These Times They Are a Changing–Allegedly

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There’s a battle outside
And it is ragin’.
It’ll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’.

Bob Dylan

 The continuous battle cry of hope, dreams and change from the Democrats sounds so lovely–like a pretty song sung by a man with a crystal clear voice.  Funny thing is that the only reason I knew what the above verse actually said is by finding the lyrics online.  If you have ever listened to Bob Dylan it is what I imagine Charlie Brown’s teacher would sound like if she began to sing.  But I digress…

So what is this change they are talking about?  Pistol Pete has asked this question on his site and it got me thinking…what change do I want to see?  Well, should Obama or Hillary or Edwards give me a call and ask, these would be the things I want to see changed immediately:

1. The End Of Allergies

I suffer every March and October from seasonal allergies and after doping up on a cocktail of over the counter drugs and prescription drugs, I can breathe but cannot think.  I’ve lost 2 months of my life every year since I was 10–which is 38 months!!  So please Mr/Ms President–end allergies.

2.  The End of Traffic

 

I live in a large city with horrible traffic.  I would like our next President to make sure that the sky car is a real possibility.  I think it would help my stress level and I’m likely to get the “finger” much less often.

3.  Wile E. Coyote Should Catch the Annoying Roadrunner

wileecoyote.jpg

Seriously–why if he has all this money to buy fancy ACME explosives didn’t he just order dinner?  I want that bird caught, plucked, beheaded and Bar B Qued.

4.  I Want Murphy’s Law Repealed

For 39 years I’ve had to live with the constant jokes about “Murphy’s Law.”   Then I became a lawyer–and it really exploded.  The laws associated with my name, frankly suck.  So they need repealing.  And while we are at it I want Smurfs banned from existence.  This morning someone asked me for the 1, 456,777th time whether anyone has ever called me “Smurphy.”  Of course I had to kill that person.

5.  I Want the Astros To Win a World Series

houston_astros2.jpg

They have been–once (0-4 to the White Sox).  I would like them to win it. 

6.  I Want Mandatory Parenting Classes in High School

kids

Too many people become parents before they purchase a healthy dose of common sense.  Sure we all make mistakes as parents–but some people need a little more help.  Okay most do–so let’s add this class to high school.

7. I Want Honor Roll Bumper Stickers Banned by Law

I think that this change would end a significant amount of road rage.  School is hard enough on our kids before adding this gem of an idea to their worries.  Besides-with the dumbing down of education everyone is an Honor Student anyway.  I want these gone–now.

8.  Better Airline Food

It’s time–“meatloaf sandwich”–barf.  It is bad enough that the seats are so close together that I have to squeeze in–and I weigh 160.  I don’t know how people over 200 even get in the seat.  Then we have to endure this trash.  I would like to see airlines serve food catered from either Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, or Chilis’–these aren’t the best, but I think we can make do.

There are more changes I’d like to see–donuts that aren’t fattening but taste the same, a bill that eliminates all bad fat and cholesterol from the body, a ban on articles about Brittney Spears, gas at .10 a gallon, world peace, end of all disease, etc… but I’ll settle for any candidate that can accomplish the above 8. 

and please remember…”In a civilized society, one cannot send a severed cow’s head to anybody.”

-Murphy

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Explore posts in the same categories: 1, Current Events, Democrats, funny, Humor, Life, Politics, Satire, Thoughts on the World

9 Comments on “These Times They Are a Changing–Allegedly”

  1. Nigel Says:

    About parenting…now I don’t mean to sound too Orwellian, but I really think that there should be a mandatory IQ test for females upon turning 18…Score under 125 and you get your tubes tied or your package snipped. No children for you…

    Of course that would have robbed the world of Melissa Rivers, The Osbornes, and Chelsea Clinton…

  2. mklasing Says:

    Nigel–it is not a bad idea–problem is that people like Hillary would be implementing the plan–which means it would be biased and totally screwed up. We would have also robbed the world of Amy Carter, Brittney’s two kids, and Nancy Corinne, Christine, Jacqueline, Paul, and Alexandra Pelosi.


  3. […] These Times They Are a Changing–Allegedly … stalled There’sa battle outside And it is ragin’. It’ll soon shake your windows And rattle your walls For the times they are a-changin’. Bob Dylan The continuous battle cry of hope, dreams and change from the Democrats sounds so [. … […]


  4. […] = “0099FF”; var mooter_wrapper_url=””; var run_method = “preload”; var mooter_target = “0”; These Times They Are a Changing–Allegedly saved by 1 others     theurbanpiratex3 bookmarked on 01/18/08 | […]

  5. pistolpete Says:

    Yeah, those honor roll bumper stickers have got to go. I had a supervisor once who wanted to buy a bumper sticker that read, “My Daughter Goes to Freemont High and She’s an Idiot”.

  6. pistolpete Says:

    P.S. Thanks for the link.


  7. Hahahahaha Nigel

    and by the way Darlin’..sorry about the Chargers. Where do I send the wreath of black roses with Manning’s genitalia attached?

    LK

  8. Wang Says:

    Speaking of Chelsea Clinton:

    There is bad news about her father.

    It is opined that Bill Clinton committed racist hate crimes, and I am not free to say anything further about it.

    Respectfully Submitted by Andrew Y. Wang, J.D. Candidate
    B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
    Messiah College, Grantham, PA
    Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993

    (I can type 90 words per minute, and there are probably thousands of copies on the Internet indicating the content of this post. Moreover, there are innumerable copies in very many countries around the world.)
    _________________
    “If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memories so they never got stale and faded.” Off the top of my head—it came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.


  9. Actually, at one point the Road Runner DID get caught:


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