In the Year 102,007 You Might Be a Goblin.

Well, that’s it, I’ve now officially heard IT ALL.  I thought when I found out that people didn’t believe we actually went to the Moon and that Mayor Nagin said that he wanted a “chocolate city” that I had heard it all but this takes the cake.  According to a Daily Mail article:

The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist. 100,000 years into the future, sexual selection could mean that two distinct breeds of human will have developed.

The alarming prediction comes from evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.

These humans will be between 6ft and 7ft tall and they will live up to 120 years.

“Physical features will be driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility that men and women have evolved to look for in potential mates,” says the report, which suggests that advances in cosmetic surgery and other body modifying techniques will effectively homogenise our appearance. Men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and bigger penises, according to Curry in a report commissioned for men’s satellite TV channel Bravo. Women will all have glossy hair, smooth hairless skin, large eyes and pert breasts, according to Curry. Racial differences will be a thing of the past as interbreeding produces a single coffee-coloured skin tone. The future for our descendants isn’t all long life, perfect bodies and chiselled features, however.

While humans will reach their peak in 1000 years’ time, 10,000 years later our reliance on technology will have begun to dramatically change our appearance. Medicine will weaken our immune system and we will begin to appear more child-like. Dr Curry said: “The report suggests that the future of man will be a story of the good, the bad and the ugly.

After reading this article I actually felt some of my brain matter dissolve into my cranium.  I don’t want to get into a whole evolution v. creation argument here but there is no scientific proof or even any hard evidence to suggest that we used to be apes. 

Putting that aside–how about the picture of our future this quack has painted?  Some of us will evolve into “dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures.”  Like maybe….

  Yikes!  Dr. Curry may be on to something.

 And then he says that the rest of us will be his version of perfect–men will have symmetrical facial features, deeper voices and be well endowed and women will have glossy hair, hairless skin and “pert” breasts.  Like maybe….

  This is Dr. Candace Pert.  She discovered receptors in the brain that respond to heroin.  Weird.

I suppose the men will look like…

This man must be a comedian.  Here he is on the left:

He is the one with the dim-witted goblin-like grin on his face, not the one that looks like a young Dan Rather.  He has contributed to a television documentary “The Root of all Evil?” which argues that the world would be better off without religion.  Hmmmmm…agenda much?

I was going to get on here and slam him and talk about what an obvious moron, agenda-driven, quack he is, but then I saw a more recent picture of his son and now I see where he gets his theories.  Here his son is pictured at a rally for nudism…

So sorry Dr. Curry–didn’t mean any offense.  You are clearly right on target.  But do I have to wait 100,000 years for those good changes you mentioned?


Explore posts in the same categories: Current Events, God, Humor, Life, News, Thoughts on the World

4 Comments on “In the Year 102,007 You Might Be a Goblin.”

  1. I needed six beers, two Xanax and my grandmother’s rosary to get me through Saturday’s game, Murph. It wasn’t pretty–and neither was I watching it.

    I’m getting too damn old to watch Texas play this way.

    I kept wondering when is Nebraska going to get tired of blitzing???

    Hook ’em anyway…

    El Kay

  2. mklasing Says:

    No kidding. I just returned from Austin–being at the game was troubling. Nebraska never got tired of blitzing–but they did get tired of trying to stop Jamal Charles. My favorite part of the game was when they reviewed a call after the next play occurred, which is completely against the rules and then “cancelled” the play that followed. What tha? Anyway–the day was good by the end, Horns won, Aggies didn’t!

    Hook ’em

    -Em Kay

  3. mklasing Says:

    As pointed out by a fellow reader–it is true that the Daily Mail is a British Tabloid–so maybe this story is ridiculous–but I hope not because it is so funny.

  4. Jay Gatsby Says:

    Don’t fret, old sport. The story is true (However, I’m not claiming the science in the story is true. I’m not sure I believe anything an evolutionary theorist from the London School of ECONOMICS says). Dr. Curry prepared his report for the Bravo channel on satellite television. His “theories” were also reported by other more “respected” news outlets like “the Beeb” (BBC).

    On another note, don’t be fooled by the label “tabloid.” It carries a slightly different connotation on the old continent than it does in the States. British tabloids and supermarket tabloids here are two different beasts.

    For example, tabloids in Britain tend to be simply and sensationally written, and give more prominence to celebrities, sports, crime stories and yes, sometimes hoaxes; but they also more readily take a political position (either left- or right-wing) on news stories. The British tabloids may be sub-divided further into red tops (tabloids with red nameplates, such as The Sun, the Daily Star, the Daily Mirror and the Daily Sport) and black tops like the Daily Express and Daily Mail. Generally, red tops are usually simpler in writing style, dominated by pictures, and filled with more sensational stories.

    You should like the Daily Mail. Founded in 1896, it is the 12th largest newspaper in the world in terms of circulation. And, according to the internet, the editorial board of the Daily Mail “considers itself to be the voice of Middle England speaking up for ‘small-c’ conservative values against what it sees as a liberal establishment. It generally takes an anti-EU, anti-immigration, Christian, pro-life view, and is correspondingly ‘pro-family,’ anti-taxation, pro-capitalism and pro-monarchy, as well as advocating stricter punishments for crime. The paper is generally critical of the BBC, which it perceives as being biased to the left.”

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