Help Me Congress, I’m Fat and It is Causing the World To Get Warmer!

 

Is there anyone out there that doesn’t think that obesity is a health problem?

(crickets, wind, silence)

Of course not, we all know that–and yet, many of us are obese.  And let’s not dance around with terms like “full figured” and “Just My Size” let’s just call it as it is–FAT.  We as a nation are Fat.  And why are we Fat?  (and no, I’m not going to digress into a metaphor using PHAT).

Well, there are some people that are fat because of medications they are taking or genetic disorders.  The National Institute of Health states that these reasons for obesity are rare.  The health risks of obesity are in part:

 Obesity has been linked to several serious medical conditions, including diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. It is also associated with higher rates of certain types of cancer. Obese men are more likely than nonobese men to die from cancer of the colon, rectum, and prostate. Obese women are more likely than nonobese women to die from cancer of the gallbladder, breast, uterus, cervix, and ovaries.

Other diseases and health problems linked to obesity include:

  • Gallbladder disease and gallstones.
  • Osteoarthritis, a disease in which the joints deteriorate, possibly as a result of excess weight on the joints.
  • Gout, another disease affecting the joints
  • Pulmonary (breathing) problems, including sleep apnea, in which a person can stop breathing for a short time during sleep.

And we know this to be true already don’t we?  And yet, we are still fat.  In 2003, my fair city of Houston was dubbed the fattest city in America for the 3rd YEAR IN A ROW!!!  And yes we are fat.

So what makes us fat?  Well, I think even a Kindergarten child could tell us that FOOD makes us fat.  Really good food like McDonald’s fries and Ice Cream and Chocolate (but not dark chocolate–say it isn’t so) and alcohol and Funnel Cakes and Oreos and Pizza and Pasta and Steak and and and and and…

  (Yummy)The real problem is not the food itself necessarily but the amount that we consume.

But wait, there is an answer–a light at the end of the Taco Bell, a beacon of hope shining through the golden arches–it is:  THE INTERNATIONAL OBESITY TASK FORCE

It’s stated mission:  “to inform the world about the urgency of the problem and to persuade governments that the time to act is now.”

Hmmmmm….  So it wants to influence governments to act on obesity.  Do wha?  Hasn’t the government already acted–after all we have nutritional labels mandated by law on all food items that are not fresh produce or meats, we have the FDA that is allegedly testing the chemicals in processed foods and reporting on their effects on the body.  What more can the government do to help us poor fat people.  After all, isn’t what I eat my… what is that liberal word used in another context…what is it…oh yeah.. my CHOICE?

According to its website the IOTF is “now working to convince world leaders that something can be done to address the problem.”  But what?  I mean look at these guys–not much being done to convince them:

 Teddy

 Barney (not the dinasour variety)

 Might explain why he feels hot all the time.

On Sunday Speaking to the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Boston, Prof Philip James said that obesity must be tackled in the same way as climate change with world leaders agreeing to vital steps to transform the environment that is making us fat.

Oh, so we should have washed up Presidential hopefuls do a docu-fiction movie on the effects of obesity and how we should all be scared to death of it.  How exactly is the environment making us fat?  We don’t all live in a Willy Wonka Factory do we?

Ah, but wait–here is the real reason this is being addressed–not because anyone cares about obesity but because of–you guessed it–GLOBAL WARMING.  I’m not crazy–it may seem I am but check out this quote from the Boston meeting on Sunday:

“Much of the present high calorie density food production has a massive carbon footprint and requires wasteful amounts of energy and water. If we are to feed the world – 8 billion people in just 20 years time – with a healthy diet, we need to deliver a rescue plan for the planet – not just to address global warming, but to ensure we have sufficient healthy food to feed everyone.”

Yep, there it is–obesity is now the 1,589,332nd link to global warming, right behind cow farts and tootsie rolls.  Making high calorie food has a “massive carbon footprint”–are you kidding me?  I’m sure finding new ways to crush a soy bean into a food and call it chocolate takes no energy at all though.

In case you are not convinced that there are a group of people in the world that want to make all of your Choices (except abortion of course) for you–read on:

“The strategic approaches needed involve rejecting the misplaced notion that the obesity problem is merely a matter of individual choice. Blaming individuals for their personal vulnerability to weight gain is no longer acceptable in a world where the majority is already overweight and obesity is rising everywhere. It is naïve of ill-informed politicians and food industry executives to place the onus on individuals making ‘healthier choices’ whilst the environment in which we live is the overwhelming factor amplifying the epidemic.”

It apparently is now naive to think that anyone is smart enough or able on their own to quit pounding down 12 Krispy Kremes each morning for breakfast because after all–those “Hot Donuts” signs are just too enticing and we are soooooo very weak, so weak.

 

And because parents are too stupid to regulate what their children eat, the great professor stated that governments should regulate and control subliminal advertising of junk foods.  That’s it, no more Mr. Kool-aid.

 

Um, hello, but aren’t the parents buying the food–not the kids.  And so, are the parents then so enticed by the “subliminal” advertising of a giant pitcher of sugary drink busting through a wall of bricks?  Well–as all liberals believe–we are a stupid, fat bunch of idiots aren’t we?

 

He concludes by saying if we fail to act soon it will be too late–too late for what?  Are we all going to collectively cause the United States to sink into the ocean because of our collective bad choices?

 

I understand obesity is a problem–I think about it everytime I see Hillary in a tight skirt-but the reality is this–the food we eat is one of the few choices that the government has not taken from us–if we want to eat poorly and be fat–that is our choice–the righteous government has no right to tell us otherwise.  But as I stated before, this is not about being fat–it is about cooling our environment because we all know that healthy foods do so well in the cold.

 

-Murphy

 

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42 Comments on “Help Me Congress, I’m Fat and It is Causing the World To Get Warmer!”

  1. Jay Gatsby Says:

    After reading your well written post, I have to confess I too am Phat. Oh wait, that confession has nothing to do with your post, nevermind. But, on a serious note, in the Burger King picture, is that a side of lard between the hamburger and the side of fries? I always wondered where you could get a side of lard; I guess now I know.

  2. mklasing Says:

    Yes and you chase that lard with Gin apparently.

  3. Stacy Says:

    I for one am thankful for obesity. As a hawt 39 year old mother of three who takes care of herself, I look way better than most women half my age.

    But then again, I’m a heartless bitch.

  4. Jay Gatsby Says:

    Murphy,

    Holy cow. I can’t believe I didn’t notice the bottle of gin. Too funny, but I do enjoy a good glass of “mother’s ruin” with my fast food grease. Yum. I’m hungry.

    Stacy,

    I would reply to your comment, but I do not know if I should agree or disagree with your comment. No wait, I’ve got it, “You aren’t heartless.” Whewww, I think that is the right response. I don’t know; I’m too scared now that you are well on your way to legally packing heat.

  5. kristiane Says:

    First, major kudos for posting a picture of Kool-Aid Man.
    Second, people are going to get fat, stay fat and probably get fatter. This is the way our world works now.
    In my sons school they try in intoduce “healthier choices” in the school lunch program. Like one week they had deep fried sweet potato fries instead of deep fried tator tots. More vitamins? Probably. Less fat? Probably not. Then, they dipped them into their required vegetable: ketchup.
    It’s been said before and will be again, it is the parents job to feed kids. It is the adult’s job to feed themselves. I’d be lying if I said I was perfect at this all the time. But, if you don’t buy Oreos at the store they cannot make it into the house and they cannot get into your child’s belly. The concept is so simple, it just might work!

  6. mklasing Says:

    Kris: Exactly my point–it is the parent’s job and although we are not perfect all the time, we can regulate what our kids eat. As for me, I had a salad for lunch so I think I’m going to go get some pretzel bites and an ice cream shake. 😉

  7. mklasing Says:

    Jay: Mother’s Ruin, according to Wine Spectator, is well paired with Whoppers and Fries.

  8. Stacy Says:

    Jay G. has obviously visited my little spot in the sphere. You’re smart in knowing that there is no proper response. 😉


  9. Al Gore bloviates about ending global warming, all while he flies around the world in his carbon-spewing jumbo jet. Therefore, since hypocrisy is clearly not an obstacle for him, he could spearhead the movement to end global obesity, despite the fact that he is a fat ass himself. Get moving, Goron. World health depends on you!

    Sidebar: He was thin (or thinner) during the 2000 election. After he came within a gnat’s nutsack of stealing…er, “winning”…the election, he drowned his sorrow in food (I won’t slam the guy for that, since I’ve been known to do the same). I remember some news story over the summer of 2001 that said he had put on about 40 lbs in just a few months (ok, now THAT I have not done)!

  10. mklasing Says:

    Absolutely Crush: He would be perfect for it. I’ve been known to pack them on as well–but then a government agent burst into my home and took all my fatty foods and gave me an electronic monitoring bracelet that I had to wear until I lost 20 lbs. Oh no, wait, that happened when I traveled to the future–sorry I got confused for a second.

  11. pistolpete Says:

    I just heard a radio report on attempts in some European nation (probably Germany) to put a “Carbon Footprint” label on various foods. While there is something to be said for living “more with less” (to borrow the title of a Mennonite cookbook), we can’t legislate leanness, as you so poignantly point out.

  12. mklasing Says:

    It is madness I tell you–MADNESS!!! I’d love to see the carbon footprint figure for a can of Ranch Style Beans–I bet it beats the sodium and carb count by 10X. (I love Ranch Style Beans).

  13. olivia Says:

    i do not wont to beFat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me

  14. olivia Says:

    i dont wont to be fat ok

  15. mklasing Says:

    I feel your pain Oliva truly I do. And we need to not be fat–because after all, we are contributing to Global Warming–which is far more important than your individual health.😉

  16. emily louise pearson Says:

    im skinny as bu not 2 skinny and i dont have big boobs im only a b cup i wish i was really fat🙂

  17. mklasing Says:

    Emily: That is funny–maybe a little TMI on the boob size thing–but hey, still funny.

  18. natasha Says:

    Fat aren’t good for health.Everybody laugh inside themselves , because they don’t want to get embarrassed if you are fat

  19. Super Dooper Fatso Says:

    I am sooooooooooooooooo fat. I am 527kg ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    i have like, a killometre of fat!!!!

  20. jessica Says:

    well im like 120 pounds, god i think im really fat who thinks im really fat??

  21. mklasing Says:

    Jessica: unless you are 4’9″, I would say that you are definitely not fat.

  22. NAU Says:

    A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflectedGeorgeBernardShawGeorge Bernard Shaw

  23. North Korea Says:

    Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.SirNo%EBlCowardSir No?l Coward

  24. SPP Says:

    Make sure the lubricant is unscented. Don’t join fashionable ‘schools of thought.’ Read everything.ZadieSmithZadie Smith, her advice for young people

  25. mklasing Says:

    I always make sure the lubricant is unscented. (wha?)


  26. ur are all very fat, and ur gerth is causing global warming FATTYFATTYFATTY

  27. Randal. Says:

    I WILL EAT WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT. THANKS VERY MUCH. ALL THOUGH I KNOW ITS BAD FOR U , U ONLY LIVE ONCE !! thank youu😉 love randal.

  28. Charis Says:

    ok, im only 92 pounds and im anemic. im @ the age of thirteen. im really weirded out by this whole thing: i wanna gain weight because im the one with the smallest boobs and stuff, but, i dont wanna b fat… thats just gross

    • mklasing Says:

      Don’t worry about your weight so much–especially if you are 13. Eat well, exercise and live life–I’m sure you are perfect just as you are.

  29. phillip Says:

    you are well fat lol

  30. natalie Says:

    im so fat and ugly and need help

  31. Jeannie Says:

    Im a fat chick,,i wiegh 400 lbs email me at cats622009@yahoo.com

  32. fat lard Says:

    I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BIG HARY AND FAT I CAN BARLY MOVE MY FINGERS RIGHT NOW I AM SO TIRED.WELL HOW I DID THIS TO MYSELF WAS REALY EASY ACTUALY BUT TO EASY. I EAT 13 DONUTS PER HOUR. I HAVE TO WEAR A VERY LARGE DIAPER BECAUSE I HAVE NOT MADE IT TO THE BATHROOM IN 2 YEARS. I ACTULY HEARD THE DOCTOR SAY I CAN ONLY LIVE ABOUT A MONTH BUT WHEN HE CAME UP TO ME HE SAID ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET ACTIVE I AM PRETTY SURE HE WAS LIENG THOUGH. THAT IS MY STORY IF THIS IS MY LAST TIME GETTING MY WORD OUT GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND DONT GET INTO THE HABITS I HAVE BEEN GETTING IN.


  33. i am so fat that i found a small kitten underneath my third teat just thought i should let you know

  34. elizabeth Says:

    Australia as a nation are already getting fatter by the second, but nonetheless of course you can see WHY Americans are so huge – it’s because the take-out foods you have available are so massively giagantic in size. Shit your hungry jacks burgers are bigger than my head!

  35. emilie Says:

    hey,
    i think that obesity has to do with two things, the food you eat and the amount of exercise you take. and they are of course linked. you can eat a lot, but then have to move a lot. and if you have to move a lot, you have to do it regularily. that means that exercise has to be in your daily routine, as sth you dont need to puch yourself to do, and cant avoid. but in a society where you cannot really walk anywhere, cuz distances arent human sized, but more for cars, this can be very difficult. i think that this infrastructure is the one thing that people cannot control and that really plays against them.

  36. char Says:

    you are so fat


  37. i agree with your viewpoint that people have their own free will, and they do choose how they eat. obviously.

    i also agree with the other side that you seem to be denigrating, that want society at large to take some responsibility for societal problems.

    there are a few key facts about this debate that often get overlooked by the average person.

    1. the corporations who sell harmful products are the ones who say we should just rely on individuals to make their own choices.

    2. the liberal, thin and fit people are the ones saying we should really limit the ability of these products to enter into homes and stomaches.

    these two facts should lead us to wonder about the motivations of those speaking. obviously corporations want us to buy their products. we can assume their motivations are selfish. so what then of those gym-member liberals? do they just want to take away our choices? well, they’re the ones also promoting a woman’s right to choose, so probably not. do they think everyone’s too weak to make informed, positive decisions on their own? well, they’ve made positive decisions for themselves, so probably not.

    i would argue that the liberals you seem to think are taking away our choices are actually the people who identify most with us, and are therefor most motivated toward our well-being. if you talk to any vegan, they’ll probably tell you that it took an information campaign or good upbringing to make them vegan, but at the same time they feel happier and more empowered. by contrast, the average 400 pound person who can’t leave their house will tell you “no one should be able to take away my french fries”, and one sentence later will tell you “yes, i feel stuck. i feel addicted. yes, i’ve tried to eat less and eat better. it’s just too much work.”

    so maybe there is a kind of freedom in having some choices made for you?

  38. Justine Says:

    -Pure poetry.
    I’m only a teenager and I understand a majority of now-adays youth is greatly affected by obesity.
    Unfortunately, low income family’s are often cornered into these circumstances.
    I just don’t want to have to pay for /their/ healthcare when I, a perfectly healthy individual, maintain a productive lifestyle.


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