The Argument for Bigger Government Control of Our Lives. Chapter 3: Brilliant Laws
Well, I’m back from my trial in Dallas. 12-0 verdict in my client’s favor so I’m feeling very optimistic about life and the world. So I’m in the perfect mood to bring chapter 3 of this continuing saga of why the Government should take more control of our everyday life. Remember, the Government is made up of 3 branches. One is the legislative branch where representatives and senators make up laws out of the right side of their butt–the creative side. (or is that the left?) Am I going to fast for the Democrats reading this? Oh yeah, there aren’t any.
Anywho—I came across some laws on the books in various States that have helped me stay away from making bad decisions. After all, we all need a governmental body telling us what to do so we don’t do stupid stuff.
For example, I was a little low on cash last month so I thought, “Maybe I could sell one of my eyes–the left one since it is the Democrat eye.” Then I ran across a law in Texas at 48.02 of the Texas Penal Code which makes it illegal to sell your own eye. Whew! Almost messed that up.
Then I thought, I wish Texas had a State Flower Song. It has a State Flower (bluebonnet) and it has a State Song (Texas, Our Texas), so how about a State Flower Song. I’m too stupid to come up with one because I don’t work for the Government. So I checked and thank goodness in 1933 at Article 6143bb, the state passed a law adopting as our State Flower Song…..”The Bluebonnet Song.” Isn’t that weird? That State Flower is the Bluebonnet–whoa, my mind is ripping apart. Freaky isn’t it?
So I was thirsty after all of this brain work and I thought I’d get a beer. But unfortunately it was 12:30 a.m. on Sunday and in Texas, you cannot buy beer after midnight on Sunday, but you can buy it on Monday. When I read that law, my brain finally exploded.
The problem is, without these laws I’d be walking around town at 1 in the morning on a Monday drinking beer with one eye and singing the wrong State Flower Song like some kind of moron. Thank God for Government!