Help Me Congress, I’m Fat and It is Causing the World To Get Warmer!

 

Is there anyone out there that doesn’t think that obesity is a health problem?

(crickets, wind, silence)

Of course not, we all know that–and yet, many of us are obese.  And let’s not dance around with terms like “full figured” and “Just My Size” let’s just call it as it is–FAT.  We as a nation are Fat.  And why are we Fat?  (and no, I’m not going to digress into a metaphor using PHAT).

Well, there are some people that are fat because of medications they are taking or genetic disorders.  The National Institute of Health states that these reasons for obesity are rare.  The health risks of obesity are in part:

 Obesity has been linked to several serious medical conditions, including diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. It is also associated with higher rates of certain types of cancer. Obese men are more likely than nonobese men to die from cancer of the colon, rectum, and prostate. Obese women are more likely than nonobese women to die from cancer of the gallbladder, breast, uterus, cervix, and ovaries.

Other diseases and health problems linked to obesity include:

• Gallbladder disease and gallstones.
• Osteoarthritis, a disease in which the joints deteriorate, possibly as a result of excess weight on the joints.
• Gout, another disease affecting the joints
• Pulmonary (breathing) problems, including sleep apnea, in which a person can stop breathing for a short time during sleep.

And we know this to be true already don’t we?  And yet, we are still fat.  In 2003, my fair city of Houston was dubbed the fattest city in America for the 3rd YEAR IN A ROW!!!  And yes we are fat.

So what makes us fat?  Well, I think even a Kindergarten child could tell us that FOOD makes us fat.  Really good food like McDonald’s fries and Ice Cream and Chocolate (but not dark chocolate–say it isn’t so) and alcohol and Funnel Cakes and Oreos and Pizza and Pasta and Steak and and and and and…

  (Yummy)The real problem is not the food itself necessarily but the amount that we consume.

But wait, there is an answer–a light at the end of the Taco Bell, a beacon of hope shining through the golden arches–it is:  THE INTERNATIONAL OBESITY TASK FORCE

It’s stated mission:  “to inform the world about the urgency of the problem and to persuade governments that the time to act is now.”

Hmmmmm….  So it wants to influence governments to act on obesity.  Do wha?  Hasn’t the government already acted–after all we have nutritional labels mandated by law on all food items that are not fresh produce or meats, we have the FDA that is allegedly testing the chemicals in processed foods and reporting on their effects on the body.  What more can the government do to help us poor fat people.  After all, isn’t what I eat my… what is that liberal word used in another context…what is it…oh yeah.. my CHOICE?

According to its website the IOTF is “now working to convince world leaders that something can be done to address the problem.”  But what?  I mean look at these guys–not much being done to convince them:

 Teddy

 Barney (not the dinasour variety)

 Might explain why he feels hot all the time.

On Sunday Speaking to the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Boston, Prof Philip James said that obesity must be tackled in the same way as climate change with world leaders agreeing to vital steps to transform the environment that is making us fat.

Oh, so we should have washed up Presidential hopefuls do a docu-fiction movie on the effects of obesity and how we should all be scared to death of it.  How exactly is the environment making us fat?  We don’t all live in a Willy Wonka Factory do we?

Ah, but wait–here is the real reason this is being addressed–not because anyone cares about obesity but because of–you guessed it–GLOBAL WARMING.  I’m not crazy–it may seem I am but check out this quote from the Boston meeting on Sunday:

“Much of the present high calorie density food production has a massive carbon footprint and requires wasteful amounts of energy and water. If we are to feed the world – 8 billion people in just 20 years time – with a healthy diet, we need to deliver a rescue plan for the planet – not just to address global warming, but to ensure we have sufficient healthy food to feed everyone.”

Yep, there it is–obesity is now the 1,589,332nd link to global warming, right behind cow farts and tootsie rolls.  Making high calorie food has a “massive carbon footprint”–are you kidding me?  I’m sure finding new ways to crush a soy bean into a food and call it chocolate takes no energy at all though.

In case you are not convinced that there are a group of people in the world that want to make all of your Choices (except abortion of course) for you–read on:

“The strategic approaches needed involve rejecting the misplaced notion that the obesity problem is merely a matter of individual choice. Blaming individuals for their personal vulnerability to weight gain is no longer acceptable in a world where the majority is already overweight and obesity is rising everywhere. It is naïve of ill-informed politicians and food industry executives to place the onus on individuals making ‘healthier choices’ whilst the environment in which we live is the overwhelming factor amplifying the epidemic.”

It apparently is now naive to think that anyone is smart enough or able on their own to quit pounding down 12 Krispy Kremes each morning for breakfast because after all–those “Hot Donuts” signs are just too enticing and we are soooooo very weak, so weak.

 

And because parents are too stupid to regulate what their children eat, the great professor stated that governments should regulate and control subliminal advertising of junk foods.  That’s it, no more Mr. Kool-aid.

 

Um, hello, but aren’t the parents buying the food–not the kids.  And so, are the parents then so enticed by the “subliminal” advertising of a giant pitcher of sugary drink busting through a wall of bricks?  Well–as all liberals believe–we are a stupid, fat bunch of idiots aren’t we?

 

He concludes by saying if we fail to act soon it will be too late–too late for what?  Are we all going to collectively cause the United States to sink into the ocean because of our collective bad choices?

 

I understand obesity is a problem–I think about it everytime I see Hillary in a tight skirt-but the reality is this–the food we eat is one of the few choices that the government has not taken from us–if we want to eat poorly and be fat–that is our choice–the righteous government has no right to tell us otherwise.  But as I stated before, this is not about being fat–it is about cooling our environment because we all know that healthy foods do so well in the cold.

 

-Murphy

 

WordPress.com Political Blogger Alliance

---

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• Getting Flack
• Fat
• Back in Canada

Explore posts in the same categories: Current Events, Global Warming, Government, Health Care, Humor, Law, Life, News, Parenting, Politics, Thoughts on the World, funny