Time To Tax The Babies–Put Down That Rattle and Pay Up!

Thank heaven for Australia.  Without that little island we would be without so much.  Here are some little known facts about Austrailia.  In 1856 they were the first place in the world to have secret ballot elections.  In 1894 they were the first place in the world to give women the right to vote.  They are the only country to attend every modern Olympic games.  They inveted the bionic ear, flexible wine casks, boomerangs, the Notepad, the electric drill, postage stamps, the first “bathing beauty contest” (in 1920), the automatic letter sorting maching, the two stroke lawn mower and best of all…Latex gloves. 

And now, at the forefront of modern history, on the edge of innovation and ingenuity, they have come up with a brilliant idea to help achieve Al Gore’s vision of the World.  A World where we don’t burn fuel, or exhale or burp or use hairspray or freon or any other modern convenience.   The Australians have decided to tax babies to save our planet.  Yes, that’s right–babies–those little mooching, slobbering, dependent, whiny piles of human fat barely formed into a recognizable human–babies.

The article above states that couples with more than 2 children “should be charged a lifelong tax to offset their extra offspring’s carbon dioxide emissions”  according to a medical expert.  The report in an Austrailian medical journal (yes a MEDICAL journal) says that parents should be “charged $5000 a head for every child after their second AND an annual tax of up to $800.” 

Here at Murphy’s Conservative Blog we have found an exclusive picture of the doctor who authored this article:

  Here he is preparing the altar of healing for a poor woman who believes she is the virgin Mary.  The potion will help extract the baby blue blanket from her body and reveal that she is in fact not the virgin Mary but instead is:

gyrrjdcao272bccadrlwpgcaszbmzrca0kxdtocax81ud2ca0wssjyca5hblbzca6q0al3caqhldsrcaw4qxg3ca6n5lvmcaqs1wybcae2kvv5ca82hbr9cao1ideacam8v52rcaqne0gmcawjmqyucailjy42.jpeg Jennifer Love-Hewitt.

 In any event, the good doctor continues and states that “couple who were sterilized would be eligible for carbon credits.”  Which is a nice bonus to the old snip-snip don’t you think.  I recently used my carbon credits to purchase a giant poster of a windbag:

  It is hanging in my room with ticky-tack made of carbon fuel emissions.  I’m soooo doing my part.

 An Austrialian obstetrician named Barry Walters said that “Every family choosing to have more than a defined number of children should be charged a carbon tax that would fund the planting of enough trees to offset the carbon cost generated by a new human being.”

He is so right–for example, when my third child was born I noticed that he used up 8-10 diapers a day in the first month.  Each time filing it with a mixture of substances that smelled a little like death on a stick.  I felt so bad about putting those bags of filth outside that I paid my neighbor some money as a way of seeking forgiveness for the extra carbon load.  Oddly though, the tree next to the trash can grew 3 feet that month.  Hmmmmm….

“As citizens of the world, I believe we deserve no more population concessions than those in India or China.”  says Professor Walters.    Good take Prof–in China there is rampant forced abortion and infanticide.  So I guess that is what would be considered a “population concession.”

Garry Eggers, director of the NSW Centre for Health Promotion and Research, agreed with the call, saying former treasurer Peter Costello’s request for three children per family – “one for mum, one for dad and one for the country” – was too single-minded.   He thinks this debate should be “reopened as part of a second ecological revolution.”  I missed the first–dang it–sequels are never any good when you miss the original.

I have 3 kids so I guess I’d be subject to this tax if I was there.  But really this is a sexist move on the part of Austrailia–everyone knows that boys emit WAY more carbon than girls so it is not fair for girls to be assessed the same tax.  Although, girls do spend a lot more on personal grooming devices and creams etc… that may impact the environment. 

 Since I was suspicious of this article I thought it best to find the other authors and see why they might be so biased.

Here is Gary Eggers:

 19.jpeg  He has spent 29 years with Gearhart Chevrolet.  Founded by Frank C. Gearhart in 1929, Gearhart is one of America’s longest-established dealerships.  It is located in Denville, New Jersey.   I find it odd that a car dealer from Jersey would also be the director of the NSW Centre for Health Promotion and Research–but I’m betting the real Garry Eggers is as qualified as this fine man here to handle such a post.

Since this is likely NOT the actual Garry Eggers from Austrailia I kept looking…Finally I found him–it was hard because he is kind of camera shy but here he is the Director himself:

  He was quoted as saying, “Two babies is plenty, it is impossible to imagine someone having 3 babies, each worthy of citizenship in Austrailia.  After all, we invented the boomerrang!”

-Let me make a suggestion–I’ll give each contributor to the article cited above $5000 if they turn in their respective licenses and shut up for the rest of their natural lives.  That should reduce carbon emissions so much that every tree in Austrailia will die.

-Murphy

Explore posts in the same categories: Abortion, Current Events, Family, funny, Global Warming, Government, Health Care, Humor, Life, News, Parenting, Satire, Thoughts on the World

16 Comments on “Time To Tax The Babies–Put Down That Rattle and Pay Up!”

  1. Stacy Says:

    Oh my gawd. That is all.


  2. Yep..I’d say this encapsulates every- damn thing.

    Well done Murph. I’m dying here. Recouping from a severe case of bronchitis. Loved you King Kong and diarrhea comment with regard to mine.

    Classic.

    LK

  3. mklasing Says:

    I’m sure your illness has nothing to do with the fact that in Houston it is 80 one day, 58 the next, 72 the next, raining the next, 81 the next, 64 the next, etc….

    Hope you feel better soon.


  4. […] if taxing babies wasn’t enough, now I read that San Francisco, that hotbed of conservatism, is considering a […]


  5. […] Did you like this brief introduction? Find out about it in full detail here. […]

  6. Greta Says:

    They are not taxing the babies, they are taxing the parent.
    I would have thought a windbag like yourself would approve of taxing
    middle and low income families.
    You certainly don’t believe in taxing your wealthy gods.
    It’s got to come from somewhere.

  7. mklasing Says:

    Well looky here everyone, Greta is calling me names. What a shock. I have been blogging and commenting on other sites for 6 months. I’ve commented on a number of “liberal” sites–but never have I called the site host a name. Yet, here at this blog we are 10 for 11 on liberals making a comment AND calling me a name. “Windbag” is the newest.

    Thanks Greta for showing how consistent liberals are–when you have no real argument you simply belittle, name call and attempt to bully your opponent. Thanks for catching my semantic error–you are correct that the parents will be PAYING the taxes but they are based on having a BABY.

    Whew, I’m glad we cleared up that misinterpretation. And no, it doesn’t have to come from somewhere–the government can be held to be more responsible when spending OUR money instead of just taking more and more of it. I suppose you enjoy working hard and giving your money to the government–but then, you likely don’t really work hard so you probably have no idea what that is like.

    Thanks for stopping by and continuing to make my point–liberals are nothing more than closet socialists whose idea of “tolerance” is to belittle anyone that does not agree with them. Bravo!

  8. Lili Belo Says:

    I stumbled on your website when i googled “babies” in google images. I was going to make a joke to someone about how fat they are, and i found this picture you posted. If this is any consolation, I am a liberal (and I live in san francisco)and I also get what you say in your article. It is too bad that taxing families is actually a strategey to fight global warming. I think global warming is a serious issue and in the efforts to do somthing about such a daunting and overwhelming problem people reach for the easiest and often dumbest ideas. I ride my bike to work (I told you I was a liberal!!), perhaps if more people could do that we wouldn’t have to tax the babies and puppies and kittens and bunnies in the world.

    Maybe we could give people more incentive to ride bikes instead of cars…its doesn’t help those who live 20 miles from work, but those that are close enough to ride a bike or a bus or a train could make a big difference.

    Other than this, I hear Australia is a nice place to visit, just don’t get pregnant while you’re there.

  9. Stacey Says:

    God bless you for this article.
    Stacey

  10. imjstar Says:

    Who the **** do you think you are? You have lots of issues that need to be dealt with by a phsycyatrist or something. In fact I feel sorry for you.Forcing parents to pay for their children taxes when people are already suffering from the credit crunch.Hopefully you will never become president or priminster.

  11. bob ta yco Says:

    this is weird


  12. that totaly stupid to me i dont know about yall

  13. Christina Says:

    God bless whoever came up with this idea!!! I will be praying for you cause you need some help!

  14. someone Says:

    I love the satire take; you remind me of swift, good job!

  15. badusi Says:

    hello peoples!!


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