Ahhh, the beautiful site of a Polar Bear slaughteringa baby seal. Notice how the hue of the blood of the seal mixed with the reflection of blue sea water gives the picture a kind of violet tint. Nature is a wonderous and magical thing. But there is evil lurking in these blood-filled waters. An evil no polar bear, even with his massive strength, can possibly defeat.
Big Oil! That’s right the money-hungry, greedy, good for nothun’ Republican Controlled Oil Industry. Somehow Bush and his henchmen were able to con the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service into granting legal protection to seven oil companies in the Chukchi Sea over the next five years should they accidentally harm “small numbers” of polar bears or Pacific walruses while drilling or during other exploratory activities.
Oh the humanity…er…polar bearanity.
But wait–there is hope for the polar bear harassed by these villans. In fact there is always hope for the environment because as soon as any industry tries to make an advancement to ease our pain at the pump–there will always be…
The mighty lawsuit. Yes, the lawsuit–which has brought us such advances as warning labels on McDonald’s coffee to let you know it is actually “hot”, instructions on the back of rat poison that instruct you not to eat it, expensive car emissions systems, no more prayer in schools and constitutional rights to prisoners of war.
This time–two separate conservation groups have teamed up to sue everyone that has ever lived to stop this “free pass” to Big Oil. After all, we all know that drilling for oil harms the environment and therefore harasses the polar bear and the walrus. Just like ANWR–I mean just look at the land region that Republicans insist should be explored for oil:
Wow! What a paradise! I see why we need to be extra cautious there too.
Once again I say “bravo” to the liberals in our Country. They never dissappoint me. It had been almost 4 weeks since the authority was given to explore and I thought maybe the followers of the global environmental cult had missed it–but oh, no, they just needed to find a few brave heroes to do the job. When we think of heroes we may think of soliders, astronauts, firemen, policemen, Ronald Regan but we all know the real heroes of our Country:
LAWYERS! They know best how to make a Federal Case (literally) out of hanging chads, fatty foods and waterboarding. Who else will speak for the Polar Bear? Who else will champion the unheard voice of the walrus? Paul McCartney? I don’t think so. If you want to hear the glorious sound of “coo coo ca choo” then you need a lawyer. I just hope their lawsuit is in time to save us from lower gas prices in the next 5 years. I am really hoping to be able to pay $10 a gallon one day so that I will be forced to by a smart car and then be crushed to death in the first minor accident I have on a Texas highway.
(remember, I have a right to be sarcastic about this–I am one of these) 🙂
-Murphy