What The Republican Candidates Should Have Said…

I cannot take it anymore.  I have yet to make up my mind about which of these persons I would vote for in 2012.  I only know who I will not vote for.  Let’s be honest–the truth is that I would vote for a diseased cantaloupe carved into the shape of Miss Piggy before I would vote for Barack Obama.  That being said, I, like all conservatives, want the best candidate to win the primary–the one with the most conservative values, the integrity to lead our Country, the courage to make the tough budget choices that are necessary to get us back on track and the one who can most likely beat the current leader of the Free World.

It is clear from the debates thus far that these candidates are unprepared for the questions asked, would rather destroy each other than talk about how Obama is destroying our Country and have developed a number of irritating mantras.  I know I’m not a political insider, nor am I a speech writer—but here are my suggestions on how to handle certain topics in the coming debates.

1.  IMMIGRATION:  If one more candidate talks about how they are an immigrant or their parents were immigrants or they have immigrant friends or anything in that light, I may have to duct tape my head to keep it from exploding.  We know that the US is a Country of immigrants–we also know that Conservatives want people to obey the law and come here LEGALLY.  We also know that people here illegally should be punished just as any other law breaker is punished.  And yes, Governor Perry, I get it that the law here in Texas is meant to possibly address one piece of the problem.  I don’t agree with it–but here is the answer to the question:

“The United States Government has failed Texas and the rest of the Nation by essentially ignoring the problem of illegal immigration.  The Federal Government should have limited roles–but one of those roles is to protect our borders and this President has done nothing to ensure that our borders are safe.  As President I will equip our Federal Law enforcement agencies with whatever is needed to prosecute those found here illegally and force them to follow the law like American citizens are required to do.  I will meet with the leaders of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas and develop a plan with or without their cooperation to seal the Mexican border and demand that Mexico deal with its drug cartel and its border jumping problem.  I will make sure the world knows that America is a land of opportunity, open to all of those who would come here with the intent of following our laws or face the consequences if they don’t.  (and for you Gov. Perry I’d add)-As for the Texas law, this laws was drafted as a way to attempt to deal with the problem of children brought here by their law breaking parents.  It was a bill designed to afford those children, who have applied for citizenship, lived in Texas long enough to qualify, a chance to go to college at in-State rates.  Texans wouldn’t even have to think of devising such laws if the United States hadn’t failed us on this issue for so long.”

2.  SOCIAL SECURITY:  I do not care to hear anymore about what anyone “thinks” about social security or what “buzzwords” they have used to classify it.  I don’t want to hear about what Mitt’s book or Rick’s book or Ron Paul’s imaginary friend has said about it. Say this:

“Social Security has been broken for a long time.  Every election the candidates get in front of America and talk about how broken it is, how it will be bankrupt soon, how we have to fix it and blah, blah, blah.  No more.  The system isn’t broken because there is no system.  People paying into the alleged “system” now are simply funding those who are currently retired.  That is why it cannot work.  As life spans continue to increase and the Country continues to add people into the retirement age bracket, there is more and more money needed to fund it.  It was a good idea in principle but just like GM’s retirement plans that put the company on the ropes, it is a bad idea in practice.  So, what do we do?  We start treating it like an actual retirement plan.  We set up accounts for every American and allow them to either simply pay into the Government account or into a 401K type plan.  As for those who have already paid into it and those relying on it–we have to fund it.  If that means that we have to cut some of the money going to worthless agencies like the NEA or the EPA, then we cut there, but we take care of the problem we created by honoring our committment to those who have paid into the system, pull the band-aid off and start fresh from January 20, 2012 forward.”

3.  UNEMPLOYMENT:  Unemployment is the highest it has been since the Carter Administration.  Not really a surprise there since this President makes Carter seem competent.  Yes, Texas has been doing well–so stop attacking Rick Perry and minimizing his role in the Texas economy.  Mr. Santorum–stop being a jerk.  Stop talking about courage when you spend the entire debates attacking the front-runners.  It does not take courage to attack your opponents, it takes courage to tell us what you really stand for and why that is better than what we have.  Try this:

“Americans know that the only affect the Federal Government can have on job creation is to hinder it.  The Government does not make a product and sell it.  It takes money from products we sell and gives it away.  Not a strategy for a successful business.  As President I will clean house on government regulations and taxes designed to hinder job growth and stand in the way of job creation.  I will work with Congress to lower corporate taxes or eliminate them so that our companies can compete with the corporations around the globe.  I will not take President Obama’s route of reactionary policy by stopping all drilling because of an accident on one site.  If our Steel Industry or chemical Industry shut down every time a worker was injured, we would have no industry at all.  I will leave it to the States like Alaska to decide whether their land is fit for drilling and exploration instead of avoiding the issue to satisfy the narrow-mindedness of the extreme political left.  The best thing the United States Government can do for unemployment is to allow the American worker and company owner to get back to work.  After all, Americans know how to create jobs–they just need the government to get the hell out-of-the-way.”

There is more but I fell the duct tape slipping so I better stop for now and let the blood pressure come down.

One final word for Michelle Bachman.  Ms. Bachman:  I like your views on America.  I like your conservatism.  I understand your position on the HPV vaccination and I agree that Governor Perry was wrong–hilariously, he agrees he was wrong too.  Enough on that topic–let it go.  Get back to talking about you and how our current President is such a dope instead of harping over and over on a subject that simply is not that exciting any more.

Okay–now I’m done for tonight.

-Murphy

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