I have decided to take a break from my ongoing series on why the Government should Control our Lives (Chapter 8 after the Holidays) and instead bring you the true meaning of Christmas gifts. These are the thoughts that form the basis of the gifts we buy. Much goes into holiday shopping–who to buy for, what to buy, how much to spend and ultimately we find the gift, we wrap it, and present it. Then when it is opened the person receiving it usually has a reaction internally. The brain sends a chemical response to the nerve center and you immediately have a thought–that thought is the truth behind your reaction to the gift. Below are some holiday gift ideas and the thoughts of both the one buying the gift and the one opening it. Enjoy:
1. THE CANDY CANE
Giver: “Dangit Grandma–I have no idea what to freaking get you–so here is some Christmas candy.”
Receiver: “Great, my 8th box of candy canes, maybe in the retirement home I can glue them all along my living room wall as wallpaper. You’d think my daughter would’ve taught her son better about buying gifts.”
2. THE RUBBER BAND BALL
Giver: “I failed out of college and can barely hold down a job, like I really have money to buy gifts for my overachieving kid brother.”
Receiver: “My brother is a loser.”
3. GIFTS YOU KNITTED
Giver: “I hate shopping, the malls, the crowds, the people, in fact, I haven’t left my home since 1982 and my nephew could always use a good hat.”
Receiver: “Why won’t Aunt Loretta take 5 minutes and look at a current fashion catalogue? I look like I’m about to pull a turkey out of the oven with my head.”
4. SPAM
Giver: “Won’t mom think this is a hoot?”
Receiver: “Well that confirms it, my son hates me.”
5. ROADSIDE JAMS AND JELLIES
Giver: “Crap, I forgot to buy something for my kids teachers–stop here at this roadside fruit stand and I’ll see if they have some ‘homemade’ jelly.”
Receiver: “I wish my students would just gather together their money and buy me one gift card to Macy’s. This is the 50th jar of Jelly in 3 years.”
I’ll have more shopping ideas for you later–only 13 days left and only 12 shopping days left so you better get busy.
-Murphy