The Argument for Bigger Government Control of Our Lives. Chapter 3: Brilliant Laws

Well, I’m back from my trial in Dallas.  12-0 verdict in my client’s favor so I’m feeling very optimistic about life and the world.  So I’m in the perfect mood to bring chapter 3 of this continuing saga of why the Government should take more control of our everyday life.  Remember, the Government is made up of 3 branches.  One is the legislative branch where representatives and senators make up laws out of the right side of their butt–the creative side. (or is that the left?)   Am I going to fast for the Democrats reading this?  Oh yeah, there aren’t any.

Anywho—I came across some laws on the books in various States that have helped me stay away from making bad decisions.  After all, we all need a governmental body telling us what to do so we don’t do stupid stuff.

For example, I was a little low on cash last month so I thought, “Maybe I could sell one of my eyes–the left one since it is the Democrat eye.”  Then I ran across a law in Texas at 48.02 of the Texas Penal Code which makes it illegal to sell your own eye.  Whew!  Almost messed that up.

Then I thought, I wish Texas had a State Flower Song.  It has a State Flower (bluebonnet) and it has a State Song (Texas, Our Texas), so how about a State Flower Song.  I’m too stupid to come up with one because I don’t work for the Government.  So I checked and thank goodness in 1933 at Article 6143bb, the state passed a law adopting as our State Flower Song…..”The Bluebonnet Song.”  Isn’t that weird?  That State Flower is the Bluebonnet–whoa, my mind is ripping apart.   Freaky isn’t it?

So I was thirsty after all of this brain work and I thought I’d get a beer.  But unfortunately it was 12:30 a.m. on Sunday and in Texas, you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday.  When I read that law, my brain finally exploded. 

The problem is, without these laws I’d be walking around town at 1 in the morning on a Monday drinking beer with one eye and singing the wrong State Flower Song like some kind of moron.  Thank God for Government!

-Murphy

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7 Comments on “The Argument for Bigger Government Control of Our Lives. Chapter 3: Brilliant Laws”


  1. Counselor,

    Every time I read your stuff, I see the burgeoning comedic writer in you spew forth via text. I knew there was a writer in you–one that exceeds the writing of mere briefs.

    When I retire from obnoxious punditature in the blogosphere, you will take my place.

    LK

  2. mklasing Says:

    Come on now–you cannot retire or I will lose my inspiration. One thing is for certain-my briefs are just not that funny at all so I have to blog. How’s the hunt for a new location going?


  3. YEAH FOR YOU!!!

    You made Dr. Sanity’s “Carnival of the Insanities!!!”

    Congrats!!!


  4. Three other sites I’d like to see you align yourself with:

    Fausta’s Blog (Fausta is the wife of a college professor and also an editor at Pajama’s Media (you should check them out, too) Fausta has sent several of my more ribald and randy pieces to Pajama’s and the response was HUGE!!!!!! L ike Dr. Sanity, she likes things that are a little different.)

    Also, try sigmundcarlandalfred.wordpress.com If he likes your stuff, he’ll promote it too. He’s a actually a Cambridge educated political behaviorist with a focus on leadership movement, thought processes, etc. in the Middle East. In fact, he “discovered” me about six months ago..loved my work and introduced my pithier posts to the blogosphere. My blog has taken off ever since.

  5. mklasing Says:

    Thanks–and you were so right, once this was picked up the blog stats have sky rocketed. Thanks for the other sites I’ll check them out today. Is there a way to make a living blogging? It needs to be high 6 figures at least with good benefits. HA!

  6. Idetrorce Says:

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce

  7. mklasing Says:

    Not a problem Idetrorce–but I’m not sure what you mean–see, the article is supposed to be (and I admit I’m not the best artistic writer) satirical–I’m just pointing out that the Government gets WAY too involved in our lives–even in the minute details of everyday living.–My point is that I want the government to step back and do FAR LESS. If that is what you disagree with–so be it. If not, then I just wanted to make sure the article makes sense to ya. Thanks for stopping by–


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