News: Creating Something Irrelevant and Making it Relevant

I think I’ve finally hit the boiling point.  I know, I’m not yet 40 (9 more months of 30s) and I’ve already “had it.”  Each of us has imaginary buckets in our brain.  One for smells, for sight stimulus, for music, for humor, etc…  (I’m making this up by the way).  One bucket in my head is labeled–“Who Cares News”  and that bucket has filled up, spilled over and exploded.

Here are some highlights of “news” events, when read, almost immediately force the words “Who Cares?” right out of your mouth.

 1.Hillary Clinton Buys and Hour of Ads on the Hallmark Channel

I looked at the Hallmark channel’s weekday lineup and it includes the following: 2 episodes of The Waltons, 4 episodes of Little House on the Prairie, 1 episode of Touched By An Angel, 2 episodes of Matlock, 8 episodes of M*A*S*H, (seriously 8 per day), 3 episodes of Walker Texas Ranger and 1 episode of The Pretender.  So Hillary thinks that the people who would regularly watch these shows will want to see her for a solid hour?

  A solid hour of this?  Lord help us.  My overall response to this news–“Who Cares?”

 2. Los Angeles Now Has Marijuana Vending Machines

At first this looked like the kind of news that would really get me going.  I thought “Are you kidding me? ” But then you read the “news story” and discover that it is only at pharmacies where medicinal marijuana is offered, you must have a prescription, there is a guard standing next to the machine at all times and the DEA keeps close tabs on it.  Now I could get into a discussion about medicinal marijuana but I really know little about it and frankly don’t really care.

  So my response to this story—“Who Cares?”

3. The Fashion of The Candidates is Under Scrutiny

Here is as much of an excerpt of this article that I could stomach to reprint:  “This is an election, maybe the first one since Kennedy-Nixon, where appearance really does matter,” said Tom Kolovos, a Chicago-based style-and-image consultant.”  Well thank the heavens that we have Tom Kolovos here to tell us what is important in this race–clothing.  I thought it was immigration, the economy, Iraq, Health Care, Social Security, and Transgender Issues (see post below)–but apparently it is simply clothing, botox and hairstyles. 

Hate to burst your bubble Tom–but if appearance mattered–John Edwards would still be in the race.  (he is sooo dreamy after all).

Here is Tom:

  Dude–you may know something about fashion, but my mom would whip your butt for sitting on the arm of that chair.

 My reaction to this “news”–“Who Cares?”

 4.  Huckabee Heckled in San Francisco

Ummm–who?  I’m sorry Huck, I liked you-somewhat-but your time has come and gone–and news about things that happen to you on the campaign trail–well–are, um, irrelevant.  The anti-war group that was heckling was a group known as “Code Pink.”  One of this “women for peace” slogans is “Don’t Enlist, Stay and Kiss!  That way everyone makes out…”  Cute–Yawn!  “Who Cares?” (About the article–not the organization–please keep your CODEPINK letters I’m not tackling that organziation today)

As I continued my quest I finally came upon some real news, news that is relevant to me and you, news we can sink our teeth into, news that makes me proud to be an American:

Brittney Spears in Hospital:  Mom Says She is OK

Whew!  For a minute there I was really scarred-I mean an entire minute.  But luckliy the article tells us that she is being well cared for in this her 2nd 72-hour lockdown treatment.  I mean, after all she is a Mutha, er, I mean Mother and she just needs help.  Not the kind of Dr. Phil intrusion and medical revealing to the public kind of help but real honest to goodness help.  I mean look at her:

  The poor baby.

 So, it would appear that all news is irrelevant.  I have decided to go home tonight and watch the premire of Lost over and over because it is more real, more relevant and more entertaining than the trash we are forced to watch on news networks.

Go Patriots!

-Murphy

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Explore posts in the same categories: 1, Current Events, funny, Humor, Life, News, Satire, Thoughts on the World

6 Comments on “News: Creating Something Irrelevant and Making it Relevant”

  1. Jay Gatsby Says:

    I tell you right now that I care about the fact that HRC bought 1 hour of airtime on the Hallmark channel. I care because it made you write this post, which in turn informed me that repeats of The Pretender are airing on cable. Sweeeeeeet! That show rocks. I can’t wait to watch.

  2. mklasing Says:

    Glad to be of service Jay–it is my goal to assist all in their various interests. The Pretender does rock. The Waltons…not so much

  3. kristiane Says:

    Yes, the medical marijuana story baffles me. It doesn’t seem worth the cost of the security guard.

  4. mklasing Says:

    Kristiane: Exactly–why have such a machine when the pharmacist is right there–it is just sensationalism and an excuse, I’m sure, to charge more for it.

  5. Jordan Botello Says:

    I was just chillin in the computor lab at my school during study hall when i decided to type in “something irrelevant” in the google search. Your page came up first on the “top results” thanks for making life so much more interesting with your random news shit. 🙂

  6. mklasing Says:

    Hey Jordan: Thanks for stopping by–glad I could waste a little of your time. 😉

    I guess if that came up first–I’m “something irrelevant” –Yikes!


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