The True Meaning of Christmas—Gifts.

I have decided to take a break from my ongoing series on why the Government should Control our Lives (Chapter 8 after the Holidays) and instead bring you the true meaning of Christmas gifts.  These are the thoughts that form the basis of the gifts we buy.  Much goes into holiday shopping–who to buy for, what to buy, how much to spend and ultimately we find the gift, we wrap it, and present it.  Then when it is opened the person receiving it usually has a reaction internally.  The brain sends a chemical response to the nerve center and you immediately have a thought–that thought is the truth behind your reaction to the gift.  Below are some holiday gift ideas and the thoughts of both the one buying the gift and the one opening it.  Enjoy:

1. THE CANDY CANE

Giver:  “Dangit Grandma–I have no idea what to freaking get you–so here is some Christmas candy.”

Receiver: “Great, my 8th box of candy canes, maybe in the retirement home I can glue them all along my living room wall as wallpaper.  You’d think my daughter would’ve taught her son better about buying gifts.”

2.  THE RUBBER BAND BALL

Giver:  “I failed out of college and can barely hold down a job, like I really have money to buy gifts for my overachieving kid brother.”

Receiver:  “My brother is a loser.”

3. GIFTS YOU KNITTED

Giver:  “I hate shopping, the malls, the crowds, the people, in fact, I haven’t left my home since 1982 and my nephew could always use a good hat.”

Receiver:  “Why won’t Aunt Loretta take 5 minutes and look at a current fashion catalogue?  I look like I’m about to pull a turkey out of the oven with my head.”

4. SPAM

Giver:  “Won’t mom think this is a hoot?”

Receiver:  “Well that confirms it, my son hates me.”

5. ROADSIDE JAMS AND JELLIES

Giver:  “Crap, I forgot to buy something for my kids teachers–stop here at this roadside fruit stand and I’ll see if they have some ‘homemade’ jelly.”

Receiver:  “I wish my students would just gather together their money and buy me one gift card to Macy’s.  This is the 50th jar of Jelly in 3 years.”

I’ll have more shopping ideas for you later–only 13 days left and only 12 shopping days left so you better get busy.

-Murphy

Explore posts in the same categories: Christmas, Current Events, Family, funny, Humor, Life, Satire, Thoughts on the World

6 Comments on “The True Meaning of Christmas—Gifts.”

  1. Jenn Says:

    Oddly enough I always put a can of spam in my husbands stocking, he loves the stuff. A lot.

  2. mklasing Says:

    Well Jenn–that is odd. My mom used to make it occassionaly growing up–it always smelled similar to the Alpo my dog was getting. Blech!


  3. Spam tastes just like Alpo.

    I mean, so I’ve heard. Like how the hell would I know?? 😀

  4. mklasing Says:

    I think it does, I seem to remember someone in college saying, “I’ll give you 50 bucks if you eat a spoonful of Alpo”–but that might have just been some bad dream I had.


  5. Yep, that just about says it all. I think bad gifting is Bush’s fault. If he only would’ve stopped 9/11 when he had the chance and not cheated his way into the White House in 2000 AND invaded Iraq just for oil and to make good a promise to his father and Burt Convy, we wouldn’t be depressed with the state of our union and since we’re all depressed, our judgment is off and when judgment is off, Christmas presents suck.

    Damn Bush. Good thing I voted for him….

    twice.

    LK

  6. mklasing Says:

    LK: you are so right–as I ponder my life I realize that everything that is not 100% perfect is Bush’s fault–its actually kind of obvious. But I must say that you have to be careful bringing up Burt Convy–after all you must know that TattleTales revolutionized game show television and I’ll never forget him. (sniff)


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