New Year’s Resolutions-A Recipe For Depression

I suppose it is that time of year that we are all going to sit down and make our list of New Year’s Resolutions.  People do this every year–that is why memberships to fitness clubs and Weight Watchers sky rockets in December and January and then tails off by March.  We all go into a new year saying some or all of the following:

“I am going to lose X pounds this year.”

“I am going to get on a regular exercise routine”

“I am going to get organized”
“I am going to get a girl/boyfriend”

“I am going to blah, blah, blah…..”

And then when it doesn’t happen we get depressed, feel bad about ourselves and give up.  Don’t get me wrong, I think setting goals is a great idea–but we tend to set too many unrealistic goals this time of year that we can never fulfill in a lifetime, much less a year.  According to articles on the subject, only 10% of people actually accomplish half of their new years’ resolutions.  So what are we to do as we enter 2008?  We should set some goals.  My suggestion-make some New Year’s resoultions that you know you can keep.  Then in December 2008, check them off and reflect on what a great year it has been for you.  Here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions I Know I Can Keep.

1.

wonder-sauna-hot-pants.jpeg  I will resist the obvious temptation to purchase or ever wear and Wonder Sauna Hot Pants.

2.

20070814141609990001.gif I will try not to wrap my face in duct tape and rob a bank.

3.

20071106141709990005.gif I will not have 17 children-because I am not a gazillionaire and I am not insane.

4.

20071106141809990007.gif  I will once and for all abandon my foolish dream of strapping 100 balloons to a chair and floating off to a high mountain peak leading to my ultimate and untimely death.

5.

20071212174709990063.gif  I will stop bringing my horse to work.

6.

20070914152309990012.gif  I will stop playing silly pranks on the pope.

7.

20070705203809990001.gif I will stop trying to break World records that will only bring shame and humiliation to my family and everyone I know.

8.

20071212174809990035.gif I will try and respect my neighbor more and stop unleashing my pet leopard on him (her?).

9.

20070827165509990055.gif  I will never again lay naked on a glacier to prove an irrelevant point that I still don’t get.  Brrrrrrrrr.

10.

20071212173809990036.gif  And finally–I will continue to support our President (even when I disagree or am slightly disturbed by him) and will vote Republican in the fall.

Well-I hope I can make it.  This list is a little ominous but I think with determination, old fashioned grit and hard work and of course–lots of focus—I will be able to check off all 10 next December.

Happy New Year–see ya next week with more Hillary/Obama bashing and fun stories about the zany things those silly democrats do.

-Murphy

Explore posts in the same categories: 1, Current Events, funny, Humor, Life, News, Satire, Thoughts on the World

12 Comments on “New Year’s Resolutions-A Recipe For Depression”

  1. pistolpete Says:

    The straws-in-the-mouth photo reminded me of a dare I accepted at a college party to put a whole bag of Halloween candy corn in my mouth at once. Things were going fine, I thought, until I felt a thump on my back, and a rather large sticky wad went exploding across the room.

  2. mklasing Says:

    Ahhh, the college dare–now that is something to blog about. I came very close to trying a spoonful of Mighty Dog for $50–but I didn’t need the money that bad so I backed out. The guy down the hall from me took the dare and ended up in the hospital.

  3. Traci Skene Says:

    I will resist the obvious temptation to lie and say I’m wearing Wonder Sauna Hot Pants under my clothes.

  4. kristiane Says:

    Sorry, you need to do the balloon thingy. If one can actually act out what has been seen on cartoons for years, one should try. Happy New Year!


  5. I have resolved to abstain from using the wonders of Clorox cleaning bleach to whiten and brighten my teeth along with my undies.


  6. Now I have to know……..are you a talk radio listener? Where lies your loyalty? Mine used to be with 950 before they got rid of Pat Gray and moved in Walter and Johnson and the supremely annoying Michael Berry. Now I flip between 700 and 1070, XM Satellite for my Glenn Beck fix, and 740 for Coast To Coast conspiracy theiry craziness!

  7. mklasing Says:

    Traci: I know the distributor of Hot Pants if you want me to get you a pair-you know you want some.

    Kristiane: For you I highly recommend the movie “Danny Deckchair”–you will love it.

    Elastic: I am a talk radio junkie–I used to love Pat Gray followed by Glenn Beck, then Rush, then Sean but 950 and all have totally screwed it all up. I also flip between 700 and XM I do still catch Rush–sometimes I switch to Jim Rome and that 740 Coast to Coast show is a trip. Have a great New Year!

  8. kristiane Says:

    Yeah, I just looked up that moving on imdb…I am going to have to watch it now.


  9. I only listen to 950 for Michael Savage. Nothing amuses me more than an excitable man screaming about “barbarians at the gate” one minute and talking about meatball recipes and his pet poodle the next.

    Irritating moment of the week. My XM plug thingie broke and I had to listen to regular radio for a week. Torturous! So, I’m listening to Sam Malone do the morning show on 96.5 and the most outrageous thing happened. The guy who reads the news could not for the life of him pronounce Benazir Bhutto’s name correctly. This oaf is getting paid to read the news and he can’t get the name of an assassinated leader right? WTH? I’m a newspaper carrier and even I can spell her name and pronounce it. To make it worse, Sam jumped in to help and then they started laughing and laughing about it like it was a huge joke. It suddenly became crystal clear why Sam got booted off talk radio. He just doesn’t have what it takes.


  10. […] wrote an interesting post today on New Yearâs Resolutions-A Recipe For DepressionHere’s a quick […]

  11. Stacy Says:

    Just checking in to see if you’re okay. You’ve been quiet.

  12. Jay Gatsby Says:

    Stacy,
    Not to worry, I have it on good authority that Mr. Klasing is okay. He simply is busy at work.


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