The Argument for Bigger Governmental Control of Our Lives: Chapter 4: More Brilliant Laws!

A great shout-out to Dr. Sanity’s website for posting my last entry in this continuing saga.  When we left off last week we explored some of the laws in Texas that shed light on why we simply cannot handle our lives alone–we must have the Government to help us.  It is the only way we can survive in this harsh, cruel and diabolical world we live in.  And so, in Chapter 4 I’ve decided to show you more reasons why the Government should do our thinking.  We are simply too … simple to think for ourselves–without laws like these, we would surely perish!

I was traveling through Kansas when my Camry broke down (like that would happen) and since I was on the turnpike and the next exit was 63 miles away I felt hopeless.  Suddenly it hit me–if I could just get a small rope and catch me a rodent or maybe even a raccoon, I could put a self-made bit in its mouth and ride that animal all the way to the next Hardee’s.  But then I was reminded that in Kansas, under Statute 10.12.050, it is unlawful (unless in a parade) to ride an animal on a street, highway or any other public ground.  So I began the long walk… 

It became late  so I thought “Maybe if I holler real loud, someone will help me.”  I began to hoot and yell for help.  A car came up beside me and a kind old woman reminded me of Section 54-158 which states that “yelling, shouting, hooting, whistling or singing on the public streets between 11 and 7 a.m. is unlawful.  The tragedy is that I had just seen “Hairspray” and that dadgum “You Can’t Stop the Beat” was stuck in my head and the only way to get rid of it was to sing–but alas, I couldn’t.  So I continued my journey…

As I thought about that stupid singing law I got mad, so finding a stick and some trash I made a make-shift protesting sign and began to picket as I walked.  I felt all ACLU and my spirit began to soar.  Suddenly a police man ripped the sign from my hand and said “What is wrong with you boy, can’t you see there is a funeral over there.”  Sure enough, a few yards ahead on the side of the road was a funeral procession.  How could I forget  Section 11.28.064 which strictly prohibits any picketing during the period 60 mintues before and 60 minutes after any funeral at any cemetary, church, mosque, temple, etc…  How stupid of me.

 Can you imagine what the scene would have been without these laws?  There I would have been riding some wild raccoon into someone’s funeral procession of a guy who had a heart attack, holding a picketing sign and singing “You Can’t Stop the Beat”  at the top of my voice.  How horrific that would have been.  Thank you Kansas–you’ve saved us all.


Explore posts in the same categories: Government, Humor, Law, Life, Thoughts on the World

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