Jimmy Carter is The Long-Awaited AntiChrist.
SYRIA: This just in—it appears that evidence is growing that would indicate that Former President Jimmy Carter is, in fact, the long awaited AntiChrist mentioned in Revelation. This news has shocked the people of Georgia who remember Mr. Carter as a peaceful peanut farmer whose only real sin was a little lusting in his heart, and a hideous haircut.
The connection between this former leader and the son of the devil was made when he announced his intention to go toSyria and meet with Hamas leader Khaled Meshal. Apparently the former Peace Prize recipient believes he has some ability to negotiate with terrorists. The connection to the AntiChrist is really startling.
Our Biblical correspondent Rev. Streets R. Golden points out the amazing similarities in the Nobel Peace Prize winner and the Lord of Darkness:
“In Daniel we learn that the AntiChrist will rise for obscurity. President Carter rose to power in the 1970’s from the obsurity of farming.” explains Rev. Golden. (Below is his home farm house)
“We know he will come from the East and certainly Georgia is about as East as you can get.” He continues, “He will speak boastfully and he will do as he pleases. This buffoon thinks he can create peace in a region where the only thing that Hamas wants is death to all Jews and despite pleas from our Government, he will go over there and have dinner with the enemy anyway.”
“In Thessalonians we learn that the AntiChrist’s arrival on the world scene will be accompanied by miracles and wonders. Well it is a miracle and a wonder that he continues to have any relevance at all.”
“He will hate his home nation and be worshipped by many. Clearly this man hates America and what it stands for and the mindless robots that honor him with prizes and glory are essentially worshipping him. And now by purposely going to the Middle East to meet with enemies of our Nation and Israel on “friendly” terms, it is clear that he is attempting to set up his new European kingdom from which he will rule.” explains Rev. Golden.
Well, as you can imagine this news has hit his home state the hardest. We have sent a team to Plains, Georgia to ask the residents what they think of this terrible news.
Our team caught up with a couple of residents of Plains, Georgia who apparently (lucky for us) had the day off from work.
Reporter: (To the man on the Left) “So Mr. Toomey..”
Toomey: “Oh hell, boy, call me ‘Dillweed’, that’s what my friends call me.”
Reporter: “Ok Dillweed, what do you think about this terrible news that Jimmy Carter might be the AntiChrist?”
Dillweed: “Well, I must say I ain’t that su’prized frankly. I mean he married Rosey or whatever her name is and lookin’ at her I think it would take an AntiChrist to marry someone like ‘at.”
Reporter: “Well, um, not to be too defensive, but Ms. Carter is a lovely woman, and…”
Dillweed: “Boy, I think you might be 2 screws short of a full pair. That O’Donnell lady is a lesbo.”
Reporter: “What?…Well, How ’bout you sir (to the one on the right), how did you take the news?”
Tat-Man: “You know son, you have a purty face.”
Reporter: “Well thanks for your time.”
We sent our team to another location to try and get some real feedback on this developing situation. We met up with another resident at a town Bar B Q, Ms. Henrietta Marfoon:
Reporter: “Ms. Marfoon, what do you think about the fact that your hometown hero may in fact be the Father of Lies himself?”
Marfoon: “Well truth be told, it’s kind of excitin’ I mean havin’ a President from Plains is one thing, but the AntiChrist? Well now that is serious. But enuff talk ’bout that, what say you and I grab some ribs–and I don’t mean the ones on the pit over there?”
Reporter: “Well I’m flattered of course, but I have a job to do.”
Well it seems that the residents of Plains, Georgia are unaffected by this horrific and apocalyptic news. Maybe Plains thinks it will be the New Babylon, maybe the residents of Plains haven’t had anything happen since the erected a giant Peanut in honor of President Carter.
Or maybe, just maybe, Jimmy Carter’s role in society is so irrelevant and so pointless that no one can honestly believe he is the AntiChrist. We will continue to inform you as this story develops…
UPDATE: APPARENTLY ISRAEL HAS MORE BACKBONE THAT WE DO. GOOD JOB ISRAEL–KEEP IT UP.
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