If Hillary Is Elected, We Will Finally Be Free From Tipping.

Well, I must say that I am excited about the election next year.  I have been concerned that Senator Billary might actually pull off a victory and then we would become the next great Socialist State with entitlements to everyone and no way to pay for them.  But I am now convinced that I should vote for Billary after all.

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Entitlement mentality has seeped into the minds of nearly every working man and woman in America.  It began with gratuities to some and has exploded into gratuities for all–I’m talking about tipping.  I don’t understand where all of this madness began. 

Ever seen this on a more recent menu?

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Are you kidding me?  Gratuity is included?  Maybe people have forgotten what gratuity means?  It means that if I’m grateful for the job you did and believe you deserve a bonus for it, then I will graciously and voluntarily leave you something extra.  But to add it in already–I don’t think so.  It should then be called a “Mandatory” not a “Gratuity.”

And what about all these tip grabbers:  Bell hops, Sky Cap Guys, Taxi Cab Drivers, Shuttle Bus Drivers, Delivery guys, Wine Stewards, Escort services, where does it end?  Where is my tip?  How about when I win a jury trial, maybe then my client could give me a Hummer as a tip. (well that of course, is ridiculous)

But thanks to Billary we can finally say goodbye to the tip-entitlement mentality.  Oh, she may think it is okay to give all children a $5000 college tuition bonus, she may think that we can have Nationalized health care, she may even think we should all sell our homes and rebuild them so that we all live in 1500 square feet Habitats for Humanity, but tipping the hard working blue collar man/woman, forget it.  That is out of the question. 

First, ABC reported that: “In early October, Sen. Hillary Clinton’s ‘Middle Class Express’ made a pit stop at the Maid Rite diner in Marshalltown, Iowa. The New York senator, joined by local political luminaries Christie Vilsack and Ruth Harkin, enjoyed a famous loose meat sandwich and attempted to hand caucus cards to the Iowans inside. Clinton also spoke to one of the diner’s waitresses, Anita Esterday. It was her first day on the job and she and Clinton shared a short exchange. Esterday, who has three jobs and works 12 hour shifts, said to Clinton “both of my sons have worked since they were 14 years old”; Clinton told her, “I’m proud of you.” But, according to Esterday, that’s where Clinton’s gratitude ended as the campaign crew left with nary a gratuity for any of the hard working Maid-Riters. “I mean, nobody got left a tip that day,” Esterday said in an interview with NPR after a visit by Senator Clinton.”

You go girl.  Now I can eat and really know how much the bill will be.  I can carry my own bags to the airport terminal and to my hotel room without the fear of some nasty commoners hand sticking out for some of my crumbs. 

But then, just as I was beginning to imagine the pain and horror of punching a “D” chad out of a ballot next year–she showed her true colors:

It turns out she did leave a tip as it was later reported that: “UPDATE: The Clinton campaign contacted ABC News to assert that they did, contrary to Esterday’s claim to NPR, pay $157 for food at Maid-Rite and left a $100 tip to be split among the staff.  Sensing the story was reaching the tipping point, ABC News’ Eloise Harper contacted Brad Crawford, manager of Maid-Rite caught in the political mixer, who said the senator’s staff did pay a tip but “it might have not been disbursed properly.”

So it appears to be the fault of the Maid-Rite cashier, Bobby “Buttkicker” Mahoney.  He was interviewed and had this to say:

 “Now look, I may not have all my grain in the silo, and my skylight might leak a little-but I ain’t stupid.  When that pretty lady screamed at that secret service guy to pony up another $100, I thought, “finally I can buy that yard cow I’ve had my eyes on.”

  “A’int she purty?  In fact I might have enough left over to get some real nice dresses to make her look even better. How’s I spose to know that it was for that dumb waitress that won’t ever let me take her out to the Chicken Shack for beer and peanuts?”

Apparently the controversy over the tip rages on in Iowa but the point is that Ms. Clinton did leave a giant tip.  In fact it was 60% of her bill which begs the question, “What did she eat?”  The menu at the Maid-Rite Diner’s most expensive item is $7.99 for a chicken finger basket.  How does one spend $157 at a diner like this? Of course, she is eating for 3-herself and her 2 hips.  Here she is just after the meal explaining to more local commoners the reason behind her anti-tip legislation idea.

fat-hillary-clinton.jpg  Yeesh-those hips they are a growin’

So, I guess instead of no tipping she is going to over-tip.  This ought to be a good clue into how she intends to spend all of our money.  For every dollar spent she will waste $.60.  That sounds awesome.  But don’t fret–she still thinks tipping is wrong–unless it comes from the Government, then the tip is truly gratuitous.   So say goodbye to gratuities–if you want a tip, you don’t get to earn it, instead you have to line up at the white house to get it–which is really so much easier.   After all-it takes a village but only if everyone in the village can grab some dough from the tip jar.  Thanks again Hillary-your compassion and love for America remains consistent.

-Murphy  (P.S.–this is meant to be satire–please do not send the waiters union to my house with picket signs–I always tip 20%–I’m a compassionate Republican after all)

Explore posts in the same categories: 1, Current Events, Democrats, Government, Humor, Life, News, Politics, Thoughts on the World

21 Comments on “If Hillary Is Elected, We Will Finally Be Free From Tipping.”


  1. Dude, I absolutely LOVE it! Consider yourself bookmarked. 😀

    I saw you commenting at The Nose On Your Face, and they seemed pleased with your work…as am I!

  2. mklasing Says:

    You are too kind. The Nose On Your Face guys are awesome–very funny stuff. I also highly recommend Laurie Kendrick’s page–she makes me cry I laugh so hard. Thanks for the bookmark and I have done the same for you. Your site is great!

    -Murphy


  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    LOVE THIS COUNSELOR

    This stuff will get your noticed!!

    LK

  4. mklasing Says:

    I don’t know what to say–I’m just trying to report the news in a completely biased way–isn’t that how news is reported usually? Thanks again for the Billary pic–it is awesome!


  5. Hey Murph..

    check my latest post where there’s a little something for you!!

  6. mklasing Says:

    Thanks–I’m just a servant of the people. 😉


  7. […] wrote an interesting post today on If Hillary Is Elected, We Will Finally Be Free From Tipping.Here’s a quick […]

  8. Stacy Says:

    You seemed to forget the poor ladies working at Hooters and strip clubs. How will they know if their milkshakes are acceptable without proper compensation? **Oh, the ensuing headache**

  9. mklasing Says:

    You are so right–I suppose strip clubs will have to shut down under this regime. Or, since Hillary has no moral compass, maybe they will just simply advertise as the brothels they actual are.

  10. keywork. Says:

    Murphy, shame on you. Everyone knows strip clubs are the best place to buy meth and low quality cocaine. Sex is a secondary business at these places.

  11. mklasing Says:

    Sorry, I’m so stupid. You are of course correct. I forgot that when I am out doing my end of year holiday shopping, I always go there first for meth and cocaine. Then I try some of the local school yards if they are all sold out. Thanks for the reminder.

  12. keywork. Says:

    Just doing my part to spread the ‘holiday cheer’ and such. Don’t forget to stop by your local YMCA for all of your amateur massage needs.

  13. kristiane Says:

    Love your blog, funny stuff.
    I am going to rant about your tipping issue. As a server it is well known that our paychecks are literally nothing, sometimes we even owe money back to taxes because we for the most part have to claim our tips. So, what I take home every day is my paycheck. This being said, if tipping did not exist, as it does not in much of the world, your meal would just cost more. It is a grueling job that offers no breaks for lunch or even peeing. Believe it or not, I have seen more servers not make it and have to quit or be fired than I have watched people succeed. True, it also does not even require a HS diploma, But guaranteed, if you are a bad tipper and frequent a certain place you will be put low in priority to be served, and when applicable your server will add gratuity to your bill. So, might as well call it a mandatory and be done with it.

  14. mklasing Says:

    Kristiane: Absolutely–I agree. I worked as a waiter myself for a few years–and as a result I nearly always tip 20% because I know that is how servers get paid. I promise you this post was meant to be satirical and sarcastic only. I’m a huge server supporter–I’d much rather tip people that work than give my money in taxes to those who don’t. 🙂

  15. keywork. Says:

    Yes, I too spent a few years as a server. I did very well, and I tip well because I know what it is to receive a paycheck for thirty dollars.

  16. kristiane Says:

    Point taken. Although I am a single mother and our govt has decided that I don’t need to pay taxes. Or at least that’s what I think they are saying when they give them back to me at the end of the year. Sorry, I did just go there. 😉

  17. mklasing Says:

    That is what they are saying and I’m glad you are keeping yours. Believe me–I’d rather donate my taxes to a worthy cause than give them to the government–unless I could direct them to all go to support the military–then I might actually give a little more.

  18. keywork. Says:

    nice, Murphy, the Nation’s Finest would appreciate any donations.


  19. Hillary gets confused when in public cuz she’s not sure which restroom to use, male or female.

  20. mklasing Says:

    Oh it doesn’t matter–no doubt she makes the secret service clear it out first and then makes them do all the wiping. Okay–I just grossed myself out.


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