Ralph Nader For President-Finally the Democrats Have a Choice!

He finally did it.  He announced he is running for the highest office in the land.  And good for you Ralph–this is what makes America great.  Besides, this gives people a real choice.

So who is this Democrat-spoiler anyway?  Here are some of the issues he supports:

1. He wants a single payer National Health Insurance Plan–excellent–one small step for Nader, one giant step towards Socialism.

2. He wants to severely cut the military budget–excellent–we are tired of being the dominant military force on the planet–let’s let Iran or Korea have a turn–or better yet–China.

3. He wants to create legislation that MANDATES the use of solar energy over nuclear energy.  I suppose it will suck when it rains–but hey, only some of us live in Seattle anyway–Arizona will become the energy capital of the country.

4. He wants Bush and Cheney impeached.–Yawn!  This sour grapes business over Clinton’s impeachment is sooooooo played and tiresome.

5. He wants to adopt a carbon pollution tax.  No more Ranch Style Beans for me then, I’m not paying a tax every time I have to “let one go.”

6.  He wants to put an end to “ballot access obstructionsim.”  (i.e.–he wants dead people to be able to vote again)

 7. He wants to “reverse U.S. Policy in the Middle East”–um, and so…then I guess we would pull out our troops, allow dictatorships to run rampant again and appease them at all costs because after all–we don’t need their stinkin’ oil anymore anyway–see #3 above.

8.  He is totally Pro-Choice, supports free access to the “morning after pill” and thinks that the Reproductive Vigillantes of NOW are correct in their thinking.  So I wonder if he would put another Scalia on the Supreme Court?  I guess one of his campaign posters could say “Vote Nader:  Death to the Babies”–kinda harsh, sorry.

This is just some of the glorious fun Ralph has planned for us.

So here are my Top 10 reasons why you should vote for Ralph Nader (if you are a Democrat only):

1.  A vote for Ralph is not a vote for Obama or Clinton–and it is about as valuable as making Scooby-Doo 3.

2.  We can all finally start riding around in these new Government Mandated solar cars.

3.  He wants women to succeed better in athletics.

-wow

4.  He thinks citizens should be able to sue the government for wasteful spending–not a bad idea–then 1000’s of crazies will keep the government embroiled in legal battles (which is a fine use of our tax money by the way) and the government won’t have time to further destroy our lives.

5. He Supports getting rid of gun ownership.  That way we will no longer have to worry about our neighbors–unless of course they are criminals.

6. He beats John McCain in “oldest candidate” category by one year.

7. He wants to solve the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.  What a great idea!  I can’t believe that it hasn’t been considered before.  It seems like such an easy solution.

8. Supports a minimum wage of at least $10.  Thank goodness, I’m so sick of paying $3.00 for a hamburger–I’m ready to pay more.  Plus, then there will be no more jobs that Americans are unwilling to do and he will single-handedly solve immigration as well–brilliant!

9. He grew up in Winstead, CT–where everyone walked–Oh, the Good ‘ole Days when we didn’t drive places and see the world.

10.  No one voting Republican will vote for him–which gives us hope.

Thanks Ralph,  thanks a bunch!

-Murphy

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