Don’t Mess With Texas–You Hear Me Martians?

I will admit it–I am a true blue Texan.  I love Texas and always have.  I love the history, the wealth of natural resources, the high school football, the coastline, the tough-on-crime-gun-carrying attitude of many of our residents.  I love the diversity of thought and people, the massive mix of cultures from small town to big city, from redneck to oil barron, from snow in the panhandle to year round heat in the valley.  Texas is rich in tradition and heritage and can be as flat as it is hilly and as humid as it is dry.  It has its own Air Force and Army, it has its own wine country and forests.  I really cannot say enough…

However…because we are a giant State among many smaller ones, we also have our share of embarassments.  Many a TV movie has been made about famous crimes in Texas.  We had the “cheerleader mom,” Andrea Yates, Robert Durst, T. Cullen Davis, Ann Richards, the Zamora-Graham Cadet Murder, the “Chicken Ranch,” etc…

This morning I read a story that once again has Texas in a spotlight that is hard to understand.  Apprently, residents of Stephenville, Texas have seen a UFO.

STEPHENVILLE, Texas (Jan. 14) – In this farming community where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO. Several dozen people – including a pilot, county constable and business owners – insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it.

Donna McWilliam, AP

Machinist Ricky Sorrells said he saw a flat, metallic object hovering about 300 feet over a pasture behind his Dublin home. “It feels good to hear that other people saw something, because that means I’m not crazy,” he said.

“People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it’s the end of times,” said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. “It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts.”While federal officials insist there’s a logical explanation, locals swear that it was larger, quieter, faster and lower to the ground than an airplane. They also said the object’s lights changed configuration, unlike those of a plane. People in several towns who reported seeing it over several weeks have offered similar descriptions of the object.  Machinist Ricky Sorrells said friends made fun of him when he told them he saw a flat, metallic object hovering about 300 feet over a pasture behind his Dublin home. But he decided to come forward after reading similar accounts in the Stephenville Empire-Tribune.”You hear about big bass or big buck in the area, but this is a different deal,” Sorrells said. “It feels good to hear that other people saw something, because that means I’m not crazy.” Sorrells said he has seen the object several times. He said he watched it through his rifle’s telescopic lens and described it as very large and without seams, nuts or bolts.Maj. Karl Lewis, a spokesman for the 301st Fighter Wing at the Joint Reserve Base Naval Air Station in Fort Worth, said no F-16s or other aircraft from his base were in the area the night of Jan. 8, when most people reported the sighting.   Lewis said the object may have been an illusion caused by two commercial airplanes. Lights from the aircraft would seem unusually bright and may appear orange from the setting sun. “I’m 90 percent sure this was an airliner,” Lewis said. “With the sun’s angle, it can play tricks on you.”Officials at the region’s two Air Force bases – Dyess in Abilene and Sheppard in Wichita Falls – also said none of their aircraft were in the area last week. The Air Force no longer investigates UFOs.

About 200 UFO sightings are reported each month, mostly in California, Colorado and Texas, according to the Mutual UFO Network, which plans to go to the 17,000-resident town of Stephenville to investigate.  Fourteen percent of Americans polled last year by The Associated Press and Ipsos say they have seen a UFO.

Erath County Constable Lee Roy Gaitan said that he first saw red glowing lights and then white flashing lights moving fast, but that even with binoculars could not see the object to which the lights were attached.  “I didn’t see a flying saucer and I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t an airplane, and I’ve never seen anything like it,” Gaitan said. “I think it must be some kind of military craft – at least I hope it was.”

Please stop judgin’ us you Yankee haters!  I know ya ar’ judgin’ us rite now!  Steve Allen has a good point–He says that  this is the “Bible belt and everyone’s afraid its the end of times.” 

I was looking through Revelation and found a lost chapter that says, “Yea in the end times a saucer-like craft from the planet Yendor will hover over small Texas towns and confuse the local population.  It will be in such time that a man will rise from Yendor, a Senator named Kucinich, and he will lead the people astray, yea, into the dark side of the force.”

What Bible is Steve reading???  Anywho–the rest of the article makes a little more sense.  Mr. Sorrels was embarassed by his own viewing until he read about other accounts in the Stephenville-Empire Tribune–a paper known for its truth-in-reporting attitude and for specials at Penny’s on Saturday afternoon.  I heard that the accounts were detailed on the last page of the paper each day–which was page 3.

Major Karl Lewis above gives us all a lesson on how the Sun can angle itself in a way to fool us silly Texas-folk.  Wha???

I decided to get to the bottom of this odd event–because after all I am not going to stand around and do nothing while my State gets dragged through the redneck mud once again.  We are TEXAS! 

So I took a little trip to Stephenville.

It is kind of in the middle of the State.  I wanted to see if maybe this was an isolated incident of kookyness or if they whole town had gone mad.

My first stop was at a local theater where this poster was under the “now playing” section:

That seemed odd–I haven’t actually heard of this movie but nevertheless, undaunted I continuned on my quest.  I then went into the center of town where I was shocked that such a “Bible Belted” city would have a golden calf right in the middle of town–sort of:

  Moo-La the cow??  (unfortunately–this really is in Stephenville)–a tribute or idol if you will to the area’s dairy production.  After respectfully kneeling before said cow and tweaking an utter as is the tradition, I moved on.  I decided that maybe I should go to a local church and see if I could find someone to enlighten me on the townfolk and dispell any rumors that everyone was a nut.  My hopes were quickly shattered however when I got to the church only to see this sign on the front door:

  So that was a strikeout.  I finally decided that maybe I should just talk to some good old fashioned working men and women.  Salt of the Earth kind of people that could give me the comfort I so desired.  To let me know that the people of MY State were in fact smart enough not to engage in such hillarity.  So I talked to these guys:

  But unfortunately they were in a panic about how to get their truck off the sidewalk after installing the barricades.  Feeling less than exicted about my journey I made one last stop at the Country Club but everyone was out by the pool chanting “Go Leia, go Leia” to this scene:

  Ummm…yikes?

So I came back to Houston glad to be away from crazyville but feeling a little defeated that my journey had been so fruitless.  Then I picked up today’s Houston Chronicle, turned to page E-1 and in horror read the another story on Stephenville’s sitings.  But then I found comfort–you see it’s not just Stephenville, Texas that has had multiple UFO sitings, but these famous and CREDIBLE people also have seen unidentified objects:

 1. 

   President Carter: “reports to have seen a UFO with his wife and other witnesses when he was governonr of Georgia”  (Apparently this object was unidentified–much like his fiscal polices).

 2. John Lennon: “reportedly saw a ‘flying saucer’ from his New York Apartment.” (of course, this was just after he had taken 10 hits of LSD–reportedly the saucer was in the shape of a walrus and keep saying ‘coo coo kachoo”)

3.   David Bowie: “allegedly saw lots of UFO’s when he was growing up.”  (Umm-no comment needed)

4.  Idi Amin:  “the former Ugandan dictator ‘witnessed a strange object surrounded by a smokelike cloud descend onto the surface of Lake Victoria'” (that was Satan checking in on his future helper).

5.  Barack Obama–Okay he hasn’t seen any-but he says that the new mind meld he received from the planet Wackedoutliberalia has done wonders for his campaign message.

I guess I’m the one who is crazy.  I suppose there really is something out there.  Sorry I doubted you Stephenville-Nanu nanu.

-Murphy