Jimmy Carter is The Long-Awaited AntiChrist.
SYRIA: This just in—it appears that evidence is growing that would indicate that Former President Jimmy Carter is, in fact, the long awaited AntiChrist mentioned in Revelation. This news has shocked the people of Georgia who remember Mr. Carter as a peaceful peanut farmer whose only real sin was a little lusting in his heart, and a hideous haircut.
The connection between this former leader and the son of the devil was made when he announced his intention to go toSyria and meet with Hamas leader Khaled Meshal. Apparently the former Peace Prize recipient believes he has some ability to negotiate with terrorists. The connection to the AntiChrist is really startling.
Our Biblical correspondent Rev. Streets R. Golden points out the amazing similarities in the Nobel Peace Prize winner and the Lord of Darkness:
“In Daniel we learn that the AntiChrist will rise for obscurity. President Carter rose to power in the 1970’s from the obsurity of farming.” explains Rev. Golden. (Below is his home farm house)
“We know he will come from the East and certainly Georgia is about as East as you can get.” He continues, “He will speak boastfully and he will do as he pleases. This buffoon thinks he can create peace in a region where the only thing that Hamas wants is death to all Jews and despite pleas from our Government, he will go over there and have dinner with the enemy anyway.”
“In Thessalonians we learn that the AntiChrist’s arrival on the world scene will be accompanied by miracles and wonders. Well it is a miracle and a wonder that he continues to have any relevance at all.”
“He will hate his home nation and be worshipped by many. Clearly this man hates America and what it stands for and the mindless robots that honor him with prizes and glory are essentially worshipping him. And now by purposely going to the Middle East to meet with enemies of our Nation and Israel on “friendly” terms, it is clear that he is attempting to set up his new European kingdom from which he will rule.” explains Rev. Golden.
Well, as you can imagine this news has hit his home state the hardest. We have sent a team to Plains, Georgia to ask the residents what they think of this terrible news.
Our team caught up with a couple of residents of Plains, Georgia who apparently (lucky for us) had the day off from work.
Reporter: (To the man on the Left) “So Mr. Toomey..”
Toomey: “Oh hell, boy, call me ‘Dillweed’, that’s what my friends call me.”
Reporter: “Ok Dillweed, what do you think about this terrible news that Jimmy Carter might be the AntiChrist?”
Dillweed: “Well, I must say I ain’t that su’prized frankly. I mean he married Rosey or whatever her name is and lookin’ at her I think it would take an AntiChrist to marry someone like ‘at.”
Reporter: “Well, um, not to be too defensive, but Ms. Carter is a lovely woman, and…”
Dillweed: “Boy, I think you might be 2 screws short of a full pair. That O’Donnell lady is a lesbo.”
Reporter: “What?…Well, How ’bout you sir (to the one on the right), how did you take the news?”
Tat-Man: “You know son, you have a purty face.”
Reporter: “Well thanks for your time.”
We sent our team to another location to try and get some real feedback on this developing situation. We met up with another resident at a town Bar B Q, Ms. Henrietta Marfoon:
Reporter: “Ms. Marfoon, what do you think about the fact that your hometown hero may in fact be the Father of Lies himself?”
Marfoon: “Well truth be told, it’s kind of excitin’ I mean havin’ a President from Plains is one thing, but the AntiChrist? Well now that is serious. But enuff talk ’bout that, what say you and I grab some ribs–and I don’t mean the ones on the pit over there?”
Reporter: “Well I’m flattered of course, but I have a job to do.”
Well it seems that the residents of Plains, Georgia are unaffected by this horrific and apocalyptic news. Maybe Plains thinks it will be the New Babylon, maybe the residents of Plains haven’t had anything happen since the erected a giant Peanut in honor of President Carter.
Or maybe, just maybe, Jimmy Carter’s role in society is so irrelevant and so pointless that no one can honestly believe he is the AntiChrist. We will continue to inform you as this story develops…
-Murphy
WordPress.com Political Blogger Alliance
UPDATE: APPARENTLY ISRAEL HAS MORE BACKBONE THAT WE DO. GOOD JOB ISRAEL–KEEP IT UP.
Tags: Jimmy Carter
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April 11, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I don’t even have time to read this entire post, but I just laughed my ass off at your “correspondents”…
You’ve put together a fine journalistic team, Murph…
April 11, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I’ve tagged you. Sorry.
April 11, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Heh. Only thing that would keep me from thinking he’s the AC is that the AC is supposed to be liked by all. I don’t like him.
April 11, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Stacy…I tagged him first. But you can take credit if you like…
April 11, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Remember Stacy–the true believers will know who the AC is and not believe in him–so your comment may actually support my point. Now I’m getting scared.
April 12, 2008 at 12:30 am
Not to get all eschatological here (let’s see…triple word score, that’s 68 points!)…but I don’t think its Jimmeh…he doesn’t have enough of us fooled.
If there was an AC tote board, I’d put Oprah at 7-2; Obama at 5-1 and Pee Wee Herman at 7-1…
April 12, 2008 at 2:51 am
I believe Obama is the AC. his father is from the East– Kenya. He will be liked by many– all of the reporters love him-except most of FOX news. Oprah backs him, she’s got millions of fans, so they’ll probably support him. I think Jimmy is a little too old to be tha AC.
April 12, 2008 at 3:06 am
Oh, so you miss the days of Carter?
Don’t worry, if the Dems have their way we’ll be back to waiting for odd/even days to get gas and kissing the azz of whatever the Ayatollah of the moment is.
April 12, 2008 at 3:07 am
Let us not forget though, that the Dems can argue that Jimmy Carter’s initials is JC.
Yes, JC just like Jesus Christ.
April 12, 2008 at 9:09 pm
A waste of energy this is, you better look at thowself before you start casting spells on others.
April 13, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Bandero: Are you sure you aren’t Yoda? I think Yoda you may well be. Hmmmm. As soon as I understand the meaning of “thowself” I’ll be sure to stop casting spells. (wha?) But seriously, thanks for stopping by–but so you can rest easy, I took your advice and looked real hard at myself and I’ve determined that I am not in fact the AntiChrist–whew, what a relief!
Elastic–You have made my point. his initials are JC because he is the ANTI-Christ–looks like Christ but isn’t. Brilliant!
April 14, 2008 at 7:47 pm
That is funny! Thanks.
April 14, 2008 at 7:55 pm
No Compromises: Just doing my part to entertain the masses.
Thanks for stopping by.
April 21, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Oh my, this is insane. And I love it.
April 21, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Margaret: I know it is a little over the top—but that is the point of course. Thanks for stopping by!
-Murphy
May 1, 2008 at 4:53 pm
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