steve Lee Says:

    Sorry, that last link should be,
    Think Clean Air

  5. Patrick Says:

    Hey,

    Your blog is really funny! I gotta say, I’ma liberal Democrat and of course I voted for Obama (although I supported Clinton in the primaries), but I mean I do basically agree with you on the bailout stuff and the disturbing trend of herd mentality that has unfortunately come with a lot of Obama supporters. I only think we should help “bail out” working families, not CEO’s who are personally fantastically wealthy but want a bailout for their company (although we’re in NO position to be giving ANYONE bailouts at the moment). But anyway yeah I just wanted to say that your blog is very funny. But I haven’t seen you post anything that suggests you are right of Limbaugh, as you claim. You’ve laid out ideas that are sort of conservative, but right of Limbaugh? I don’t think so at all.

    • mklasing Says:

      Thanks for stopping by–I’ve been out for a while but am back finally–I’m glad you enjoy the site–I’ve been kind of laying low until the Obamanation has been ushered in, but I’ve decided it is time to come out and start laughing some more. Stay tuned. (and I really am right of Limbaugh–mwaaa, haa haa haaaaaa)

  6. shari Says:

    Tired of Bankers having all the fun.

    Bailout! The Game the hilarious parody of the government bailout where when you lose, you win. In this role reversal of the classic board game debt is king.

    Bailout! The Game gives you an endless supply of T.A.R.P funds, laughs and fun.

    Be the bank, lose billions and get a bailout.

    Play as one of six banks: Bankruptcy O’ America, Worth Farless, No Cashvia, Liquidation Brothers, Greedy Investors of America, or Washed Up Mutual.

    Land on or pass over Frantic May and Frivolous Mac spaces and get slammed with bad debt.(MBS’s and CDO’s)

    Just as Monopoly was born out of the Great Depression, Bailout! The Game was born out The Great Recession.

    Winner of the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval. http://www.mrdad.com

    Creators of Bailout! The Game and Bailout! The Card Game
    Liberty Street Games
    http://www.bailoutthegame.com


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