If Hillary Is Elected, We Will Finally Be Free From Tipping.
Well, I must say that I am excited about the election next year. I have been concerned that Senator Billary might actually pull off a victory and then we would become the next great Socialist State with entitlements to everyone and no way to pay for them. But I am now convinced that I should vote for Billary after all.
Entitlement mentality has seeped into the minds of nearly every working man and woman in America. It began with gratuities to some and has exploded into gratuities for all–I’m talking about tipping. I don’t understand where all of this madness began.
Ever seen this on a more recent menu?
Are you kidding me? Gratuity is included? Maybe people have forgotten what gratuity means? It means that if I’m grateful for the job you did and believe you deserve a bonus for it, then I will graciously and voluntarily leave you something extra. But to add it in already–I don’t think so. It should then be called a “Mandatory” not a “Gratuity.”
And what about all these tip grabbers: Bell hops, Sky Cap Guys, Taxi Cab Drivers, Shuttle Bus Drivers, Delivery guys, Wine Stewards,
Escort services, where does it end? Where is my tip? How about when I win a jury trial, maybe then my client could give me a Hummer as a tip. (well that of course, is ridiculous)
But thanks to Billary we can finally say goodbye to the tip-entitlement mentality. Oh, she may think it is okay to give all children a $5000 college tuition bonus, she may think that we can have Nationalized health care, she may even think we should all sell our homes and rebuild them so that we all live in 1500 square feet Habitats for Humanity, but tipping the hard working blue collar man/woman, forget it. That is out of the question.
First, ABC reported that: “In early October, Sen. Hillary Clinton’s ‘Middle Class Express’ made a pit stop at the Maid Rite diner in Marshalltown, Iowa. The New York senator, joined by local political luminaries Christie Vilsack and Ruth Harkin, enjoyed a famous loose meat sandwich and attempted to hand caucus cards to the Iowans inside. Clinton also spoke to one of the diner’s waitresses, Anita Esterday. It was her first day on the job and she and Clinton shared a short exchange. Esterday, who has three jobs and works 12 hour shifts, said to Clinton “both of my sons have worked since they were 14 years old”; Clinton told her, “I’m proud of you.” But, according to Esterday, that’s where Clinton’s gratitude ended as the campaign crew left with nary a gratuity for any of the hard working Maid-Riters. “I mean, nobody got left a tip that day,” Esterday said in an interview with NPR after a visit by Senator Clinton.”
You go girl. Now I can eat and really know how much the bill will be. I can carry my own bags to the airport terminal and to my hotel room without the fear of some nasty commoners hand sticking out for some of my crumbs.
But then, just as I was beginning to imagine the pain and horror of punching a “D” chad out of a ballot next year–she showed her true colors:
It turns out she did leave a tip as it was later reported that: “UPDATE: The Clinton campaign contacted ABC News to assert that they did, contrary to Esterday’s claim to NPR, pay $157 for food at Maid-Rite and left a $100 tip to be split among the staff. Sensing the story was reaching the tipping point, ABC News’ Eloise Harper contacted Brad Crawford, manager of Maid-Rite caught in the political mixer, who said the senator’s staff did pay a tip but “it might have not been disbursed properly.”
So it appears to be the fault of the Maid-Rite cashier, Bobby “Buttkicker” Mahoney. He was interviewed and had this to say:
“Now look, I may not have all my grain in the silo, and my skylight might leak a little-but I ain’t stupid. When that pretty lady screamed at that secret service guy to pony up another $100, I thought, “finally I can buy that yard cow I’ve had my eyes on.”
“A’int she purty? In fact I might have enough left over to get some real nice dresses to make her look even better. How’s I spose to know that it was for that dumb waitress that won’t ever let me take her out to the Chicken Shack for beer and peanuts?”
Apparently the controversy over the tip rages on in Iowa but the point is that Ms. Clinton did leave a giant tip. In fact it was 60% of her bill which begs the question, “What did she eat?” The menu at the Maid-Rite Diner’s most expensive item is $7.99 for a chicken finger basket. How does one spend $157 at a diner like this? Of course, she is eating for 3-herself and her 2 hips. Here she is just after the meal explaining to more local commoners the reason behind her anti-tip legislation idea.
So, I guess instead of no tipping she is going to over-tip. This ought to be a good clue into how she intends to spend all of our money. For every dollar spent she will waste $.60. That sounds awesome. But don’t fret–she still thinks tipping is wrong–unless it comes from the Government, then the tip is truly gratuitous. So say goodbye to gratuities–if you want a tip, you don’t get to earn it, instead you have to line up at the white house to get it–which is really so much easier. After all-it takes a village but only if everyone in the village can grab some dough from the tip jar. Thanks again Hillary-your compassion and love for America remains consistent.
-Murphy (P.S.–this is meant to be satire–please do not send the waiters union to my house with picket signs–I always tip 20%–I’m a compassionate Republican after all)