Huckabee Wins West Virginia–But Wait, That’s Not All…

Well it would appear that the first Super Tuesday victory, bringing us ever closer to the knowledge of which liberal Republican will run for office, goes to…McCain, Romney, Huckabee!?!

 Um, West Virginia–I know that your state has less people than the County I live in, and I know that there are only 5-8 of you there that have Internet access, but, maybe you don’t know that Huckabee, staistically, really cannot win the race–so I’m sure Romney appreciates the knife in the back at that winner-take-all State.  Good job West Virginians–way to go!  So I hopped on my GOP jet and went down to conduct an exit poll.  First I spoke to this man:

 Murphy:  “Excuse me sir, but did you vote today?”

Bo:  “Hell yeah I voted, shoot, they wuz passin’ out free Coors-who wouldn’t vote?”

Murphy:  “So, can I ask you–who did you vote for?”

Bo:  “Well see, that is a good question.  I was down at the Ohio River docks cleaning maggots outa the hulls of ships when it hit me–I need a beer.  So a friend o’ mine said, ‘Bo, ole’ Huckabee is passin’ out free beer at the pollin’ station.’  So I said, ‘well you don’t have to tell me once’ and I got on my mule and rode over to the polling thingy.”

Murphy:  “I’m thrilled with this story, but could you tell me who you voted for?”

Bo:  “Oh sorry, I got carried away for a minute–see I have this plate in my head…oh..hell, you don’t wanna hear about that–anyway, so I got down there and sho’ enough, the McCain people were not even there because this State is jus’ too edumacated for that candidate, and Romney had a prayer booth with some video we had to watch and somethin’ about having 3 wives and stuff and then there was ole’ Huckabee’s people handing out free Coors–so the choice was easy, I voted for Huckabee.”

Murphy:  “You voted for Huckabee because of free beer?”

Bo:  “No, I ain’t that shallow, jeez.  I voted for him because the thought of having more than one wife like mine made me cry.”

BO’s WIFE:

 So there you have it, Huckabee wins West Virginia.

 And so at the end of today, we can all expect that Huckabee will be the proud owner of the following:

 and

 

 And both of those and 5 cents will still not buy him a bid to the White House.  But… it might help out this “conservative”

Oh, this election is going to be the death of me.

-Murphy

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4 Comments on “Huckabee Wins West Virginia–But Wait, That’s Not All…”

  1. Nigel Says:

    OK, Murph…I know your journalism is faulty, because that’s clearly a PBR in that guy’s hand.

    I believe PBR is the official beer of West Virginia…

  2. mklasing Says:

    You are very perceptive Nigel–but see, he had already finished the Coors–he had moved on the PBR by the time I interviewed him.

  3. Stacy Says:

    I was going to make a comment about the Coors thing too. I know for a fact they don’t drink Coors in WV. Pabst maybe, but not Coors.

  4. pistolpete Says:

    We see things differently on the whole “electability” thing. I truly we should vote for the candidate we believe is best, no matter what the delegate count is. We have to allow our conscience to guide our selection, and not be so influenced by what the polls tell us.

    As for me, I’m voting for Ralph Nader again this year.


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