“Here I Come To Save The Polar Bears!” (not Mighty Mouse)

Ahhh, the beautiful site of a Polar Bear slaughteringa baby seal.  Notice how the hue of the blood of the seal mixed with the reflection of blue sea water gives the picture a kind of violet tint.  Nature is a wonderous and magical thing.  But there is evil lurking in these blood-filled waters.  An evil no polar bear, even with his massive strength, can possibly defeat.

Big Oil!  That’s right the money-hungry, greedy, good for nothun’ Republican Controlled Oil Industry.  Somehow Bush and his henchmen were able to con the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service into granting legal protection to seven oil companies in the Chukchi Sea over the next five years should they accidentally harm “small numbers” of polar bears or Pacific walruses while drilling or during other exploratory activities. 

Oh the humanity…er…polar bearanity.

But wait–there is hope for the polar bear harassed by these villans.  In fact there is always hope for the environment because as soon as any industry tries to make an advancement to ease our pain at the pump–there will always be…

The mighty lawsuit.  Yes, the lawsuit–which has brought us such advances as warning labels on McDonald’s coffee to let you know it is actually “hot”, instructions on the back of rat poison that instruct you not to eat it, expensive car emissions systems, no more prayer in schools and constitutional rights to prisoners of war. 

This time–two separate conservation groups have teamed up to sue everyone that has ever lived to stop this “free pass” to Big Oil.  After all, we all know that drilling for oil harms the environment and therefore harasses the polar bear and the walrus.  Just like ANWR–I mean just look at the land region that Republicans insist should be explored for oil: 

Wow!  What a paradise!  I see why we need to be extra cautious there too.

Once again I say “bravo” to the liberals in our Country.  They never dissappoint me.  It had been almost 4 weeks since the authority was given to explore and I thought maybe the followers of the global environmental cult had missed it–but oh, no, they just needed to find a few brave heroes to do the job.  When we think of heroes we may think of soliders, astronauts, firemen, policemen, Ronald Regan but we all know the real heroes of our Country:

LAWYERS!  They know best how to make a Federal Case (literally) out of hanging chads, fatty foods and waterboarding.  Who else will speak for the Polar Bear?  Who else will champion the unheard voice of the walrus?  Paul McCartney?  I don’t think so.  If you want to hear the glorious sound of “coo coo ca choo” then you need a lawyer.  I just hope their lawsuit is in time to save us from lower gas prices in the next 5 years.  I am really hoping to be able to pay $10 a gallon one day so that I will be forced to by a smart car and then be crushed to death in the first minor accident I have on a Texas highway.

(remember, I have a right to be sarcastic about this–I am one of these)  🙂


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9 Comments on ““Here I Come To Save The Polar Bears!” (not Mighty Mouse)”

  1. hefebear Says:

    Yeah, I’m tired of liberals, too. I’m also tired of giving all these “rights” and “protections” to all these animals at the expense of our well being. It seems animals and illegal immigrants have more rights than I do lately.

  2. yojoe Says:

    It is great to see someone pointing out that polar bears are not all quite. Keep up the good work.

  3. Scuko Says:

    So basically you are saying that Polar Bears are the reason you have to pay $4 a gallon (instead of $1.70 that was the price when bush got elected and had ample opportunity to start developing a better energy policy: i.e. drilling, alternatives, biofuel, better relationships with Venezuela and other oil exporters). So you are saying that Polar Bears started the war in Iraq, caused increase hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico, destroying oil infrastructure there. Polar Bears antogonized Venezuela as much as possible so that the 3rd largest importer of Oil to US hates our guts, and jacks up the prices that in turn forces OPEC to do it as well?

    Sir, it because of the IDIOTS like you that Republican Party is on the verge of loosing to democratic pansies. Instead of looking at the root of the problem (WHY THE F DO WE EVEN NEED TO DRILL IN ARCTIC IN THE FIRST PLACE?) you are blaming tree-huggers of the problems. You are no better than them. Instead actually doing something that would lower the price of gas – like voting with your dollar and buying a more efficient car ( that would force those big three hogs in Michigan to wake up and start making COMPETITIVE American cars of better quality, which in tunr would lower demand for oil and drop prices) you are going around looking for someone to blame.

    I’m sure you as a fellow republican believe in a self-reliance and individuality, but it’s my opinion that you only like to believe it and talk about it instead of doing something. The problem is that Republicans are becoming more and more like Democrats – all talk and not much work. They keep whining about how great US is if only not for ____ (democrats, gays, minorities, tree-huggers, polar bears – select the one you like to blame more). Stop talking do something. If you show that republicans do job better – people we vote for us, whether they are gays, minorities, christians, muslims, etc.

    If we loose this election it’s not going to be because democrats are so much better, or had a better campaign (America is still a largely conservative and puritan country) – it is going to be because McCain is looking for a scapegoat in his ADs (Obama) instead of actually forgetting about Obama and doing something. All people see that in the last 8 years, all Republicans did in the white house, were: Increase spending (not on infrastructure but as Eisenhower warned us Military/Indsutrial complex) & national debt. Failing Economy. Failing Energy Policy. Lower taxes for super rich. Increased cost of Education and Healthcare. Inability to act in crisis (Katrina and Rita). And McCain is trying to BLAME Obama for that. Whatever is your attitude towards that piece of work, you can;t seriously expect people to be that stupid. Obama wasn’t even in Senate when Bush was sitting around twiddling his toes. The only way for McCain to win is to suggest an actual plan of how to get out of this crisis and fix all the problems the “Republican” Administration of Bush created.

  4. mklasing Says:

    Scuko: Thanks for using my site to vomit your liberal trash heap of talking points. I think you missed the point of the article–but then again, you weren’t really trying to grasp it–you just wanted to slam republicans–well bravo!

    This article, although hitting liberals as well–was a slam on LAWYERS–I don’t think I even mentioned Obama in this article. I am certainly not saying that Polar Bears are the reason I pay for high gas–it is one of the many ridiculous reasons liberals give for not drilling in Alaska–and making ourselves more energy independent. “Better relationships with Venezuela???” In case you don’t know–which you don’t–a dictator runs that country–you know like Hitler and Castro and Napoleon.

    And once again–a Liberal comes on the site and calls me names–I love it–it highlights your third grade education well.

    You suggest that I should buy a more fuel efficient car–so therefore, the problem with gas prices is essentially my fault–that is hillarious–I thought this was America–but I guess you’d have the government mandate the type of cars we all drive–like they do in…what is that great country again?…. oh yeah, IRAN!

    -I do agree that Republicans are becoming more like Democrats–but if you truly understand this site you will see that I am ALWAYS advocating self-reliance and less government intervention.–but then again–you weren’t here to read, you were here to rant.

    -Please do my intelligence a favor and stop insulting it by pretending to be a republican (when you see if “we lose the election”). You are about as Republican as I’m a Polar Bear.

  5. heli0tr0pe Says:

    If only that seal were George W. Bush.

    Or you.

    **** off and die, you stupid piece of s***.

  6. eylin sosa Says:

    i hate this thing happed the seals are die because the stupid mens kill the seals and ny favorite animal is the seals but you kill then te kids they are sad to killibg seals the president put en law for no moro killing animls

  7. mklasing Says:

    Eylin: here is the deal: the mens didn’t kill the seals and I didn’t kill the seals. Polar bears did it. I know that kids are sad to kill seals–that is why kids shouldn’t kill them. Now as for the presidnet put en law for no moro killing animals–that seems problematic since that would include cows, fish, chickens and turkeys–which are all best when served on a platter with a great wine.

  8. Tony Costa Says:

    F#@k the polar bears. I mean honestly, when was the last time any of you woke up and thought “Oh my god, I hope the polar bears are okay”

  9. bob Says:

    it is so sad what is happening to polar bears. I think it is so sweet what you are doing.keepup the good work.and thanks.

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